shame this wasn't Dustin's favorite battle from 2020 smh 😤

Unironic Rap Battles

Yep. Happy 5 year anniversary of TRBoCS. :D

Nice Peter as Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu
EpicLLOYD as The Boss Baby

TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS
FUYUHIKO KUZURYU 
VS
THE BOSS BABY
BEGIN!

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu (0:16):
Name’s Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu, bitch, I’m a fucking gangster
True yakuza, shoot right through ya, you’re in fucking danger
This shithead’s met a dead end
Now I’m taking you to school, call it TedEd
Ain’t here to change your Pampies, I’ll get to dropping bodies
‘Cause when it comes to nannies, I’m more like fuckin Maki
Your work ethic is just something I can’t admire 
Sucking up to higher ups like they’re your damn pacifier 
Junko forced our whole class to watch Chiaki’s death and
It still brought less despair than your original on Netflix
I’m more stone-faced than fuckin Munakata
So drop the Poker Face, Lady Googoogaga 
Or I’ll drop a diss right on top a bitch
And like your Oscar win, I’m fuckin robbing this

The Boss Baby (0:52):
Ooh, would you look at that, it’s the scary Danganronpa man
Get real, they have a subdivision in Baby Corp. dedicated to all your fans
Each of your games is built from the same model
Franchise so formulaic, it’d fit in my dang bottle
The moment that I popped in the womb, baby I balled in it
I’ll win by more than a hair, kid, I’mma Baldwin it
Bring your whole clan and let’s get down to business
Yea, the company I’m reppin’s used to putting down bitches
Stacking layers of dough, dine on high class placenta
Rock Armani drip, leaving you dripping magenta 
Slim Shady with an eyepatch won’t be a challenge
Dressing like a pirate Gomez Addams
I won’t be forgiving your horrible temper 
‘Cause I’m more heavy metal than your choice of a weapon
So don’t get too close when you’re stepping
I’m the B-O-S-S, feel no stress, best hold your defenses
And your trashy written love story arc left you killed, bro
Seems Peko left you with Twilight Syndrome
And, uhhhh, while you were bearing all the pain and trauma with the abrasions caused from all your time as head of the yakuza
Well, uhhhh, I took your baby mama Pekoyama, showed her where babies come from, put her to rest harder than Monokuma

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu (1:45):
Talk about Peko like that again and I’ll gnash your fuckin teeth in
Let’s see how much you wanna talk shit when I put my damn feet in this fetus, I’ll leave him defeated
And dropped on a doorstep, and once I render you an orphan
How about I do what your parents should’ve and make this track your abortion (Brrrraaaahhh)
This is one tape you’ll wish never gets played back, son
You’re getting milked so hard, no wonder Francis can’t stand ya
I dodged a bullet, got my death swapped, case 3, pre-production
Your film dodged a bullet dropping Spacey before he touched it
My kin taught me discipline, you got spoiled and pampered
I’d beat the shit jokes out ya, little kid, just to teach ya some manners
I guess I’m just too old to get your appeal, sorry
But you scream disaster more than a gender reveal party 

The Boss Baby (2:19):
I’m trying to wrap my head around you, but I can’t tell which carries more weight
Your shoulders from all your losses or… the swimsuit that caved your sister’s face (What?)
God damn Baby Numbnuts, how about you stop your whining
Your lyrics are just nonsense: Jabberwocky Island
I’d take out your last eye, but you’re already so blind (Ay ay ay ay)
While I’m a bad baby, so catch me outside (Ay ay ay ay)
Quit talking to me or you oughta get beat
Get blown off of the scene like it’s Nagito’s dreams
I’m so fly and I’m killing this mic
So watch this blackened bird leave you dead in the night 

WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
WE DECIDE!
TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS

Mixing/Mastering by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Anywaywell
Cover Art by Rabi

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu vs The Boss Baby. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Papyrus and Sans:
Gadzooks, Sans, look, is that a human?!
He’s too dim to be a lamp, who the heck dragged you in?
Hair looks like a borscht, and with that uniform;
I mean what, are you buying your clothes at the soup store?
It’s got no class to my battle body
I got shocking raps that can rattle Molly
You can barely Bear Traps, but that’s my hobby!
Like eating soup with a fork; your raps are sloppy
I’m the master of monsters, I can halter Frisk
You’re a mobster; shellfish like a lobster bisque
We’ll rename you Track-Crash, cuz you’ve bombed already
You should move out, stop mooching off your mom’s spaghetti

Giovanni:
I’m Great at Rhyme! You take that back! 
I Slug SOULS and trousle bones when I’m up to bat!
Giovanni’s left in Disbelief from hearing all the white noise
So it’s time to wreck a second fossil with my Boys!
Are we sure this lonely bone man has no Epithet?
‘Cuz I’m still surprised he hasn’t been Inscribed “Desperate”
I beg your pardon, you think you’re Royal Guard-in’
You’re snowed in, frozen; Olive Garden
You spend your time, ca-noodling with the enemy
No amount of your cuisine’s about to make me friendly
Cuz you rap slow, got that old tomato sauce bad flow
Your brother’s shorter, yet you’re still stuck in his shadow! 

Papyrus and Sans:
Nyeh heh heh!
Geez, hit the microwave, that wasn’t hot in any way
Not even you Cam-in-paign would get me to like Anime
Cuz I’m a skeleton and you still manage to get on my nerves
Like “pay a monthly fee to see this joke ahead of time on VRV”
You could say my resume's more soup-er than what he has! SANS!
Both step off before you’re caught by Percy’s Sweet Jazz band!
I don’t need a Rocket to put Giovanni on blast!
It feels like your life’s going down a dangerous path!
You act like a villain and try to look so tough and rugged
But pierce through the knitty-gritty and you're softer than your plushes!
Cuz you’re a Certified Bad Guy -- bad at everything, Gio!
Even this battle has more animation than your whole show!

Giovanni and Molly:
Papy’s awfully happy to be on a Frisky dinner date
Second-fiddle on a silver platter but here is what’s on the plate
Lets hand you over to my Boss, with his refined palate
I’ll serve you up like a bone broth with a geno-side salad!
(Yeah!)
Cuz you’re like parmesan, really grating, Papyrus! (ooh!)
Every line you spit makes me raise my level of violence
You're even weaker than Sans, and lookin' at him it's clear, uh,
Just one swing to break his SOUL like it’s more fragile than a Mira!
With my bat and knife, you’re turned to bone meal when you’re crushed (ha!)
I’ll cut to the chase and you’ll be left in your own dust!
But your only friend killed you on half of their routes? Wow!
That’s my special attack! You are blue, now! (rawr!)

Mancha as Giovanni Potage and Sans
MetaMachine as Papyrus
Azia as Molly Blyndeff

Giovanni Potage vs Papyrus - URBoF #16

Danii as Al McWhiggin
JesseBoxVO as Mama Coco

Lyrics:

Al:
Working on a weekend like usual
Now I gotta diss this bitch delusional
Thinkin that this hag is nearly provable
Haven't laughed my ass off this hard since your fuckin' funeral
Mama Coco's so-so when it comes to my bars nice
I thought you were Mexican, so tell me why I'm rocking ice
With this pollo suit I won't go slow with this fight
Then you'll be in my commercial on why Coco can't rhyme
Bro, you're not even important in the film you're named after
I'll make you know your Papa after we're on the same chapter
I'm badder, go name somebody with this fuckin bank
So make like Miguel and leave music after I take the rank

Coco:
Uhhhh, que es eso? What is this lingo
You tellin’ me that you are a redditor and a gringo?
I'll be cold all I want, my game has come to past
But you're selling stolen toys to get the minimum cash
Here for additional racks, don't go diss me on my importance
You're the second villain in your movie that nearly fell short in
With deletion, you make no sense, I saw your stance and am laughing
Like Woody you're an arm short with the vieja that's surpassing
Your rapping is trash, it's no wonder music's banned
Should've drank poison like Hector, maybe you'll get to expand
Who's your mans, with that outfit you don't hold that much bravado
Which is why I'm cookin' this dude, call it pollo asado

Al:
Hold it you old bitch, I think I will mention
I go in, you only cause whole plots with dementia
Keep goin, the rest of your relatives will end up on the ofrenda handy
But what bank did you make if Disney didn't even pay your family?

Coco:
With them cheeto dust and armpit stains, you'll see no light
Get the dude that fixed up Woody to clean up your whole life
For a buck buck buck, I'll go make sure that tu comprendes, oooh
Fuck fuck fuck you, we'll be better off forgetting you

Big Al vs. Mama Coco

Vinny as Leafy
Quizz as Jimmy
Written by Pixel Chris
Mixed by Rayyan
Beat by InsaneBeatz

LEAFYISHERE:
What’s up guys, today I’m battling this guy, JimmyHere
But I’m not playing your games of laugh and lose, so lemme make it clear
You bursting into laughter shouldn’t be how this bout ends
But with the way you hold it back, you’re practically Jimmy Fallon
You got a pedo stache and a beanie hat
And a couch for the cast for repeating laughs
Think you’ll beat me? Cap. You just repeat gags
Such a bitch in fact, you’re a Doogal looking ass

JIMMY HERE:
MODS! Who let this guy get submitted to the stream?
I’m here for good content, not Mr No Chin McGee
If you wanna clap back Jimmy, that acting’s psychopathic
You target children, but that’s your main demographic 
You cyber bully, you think you break new grounds?
Your “roasts” boils down to “You should Kill Yourself… NOW”
I’m just built different, this fight’s just not fair
Because I making you quiver like: JIMMY HERE JUMPSCARE 

LEAFYISHERE:
Damn, I knew those lines were gonna be shitty
But holy shit, I can’t tell what the fuck you were thinking
Like your photos in the mirror, this’ll be a piece of cake
Mentioning jumpscares but I literally make you “quake”
The only W you ever got was in the second grade
While for commentary YouTubers, I literally set the stage
You’ll take a nosedive when I smoke you like a cigarette 
Just letting videos play and they call me Daily Dose of Internet?
You’re falling harder than 5’7 dudes getting out of bed
Motherfuckers IQ tells me he was dropped on his head
You wanna not laugh, I too want you to say less
Because your lines are more forced than the gag about the maid dress
I can destroy cringe channels and end careers in seconds
You watch unfunny videos, and oh, I ought to mention
He’s gotta bait with money for the submissions channels being used
So hurry your bars up, bitch, I wanna bleach my eyes from seeing you

JIMMY HERE:
While you put people down, I keep YouTube splendid
Call me the Filmora logo, cause I’m about to end this
Going through your videos, what I can finally conclude
Is that you’re just mid like It’s Wednesday My Dudes! (AAAAAA)
Your channel was taken down but now I’m leaving you retired 
Cause you have no game and Leaf a lot to be desired 
My lines are fresh like a mint: Ayo, What the dog doin?
Cause I keep the audience excited: Ayo, What the pog doin?
In this face off between Here to Here
I’m simply just not here to hear
You make fun of kids from peer to peer
But when I roast you, you appear to fear
Doesn’t take much for me to leave leafy as a corpse
Thinking you’re winning? You must be trippin like Gorp
Time to coom to your senses, I put on the better show
It’s hard not to laugh at such a laughable foe (Hahahahahahaha)

JimmyHere vs LeafyIsHere Early Audio

Bateman:    
Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?
Their whole album has a clear crisp sound to the instruments..
That’s not something that I expect from you,
And your deep fried chicken rapping performance 
An ax to the head will do, 
Ahem, I mean, do ya’ wanna come over for a drink or two?
You're running a restaurant with all the chickens, but we can all see what you're really up to!

I think you gotta’ SELL the product not snort it all up
Ya got your ass blown up by a grandpa that can’t walk? Bruh. 
Explosion put a Dent on ya Two-Faced DC nemesis
Might be Christian Bale, but no code stops me from killing this

Pulling girls to my apartment, you’re pulling’ junkies to your drugs, sir
I got the bodies in the closet, you’re pretty sussy with your partner 
Make like Nacho and kill yourslf cuz’ you're a witness to this.
You’re a generic ass villain, you're like “it’s just businesses”.


Gus:

¡Hola! And welcome to the Los Pollos Hermanos Family.
If you knew me, you’d know I serve fresh bars on the daily, 
I’m butchering you harder than broadway did to your musical 
Like your murder spree, you winning this fight is unbelievable.


You’re an empty husk of a man, I did everything for a reason,
Your sequel flopped like damn, and I’m still runnin’ a sixth season,
Nerds wanna be like you so bad, it’s honestly embarrassing 
You’re your fatherless fans, father figure, damn son!

I’m guessing your Karen ass asked to see the manager,
With ya girlfriend high all the time, it’s a miracle you can manage her 
You’re the symbol of sigma male and chads, for some unknown reason,
But you have a melt down anytime someone doesn’t give you attention!

Calling me generic? At least I’m not some disgraceful edgelord.
I do what I do for business, you kill when you get bored. 

So let’s compared cards, cause I’m clearly above you
you winning this battle is all in your head too.

Bateman:
Let’s make it clear when I say merger and acquisition
What I’m actually saying is murder and execution
Which I love, it’s my hobby,I think outside the box
Cause that cutter doesn’t phase me, breaking you bad like stocks

Gus:
You’re dropping the mic, my Mike drops bodies
We’re not the same, I serve Zafiro Anejo toddy
With your aimless climax, it’s clear you can’t comprehend
My skill, so take the loss and shake my hand

Patrick Bateman vs. Gustavo Fring- BONUS BATTLE!

Me as This Man and Trollface
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by InsaneBeatz

TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS
THIS MAN
VS
TROLLFACE
BEGIN!

This Man:
How about you sit down, I can tell you’re torn up
Rose from image boards but now your image bores us
I’ve got a chilling tone, the most skilled opponent who will unload
With the flows to send this troll back under, I’m the Billy GOAT
You’d think Ramirez was an alchemist with all that he’s sold
And yet he failed to turn your irony to comedy gold
Yeah, now this mug’s firing shots
Against the idol of every 12 year old child on Black Ops
Cut through you with malice
I’m Krueger, you’re Alice
‘Cause my face haunts dreams, yours just haunts sleep paralysis
You’ll take number two so I know that shit-eating grin’s hurting
How ‘bout you go on a Trollface Quest for a chin surgeon 
The MC straight from your REM sleep onto TV
You’re stuck on rage comics while I’m making Shonen Weekly
You’re bound to wind up like Pepe, locked in the net’s attic
‘Cause with your history of bigotry, you’re pretty problem-atic

Trollface:
Hon hon, oui oui, why don’t you go back to Italy
You can call me Eduard ‘cause I’m about to Khil the beat
Hunnid K dollar face so like your marketing, I’ll be stunting 
Ain’t seen dream dudes be proven this fake since speedrunning (LOL)
Is the fact your story’s sketchy surprising
Drawn looking like Kin Kid in a midlife crisis
I’d never go to Brazil or this teacher might get my child
Screw X-Files, that creepy stare tells me you’re from the Pedo-Files
My flow game’s mad, bro, you’re stepping in a trollfest 
So how about you call me Rick, I’m on a Roll (rekt!)
Go dream of some bitches, that old Shrek face gets no sex
Floating up to chicks like…so no head?
This won’t be the first time 4chan exposed this cuck’s ass
So how about you bathe in oil and go find who the fuck asked
You better hold still ‘cause if this Creepypasta draws nearer
I’ll be ruining a CP freak like Black Mirror

This Man:
Your font’s quite ironic when your bars can’t leave an Impact
With those raps I gotta ask, have you ever seen a diss, man?
Floating above clouds, makes sense you’ve got little drip 
Sir, your figure isn’t fitting since your image didn’t stick

Trollface:
Corona babofa, I’m going mask off, you’ll die today
Ending you for good and spitting sick, Viral K
No Christ is here to repent for our sins
So neither of us will be spared when the Trollge begins

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
WE DECIDE
TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS

This Man vs Trollface. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Me as both
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Kustom

TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
VS
JERRY SEINFELD
BEGIN


Jerry Seinfeld:
Want a World War-Burton? Joe Swanson can’t spit hard
When old grandpas make up his whole fan club
But by now, I’m sure you’re used to sitcoms
Cause that body of yours sure ain’t fit for stand-up
Ayyy, Jerry Seinfeld, unrivaled
Grab a mic, I’ll go right into spittin’ fire, insightful 
Can’t hope to fight all my titles because my comedy’s dominant
While you’re awful in politics, your democracy flopped to bits
And your policies aren’t shit to the shows that I’ve landed
So this song, I’ll be calling it “Punks in Chairs Getting Their Asses Handed”
Set foot in the White House, unemployment went berserk
Jesus, not even your legs wanted to work
It’s your Constitutional right to not talk, so use it
Cause that novice Truman drops more bombs than you, man
What are your contributions? We’re all just clueless, for real!
Left the American people asking “What’s the New Deal?”
Got status higher than you during your Infamy spiel, cretin
My damn Bee Movie Script tops all your boring ass speeches
My old man fought for the Allies, so I’ll respect your appeal
But now the only Axises you’re battling are on your wheelchair wheels

FDR:
You call yourself a comedian? Those jokes were dreadful!
The only thing we have to fear is another one of your specials
To hell with your two cents, I’ll give you my right dime
I’ll need less than four terms to dismantle your tight five
FDR sets the bar extra hard ‘gainst this farce
Left in shards when I’m armed, best not harm the pres in charge
500 pairs of sneakers and still no footing in humor
Just a dried out boomer, call you Amy Shoe-mer
I trashed Hitler’s whole state, you took silver to Goldthwait
But you must be fed up with all the critics on your plate
I’m the next George Washington, you’re ignored over George Costanza
Even Madison would tower over crack Adam Sandler
I led my country through the greatest depths
When the economy crashed harder than the Marriage Ref
Then I beat the world’s evils, stirred people up with ill words
And now they pit me up against a safe for work Bill Burr?

Jerry Seinfeld:
Let’s back it up a tad bit, you cousin-loving fascist 
Don’t act like your past isn’t shrouded in trash, prick
Try rescuing refugees, or if that’s too much to ask
At least try not cramping the Japanese in internment camps
You just might be the most racist dude in World War Two
Cause even Hitler treated Jesse Owens better than you
First man to rep a black card, that’s the kinda bank this dude owns
But the only Black guy you ever liked was Hugo

FDR:
With that foul rap odor, I doubt you’re sober
‘Cause you whine about society more than the Joker
And now Gen Z memes cause your legacy to wilt
Change your sitcom’s description to a show about your skill
You barely made it, your career was carried thanks to Larry David
And you dare to claim I’m racist when your fame is dated
Fading ratings, there’s no way you’ll save ‘em, tanked just like your failed relations
Maybe make sure that the babe you crave’s of age before you date them
Franklin’s undebatedly the greatest man to grace this planet
Your bits make some lame kids laugh but my words make the stage go frantic
Make you panic, hateful tactics won’t suffice or aid your rapping
I don’t need a cane to grasp, my verbal hooks will take this has-been

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
WE DECIDE!
TERRIBLE RAP BATTLES OF COMIC SANS

Franklin D. Roosevelt vs Jerry Seinfeld. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Me as both
Mixed by me
Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Anywaywell

Lyrics:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mNf5ua5bVvBy4mo94ltTZMWsiSJKdLjwvoPAjwsaS9M/edit?usp=sharing

RiceGum vs Quagmire. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Me as both
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Instrumental by Anywaywell

SNAKEBITE RAP BATTLES
JEVIL
VS
MONTRESOR
BEGIN!

Montresor:
Greetings and salutations, it’s your companion Montresor
Meeting this valiant acquaintance, I must ask of one request, sir
That we skip this poor bravado and check my kin’s coat and motto
You’ll end up with Fortunado when I wreak havoc on jesters
Mask on, draped in Gothic clothing
I’m a sly Fox, more cunning than Toby
Took your first game’s whole gimmick then cloned it
There’s been no change, where’s your metamorphosis?
I’ll leave you howling for your verbal crimes,
Not talking Amontillado when I bask in your fervent whines
And once this murder’s final, you’re sure to find
I’ve committed the perfect rhyme

Jevil:
Let’s play a game, a game, I call it “Guess the Human”
This one’s consumed by petty feuding, and now his World Revolves around retribution
And wasted his life away plotting to maim his pal
But it all went to shit as their silence gnawed at his fulfillment, *cone cap jingles, beat stops* does that ring a bell?
*laugh* Too dim to pass as a Lightner
You’re at your most bright when you’re slathered in nitre 
This one is a game you’re not playing so well
Must be a Holiday ‘cause I’m taking no Ls
No chance you can match with my pace (Chaos)
You’re a tactless disgrace (Chaos)
Get Luchesi to rap in your place 
For the drunkard who authored you lacked any taste (Weehee!)
When causing carnival carnage, I am unparalleled
Dirges burning like curtains, I ride a beat like a carousel (Pip pip)
Put your friend to sleep for 50 years? You put me to sleep for a century
Tryna be invested in your story got me like, “Erm...I can do mostly anything”

Montresor:
That’s the best you could do to me?
Then I’ll be punishing this puny imp with impunity
Played your cards against a pack of children, then soiled it 
All it took was TP to flush this joker down the toilet
It’s drudgery having to wait for you
So behind in development, call you Betarune
Break you apart like the key for your cell’s lock
In paces recquiescat
For the love of god (the love of god)
I’ll put this hack in a box (hack in a box)
I Rouxl harder than Kaard (harder than Kaard)
So just call me Seam (just call me Seam)
For this ordeal’s left me in stitches and you’ve pushed my buttons so good day to you
Now the friend you once trusted shall lock you away for good, feeling déjà vu?

Jevil:
No urban legend that Boston Harbored
Could incite new ideas in your garbage author
Just another loon Poe wrote to give readers creeps 
A discount Tell-Tale but failed to keep a beat
You think you’re all that ‘cause you clowned on a jester
But as you fall flat, I’ll be crowned like it’s checkers
You spent your verse threatening thousands of injuries
Yet through it all, you’ve not once tried to insult me
I Cirque de Slay when I’m spitting
I stole the whole show as a side mission
This shabby old creep can’t keep up the tempo
‘Gainst gaming’s most demented jester since Dimentio
Oh, what a fun game this has been, frolicking in the cemetery 
So here’s one more final jest between friends and it’s not the hatchet getting buried *laugh*

WHO WON?
WHO’S NEXT?
WE DECIDE!
SNAKEBITE RAP BATTLES

Montresor vs Jevil. Snakebite Rap Battles

Happy Holidays everyone! We're back again with a seasonal classic, it's the salty sea scourge, Blackbeard, pitted against everyone's favorite and iconic Christmas time mascot, Santa Claus! Enjoy!

CAST
Mancha as Santa Claus
Mr. Tibbs as Blackbeard

LYRICS:
SANTA:
Some fruit for your crew, some crackers for Polly
Leave hooks for the good, diss tracks for the naughty
Take a seat on my lap and let's get down to business
Tell me little Eddie, what would you like for Christmas

BLACKBEARD:
This saint he be missin’ what I want for christmas, I want to be like you (Yar)
Cop treasure aplenty, rob corporate plenty, booty for you and yer crew (Bars)
Can you spare a few doubloons from pockets deeper than the deep blue?
Now that ye wouldn’t do, Nick, it’s ye I see through cuz
Your ho-ho-hokie shit is so below me Davy Jones be
Drowning, he be choking on the sickly sweet baloney 
Yee be feedin’ to the children like yer more than just a fable
Christian pricks pitting their kids like several Cain & fucking Abels
Over gifts they get in scores, cause they did a couple chores
But they all tend to ignore, the creep peepin’ through their door
As you rummage through their drawers, hoggin’, downing all the noggin
Step away from the stockin’, Nick, it’s time for a floggin’

SANTA:
Ho ho hold up, I can’t stand the lies you spin cause
I won’t take the slag off the seadog who put the virgin in Virginia
Mad your shabby shanties don't match with my carol lines, huh?
Go take a Bath, not talking the Carolinas
Lit without the coal. Kick you in the south pole, but
It’s not on the pole with ya, Buy Coca Cola 
Pop your head like a screw-off cuz it’s best if you cruise off
Catch me on the roof, dog. Red dot on you like Rudolph
When I come in commandeering the deer and sleigh I’m seen in
Being loved by the masses is the only care I be in
But this scallywag wouldn’t know how that feels; unfortunate
Where’s your Christmas cheer? Keep your head up, as an ornament 
 
BLACKBEARD:
I owned the high seas, ye dined on milk and sweets
Wouldn’t hurt to spare a couple to the elves and Black Pete
A fate worse than with the fishes when all you get is hershey kisses
I be gettin’ naughty listed when I set sail with yer missus

Cover Art by Commander Jacob
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal

Blackbeard vs Santa Claus | GridLine Rap Battles Season 3

Saul Goodman Vs. Daredevil

Understood?

Titanium1208 as DK
JuliantheBeast as Little Mac
Adam as Doc Louis
HyperJacob96 as Announcer

DK:
I’m finally here! Performing for you!
If you know the words you can join in too!
Put your hands together if you want to clap!
As I’m tearing through… this Little Mac! (Huh!)
Tossing barrels on barrels! Just try to escape
Judging by your vertical you’ve been skipping leg day
Guess you can't Jumpman, boy I hope you can rhyme!
I could even take a hundred of you on at a time!
Mac, Really? Even Glass Joe has higher fame 
You’re just a shy guy hiding behind wire frames
KO’s charged! ... oh whoops, you missed
Brawl with us all you want, to me you’re still the assist

Little Mac:
In this corner the underdog’s ready to fight
Ready to let out punches with all his might
All of this training has prepared me for this
When this oversized monkey goes and meets my fist! 
Ain’t no better boxing match since Rocky v. Smirnoff
When this gorilla starts talking I’d rather him bite my ear off.
Peel on outta here, you can’t step in the ring with me
Like your GameCube game you’re sounding too off-beat
Just Look at what I can do to ya with one nasty blow 
How was your verse goofier than your tv show?


DK:
When I was picked first to rap everybody stepped back
You’re like a SoundCloud rapper, huh! Lil’ Mac
Don’t get smacked, Mario knows not to clapback
Rip you to shreds on the track like a Klaptrap
Your height forces you to make low-blows while fighting
Looks like you learned to spit from your buddy Mike Tyson
Your games stop paying and you’re no longer talked about
If you ask me Mac, I think it’s time you Punch Out

Little Mac: 
Ugh, he’s tough… Show him what you got Mac!
He hit me so hard….. Well then, hit him back!
You’re right Doc, I won’t have this be the end!
Pick yourself up, Don’t let him take you out again!
When I attack, the bigger they are the harder they’re falling 
I’ll have you and your whole DK Crew Smash Bawling
I’m fit, slick, and chiseled; got a cocky strut
Guess what? I’m not scared of your little Donkey punch
Giga Mac knows how to expand - dong
Take the crown to show you who’s king, Kong!
And lo, the beast looked on the face of beauty
Asking for an ice pack for his kicked-in booty.

DK:
I’m a classic in Smash ‘cause the Kong’s sublime
When I bongo beat, that’s a conga line
So hang up the gloves, you're looking fatigued
Even when not super slugging, I’m out of your league!
Came swinging at me, punching with all he can 
But even with my eyes closed you’re still getting speedran

Little Mac:
Can’t take the flak? Go back to the arcade
Don’t mess with Mac - this dude learned the hard way
Take down the OG, how’s that for some clout?
10! Raise my arm! Now that’s a knock out!

Super Smash Raps

Donkey Kong vs Little Mac. Super Smash Raps #1

Welcome to the series premiere of Objects vs Anything! In this fearsome battle, we have the first president of the United States, George Washington, engaging in lyrical combat against a washing machine. Who will win? Listen to find out!

OBJECTS VS ANYTHING
GEORGE WASHINGTON
VS
WASHING MACHINE
YEP.

George Washington:
This reads not like a battle, more a chore of a weekly visit
When all you’re good for’s washing the red I left on the coats of the British
Want something that’ll make your head enter a spin cycle? Well here, peasant 
You could never revolve without the revolution I spearheaded
I fought for my Rights, got my face on the Bill
Fall to my might, you’ll be leaking yourself
Step to me, your insides get chopped
You’ll be left like a child using you as a hiding spot 
I may have died but look at how I croaked
We all know I’m ill when I rap from my throat
This battle shall read like my inauguration, I’m winning this bitch by unanimous vote

Washing Machine:
Come at me, George? You’ll sustain damage of sorts you can’t afford
Because with skill, you’re more starved than your fellow soldiers in Valley Forge
But all I need is to take one glance at your dirty laundry, son
You’re only good at racial cleansing, call you white-Washington
(Oh!) Big wigs ain’t scaring me
This dude’s been a hack since the cherry tree
This flow, you shouldn’t be crossing, kid
You’ll get whipped like you’re building your monument
While you were out in the war, such a bad leader even the French made you tap out
Ask Martha if you were the only Washington with wood in your mouth
I’m a washing machine and I come in so clean, you’ll bobbing to me cause my bars are so heat
This old Washington freak may have got a DC but on top of this beat, he ain’t fathering me
Bro you used to be known as America’s savior, now scandals cause vandals to spark your erasure 
Now your only history left that remains are the dollars that people come to me to pay with

George Washington:
Oh please, the rope in my lawn is more effective with lines, sir 
I’d call this battle a wash, but your style couldn’t be dryer
People get mad at you when you make a sock lose its place?
Let’s see how mad you get once I leave you socked in the face
I kept the states United in a time of crisis
You’re a wrinkle getting crushed by a fist of iron
First damn president to set foot into office
Meanwhile, it’s a given, your rap noise: obnoxious
Once I’ve left this dysfunctional apparatus burned with rhymes
It won’t take any suicidal web challenge for me to turn the Tides

Washing Machine:
Were too pussy to take sides in any of the Father’s tons of feuds
God damn, even George Washington Carver has more nuts than you!
Call you washed up ‘cause your fame will drown
Threw out the king, so how can you take the crown
Rather alone than in bad company? Hardly
You couldn’t get invited to a political party
No treaty’s enough to defeat me, so now let’s see what your eulogy’s going to read
First in war, first in peace, and first to be cleaned up by the flow machine

WHAT WON?
WHAT’S NEXT?
I’LL PROBABLY DECIDE THE NEXT MATCHUP BUT IF I LIKE YOURS IT’LL BE DONE AND YOU DECIDE THE WINNER!
OBJECTS VS ANYTHING

Snakebite126 as George Washington
Freshy Kanal as Washing Machine
Mixing and Mastering by Freshy Kanal
Child Hiding Spot line written by GamingPlush64
Written by Snakebite126 and Commander Jacob
Additional writing help from Eddiefrb
Beat by Hala-X

That about covers it. I have some ideas cooking up for the next installments, but feel free to suggest your own ideas and if they're good, I'll do them! Smell you later, alligator. ;)

George Washington vs Washing Machine - Objects vs Anything [SERIES PREMIERE]

After a long hiatus, Snakebite126 Rap Battles of Inside Things finally gets a name change because what a fucking stupid name that is. It also comes back with a battle of epic proportions between the mystical writer, The Rap Battle Fairy, and the fecal thief, The Shit Goblin, in a battle of the FRB cryptids.

Cast:
The Rap Battle Fairy as themselves
The Shit Goblin as themselves
Mixing and Mastering - Freshy Kanal
Beat produced by Anywaywell

Lyrics:
The Rap Battle Fairy:
Looks like it’s time for me to once again take flight
As all of FRB dozes off in their dreams 
This mystical entity appears in the night
To write a verse against the one who put them all to sleep (Let’s go)
It’s the Rap Battle Fairy coming out the gate
‘Gainst a crack addict bearing tons of pounds in weight
Oh, with just a swish of the wand
I got the power to make any verse bippity bop
And while you’re screaming at your victims to start hitting the quan 
Man, your trials are just errors and I’m leaving ‘em plunged 
And is the fact that you work a job at Walmart a shock?
‘Cause from your traps and voice tapes, you’re just a bargain bin Saw

The Shit Goblin:
Fucking dies 
Now I may not be the Jizz Demon, but please start retreating or you’re really gonna get fucked
I’ll let my voice go louder, kid you don’t-don’t matter, better hope your bladder doesn’t go and splatter
‘Cause from all the living creatures that this pro’s encountered, you’re the only one I won’t be taking shit from
Bitch, what? The Shit Goblin’s hip-hoppin’ 
You’re in deep shit once I kick off, this pimp’s poppin’
You hear the night’s calling and it prompts your arrival
But my speeches will leave you dipping this call like my disciples 
You got your grand start from Pyro vs Memeulous
And yet the best verse was the only one that Felix did
You only make rounds when you have to make up a diss
But I’m more than used to fairies taking the piss

The Rap Battle Fairy:
The Piss Fairy, huh? Well those jokes were piss poor (Yeah)
When I’m taking number one, it’s the Best Writer awards
Plus I’m honestly surprised that you’d think I’d be that threatened
By Danganronpa with a scat fetish (Whoo!)
I’m so fly, your insanity’s boundless
Call Rosie to leave her son reality grounded
Poor stranger, I’m leaving you wrecked with my magic raps 
Cause a flanger is the only effect that your rapping has
As we’re battling, once you see how hard my pen game hits
This’ll be like your third trial tape, you’ll never make it
My bars get songs on playlists, so far I gotta say this
If you’re trying to make movements on the mic, I guess you’re constipated

The Shit Goblin:
Wanna beat me, bro? You need to start over
I’ve seen more appealing flow come from the Barf Ogre
You got left like my minions, stuck, enslaved and
Now you can’t escape the chains of Dustin’s basement
Yeah, I got homies in FRB that’ll clip your wings
I’m a rapper, I’m a rebel, yo it’s Shitty G
Once you’re with hit with bars so heavy like plip-plop
It’s fitting a piece of shit like yourself gets dropped
I’m a stone cold killer and I’m so conniving
You ain’t no dope winner but you’re so bold trying
The immortal, living since before your time
Whose getting sold your spirit, bitch your soul’s all mine
And the minute that you started getting deadlines
Half the scripts you rushed all ended up with dead lines
So don’t challenge me with your lame flows
This battle’s like all your other commitments - shoulda learned to say “no”

Anyways I'm leaving the community now because I am never topping this.

Franklin D. Roosevelt vs Jerry Seinfeld. Terrible Rap Battles of Comic Sans

Snakebite126

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