was lurkin in grahams stream when you two talked about this track and stuff it's epic!!! speedran me like a Contra says it all  don't wanna dox myself or anyone else but wanna say that ur nor alone and ur not the one needing to feel shame  u deserve better!!! great track!!!

should have posted this weeks agoo. love this song but don't like that someone (no doxing) treated you so bad. some people just enjoy using other people. they are nice until they get what they want from you and then they become all take and no give. dont let someone like that make you feel shame. they are not worth it and they never will be. you are a very strong person and you are so much better off without someone like that in your life. sorry that it took so long for me to support you. this is really a great song.

I followed the link to get here This is a beautiful and honest song but it makes me sad and upset There are so many uncaring fakes out there and I am sorry that one of them got into your life and our community You are smart, funny, and beautiful and no deserves to have someone who is expertly aloof in their life Stay brave and strong I miss your Doom streams but I totally get why you would want to stop them for a while This song really is beautiful

a Vachel Lindasy ref and i am HERE FOR IT  expertly aloof is a perfect way to describe some awful abusers  love this track  its so honest

heard about this and had to hear it. great but very upsetting. sorry u got hit by the storm and sorry nobody warned u. don't let it stop u. best to block and move on. and best to watch ur back with those cuties. they gossip and laugh like mean girls. that's how i know. u were the honest one. u have no reason to ever feel shame. u r amazing!!!

More than 2000 plays! awesome! Hope you're doing okay. The Karma wheel always rolls over people who use other people. you'll be fine. the other person will get what they've earned.

°lyrics°

On the car ride over 
no one said a word and that’s okay 
we checked in and I swapped rooms with Kate
pooled together one-word responses, rum and lemonade
killing off the plans we entertained

they’re flickering out
irrelevant now
one hit and they’re down   

at the Tulsa show
fucked up the hits to ‘wiretap me’ one last time
the rhythm escaped me but the line
in the second verse put notes to thoughts I can’t define
I wasn’t the only one , the only one who’s

 filtering out  
unwanted sounds 
you were always louder 
cancelling out 
indifferent crowds
now we’re strike-out looking bastards

Checked Out

Came up through maidenhair and stumps of old oaks
and flaming orange and red,
with the loggers pulling cord.
Came to the base of the refrigerated wood,
a little band of spruce
blazed to be cut.

We climbed the talus to a palace of quartz
An anticlinorium geological fort
What kind of mountain gets so turned around?
Do you think that we'll ever make it down?

A rare forest with a vulture overhead
Alicia Daniel said:
'this is precious. let it stand.'
By love, by god, by chance,
this backward wood remains
by the skin of its leaves.

Business is business, and I understand
the company has got to move wood.
Sometimes the data doesn't come on time,
but story and data can rhyme.

Bristol Cliffs '99

Prompt: "A song about a clown who does not want to be a clown."

---------------

A two-door sedan zigs and zags down the freeway
Packed to the brim
Outside a bright yellow smile with headlight eyes
Inside, just a tangle of limbs
Screeches up to the curb and says,
"Get in."

Drops me off at my dressing room where I
Paint a tear down my cheek
Grab my popcorn, check my ticket stub and
Find my way to my seat
At the dunk tank
In the center of the ring

Whose circus is this?
Whose monkeys are these?
Who's driving
Who's driving the clown car?
Is it me?

Start off with some pantomime where I'm
Trapped in a prison of my own creation
Dazzle them by reaching into my sleeve and pulling out and endless tapestry
Of pain and desolation
Yes I'm ringmaster
Of my own humiliation

My two big shoes walk through streets paved with regrets,
Peanut shells, and cigarettes
Gather round now for my final act,
Juggling the fragile remains of my self-respect
And tonight could be the night
But I haven't dropped them yet

"Everyone just wants to be seen," I say,
Donning my bright red nose
"Teamwork makes the dream work," I quip,
From my unicycle perch as I'm pelted with tomatoes

Whose circus is this?
Whose monkeys are these?
Who's driving
Who's driving the clown car?
Is it me?

All I wanted
All I wanted to do
All I wanted
All I wanted to do
All I wanted
All I wanted to do
Was entertain you

Who's Driving The Clown Car?

Prompt: "3 Ways to Blunt a Sword or Knife"

-----------

So they're stabbing in the back
Or they're cutting down to size
They just can't help but twist the knife

Adorning their collections with
Yet another axe to grind
And this goes on for their whole life

You can smile and nod
At the promises they make
But you know they're gonna change
In ways they can't anticipate

Being pulled apart
By their wants and needs
A thousand crossroads, a thousand devils
They're shaking hands with each

They can stop on a dime
Turn around at any time
Just when you've got 'em figured out
They up and change their mind

It's never done
No telling what they'll become
Conflicting tides that swirl inside
That's why you can't trust anyone

So they'll stab you in the heart
And then apologize
And later say that they were nice

Wonder who they really are
Like way deep down inside
Beneath their layered raincoat disguise

Hear noises in the dark
Don't see anything when
You turn on the lights

They can stop on a dime
Turn around at any time
Just when you've got 'em figured out
They up and change their mind

It's never done
No telling what they'll become
Conflicting tides that swirl inside
That's why you can't trust anyone

Can't Trust Anyone

Valerie In The Morning

I remember you waiting for the news
To know if it was over
Hesitantly you asking if it's true
That the world goes on without you
Neither of us cried when Mary-Ellen died.
She was such a bitch, though.
Nasopharyngeal cancer of the neck
What a stupid kind of cancer

Monday on the porch. Why not go to church?
Better late than never 
Then it was me and you smoking in the pew
We called them holy spirits
Edward 40 hands at the Golden Hoosier Bar
No one dared to stop you
Kneeling by the creek in a puddle of puke,
Better this than nothing

I remember sweat, the smell of your neck
when they told me it was over
Prepping vegetables with the Japanese knife
That I stole from you the last time
Staring at the sink, waiting to cry
I thought I heard you joking:
That there are only two ways to dull a knife
You can rust it, or you can thrust it inside

Edward 40 Hands

'Will you pee on me?'
The billboard graffiti
One more night on the cleanup committee
You were good to me
As good as you can be
Taught me how to escape my demons

But they will find you anyway
Find you cowering and scared
They will take you by the hair
and they will whisper in your ear:

There are two ways to dull a knife.
You can rust it where it lies
or you can jam it in your side.

You told the judge that I had not repented.
You could have told her that you loved me.
There's an anger in your hands
When I take them for to dance
To the music of the rubber rubbing violent on the bridge.

At the end of the night
I'll be free, you won't own me anymore
I'll be entirely free and fully alone
How much gas does the pressure washer have?
How much soap to make this clean?
'Go fuck yourself.' 'Suck my cock.' 'For a good time, call ___.'
How much gas does the pressure washer have?

Community Service

Acting out a purpose
I would settle for a use
When you told me it was over
You were expertly aloof

Well it turns out, all that grief internalized can be a Durandal
And it's sharp enough to carve away your sense

I recall a Springfield
For those Vachel Lindsay types
Where you camped out your indulgence
I had chugged the blood of Christ

As it turns out, all that shame my angel gave to me was Durandal
Even clobbered on the marble, it won't break

Acting out a purpose
With my hands behind my back
You speedran me like a Contra
Yeah I wanted it so bad

As it turns out, everyone deserves to have nice things, for example
There's no harm to give your Spacious Barn a treat

Crawling jungle dungeon
Saw your scrawling on the floor
You wrote "All are blessed to transit,
But that goddamn holy sword"

If it turns out every blade gets blunt eventually, my Durandal
Will prod olives on the rocks upon my drink

Durandal

Itsgg

lyrics

"if we subscribe to the idea that our anger and our fear 
are truths our hearts will never rid themselves of 
how have we learned to be their guide?"
we all shrink and reappear when the new guy volunteers
with the limp and the quick smile that never thought about making the trip to meet his eyes
he says 
"one thing you can do when someone stomps on you is pretend they're an old friend from school you didn't recognize. You think 'that's just how Matt gets.' It helps to forgive, OR to forget"
His smile widens
"Or you can blast rock radio hits from the turn of the century."
The guy starts singing
"I hate everything about you"
Now he's yelling
"Save me from the nothing I've become"
The counsellor politely coughs
The spell wears off
The new guy stops and sits back down
I keep humming

Durandal

Spacious Barn

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