I wrote this when a friend moved interstate. I actually wrote an embarrassing amount of songs about this person but this was the first one that really felt right. it's about worrying how someone will change and imagining the worst, having no control over it because they're 2000 km away and being scared of that change because you want them for yourself and want them to always be the version of themself that you came to love but ultimately realising how selfish that is and that you need to let them grow into their own person :,) hope you like it !
please share or repost if you like, it's always very much appreciated. thank you so much :))

lyrics:
My mind wonders as I wander in the paths we trod without you
And I'm still grateful ours happened to be paths that crossed
But would I feel better now if I'd never met you
Would I change it if I had the chance to
I can't say that I ever will know

Left grasping
In the darkness
For that person 
Not the version I feared you'd become

The photos had me asking why it doesn't even look like you anymore
I wish I was there to save you
Though it seems there's nothing real to save you from

Libraries
Onion cheese
And games of Uno
Locker bays
Trivia games
Things only you'd know

Do you still know them
Have you forgotten
Are you still that person
Or the version I feared you'd become?

I'm left grasping
In darkness
For a sign you're still that person 
Not the version I feared you'd become

I knew you for a fraction of time
The peak of your prime
And you changed my life
But recently
I've wondered if it truly was for the better

As you continue to walk the pathways of my mind
I'll know you've really flown off somewhere and left me behind

As I'm missing her
I know, like the messages, the favour isn't returned
It was only a party game
But I was still proud that I knew it
I knew it
I knew her

But I've been replaced by new flowers
And everything's backwards but you're still the same

Maybe I'm lost or maybe I'm dreaming

what i feared you'd become

there's probably no one who will listen to this... but i thought it would be a fun little interesting thing to upload. this is the original piano recording on my phone of when i wrote the main melody for "what i feared you'd become." it's just me at the piano playing the chords in the left hand and going insane doing whatever with my right hand. i know it's quite rough, but i hope this could provide some insight to how my little songs are born. just messing around on piano is one of my favourite ways to write melodies and for this song in particular, i feel like the free, flowing, structureless nature of the original piano recording is something i wanted to reflect in the final. not sure if anyone finds this interesting, but if you're here and you've made it this far, thank you so much !!! please feel very free to share or repost. i hope you like it :)

what i feared you'd become (original piano recording)

another rough demo! sorry again, you'll probably need to turn up the volume because it's just me and my unplugged guitar recorded on my phone. i don't know what to say about this, haha. it's basically about realising i'm queer while sneaking in an indirect rick riordan reference.
thank you so much for listening, have a wonderful day!

lyrics:
Hela I think I've fallen
Into your realm where all the belladonna bloom
Around November in a forest
I saw myself clearly for the first time in a muddy puddle

The terror I live in caution
Until I'm ready to plaster my paintings on the walls
I shudder I'm so exhausted
I just want to lie in the violet fields with you

How can I wish for more
When our friendship's not even at a texting stage
And how can I ever be sure
When this is not something that I can explain

Hela - demo

this was the last of many songs i wrote about a friend who moved interstate. at first it was titled "progression" because i wrote the chord progression and saved it on my phone with that title, but then i wrote the lyrics and was like, oh that title actually works for this song. when i think about it, it's really just my dramatic way of saying how she wouldn't reply to my messages, hehe. but also about me learning to let go.
shares and reposts are very much appreciated! thank you for listening, have a wonderful day :))

lyrics:
Entering a new world
One I thought I'd never find
A place full of opportunity
I only had one in mind
A world that has no place for me
I try to live inside this new world
I do it all for you

But my effort is worthless
When you won't even try
You just took the plane as I couldn't say goodbye
It seems you never looked behind

Maybe you were destined for this life
Taking the train befriending flowers
A world that feels so distant to me
Maybe you were destined to lie

My persistence is worthless
‘Cause I've already tried
Just take a plane here so I can say goodbye
And you can break me from the ties

I finally got my wish
Just as I was getting used to it
When I saw you again it was different
As I realised now I feel that
Your world no longer appeals to me
Then you told me I could send a thousand chimes

But your promise is worthless
‘Cause I won't even try this time
Just take your plane ‘cause I'm ready to say goodbye
I'm ready to do it right
Ready for it to be the final time
I won't keep you from your life
And you'll be free from mine
This time I won't even look behind

progression

gotta be honest, i heard the cavetown version first but then i listened to the original and this song managed to crawl inside my body and dig out a little pocket to live in my soul. thank you big thief for such a hauntingly beautiful song and cavetown for showing it to me.
my cover in no way gets close to doing it justice, but i hope you enjoy. shares and reposts always appreciated. thank you so much, have a nice day :)

Paul - Big Thief (cover)

this song has come to mean so much to me over the past year or so. i feel like i found it at a time that i really needed it and since then i've really clung to this song. it's helped me with missing someone and feeling like they're half the world away but also with more personal things like disassociation and just feeling stuck and so separate from the world or my own body - that's kind of the meaning in the second vocal track that's absolutely DROWNED in reverb (haha, I made this a while ago and listening to it now, it's a little funny how much reverb there is). but yeah, it's kind of that feeling of being seperate from yourself and your thoughts.
thank you so much for listening. shares and reposts are always appreciated. have a nice day :)

Half The World Away - Oasis (cover)

I love adventure time and I love this song. it's so pretty and so cute with bmo singing it and so SAD, but a beautiful way to wrap up the series. here's to adventure time :~)
thanks for listening, I hope you enjoy it, sorry for cutting off the second verse, I hope it's alright... anyway, shares and reposts always appreciated, thank you so much :)

time adventure - adventure time (cover)

this is a bit of a love letter to my sister. things can be tough at home sometimes* and she's the only one who can really understand. even when everything else seems horrible, we've always got each other and she can always make me laugh. sometimes, we talk about a bit of a fantasy of running away together. we both know deep down that we'll never do it, but it's a nice idea. this song indulges in that idea, but also addresses why it would be wrong. in the end, as long as we have each other we'll be alright.
thanks so much for listening! shares and reposts always appreciated :)
*note: i do not AT ALL mean to say that the rest of our family are terrible, they're not, they're incredible people who i am very luck and grateful to have in my life. it's just a bit complicated sometimes - a normal kind of complicated that you would expect from any relationship or family dynamic.

lyrics:
Maybe you don't need to be a prisoner
But a vagabond with no house to escape
Just a tent and green robes
Some friends met on the road
But none are at your side each time you wake

Perhaps there are some things in here worth missing
But are there more than those that cause you pain
Tension at the table
Would be so distant if we ran away

You might deny it
But you'd like to try it
Come home with me

And we won't ever have to face her again
You'll get to be the master, decide how it ends
Trust you enough to put my faith in you my friend
Let's be fools believing that fate is in our hands

Sounds nice to deny them
I'd like to try it
Come roam with me

But I know that it wouldn't be right
I know that I'm defending a lie
I'm feeding your delusions
And letting you fuel mine

I might have denied it
But I'd like to try
Come home with me
And we can be free
You're home with me
You're home with me

vagabonds - demo

this song is about feeling down and knowing that my mental health isn't so great but being unable to communicate how I feel or what's wrong with me to the people in my life. a lot of the time I feel horrible and I don't even know why but the people trying to help don't understand that feeling and they'll keep asking me for the exact cause of why I'm upset but I don't have an answer for that. it's just frustrating on both ends because I have no way of answering their questions when I know they're trying to help and they want a clear problem and solution when it isn't that simple.
I hope you like it and this helps anyone experiencing something similar. as always, shares and reposts appreciated :) thanks!

lyrics:
I don't know how to translate to your language how I feel
Starting to seem you wish that my anguish wasn't real

I guess that I'm just older now
A little too eager to be left out
Come and find me in the winter
I don't know what to talk about
But honestly I'm figuring it out
Wait and find me in the winter

You'll constantly interrogate me
For a felony I didn't commit
And I'll hide behind guitar strings
Like prison bars for weaker things

I guess that I'm just older now
A little too eager to be left out
Come and find me in the winter
I don't know what to talk about
Still unsure what's getting me down
Wait and find me in the winter

this is temporary - demo

Hello! I hope you're well and having a nice day! if not, sorry, this song is pretty dark...
it's basically about feeling like a mistake and a disappointment to my parents, like they regret me and want to disown me. not the most uplifting, but there's something therapeutic about sad songs (hopefully).
I hope you enjoy and it helps you if you're experiencing anything similar. thanks so much for listening, shares and reposts appreciated :)

lyrics:
Tyrant sculptor, stiffened clay
You regret what you create
I'm the pot left on your shelf
Collecting dust, screaming for help

Weed and flower, mutual bane
You wish that I were never made
Gentle insults wrapped in twine
Bite down on the skin of lime

All this time
Keeping me alive
And you don't know why
Just let me shiver in the breeze
Discard my parts and let me freeze

Child of fire, devil's son
You despise what I've become
If you blame me then that makes two
It's not your fault to disapprove

All this time
Keeping me alive
Then to watch me die
Just bury me beneath the trees
Crack my face and crush my spirit as you please
As all this had begun
Return to the favoured one

tyrant sculptor - demo

i'm finally doing a steven universe cover! i love su so much, it's such a special show. all the songs are great and love like you is such a classic. anyway, I hope you're doing well and having a nice day and enjoy my little cover. thanks so much for listening, shares appreciated too :)

love like you - steven universe (cover)

hi! hope you're doing well! I love adventure time so much and this song is so sweet. marceline's arc of accepting the softer parts of herself in obsidian was really nice and this song was just the perfect way to wrap that up.
I hope you like my cover! thanks so much for listening, shares and reposts appreciated :) have a nice day!

monster - adventure time (cover)

I wrote this song a couple years ago. it's one of the first songs I wrote that really felt right. I don't know how to explain it, it's just this experience of writing a song and then after, you just feel a release; like the song truly captured what you were feeling in a way that you wanted to express it. haha, I'm making no sense, but this was that song for me. obviously because it's pretty old to me, I look at it now and see how much my songwriting has improved (hopefully it has?), but this song is still very special to me. it's also a song that transports me back to the moment I wrote it every time I play it; I remember it so vividly. it was after a fight with my mum and I just locked myself in the bathroom and cried in the dark, I didn't even see the point in turning on the light.
anyway, sorry, I'm rambling. I'm just relying on the fact that no one really reads this I guess, haha. if you did read this far, thanks so much! I hope you like the song, thanks for listening/sharing, have a wonderful day :)

lyrics:
Tears on the tile and a curved spine
What did I do
Replaying your words, regretting mine
But were they true

I wish it were as simple as these lyrics
'cause I'm not a musician and you know that
And I miss your warmer disposition
If she came round that would be such a throwback

A few hours down and it sinks in
I just lost you
When I apologised that I didn't meet your visions
That part was true

I wish we'd call a ceasefire over dinner
But I'm too immature to ever hold back
And I miss every chance to say I feel
'cause I'm too busy thinking you'd have known that

I'm too busy waiting here for you

tears on the tile - demo

hello! hope you're doing well. here's a VERY ROUGH demo of a song I wrote recently. (haha, sorry. i know it's not the best performance, but i was too tired to record it again. please forgive me.)
thanks so much for listening!

lyrics:
wantless needing and lossless bleeding
the incessant screw in your side
like the chime of a clock
the wind on a rock
decaying with time

what's it like when you hear
the inescapable cries of a child
how do you ignore the dial
when its flying past red
do you imagine the smile
as you're lying in bed

it's such a crooked line you've drawn to divide our differences
you can take it back, have it warm in your lap if you'd listen

Just how long will we last in this dance across spherical sides
I open like a blind eye

I relayed you my part and I thought it would spark something different
We could just sit back, watch it seep through the cracks as I let it

screw in your side - demo

hello! i hope you're well and enjoying life wherever this finds you! i uploaded a rough demo of this song a while ago when i wrote it, and now i've finally fully recorded it. i mostly explained the meaning behind it with the demo, so i don't want to repeat myself here, but it's basically about feeling disconnected from yourself or parts of yourself and going through life in this kind of dream state of feeling not dead, but not alive or not asleep, but not awake either.
i don't know if that makes sense, but i hope you enjoy the song. thank you so much for being here and listening, it means a lot to me :)
(side not for any stranger things fans: see if you can catch the byler references, hehe)

lyrics:
Steam on the mirror
Trying to make it make sense
Just holding back water
Killing my friends
Had a one step plan to get to you
I only wanna be there if you'll be there too

When all of the colours turn to a different hue
I'd bike across town in the rain just to be with you
Where did my conscience go?

A year of ballpoint doodles
Over blue grid lines
Rinse off your ink stained hands
Washed away like time

Shouldn't have been so easy
To compile it all in a single page
You think it should be so easy
To confide in you
Where did my conscience go?

holding back water

hello! i hope you're having a nice day wherever you are in the world. i uploaded a demo of this a while ago when i wrote it and now i've finally recorded it properly. this song is extremely special to me. i've struggled with my relationship with my parents for a long time. writing this song helped me to understand exactly how i felt and, in realising this, i have been able to work towards trying to move on. while we still haven't completely sorted everything out, i think we can both see how hard the other is trying now, and that makes all the difference. (so please understand that i don't mean to portray my parents poorly, they're actually incredible human beings who i'm extremely grateful for. still, like any realtionship, this one has certainly had its difficulties, and it would be lying to pretend that the feelings expressed in the song never existed).
thanks! i hope you enjoy the song. all of your support is greatly appreciated.
*also, if you're australian and want to support local artists, i uploaded this song to triple j unearthed. it would really help out if you could leave a review on unearthed. the link to my page is in my bio. thank you so much, it would mean the world to me :)

lyrics:
Tyrant sculptor, stiffened clay
You regret what you create
I'm the pot left on your shelf
Collecting dust, screaming for help

Weed and flower, mutual bane
You wish that I were never made
Gentle insults wrapped in twine
Bite down on the skin of lime

All this time
Keeping me alive
And you don't know why
Just let me shiver in the breeze
Discard my parts and let me freeze

Child of fire, devil's son
You despise what I've become
If you blame me then that makes two
It's not your fault to disapprove

All this time
Keeping me alive
Then to watch me die
Just bury me beneath the trees
Crack my face and crush my spirit as you please

As all this had begun
Return to the favoured one

tyrant sculptor

hello! i hope you're well and having a nice day. this is a song i uploaded a demo for a few months ago. i've recorded it a bit better and added a strings section (just MIDI strings, not real strings, i don't have those kinds of resources, haha). the song is about my ongoing... complicated... relationship i have with my mum. i just want to clarify that, although i write a lot of songs about our misunderstandings, i DO NOT at all mean to present her in a negative way. she is actually a wonderful human being who i am very grateful for and who does so much for my family every day. it's just that, like in any relationship, ours has had its difficult times and i tend to write about the difficult things in my life to help process them and move on.
thank you so much for listening and supporting my music, it means a lot to me. feel free to share it if you like, it helps out a lot :)

lyrics:
wantless needing and lossless bleeding
the incessant screw in your side
like the chime of a clock
the wind on a rock
decaying with time

what's it like when you hear
the inescapable cries of a child
how do you ignore the dial
when its flying past red
do you imagine the smile
as you're lying in bed

it's such a crooked line you've drawn to divide our differences
you can take it back, have it warm in your lap if you'd listen

Just how long will we last in this dance along parallel lines?
I open like a blind eye

I relayed you my part and I thought it would spark something different
We could just sit back, watch it seep through the cracks as I let it

The Screw in Your Side

hello, i'm charlize! ~ she/they ~ i hope you're having a nice day ~ thanks for stopping by and listening to my music, it means a lot :)

sleepy mushrooms :)

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