Sour To The Touch

Kimokawaii

About Squirmtronix

A species long relegated to the annals of mythology, the Squirmtronix has enraptured the imagination of humankind for millennia. Interpretations of cave paintings discovered on Neptune point to the possibility that Squirmtronix was the true keeper of the fabled “Key to the Wiggly Worm”, and not ‘Jack’, as was previously thought. 

The jury may still be out as to these legendary claims, but earlier this year the debate surrounding the actual existence of Squirmtronix was finally put to rest. Japanese helminthologist Raka Dabito, while attempting to quell doubts regarding his ability to “dig it”, unearthed Squirmtronix in Western Kyushu. This living specimen remains in the region today, being subjected to a battery of experimental (and controversial) tests: including extended bleep-deprivation and the psychologically taxing “blotter boarding”. 

Advocacy groups such as “Right to Writhe” and “Crusaders for Crunchy Coexistence” are demanding that Squirmtronix be given up (along with the requisite funk) and allowed to freak freely, with unrestricted access to his native sylvan habitats, rich in nourishing hootenanny husks and sustaining streams of swiggle-swaggle-fliggle-flaggle juice. 

Initial genetic analyses reveal that Squirmtronix shares common chromosomes with such varied species as the Yamanashi boss frog (still alive), native Finnish suomivariens spugedelicus, and the Goa-necked loon. Squirmtronix initially had difficulty manipulating MIDI controllers given his lack of opposable thumbs, but has since gotten the hang of said thangs and is rumored to be in the chrysalid phase, set to emerge shortly as a “bookable act”, signaling the end of the juvenile period.

Squirmtronix

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