Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush
The freezing rain has
Pushed them down into the valley
With the rest of us
Flushed
From the comfortably lush
Forest floor
They draw their bows across
Serrated edges of
Musical saws and crush
The frigid, sharply pointed hearts
Of icicles like us

Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush,
Crush, crush, crush...

Swish! swish!
The Osprey hovers seeking fish
The glassy pond
Displays the menu but won't serve the dish
To birds who wish
To linger when
The air turns cold
Defying pressure
To defer to Cackling Geese
And Western

Gulls, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish,
Wish, wish, wish...

Who doesn't wish they could
Begin
To leave?
Who doesn't wish they could
Believe
In letting something end?
We have these wishes
But we're hung up
On a superstitious
Focus on the family
We see in Collared Doves
With love much stronger
Than we probably
Should ever hope
For ours to be.

Are we a "we are" today?
Will we be a "we will be" tomorrow?
Were we a "we were" already
Long ago?
We don't know
What price makes sense to pay,
So we settle for indebted sorrow,
Never knowing we could dine and
Dash into that nullifying snow.

Thrash! thrash!
The so-called trash birds
Taking baths
Betray their cuteness
In the recklessness with which
They lash
Their lustrous feathers
Petroleum with flecks of ash
In an unseasonable
Puddle
Glaciating fast

Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, freeze,
Splash, splash, splash,
Freeze, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, splash,
Splash, splash, freeze,
Splash, splash, splash...

Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Listen to the Varied Thrush,
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!
Hush! hush!

Varied Thrush

2nd place winner of Yishan Wong's 2021 Solarpunk Art Contest! 🎉
medium.com/@yishan/solarpunk-art-contest-2021-winners-d935df357c84

Lyrics:

A city in ruin
But only for the blink of an eye
A pitiful tune
But only for a moment in time
In the long run

We came back to these old streets
When the barriers had all gotten
Buried at sea
And when these buildings all
Turned green
We agreed
It’s better than it used to be

How long has it been
Since we last felt fear of the sun and the wind
And how long will it be till we feel
The Metropolis of Eden we live in is real?

A city in bloom
A city with that adapts to survive
A little more room
For underdogs and misfits to thrive

In the rooftop gardens
The Purple Finches are pecking out the eyes
Of the wild yellow sunflowers
Smiling at vanilla skies
And you and I are finally free
To do the things we like
Be it making art or making out
And stargazing every night, and oh
How sweet would it be
If an Eastern Phoebe nested
On the balcony, and oh
How sweet to begin
Seeing life as a gift,
Not a contest to win

We came back to these old streets
When the barriers had all gotten
Buried at sea
And when these buildings all
Turned green
We agreed
It’s better than it used to be

How long has it been
Since we last felt fear of the sun and the wind
And how long will it be till we feel
The Metropolis of Eden we live in is real?

How long has it been
Since we last felt fear of the sun and the wind
And how long will it be till we feel
The Metropolis of Eden we live in is real?

A city in bloom
(We can do the things we like)
A city in bloom
(We can do the things we like)
A city in bloom
(We can do the things we like)
A city in bloom
credits
releases December 24, 2021
Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Arrangement by Stephan Nance

Piano/vocals/synths - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli

Mixing & mastering by Thaddeus Moore, Liquid Mixing & Mastering

Recorded in Portland and Los Angeles

Artwork by Leif Holt
Graphic design by Chad Lowe

Metropolis of Eden

Ta-da!
Today
The headache finally goes away
The headache finally goes
Ta-da!
Today
I feel the harmony between
My heart and body and my brain
Everything will be okay

And if you ask what bird I want to be
I'll say a blue jay
If you ask what time I want to leave
I'll change the conversation
If you lean in close and kiss me
I won't mind
I’ll probably respond in kind

Ta-da!
Today
I find the energy to play
I find the energy
Ta-da!
Today
I hear a friendly melody
In every enemy refrain
Everything will be okay
Everything will be okay

Ta-da!
Today
I see the light across the bay
Ta-da!
Today
A sudden symphony
is somewhere out there trumpeting my name
Everything will be okay

And if you ask what bird I want to be
I'll say a blue jay
If you ask what time I want to leave
I'll change the conversation
If you lean in close and kiss me
I won't mind
I’ll probably respond in kind
I’ll probably respond in kind
I’ll probably respond in kind
I’ll probably respond in kind.


credits

released January 7, 2022
Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Arrangement by Stephan Nance

Piano/vocals - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Electric bass - Jeni Magana
Trumpet - Jackie Coleman

Mixing & mastering by Thaddeus Moore, Liquid Mixing & Mastering

Recorded in Portland, Los Angeles, and New York

Artwork by Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design by Chad Lowe

Blue Jay

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told, and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it
Look what it's done so far

What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing
And what do we think we might see?

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me

All of us under its spell
We know that it's probably magic

Have you been half asleep, and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection
The lovers, the dreamers, and me
La da da di da da ooh
La da da da la di da ooh
credits


Music & lyrics by Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher
Arrangement by Stephan Nance

Piano/vocals - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Electric bass - Jeni Magana
Trumpet - Jackie Coleman

Mixing & mastering by Thaddeus Moore, Liquid Mixing & Mastering

Recorded in Portland, Los Angeles, and New York

Graphic design by Chad Lowe

Rainbow Connection

I am living in the eye of the storm
Winded and unwound
Down on the floor
Trying to find the door
Trying to find the door
Trying to find the door

I can’t see for all the dust in the air
Could wave it away
But I wouldn’t dare
Some of it might be you
Some of it might be you
Some of it might be you

Every day and every night
You were the
Soundtrack of my life
And now it’s all a
Silent film
Every cloudy afternoon
Your voice rang out and
Lit the room
But now it’s always
Dark and
Oh so quiet

I don’t even know where to begin
I don’t even know where to begin
Sometimes the days were long
Sometimes the days were long
Sometimes the days were long
But the years were so short

I am living in the shell of a home
Never dreamed I’d feel so
Sad and alone again
Didn’t we have more time?
I thought we had more time.
Couldn’t we have more time?

Every day and every night
You were the
Soundtrack of my life
And now it’s all a
Silent film
Every cloudy afternoon
Your voice rang out and
Lit the room
But now it’s always
Dark and
Oh so quiet

I don’t even know where to begin
I don’t even know where to begin
Trying to find the door
Trying to find the door
Trying to find the door

Silent Film

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

But I do believe
There's beauty within
That's why I can't stop
Picking my skin
Digging for a buried treasure
Digging for a way for me to

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

But I do believe
There's a reason to live
That is why I'm gonna go
To sea in a sieve
Get me soaked and squeeze me through
Till there's nothing left to do but

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
In trouble with myself again
I am
In trouble trouble trouble

And I don’t believe
We could ever agree
That’s why I’ll do anything
To keep myself away from me
Maybe when I’m out of sight
I’ll see me in a better light

Eyes shut tight
Better get this right
Every word of the spell
To rip the soul from its shell

Say goodbye
To the stranger on the other side
Say hello
To the bliss of a
Disembodied mind

I am
in trouble with myself again
I am
in trouble trouble trouble trouble
I am
in trouble with myself again
I am
in trouble

Credits:

Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Produced by Stephan Nance
Co-produced by Mathias Kunzli
Arrangement by Stephan Nance & Mathias Kunzli
Strings arrangement by Anna Fritz & Stephan Nance
Percussion arrangement by Mathias Kunzli
Thanks to Gabriel Kahane and Nevada Jones

Piano/synths/lead vocals/backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Strings - Bizarre Star Strings (Anna Fritz - cello, Kyleen King - viola, Mirabai Peart - violin)
Bass - Jeni Magana
Backing vocals - Mathias Kunzli

Disembodied Mind

Rough time of year
Does it get to you too
When it rains and it rains
And your shoes never dry

I stay inside with my
Veins full of glue
And I stick to a screen
Till my battery dies

I don’t need to be rich
Only so wealthy as to pay for my food
I don’t need to be huge
Only so big as to ever be noticed

Rough time of year
Do you sit through it too
With that envy so strong
That you can’t even move

I must confess
An embarrassing truth
Almost nothing can hurt me
Like thinking of you

You’ve got a beautiful home
Bestselling novel and effortless style
You enchant the people around you
They swoon when you show even the hint of a smile

Rough time of year
Does it darken the doors
To the lofty salons
Of the luminaries

I wouldn’t know
I wouldn’t know
I only know
Weeks of godawful overcast days
Abstinence from sun on the skin
Drifting deeper and deeper into quarantine
Until my own company begins to wear thin

Envy

Lyrics:

One small sound
One small word 
In tongues all over the world
I said it
I said it 
One small word
I said it
I didn't
I said it
I didn't
Tongues all over

Can't pick them out
Can't press them in 
I'll never hide my scars
Can't pick them out
Can't press them in
I'll never hide my scars 
I'll never hide my scars 

One small sound
One small sight 
One unsheathed knife must glint 
In an alternate timeline's light
One rust-ridden blade juts out 
Of a friendly moonstruck shape
To tear, tear terribly, terribly
Tear, tear terribly 
The delicate crepe of night

Familiarity breeds
Indifference
Familiarity breeds discontent
Familiarity breeds
Indifference
Familiarity breeds discontent

My other time machine
A pungent, putrid brownish-green 
November smile 
Blandishing my two-timing door

One small sound
One small bite
One tomial tooth
One Loggerhead Shrike must skewer 
My invertebrate doppelgänger 
On barbed wire in a parallel universe 

My tongue parallelly bleeds 
One small drop 
In a monthful of blood 
In tongues all over the world
I said it, I didn't
It doesn't matter
What I said or didn't
Admit it
You were never going to get it
I was always gonna get it

Can't pick them out
Can't press them in 
I'll never hide my scars
Can't pick them out
Can't press them in
I'll never hide my
Familiarity breeds
Familiarity breeds

Not only is it thicker
Blood is stickier than water
Maybe that's relevant somehow
Can I explode now?

Credits:
Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Produced by Josh Frigo
Co-produced by Stephan Nance
Keyboard, vocals, backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Drums & percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Bass - Jeni Magana
Strings arrangement - Stephan Nance and Michelle Packman
Strings - Bizarre Star Strings:
• Patti King - violin
• Kyleen King - viola
• Anna Fritz -  cello
Guitar, additional backing vocals - Josh Frigo
Vocal coaching - Nevada Jones and Adam Sweeney
Vocals recorded at The Map Room
Vocal session engineer - Adam Sweeney
Mixed by Josh Frigo
Mastered by Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

November

Lyrics:

Sparks fly 
Every time I
Identify a species I have
Hitherto never 
Seen in the field 
Seen in the feather 
Sparkbird 
Destiny drew us together 
Every smile line on my face 
Can be retraced 
Down to the split second 
Down to the split place 

Is it magical thinking 
Or is it magical realism 
Or is it neither here nor there? 
Every time I check my wrist 
It's another brand new freckle 
Past another brand new hair 
I'm growing up, up, up 
Against my will, will 
Will you finally resurrect 
The time I've killed? 
Will you finally resurrect 
The time I've killed, killed, killed? 

Sparks fly 
Every time I visit this park 
I envision the phantom 
Of a giddy little cartoon me 
Jittering on the electrifying
Cusp of discovery 
Before and after the storm 
All I wanted was to be seen
And to see

Some signs of a world still
Turning, turning, turning 
Some signs of a world still
Forming, forming, forming 
Rebirth of a dream still
Burning, burning, burning

Is it magical thinking 
Or is it magical realism 
Or is it neither here nor there? 
Every time I check my wrist 
It's another brand new freckle 
Past another brand new hair 
I'm growing up, up, up 
Against my will, will 
Will you finally resurrect 
The time I've killed? 
Will you finally resurrect 
The time I've killed, killed, killed? 

Sparkbird 
Sparkbird

Credits:

Music and lyrics by Stephan Nance
Produced by Josh Frigo
Co-produced by Stephan Nance
Woodwinds and strings arrangement - Josh Plotner
Keyboard and vocals - Stephan Nance
Guitar, backing vocals - Josh Frigo
Upright bass - Jeni Magana
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Alto flute, English horn - Josh Plotner
Violin, viola, cello - Yoed Nir
Lead vocals recorded at The Map Room
Woodwinds recorded at Josh Plotner's studios
Strings recorded at Yoed Nir's Studios
Engineer (lead vocals) - Adam Sweeney
Vocal coaching - Nevada Jones and Adam Sweeney
Mixed by Josh Frigo
Mastered by Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

Sparkbird

Lyrics:

Toeing a trench
In the mulch between
Your patch and mine
I stubbed myself on a treacherous thistle
And I cried out
If it were merely
A matter of a stray thorny bristle
A barrier screen could be laid
And I wouldn't miss you

We could go the distance
Were there more disease resistance
On your part
Nothing lasts forever
When you never
Let it start

Every day I pass this way
I expect to find you
Waiting for me
Beneath the branches
Of the buckeye tree
Waving a palmetto frond
Siphoning orange juice
With a barber pole-ish wand

Red horsechestnut?
Clever disguise
I, of course, guessed, but
Said you'd never naturalize

Species zag as seasons zig
Tough to keep plants in one place
Any chance they get, they diaspore
Or else transmutate
Traipsing looping garden paths
Chasing floodplain Tupelo
Tracing roots to Ponderosa
Tangling with a Strangler fig

Now in an old growth Bald-cypress stand
Knees locked in the strand swamp
Black- and yellow-crowned Night Herons
Abound in colonies
Conferring on me collective memory
My eyelids flutter
Orbits fill with water
Hemlock in my hammock
Limbs thrash, I spit and sputter
Alligator drags me under
Into the solution hole

To protect me from
Elements of fantasy
That thrive in shady reality
To offer respite from
The demands of gardening
To show me
Trees are just the fruit
Of an even bigger tree


Credits:

Produced by Josh Frigo
Co-produced by Stephan Nance
Stephan Nance - keyboard, vocals, backing vocals
Josh Frigo - banjo, guitar, backing vocals
Mathias Kunzli - percussion, drums
Josh Plotner - flute, clarinet, oboe, bassoon, bass clarinet
Yoed Nir- violin, viola, cello
Percussion arrangement by Mathias Kunzli
String arrangement by Yoed Nir
Strings recorded at Yoed Nir's Studios
Woodwinds arrangement by Josh Plotner
Woodwinds recorded at Josh Plotner's Studios
Lead vocals engineered by Adam Sweeney at Opal Recording Studio in Portland, Oregon
Vocal coaching by Nevada Jones and Adam Sweeney
Mixed by Josh Frigo
Mastered by Alex Dobbert
Artwork by Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design by Chad Lowe

Arboretum

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

Not a soul, not a soul
Will meet my gaze or greet me
And the carob tree’s brittle leaves
Rattle hoarsely on the wind

“You are out of time
You are out of favor
You are but a cipher
You are the circle maker
You are out of time
You are out of favor
You are but a cipher
You are the circle maker

“How strange you are to all
How strange to sleep so long

“How strange to grow so old
And to never grow up
And to never grow tall
And to never grow wise
And to never grow anything
But smaller and farther away”

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

But in sleep, I may dream
Fairy lights illuminating everything
Everyone gathered all around me
Singing a song

Only the carob tree
Will keep me company
Oh, bitter friend
Oh, beloved enemy
Symbol of the time gone by
And stretching out in front of me
A lonely life of any length is like eternity

And I am out of time
I am out of favor
I am but a cipher
I am the circle maker
Praying for the rain
Paying for the prayer
Begging for a sign that I was
Ever even there

How strange I am to all
How strange to sleep so long

To sleep to feel seen
To sleep perchance to dream

The Circle Maker

The Circle Maker (Demo)

Lyrics:

If the double-row eighteen-cylinder
Air-cooled radial engine
Is not enough to tip you off
Before he slips you off the needle
Drops you into unstitched space
The wasteland which henceforth
Shall be referred to as “your place”

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
When the captain dies by the sword
He'll leave you trapped in the cockpit
Crying out "Mayday!"

When a Scissor-tailed Flycatcher aerial courtship
Nosedives in a blitzkrieg from that Whiskey Delta
You can tell the backyard bomber
Never helmed a cargo crate
He croaks out undoing and doom
To the wishful safety net
You jeopardized your life to loom

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
Once you elope with the captain
You'll leave on a sordid honeymoon
Trapped in the cockpit
Crying out "Mayday!"

Always the last and never the least
Always the fast and never the feast
Always the cult of domesticity
Always the jolts of electricity
Always surpassed and never decreased
Always amassed and never released
Always the past controls your mind
Never the peace you hoped to God you'd finally find

The captain lives by the sword
And the captain loves by the sword
And when he dies by the sword
He’ll reward you for your obedience
For your countenance has woven in at every turn

Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand
Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand still burns
Even as the back, even as the back
Of the hand still burns
From the last airstrike

Credits:
Music and lyrics - Stephan Nance
Piano/vocals/backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Programming/bass guitar/guitars/banjo/organ/keys - Josh Frigo
Violin/viola/cello - Yoed Nir
Double bass - Jeni Magana
Trumpet - John Lake
Trombone/bass trombone - Becca Patterson
French horn - Meredith Moore
Piccolo/flute/oboe/clarinet/bassoon - Josh Plotner
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Drums - Aksel Coe
Orchestral arrangement - Josh Plotner
Vocal recording engineer - Adam Sweeney
Mixing - Josh Frigo
Mastering - Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

Mayday!

Lyrics:

I know what you think of me
I know what you say
I know you’re only here
To poke and prod and analyze me

And you’re all wide-eyed and wondering
Why’d I leave, why’d I stay
Why’d I evolve beyond the point
Where you could recognize me

But I’m not so different
And so what if I am
Maybe I’ve changed
But I look at me and I don’t think I’m strange

I saw you from the pebble beach
With your spyglass in your hand
As you cursed into the spray
I am not ashamed to say
I prayed you’d never reach land

But I can’t say I’m astounded
You would track me down and come around
‘Cause it’s you and I always knew
It would never cross your mind
I might not want to be found

I’m not so different
And so what if I am
Maybe I’ve changed
But I look at me and I don’t think I’m strange

You know what I think of you
You know what I keep inside my walls
You know it all
And you know I’ve never been too good at standing tall

So call me inaccessible
And say that I left ‘cause I couldn’t deal
But I feel what I feel
And I had to leave it all behind so I could heal

I’m not so different
And so what if I am
Maybe I’ve changed
But I look at me and I don’t think I’m strange
I look at me and I don’t think I’m strange

credits:

Music and lyrics - Stephan Nance
Piano/vocals/backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Programming/bass guitar/cello/banjo/keys - Josh Frigo
Backing vocals - Annie Elise
Violin/viola - Collins McLaughlin
Drums - Jon Truman
Vocal recording engineer - Zhengxi Zhang
Vocal production - Annie Elise
Mixing - Josh Frigo
Mastering - Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

Atlantisia

The Light That Comes Through

Lyrics:

Quiet onset of a yawn
Old growth onslaught
Shallow foresight
Dawn dawns on these lawns

In a town on a mountain
Where the ghosts inhabit poisoned wooden caves
And the things they do and the things they say
Live in smaller caves
And the details of those things
Dwell in even smaller caves

A truth or two got lost
Nary a tooth got flossed

On the hearth near the mallard drake
In the entertainment center by the sliding door
On a spotlit plinth in an empty corridor
From one ear to the other
In a terracotta pot upon a bookcase
In a handcrafted cabinet of spoons

When you lose your mind
Leave those useless curios behind

Always be you
You will always be you
And I think that that's a good person to be
As long as you're doing
No harm unto others
Then you're always doing the right thing by me
You're always doing the right thing by me

But how can I do that
When I have no habitat?

When they shoot you down
To prove that they exist
Hold your ground and passively resist
Hold your ground and passively resist

Why me?
Why me?
Always bleeding in the brambles
Isn't there somebody else I could be?

Always be you
You will always be you
And I think that that's a good person to be
As long as you're doing
No harm unto others
Then you're always doing the right thing by me
You're always doing the right thing by me

Sow the seeds of peace
I agree
But also see the forest for the trees

You can spend your whole life
Planting annuals dutifully year after year
But by no small marigold patch will
An Ivory-billed Woodpecker appear

You can spend your whole life
Planting annuals dutifully year after year
But by no small marigold patch will
An Ivory-billed Woodpecker appear


Credits:
Music and lyrics - Stephan Nance
Piano, vocals, backing vocals - Stephan Nance
Banjo, guitars, keys - Josh Frigo
Backing vocals - Annie Elise
Double bass - Jeni Magana
Cello, violin, viola - Yoed Nir
Drums - Jon Truman
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Strings arrangement - Stephan Nance & Michelle Packman
Vocal recording engineer - Annie Elise
Mixing - Josh Frigo
Mastering - Alex Dobbert
Artwork - Rebecca DeMoss
Graphic design - Chad Lowe

Wooden

Lyrics:
Lay me down
Among the bones
Within my reliquary
Dyeballs and chestnuts
Dotting a damp yellow yard

Eyes open wide
But there's a shroud
Across the sky
Squirrels scurry by
Climbing the trees
I never made the time to try

Who would've thought
Who would have ever thought
Summer would pass so fast

Day by day
I met each arbitrary deadline
And maintained
The silly charade
Of a person who can act their age

Now silk-tailed waxwings jingle
Bells my mind recalls
But ears can't hear
I seek them following paths
Of berries dropping everywhere

Who would've thought
Who would have ever thought
Summer would pass so fast

[Instrumental]

One last time
Before the mold
Crept into figs and quinces
I meant to rinse myself
In a warm golden light

And let it sink deep
Into my skin and
Fold a blanket round my heart
Knowing it's hard
To keep hope alive
When the sun goes dark

Who would've thought
Who would have ever thought
Who would've thought
Summer would pass so fast

Sun Goes Dark

After the Ball

Lyrics:
You dropped into my life
When I needed you most
That should’ve been the first red flag
You smiled at me like
A parasite in need of a host
Slipped a contract out of your bag
And when I frowned at the empty quill
You jabbed me with a dull syringe

I don’t like to be pressured
I don’t like to be pushed
I don’t like to be pressured
I don’t like to be pushed
I don’t like to be
Pressured pressured pressured pressured
Pressured pressured pressured pressured

It was an ominous start
But you said
The money came from your heart
And you only wanted
The very best for me
You wanted me to succeed
But in your own particular sense
At a particularly painful expense
The independence of my body and my mind
From the particulars
Of all your extracurriculars
The fog of obligation grew so thick
I couldn’t even breathe

I don’t like to be pressured
I don’t like to be pushed
I don’t like to be pressured
I don’t like to be pushed
I don’t like to be
Pressured pressured pressured pressured
Pressured pressured pressured pressured

Another twist of the knife
Another turn of the screw
Another perfect time
To thank myself
For drumming up the courage
To burn bridges with you
And for all the shit you talk about me
I should think
You would be thankful as well
But you just can’t seem to let it die
So we should probably discuss it
When I see you in hell
I’ve made a list of the grievances
That I never got a chance to air

I don’t like to be lied to
I don’t like to be tricked
I don’t like to be gaslit
I don’t like to be groped
I don’t like to be blackmailed
I don’t like to be stalked
I don’t like to be threatened
I don’t like to be trapped
I don’t like to be
Pressured pressured pressured pressured
Pressured pressured pressured pressured

Head Like A Nest

Grievances

Lyrics:
White wagtail on the shores of the Baltic Sea
Sifting through the sand
Wagtail, are you wagging at me?
Well, who else would it be?
Everyone's in Tent City sound asleep
Sound asleep

Fire burning in your hands
And never burning up

I could have told you sooner
I'm nobody
Nobody but me
Tremblingly, fiercely me
A lark scraping the sky
With a gimlet eye fixed on clarity
Beautiful clarity

Fire burning in my hands
And never burning up

You bloom into awakeness
And emerge into day
Actors in a play
Amber sun-flecked eyes
Surfing the waves

Fire burning at both ends
And never, ever burning down
Or burning skin
Down the dunes
Grains of time fall slowly
And we're all incapable of
Giving of giving of giving of giving
In

What A Lark!

Lyrics:
Ill-adapted to the elevation
Having only ever summitted false peaks
I rely on my guide
When my head starts feeling light
When my chest starts feeling tight

To rebreathe
Rebreathe into
Rebreathe
Rebreathe into me

Harnessed by the kind resuscitation
Buttressed up and out of the crevasse of the past
I rely on my mind
When my hands stop feeling
When my feet stop feeling

To rebreathe
Rebreathe into
Rebreathe
Rebreathe into me
Rebreathe life into me

Now when I belay
The aches and pains abate
A new stream of air
Allays the old sense of malaise

Now when I descend
For real or just pretend
I can depend on a friend
With a warm breath to lend

I drop onto the cold facade
Lean into a bold glissade
This wind could blow ice into anyone's lungs
I'm grateful that mine have thawed
I'm grateful that mine have thawed

Rebreather

All my antics and my gibberish 
Put a damper on my sentences; 
I'm a [cuddlefish/cuttlefish] 
Trying to cover up my incompetence. 
Maybe your fancy just isn't ticklish— 
Maybe your heart belongs to another fish— 
But on your part that'd be foolish. 
Baby, I think you ought to think through this. 

The sea is big, big, big, 
And it's full of scary things! 
Like great white sharks, 
And colossal squid! 
And I'm worried about you... 
I don't want you to get hurt. 
I don’t want you to get hurt... 
I don’t want you to get hurt. 

If you love something 
(So they say) 
You should set it free. 
But I disagree— 
'Cause I can safely say that 
Catching and releasing 
Isn't what I'd want for me. 

I know I know better than you do 
What is best for you to do— 
Can't you see the logic there? 
It's superlogical. 
My perspective is an outside one, 
And that's really saying something 
'Cause we don't have mirrors 
And since we're under the water, 
There isn't a surface 
For you to see your reflection in... 
Not that you don't look nice! 
(In fact, how wonderful you look 
Is exactly what the problem is....) 

The sea is big, big, big, 
And it's full of scary things! 
Like great white sharks, 
And colossal squid! 
And I'm worried about you... 
I don't want you to get hurt. 
I don’t want you to get hurt... 
I don’t want you to get hurt. 

It guts me every time 
I hear you're frequenting 
Such sketchy dives. 
It's not like it's a crime, 
But what if you get caught by a scuba diver 
Just like Nemo and I can't find you? 

Still I'd never cease my quest for you— 
What else would there be for me to do? 
Sure, there are plenty of fishes in the ocean, 
But not one of them could ever get a hook in my devotion. 
So my love for you supports recent scholarly publications 
Reporting that fish have a greater capacity for memory 
Than was previously believed, 
And I will miss you for the rest of my life.


from A Troubled Piece of Fruit, released 23 July 2012

Stephan Nance, piano/vocals

Stephan Nance — Cuddlefish

Land in my mind 
Crawling through the sound 
I found it 
Now I recognize it 
Everywhere 
Everywhere it's aground

Swimming up a concrete river 
Paddling through pine and pavement 
I melted 
Blent in and then 
Recemented

Inside an unprotected 
Hostel suite 
Astride a bicycle 
Defrosting wheat 
Atop a tower with an 
Unrevolving view 
Of illuminated sails

Grey and green 
Grey and green 
The brightest blue could 
Never come between 
Grey and green and 
Amber

Rowing toward a lowered drawbridge 
Clambering onto the Seawall 
Confecting cloud-covered cinnamon rolls 
Wowed by crowds of 
Glaucous-winged Gulls

See? 
No sea. 
Look at the harlequins! 
—I wish you'd said to me. 
Over a decade I discerned 
A path 
My passport went defunct 
Now that junket's out of reach

Grey and green 
Grey and green 
The reddest flags 
Forever come between 
Grey and green and 
Amber

Everybody's body sways 
In unfamiliar funny ways 
Traveling on rainbow 
Wheels of color down below 
The crows pecking suet-surfaced streets 
The subway sounds resounding beats 
Beckoning me to retreat 
On the heels of mighty feet!

But where there's a will 
There's a way 
And I will 
Every day 
Until I dry 
Every day until I dry—

Wait 
Wait 
Don't tell me 
Blare the Heritage Horns 
But I won't leave

I haven't heard firstear 
The 9 o'clock gun 
Or the steam chimes

I've yet to feel firstfoot 
The boom of the Sooty Grouse 
In the mountain woods

I have more notes to take 
On the colors of the 
Land in my mind

I have a wish 
To blow through the mist 
Of the dandelion fountain

I have a truth 
To seek in the xeriscape 
Of the hill on the hill

I have 
a past, a present, and a future 
In this city

Maybe no more than moments 
But there's still a possibility.

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano
Jon Caponetto - trombone
Amy Kappeler - flute
Tim McLaughlin - trumpet
Nehemiah Nance - trumpet
Additional vocals - Adam Caswell, Amy Kappeler, Lyle Nance, Rebecca Waterman
Arrangement - Adam Caswell & Stephan Nance

Grey & Green

Teeth chatter 
Automatically 
A beat clicking double-time 
To the crunch of snow 
An animal 
Licks a beater 
A Northern Flicker 
Clucks a whimper 
A beep goes off inside— 
Is it time 
— or just a timer?

Decalcomania 
Ironed on our hides by the 
Scarlet fever-stricken 
Two-bit hypocritical 
Neo-Puritans 
Turning on a dime.

What are they? 
A little more than kin 
And less than kind 
We live in the same 
But we run on 
Different time.

You are safe 
You are sound 
You are safe 
You are sound

I feel your frequency 
Resonate at my core 
Enkindle my extremities 
Echo through my bones 
Hiccup out its tones
[ . . . ]

We face apocalypses every day 
And fumble stricken phrases 
We ball up to play:

When we feel forlorn 
Just keep peeling those little oranges 
They keep stealing, we keep peeling 
Stuck on an uneven keeling 
Every Great and Snowy Egret's 
Speaking of my evening grossness 
Every Evening Grosbeak's 
Speaking of my great and snowy egress 
Even if we deviate 
Even if we deviate 
The ice rink's set to counterclockwise 
There's no exit till we skate

I lurch along the verge 
A strawberryless frozen biscuit 
My flimsy figure zero traps 
A miraculous lemniscate 
When the intercom comes through 
I think I've lost my refound calling 
Oh, Winter Tanager 
You help me walk but you leave me crawling. 
You are a cardinal 
You are a cardinal 
And I should be so lucky 
As to be a part of you at all

You are safe 
You are sound 
You are safe 
You are sound 
[ . . . ]

You bring the tropics to these chilly parts 
The contrast shocks my system 
Chilblains swell upon my heart.

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano
Simeon Brown - violin
Milo Fultz - upright bass
Hannah Murawsky - bassoon
Hannah Pell - oboe
Lizzy Donovan - cello 
Merlin Showalter - drums, percussion
Arrangement - Stephan Nance & Merlin Showalter

Overwintered

I thought I had been shot— 
Been shot a thousand times— 
It's not a shocking way to die 
In the fields this side of 
The enemy lines.

But I've fired my fair share of guns, 
And I know full well that bullets 
Don't just fall down from the sky— 
So I opened up my eyes.

I saw a flash of light— 
I saw it through the black—whoa! 
I saw the flooded track— 
I felt the hail upon my back—oh, 
I saw the start of the foggy maze— 
I couldn't see for several days— 
But then a sunbreak finally 
Burned away the haze.

(You know I'd kiss you if I could—ah, 
But my lips are made of wood, 
And it wouldn't do to splinter you 
In an unfamiliar neighborhood.)

I dodged a ball of flames 
Fueled by the dust the sun'd kicked up 
A stone's throw from the tonsil crypt 
I eschewed the beaten path 
On a SUP.

Tight-lipped and planing through 
The murky millrace surface— 
These flavescent leaves, 
Crispy teardrops shed from crying trees— 
Murmurations— 
"'Tis autumn?" 
"No, only fallout," 
Sighed beside 
A chemical breeze.

Oh, stratocumulus 
Oh, circumbendibus 
I saw and ceased to push 
I'd seen and heard too much 
My oar became a crutch 
I sculled into a reef 
It sawed the board in half 
I saw my former single fin 
I soldered lead and tin 
I sauntered out 
I saw interred my kith and kin

(You know I'd hold this post a while 
If I could only learn to smile 
But by the time I've earned the privilege 
Only grimaces will be in style.)

Surf Scoter on the pond 
Coyote on the fescue

Siroccos on the flesh 
Globe lightning to the rescue

An earthly comet rolling by 
A stoic guide toward a new clear era 
No shadows on the sterile mind 
No leks distract the prairie-chickens from their terror

I found a brand new clearing 
Next to the old new clearing 
A welcome change 
From the adjacent older new old clearing 
I didn't feel at peace but 
I didn't feel at war— 
A welcome change.

(You know, I went to your old home 
You know, the site of your new grave 
You know, I'd pay my last respects 
But the respects I have I'd better save.)

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano, synth
Milo Fultz - bass
Tim McLaughlin - trumpet
Merlin Showalter - drums, percussion
Arrangement - Adam Caswell, Milo Fultz, Stephan Nance, Merlin Showalter

Lead & Tin

Oh 
What an 
Unfortunately 
Unsurprising turn of events... 
Oh 
What a 
Conundrum it presents.

Swing with a white-knuckled grip and 
Cling to the pieces of ship— 
Or start in the water and 
End in the water? 
The swells, 
After all, 
Intercept 
Just the tip.

Oh 
What (on earth) can I do 
I want help you (on sea) 
I want to help you unsee 
I want to help 
But if I help you 
I can't help me 
And if I go unhelped 
What help can I be?

But what if everything is okay? 
What if everything is 
Easy for once? 
Maybe everything can be 
Easy for once. 
Maybe everything can just 
Be okay. 
Yay. 
Maybe that isn't a psychopomp 
Maybe that's our lifer Hoopoe. 
Maybe that little Grim Reaper 
Will grow up to be a lighthouse keeper.

Hope. 
Hope. 
Hope.

Hope. 
Hope. 
Hope.

I hit the deck 
A cannonball 
From a diving board 
On the crow's nest. 
Best leave the stunts 
To the unprofessionals. 
Leave the stunts 
To the unprofessionals.

The boat's 
A hoax 
A fantasy of control 
A joke. 
See it for what it is 
Now that it's broke. 
Now we avail ourselves of its 
Splinters and rope 
To impale ourselves 
And hang ourselves. 
Hope is what kept us from 
Learning to float.

Float. 
Float. 
Float.

Float. 
Float. 
Float.

But go ahead. 
Offer me another free cruise on a shipwreck. 
How could I refuse? 
Why can't I refuse?

While there is life, there is hope—so 
Why, for the life of me, can't I just float?

Hope. 
Hope. 
Hope.

Hope. 
Hope. 
As if the water I fear 
Is not the water I bathe in.

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano, synth
Adam Caswell - programming
Milo Fultz - upright bass
Tim McLaughlin - guitar
Shigeki Okubo - drums
Arrangement - everyone

Hope Or Float

No one can see
My bravery;
I stomp on humdrum ground,
I navigate mundane terrain.
But all the same,
An ancient flame
Ignites a fervency that
Surges into every vein.

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

In a previous life
I surely
Swept you off your feet
And carried you away
From the choking ash
And scorching heat,
To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

On every list
Of things to do,
An unchecked box reminds me
That the task of saving you
Remains undone
And unbegun
And unfulfillable 
Until the day we need to run
Until the day we need to run
We need to run—

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

In a previous life
I surely
Swept you off your feet
And carried you away
From the choking ash
And scorching heat,
To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

From form to form,
From place to place,
From birth to birth,
From death to death,
From earth to outer space—
From Plague and flood,
From fire and blight,
From each catastrophe
That threatens to eclipse your light—

Dash, jump, climb, crawl!
Gotta get out, gotta get out—
Dart, dive, fly, tumble!
Gotta get out, gotta get out
Gotta get you out, out, out!

To begin anew
Beyond the ruins of Pompeii
And to live
To see another sunny day.

Stephan Nance - vocals, piano, synth
Simeon Brown - violin
Maddi Krafve - alto & tenor saxophones
Tim McLaughlin - trumpet
Lizzy Donovan - cello
Arrangement - Adam Caswell & Stephan Nance

Pompeii

Wake up and look out the window
Half the yard is burning and
The other half is covered in snow

Is it Arbor Day?
Is it Boxing Day?
I’m sure today must be a
Minor holiday

Season’s grievings to us, one and all
Once we get the hang of it
We’ll forget to get upset

Bearing each unsettling new pall
So adaptable
We’re so adaptable

So adaptable
We’re so adaptable
As the world is ending
We can keep pretending

That none of this will matter in an hour
First we lose the polar bears
Now we lose the flowers

Not a summer’s day
Not a winter’s day
Not a summer’s day
Not a winter’s day
Shall I compare thee to
The Judgment Day?

Is it All Saints’ Day?
Is it All Souls’ Day?
Is it All Fools’ Day?
Is it All Saints’ Day?
Is It All Souls’ Day?
Is it All Fools’ Day?

Is it Arbor Day?
Is it Boxing Day?
I’m sure today must be a
Minor holiday

And the world is ending
And we keep pretending
That none of this will matter in an hour

---

Music & lyrics by Stephan Nance
Arrangement by Stephan Nance

Piano/vocals - Stephan Nance
Percussion - Mathias Kunzli
Strings - Yoed Nir
Upright bass - Jeni Magana
Backing vocals - Greta Gertler
Clarinet - Lisa Parrott

Mixing & mastering by Thaddeus Moore, Liquid Mixing & Mastering

Recorded in Portland, Los Angeles, New York, and Sydney, Australia!

Minor Holiday

indie chamber pop (bardcore)
pronouns: they/them

Sparkbird

Popular tracks