SUFFERING FOOLS

She turns me inside out 
She makes me a stranger to myself 
She will be the death of me 
But I love her more than anything

She’s a threat—a risk—but I'd die for one more kiss 
From those poisoned-red-apple lips 
She’s a drug—my fix—takes me to heaven, makes me sick 
Then always leaves me just like this…just like this

I never wanted more 
I never needed anything less 
But I have an addiction to affliction 
And her caress brings the sweetest distress

Yes, she's a threat—a risk—still I'd die for one more kiss 
From her poisoned-red-apple lips 
My drug—my fix—take me to heaven, make me sick 
Always leave me just like this 
She’s a pleasure, a pain, my affection, my disdain 
My need, my bliss, my suffering, my shame 
The high, never sustained—still she courses through my veins
 Infecting me with bitterness and blame…just like this

I love you more than you can hurt me 
You hurt me more than I could hate
 I give you more than I could ever live without 
You give me more than I can take

You're a threat—my risk—and I’ll die for one last kiss 
From your poisoned-red-apple lips 
Your pleasure, my pain, my affection, your disdain 
My need, your bliss, my suffering, your shame 
Your drug—my fix—my love, you’re sick 
And you always leave me...just like this

Antiheroine (Just Like This)

Don’t say those words, I hate those words
I hate myself for hating you sometimes
I can’t decide just what that means
Should I stay or should you leave?
'Maybe we could just believe...'
There’s nothing to believe in, nothing left to find
Nothing more than what we had, and what we’ll never have

Nothing ever seems to change
Yet nothing ever seems the same
Nothing ever seems to take away the emptiness I feel
It’s the only thing that’s real

Don’t play those games, I hate those names
I hate the way they make me turn inside
I can’t deny the things I’ve seen
The way we are, the way we seem
“Never the twain shall meet”
But we just keep on acting in the theatre of life
While you’re losing your dignity, I’m losing my mind

Nothing left to find, except the things we hide
Necessary lies preserving threatened smiles
Fear of lost disguise, revealing darker sides
Better kept inside, not meant for lovers’ eyes

Nothing ever seems the same
Yet nothing ever seems to change
Nothing ever seems to take away the emptiness
The loneliness, the hopelessness I feel

Don't

Nothing matters anymore, everything I thought I knew
Has lost its sense of meaning, all the things I held on to
They faded like a memory, losing color over time
Reality, revealing lies, leaves fantasies behind

I wish I’d never opened up my eyes to see the truth
I’d just go on believing in the dreams I had of you
But destiny said what would be, the choice was never mine
Had it been left up to me, I’d have chosen to stay blind

For you were my tomorrow, my hope to carry on
The reason to exist I held on to for so long
But now I see you as you are—no colorful façade 
Now you’re just my yesterday, and yesterday is gone

I really thought you 'lov-ed' me, I really thought you cared
I thought they meant something to you, those secrets that we shared
Exchanges in the darkness, desires too great to fight
Intimate disclosures in the middle of the night

Now there’s nothing left for me, no reason anywhere
Nothing left to hold on to now that you’re not there
Nothing to remind me that everything’s alright
Nothing but unhappiness and undesired sight

For you were my tomorrow, my only open door
The missing puzzle piece that I’d been searching for
But now I see you as you are—never like before 
Now you’re just my yesterday, and yesterday’s no more

Tomorrow's Yesterday

Remember me

Sneak to where she lives tonight
Leave a thimble her to find
Then run away like her before
Ignore the voices in my mind

It never matters, wrong or right
She left that all behind
Forget until the morning comes
Then a symbol to remind

Waiting outside her door
A silver memory
Ensuring that she’ll forget no more
Remember...remember me

Runaround forevermore
Eternal circle, like my pain
Even when I’m standing still
The world revolves me ‘round again

Reminding of the pocket
That contains the gestures vain
If all of those were not enough
This final one remains

Waiting outside your door
A silver memory
Ensuring that you’ll forget no more
Remember...remember me

Remember Me

You’re so predictable
Reprehensible
Cold and invincible 
Unfettered by shame
Calculating and cynical
Blindingly cyclical
Forsake the conventional 
It ends all the same

Beg for a savior, then scoff at their favor
Offer up failure, and drama, and pain
Nothing reciprocal, tragically typical
Lame and lamentable, this passion in vain

History’s too telling for the snake oil you’re selling
Now, we’re all smelling something a-foul
You’ll spend quite a spell In that shit which you fell
A personal hell in a virtuous shroud

Jinks undeniable 
Japes unforgivable 
You seek the unlivable 
Then hide from the blame
Lies, indefensible
Cruel and intentional
Senseless and nonsensical
Your name is your game

Your demons keep calling, and you keep on falling 
Useless and stalling, the magic is gone
It’s nothing mystical—merely chemical, but
It’s downright criminal… 'Deserves its own song'

History’s too telling for the snake oil you’re selling
Now, we’re all smelling something a-foul
You’ll spend quite a spell In that shit which you fell
A personal hell in a virtuous shroud

Jinks undeniable
Japes unforgivable

Jinks & Japes

My darling, you know I despise you so 
Turning love into something bitter and cold 
You’ve stolen away what little remained 
Of any affection, and returned disdain

So many nights invested in spite 
But I don't have care enough left to fight 
So pack up your lies, say your goodbyes 
I recognize your weathered disguise

You’re going to have to pay sometime 
We can’t just wish away our crimes 
The piper comes, collects his due—takes a little piece of you 
And leaves a scar behind, to remind

They’re hard to conceive, the ways you deceive 
Harder still that you’d think I’d believe 
When all that you say Is laden with grains 
Salt drawn from my tears for the trust you betrayed

That salt in that wound, left to fester it grew 
Burning holes in me and exposing you 
The beguiler you are—that you’ll always be 
To me…to yourself

I used to be self-sustained 
Thought that’s how I would remain 
That’s how I was until you came 
Now I’ll never be the same

You’re gonna have to pay sometime 
We can’t just wish away our crimes 
The piper comes, collects his due—takes a little more of you 
And leaves a scar behind...
Yes, you’re gonna have to pay this time 
Time won’t wash away this crime 
The piper comes, collects his due—takes whatever’s left of you 
And leaves whatever you’ve become behind

Piper's Due

The beginning of the end is here again
All I can see are your lies
All you remember are my sins
So here we’ve been, sticking needles in our eyes

Wondering ‘Why?’ every time
Somehow surprised our crossed hearts hope to die

Now, you say you’re not you, and I’m not me
So long, so far gone, we’re just a memory...and a song

The ending of the end—I fear I must
This time, for good
It's not what you said or did to break this trust
It's that you swore you never would

To me, when we made the vow
Never to be the people we are now

You say you're not you, and I'm not me
So long, so far gone, we're just a memory...
Now, maybe I’m not me, but you’re so you
Gone far too long, the dances we will do for a song

Crossed Hearts

Where are all your promises, now that I’m alone?
All I have left are your lies
Standing there, your empty stare
I saw behind your eyes...endless goodbyes

A thousand ways to tell me, you couldn’t think of one
Or wouldn’t, even as the day wore on
The way you shivered, fought back tears and tried to force a smile
I knew you were already gone

I’ll never forget the way I looked at you trying to look at me
I’ll never know what I could’ve said to make you understand 
I’ll never see why I couldn’t hold you here inside my heart
I’ve never felt so alone before 

Standing in the cold, holding you so tight
So close, yet so far away
I’d have given anything to hear those words that day
The ones you wouldn’t say

The rain fell down and covered us in each other’s arms
Softly as the day began to fade
You gave up your shoeward stare to gaze into the silver sky
And I kissed your silent lips one last time

I’ll never forget the way I looked at you trying to look at me
I’ll never know what I could’ve said to make you understand 
I’ll never see why I couldn’t hold you here inside my heart
I’ve never felt so alone before

SRSLY ILL

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