Written by Eddie Nunez

He was an aging lothario 
Half the don he used to be
But he had himself a mansion
(The size of an ocean)
And a cottage by the sea

She was a mistress of the morning
And a duchess of the dawn
She loved to stroke her Pekingese 
And tend to her front lawn

One day he had her over
For drinks and surf and turf
And like a true Casanova 
He forced her hand upon his girth

She smiled and then revealed 
That she was born without a cunt
He cackled and told her to prove it
Without pulling any stunts

But when he caught a glimpse
He shrieked and came to a full stop
With a snap and a thud
He noticed that his prick had fallen off

Yes, his prick had fallen off
Yes, his prick had fallen off

Right there on the hardwood floor
A squirming, shriveled cock
And the two stood side by side
In deadlock

Now that he and she had something
A burden only they could share
They spent the rest of their days 
In wedlock a happy, sexless pair 

One can’t imagine how they do it
But they’re fine with what they’ve got
Happiness without a penis
A better lot without a twat

And he got into philanthropy
And she got a bigger lawn
And they thanked the Lord for the day
His prick had fallen off

The day his prick had fallen off
The day his prick had fallen off
He thanked the Lord
He thanked the Lord
The day his prick had fallen off

The two stood side by side
In deadlock
The two stood side by side
In deadlock

Deadlock

The Land of Broken Promises

Opening theme song written by Matt Husted and Eddie Nunez

The Land of Opportunity

Written by Eddie Nunez

What happened to your teeth, mama?
Are you finished?
Are you through?

It’s awful, I know
But I don’t blame you

For choosing crystal palaces over me
For putting yourself first
How else could you’ve cared for me?

It’s awful, I know
But I don’t blame you
It’s awful, I know
But I still love you

SOLO

It’s awful, I know
But I don’t blame you

Cuz in the land of crystal palaces
Wishes do come true
And I’ll be waiting for you

To clean and cook
Like you used to do
When I was a babe
Tugging at your apron
And pissing in the basement

I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you
I don’t blame you

The Land of Crystal Palaces

Written by Eddie Nunez

I may be slow but I can some do good
I can save the goddamn lot of you
I can win a war and earn for you
If you’d only free my hands
I do indeed have a low IQ
But there’s a whole lot I can do
I can build whole cities out of sand
If you’d only free my hands
Time after time, I’m shunned aside
Never mind the good I provide 
Here, why don’t you take these chains of mine and
Free my hands

Free my hands
Free my hands
So I can aim my pistol at the next bad man
And the next bad man to come round here
Won’t even know what hit him
If you freed my hands
Free my hands

My head is empty
But my heart is pure
Then again, one couldn’t be so sure
When you’re dumb like me you mightn’t ever know
How to tell what’s right from what’s dead wrong
Time after time, I’m shunned aside
Never mind the good I provide 
Here, please break these here chains of mine and
Free my hands

Free my hands
Free my hands
So I can fire my weapon at your command
Bad man
Any man
Who gives a damn
So long as I can swing my hammer
With freed up hands

I may be stupid but I’ve done some good
And I may one day save the universe
My head is empty
But my heart is pure
Then again, you can’t ever know for sure
There’s only one way to find out
You’re going to have to free my hands
You’re going to have to free my hands
I might earn a buck for you
And run a presidential campaign for you
I might rape, whore and even torture for you
If you’d only free my hands
If you’d only free my hands



Land of Opportunity

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