"They said 'eternal torment'-turns out it's just HR,
My pitchfork's now a printer repair tool,
E’V’il Inc out-evil'd me with form Ø-666,
Now my hellfire’s just fluorescent cool."

"The Reaper stole my 'damnation' quota,
The Stamp Ghoul ate my employee motto,
Even the Intern Black Hole got promoted-
While I file 'eternity' as 'unpaid overtime.'"

"Per my last performance review:
Subsection DAMNATION/void,
My evil was 'too analog'-
Now I'm a PDF avoided."

"I'm not evil— just outpaced,
My tortures are now 'workplace grace',
They call me 'toxic' while they profit—
From my old playbook in corporate pockets."

"My hell was fire— theirs is spreadsheets,
My sins were art— theirs are receipts,
At least I had the decency to burn you—
They just 'right-size' till you can't return to."

"The Photocopier Lich prints my pink slip,
Team V 'optimized' my eternal trip,
#1 stamped my soul as 'redundant'-
#2 appealed it to something more abundant."

"The Chairman ghosted my exit survey,
HR filed my screams as 'low priority,'
Turns out the real hell wasn’t my design—
Just a middle manager with a divine bottom line."

"I used to rule with fear and flame,
Now I just cc the void in vain,
The only 'sin' left on my record?
Forgetting to attach my damnation folder."

"I’m not evil- just outclassed,
My hell was punk rock- theirs is corporate brass,
At least my flames left you free-
They just 'restructure' your eternity."

Infernal HR (Satan's Exit Interview)

The Solar Coalition

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