words: 

It's been a while since I only did one thing 
at a time it's either 85 things or none 
I know my phone better than I know my city 
I'm fizzing out 
Through stormy afternoons
 
Oscillating between the moon and a surreal cartoon 
It's a perfectly purposeless day like I intended it to be 
Conversating between the imaginary you and the real me 
the imaginary you and the real me 
I'm not all that smart 
I'm not all that sensitive 

It don't work like that 
I've been waiting for the songs to come to me
I haven't got much heart lately 
Got too much voice 
and nothing to sing 
This isn't gonna last forever
I'll take some "real steps" and I'll be on my way 
There's this imaginary tether 
Keeping me pulled over with a takeout bag on the side of the highway 

I slept through
 the remainder of the roadtrip 
though I planned to 
Listen to new music 
I forget I'm claustrophobic when we're driving 
I wish I could paint you underwater 
Especially now, the days are growing shorter 
My hours are threaded through the needle of wasted time 

It don't work like that 
I've been waiting for the songs to come to me
I haven't got much heart lately 
Got too much voice 
and nothing to sing 
This isn't gonna last forever
I'll take some "real steps" and I'll be on my way 
There's this imaginary tether 
Keeping me pulled over with a takeout bag on the side of the highway

It Dont Work Like That!

trying my hand at guitar because my piano broke. here's a song about a time i stayed over at a hotel alone because I had a 3am call time the next day in that city. then I saw Manila Luzon from RuPaul's Drag Race at an event that same night

words:

cold in the burrow 
all alone til tomorrow 
on the road again without you 
elevator yellow 
float over to a meadow 
its 2am without you 

naked body in the mirror 
fluorescent lights getting dimmer 

there's a drag queen in the hallway 
i feel alive and these roads seem so much bigger
when im stomping down on them 
than how they snake like rivers when we're riding 
beneath my the asphalt is crunching 
and in my ear Paul Simon is sighing, "Oh darling Lorraine"

and now the world is waking up 
how i wish time would just stop

cold in the burrow 
all alone til tomorrow 
on the road again without you 
elevator yellow 
float over to a meadow 
its 2am without you

burrow

Best days by Lana, cover by 13 year old me

i thought it was the morning 
but it was half past 1 
Mad World on the radio 
looks like im the only one in the house today 
I can hear sirens wailing 
and the space I waive when silence takes away
the mess that I have made and I say it all the time but not enough
yeah its been rough 

i thought it was the caffeine 
or things ive left undone 
a pile of books on the piano 
looks like im the only one in the house today 
i cant escape this lighting 
and how dark my mind gets when she goes deep diving through my wasted time and i say it all the time but not enough 
yeah its been rough 

will you design a tattoo for  me to get when I get through what I gotta do 

i thought it was my moment 
the break I begged would come 
all my friends miles ahead of me 
looks like im the only one

In the House (demo)

early in the morning my bedroom is a freezer 
no sun out of my window 
there's nothing to be seen 
except for the silhouette of trucks and orange trees 
an easy day at home again 

I took down all the paintings while you were out walking 
then read Lydia Davis and washed all of my stockings 
I left out in the rain the night I quit thinking 
bout running back home again 

I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own

No space for my bag in the overhead cabin 
you sure my earring's not in your seat?
I know I had it right here 
I'm not dressed for the weather where we're landing 
worlds away from home again 

I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own
I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own
I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own

Where should the mind go when the body is moving 
through crowded train stations and stairwells in the Louvre
somewhere in this sickness, the weight, and the cruising 
ways of coming home again 

Heaven in a museum dome with high ceilings 
an Airbnb kitchen that smells like laundry 
I stab a flag in the soil of where I am standing 
playing house or home again 

I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own
I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own
I'm not really tired until I'm tired of being on my own

home song

stay in this space 
and make it feel like heaven 
after the work day let's take a walk at 7 

like a kick to my stomach, I know this'll come to pass

Take in the stray 
feel her warmth and purring 
plane on the runway
the wind and rain returning 

like a kick to my stomach, I know this'll never last 

I'm ready for that day when the answer rises from the ruins 
a perfect archive of songs you wrote while dreaming 
you left them wondering why 
I guess we'll never know 
but we'll think of you 
as the mountain stores the light in the snow 

Stay in this space and make it feel like heaven 
after the school day meet us in the garden 
like a kick to my stomach, I know it's come to pass 

I'm ready for that day when the answer rises from the ruins 
a perfect archive of songs you wrote while dreaming 
you left him wondering why 
I guess we'll never know 
but we'll think of you 
as the mountain stores the light in the snow

a perfect archive

perfume rising from my wrists 
in murmurs bleeds into the mist
eyes stinging into a blur

in a ferris wheel a quiet bliss
It's weightless now to just exist 
Im living through all the words
I put on my plate
Water with the rain
I’m always dressing for better weather 

placing all my faith
in my ideal day
I’ll keep it that way til i know any better

perfume rising from my wrists 
in murmurs something feels amiss
i'm doing my best to learn

why i so often feel like this 
an infinite pending list 
of people i want to meet and be 
With a name above glamour and fame 
A life defined by nerve and acceptance letters 

placing all my faith
in what mary says
You dont have to walk through the desert repenting
the world calls to you harsh and exciting

Mary Says (the World Calls To You)

3am recording from mid-2016
pic from 2015

lana cover

my best days (lana del rey)

the words:

All I wanted to do was to write a blues 
lullaby
I’m all alone now
it’s no time for a crowd

plastering with pigments the surfaces
shattered by my aching

Rothko*, Tàpies**, Martha, Mary, and Lazarus--
I didn’t think that tableau included me.

Yet I’ll keep you inspired 
I’ll trace your fingertip with the end of a wire
The things you can’t tell anyone 
you know that you can tell me

All I wanted to do was to write a blues
All I wanted to do was to write
All I wanted to do was to write a blues 
lullaby

I’ve chosen to lose
all I wanted was a bruise
I’ve chosen to use
what I wished for was a wound



--
* http://www.markrothko.org/ //https://www.instagram.com/p/BPdDp1SgIp5/?taken-by=avant.arte&hl=en
**http://www.fundaciotapies.org/site/spip.php?rubrique73

tableau (draft)

sakuna

tableau (expanded)

words: 

what's a mountain range to my bodyscape 
you'll watch your empire burn before my heart breaks
there's a cemetery where my bedroom used to be 

when the fire dies I won't close my eyes
you set my innocent front line before the crocodile
there's a cemetery where my bedroom used to be 

your God made you in His image, baby
I made cartoons in mine

cartoon cleopatra

Alec Adeva on keys! 
pic is of us in McDonalds c/o Martina Roces
music by him n lyrics by me,,,iphone recording

words:

this is the most human i've ever been 
i'm trimming the stems 
i'm keeping the petals
and sewing them on to me

don't oblige me-- nothing has to die to make me happy
i'll be lighting candles for their fragrance
not for a loss
i'm separating good advice from yours 
don't compare your catflap to my doors
a checkpoint on my mental map
i'd rather have done it than not

i may not have your skin 
but you weren't built on my bones
it's so easy to run back 
when you've barely left home 
anyway it will all be on me

this is the most human i've ever been
overwhelmed by the water
too sacred to touch
letting the waves wash over me 

i may not have your skin 
but you weren't built on my bones
it's so easy to run back 
when you've barely left home 
anyway it will all be on me

people do change,
but that don't mean he'll have a different frame
yes i'll be going away but i'll return whence i came
anyway it will all be on me

station six (iphone voice memo)

happy 2nd anniversary, kev! 


a plural purpose, a perfect furnace
no one has the rights to you
saw a black raven
and I got back on my bike and 
knew I had everything to lose

I guess it's time for another gory movie 
so I can curl up into you
they're not ill-natured but you're well-mannered
you glow beyond the rest

sing sweet nightingale i'm remembering that june dream
we were walking down those tokyo streets 
arabesque is playing in the middle distance 
the wind is whistling
notes towards a poem that might never be written
but still i'm trying 

to think of the future
and all those family dinners
to each one i'll be wearing a dress you've never seen before
think of the airports 
and grocery stores
all those go-betweens that will link our lives together

you're my oasis, my wilderness
my ribbons, my buttons
you keep my seams sober
through the ocean, a birdbath 
we ran in the rain on the train tracks 
under this clear umbrella baby 
hold me closer

tokyo date / anniversary song

image grabbed from pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/797770521472527272/

lyrics:
cities are built for rooms like hers 
roll up the metropolis in a rented car
feel the unbearable lightness of a new sweater
see the aurora from a graveyard 

you never know when a miracle's coming
so if I were you just show up 
you never know where you're gonna be, what you're gonna see
who you're gonna meet
so do yourself a favor and go
I had a fairly good idea of who I was at the time
we'd go out every night and dance after wine
the night I met her we walked from the bowling alley 
to her bedroom door 
met her black cat named after an egyptian god 
she made me coffee and we talked til 4 
about her travels and wanting more

people like you 
contain all of Pompidou 

what does it take to be the one 
to warm frozen branches with song 
she was a lilac diplomat 
no aura more full-bodied than that

she had a favorite city and in recalling it 
unwittingly praised my name 
I called myself an uber and got out of there 
to let the new day take its place
I believe in postcards and in lamplight
and metro tickets in my coat pocket 
in an extended daze I suspended my day
and told myself I'd never forget 

like all charismatic women, beautiful by conviction 
that's what she was and in my head 
a resounding "I wanna be that someday"
what does the snow look like from your window, I asked her
do you get winters in your homeland?
we were heaven-bent, honey-eyed foreigners glorifying the season 

cities are built for rooms like hers 
roll up the metropolis in a rented car
feel the unbearable lightness of a new sweater
see the aurora from a graveyard 
after my teenage darkness and a thousand nights 
of being alone that made me who I am 
I found myself there on her bedroom floor 
with the infinite to understand

girl crush

written specifically about a dawn roadtrip through snowy belgium (actual picture)


and overhead
there's a line of windmills 
and a forest of bird's nests 
it's all so still

there's snow on the highway 
it's an early sensation
the daylight is younger than us 
my brow is chilled 
cuz i got my head
pressed against the window
there's mist rolling over the field
no camera can touch 

i demand so much of it 
the light and the ocean
 for the noise to make me a muse
believe me, you'll be paralyzed
with all these daydreams from which to choose
and it's a world on the border
no picture can get it right
maybe if I walk away 
it will crystalize

there's not a day I don't think about it
all my friends know this is true 
it's got its hand in all of my pockets 
i was born to be on the move

and now im never satisfied with how im remembering it 
livin in a hazy nostalgia
the sky was so much broader than it is now
its a world on the border
no picture can get it right
maybe if i never left
maybe if i never went back home the sky would still be hanging 
overhead

overhead

words: 

that day I was sitting alone on the deck 
feeling the archipelago breeze on the back of my neck
badly craving coffee 
but tryna save as much money as possible
the prices in that place could make a grown man cry [ fun true fact : coffee there was 450 php for a small brewed cup] 
hordes n hordes of suntanned families 
a passerby's cigarette smoke warming my knees
then a silhouette shined in my eyes 
he gestured to the bench in front of me and smiled 

got my headphones on yet he walked up to me 
there was no use trying it wasn't hard to see but 
he sat there....and stared 
he said "where I come from
we have zebras and lions 
and in London
I've got friends who can drive 
you can come with 
if you're not scared" 

I shook my head and thought 
"oh how interesting!
what could happen
when you're not on the lookout for a song
oh how interesting
what could be said to you 
if you keep your headphones on" 

my dog: awoo

how interesting

there's a suicide scene in the novel I'm reading 
it's 2am, I'm sitting in my bed feeling defeated
there's a storm out
postmodern glow

he has a tattoo of a cross across his heart 
he got it done so he wouldn't ever sin as hard
on the wrong side of the prison bars
postmodern glow

overarticulate what you know 

he brings up terrible news to illustrate his point 
he cant write without first going through a whole joint
he might be the simplest boy 
i've ever known
he can't listen to my music, he calls it crude 
says its ok, but it might be too much and not the mood 
so i close my eyes 
and on he drives

postmodern glow

image from pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ph/pin/797770521471518180/

words: 

everything hanging by a string
a heart makes itself known
innermost in the day's best fold 
divine timing 

I've waited for time to grow gentler
oh but every memory 
is a tombstone for a moment I mourn

these edges are softening
it's the same old dream in new skin 

the silhouette of dead trees 
like cracks on the dawn sky 
eyelashes on the horizon 

the sunlight in the garden

pacing from one end of the day to the other

A song about friends who make me feel like making music as a hobby is worth it <3 <3 <3  i miss my friends

words: 

I played that night in a yellow dress 
on a summer stage 
Alec had begged me to play a song I thought had nothing to say
but for him i played it anyway 

I'm always gripped with fear 
when I find myself here 
playing it by ear 

But when I saw my friend's face
His eyes lit up the room
I felt listened to 

Alec had begged me to play a song I thought had nothing to say
but for him i played it anyway 
my heart is always gripped with fear 
when I find myself here 
playing it by ear 

but when I saw my friend's face
his eyes lit up the place
in a second or two 
I felt listened to

photo by Lino Vergel de Dios

sofia de aros

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