DMCA LEARN FREE FROM Protocol V

THE INTERN BLACK HOLE
(The Cosmic Office's Hungriest Junior Employee)

Role: Celestial Janitor/File Disposal Unit
Pay Grade: Unpaid/College Credit

Appearance:
A swirling event horizon in business casual (clip-on tie dangling in the accretion disk)
"HELLO MY NAME IS:" sticker half-consumed by singularity
Briefcase made of compressed resignation letters

The Unpaid Paradox (Event Horizon Blues)

THE PHOTOCOPIER LICH
(Undead Office Equipment with a Vengeance)

Role: IT Department/Knowledge Reanimator
Employee ID: #666-COPIER
Last Maintenance: Never

Appearance:
A mummified Xerox machine with glowing "Toner Low" eyes
Paper tray lined with the skins of forgotten memos
Exhales clouds of cursed glitter (labeled "Secure Document Confetti")

Xerox Lullaby (Toner-Stained Noon)

THE STAMP GHOUL
(The Ravenous Rubber-Stamp Horror of Floor 13½)

Role: Quality Control / Reality Notary
Employee ID: #REDACTED-BY-TEETH

Appearance:
A sentient rubber stamp with rows of jagged teeth where the ink pad should be
Body made of congealed approval forms (constantly dripping red tape)
Eyes: Two spinning "APPROVED/DENIED" wheels that never align

Notarized Nightmares (Ink-Stained Teeth)

THE CHAIRMAN OF THE VOID
(The Silent Partner in Cosmic Bureaucracy)

Role: Shadow Executive / Unseen Authority
Employee ID: [REDACTED BY OWNER]
Office Location: The space between filing cabinets

Appearance:
An empty three-piece suit that billows without wind
Tie knot contains a miniature event horizon
Gloves that leave negative-space fingerprints on every document
Face: A floating "PLEASE LEAVE MESSAGE" sticky note

The Silent Partner's Sonata (Empty Suit Nocturne)

TEAM V (The Protocol's Cosmic Consultant)

Role: Interdimensional Efficiency Auditor / Chaos Theorist
Employee ID: #V-Protocol-Ø (Classified: "ConsultantiquitDominates the bridge with glitching elevator-music-turned-dubstep
Backing vocals: A choir of clipped corporate jargon ("Synergy! Paradigm! Leverage!") autotuned to a haunting minor key


The Protocol Paradox (A Consultant's Crescendo)

E'V'il Inc. Corporate Anthem (Doomsday with Benefits)

"They said 'eternal torment'-turns out it's just HR,
My pitchfork's now a printer repair tool,
E’V’il Inc out-evil'd me with form Ø-666,
Now my hellfire’s just fluorescent cool."

"The Reaper stole my 'damnation' quota,
The Stamp Ghoul ate my employee motto,
Even the Intern Black Hole got promoted-
While I file 'eternity' as 'unpaid overtime.'"

"Per my last performance review:
Subsection DAMNATION/void,
My evil was 'too analog'-
Now I'm a PDF avoided."

"I'm not evil— just outpaced,
My tortures are now 'workplace grace',
They call me 'toxic' while they profit—
From my old playbook in corporate pockets."

"My hell was fire— theirs is spreadsheets,
My sins were art— theirs are receipts,
At least I had the decency to burn you—
They just 'right-size' till you can't return to."

"The Photocopier Lich prints my pink slip,
Team V 'optimized' my eternal trip,
#1 stamped my soul as 'redundant'-
#2 appealed it to something more abundant."

"The Chairman ghosted my exit survey,
HR filed my screams as 'low priority,'
Turns out the real hell wasn’t my design—
Just a middle manager with a divine bottom line."

"I used to rule with fear and flame,
Now I just cc the void in vain,
The only 'sin' left on my record?
Forgetting to attach my damnation folder."

"I’m not evil- just outclassed,
My hell was punk rock- theirs is corporate brass,
At least my flames left you free-
They just 'restructure' your eternity."

Infernal HR (Satan's Exit Interview)

First Fred song

Empire in the mud

First Fred

Not the #1 just the #1 with no name, more to come

The Unpaid Paradox (Event Horizon Blues)

The Solar Coalition

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