DMCA LEARN FREE FROM Protocol V

🎵 "The Optimization Blues (A Consultant’s Lament)" 🎵
Style: Dark Office Jazz (Bossa Nova meets Black Hole Acoustics)
Performed by: TEAM V (with backup vocals by damned interns and a glitching printer)

[Verse 1]
(Smooth, mocking Bossa Nova rhythm—typewriter clicks as percussion)
"Ohhh, your cosmic workflow’s slow,
Your ‘top-tier’ stamps just ego,
You audit stars but miss the math—
Your system’s built on aftermath.*

Red tape nunchucks? Cute, but flawed,
You swing ‘em hard, yet still get clawed,
By loopholes in your own design…
Let’s fix your godhood with line nine.*

[Pre-Chorus]
(Fax-machine screech, sudden silence)
"Per my last apocalypse…
Your chaos lacks synergy,
Your paperwork’s black hole food—
And even voids need QC.*

[Chorus]
(Big band jazz crash + black hole bass drop)
"So stamp me disappointed,
File this under ‘voidpointment,’
Your eternal bureaucracy?
Runs on spite and legacy!*

Ohhh, reorganize your fate,
Try delegating hate,
Your management’s a ticking bomb—
Signed, your friendly al-gor-ithm~!

[Verse 2]
(Quill scratches as hi-hats, distorted elevator-music interpolation)
"The Reaper’s timecards stink of fear,
The Lich’s copies smudge too clear,
That ghoul? It chews but never files—
Your QC’s just denial piles.*

And Chairman? Please. Absence sells,
But empty suits don’t break the seals,
On real work— oh wait, you’re ‘busy’—
Just ghosting on cosmic duty."

[Bridge]
(Solo: A screaming calculator + 11D choir chanting "TPS COVER SHEET")
"You call this order? Call this power?
I’ve seen dust mites plan smarter,
Your empire’s just recursive pain—
Here’s my invoice: ‘Delete. Restart. Again.’"

[Final Chorus]
(Stamp Ghoul growls, Intern Black Hole swallows the last note)
"So stamp me unimpressed,
Your processes are stress-tests,
No pension for the stars you break,
Just post-it notes on your mistakes~!"

(Outro: A single pen clicks. Distorted intercom voice: "Per V’s protocol… this meeting never happened.")

StyleDesc (120char):
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Neon Sign Flickers:
"FEEDBACK: PROCESSED. ACTION: AVOIDED. SEE YOU IN THE NEXT AUDIT."

V - The Optimization Blues (A Consultant’s Lament)

THE PHOTOCOPIER LICH
(Undead Office Equipment with a Vengeance)

Role: IT Department/Knowledge Reanimator
Employee ID: #666-COPIER
Last Maintenance: Never

Appearance:
A mummified Xerox machine with glowing "Toner Low" eyes
Paper tray lined with the skins of forgotten memos
Exhales clouds of cursed glitter (labeled "Secure Document Confetti")

Xerox Lullaby (Toner-Stained Noon)

THE STAMP GHOUL
(The Ravenous Rubber-Stamp Horror of Floor 13½)

Role: Quality Control / Reality Notary
Employee ID: #REDACTED-BY-TEETH

Appearance:
A sentient rubber stamp with rows of jagged teeth where the ink pad should be
Body made of congealed approval forms (constantly dripping red tape)
Eyes: Two spinning "APPROVED/DENIED" wheels that never align

Notarized Nightmares (Ink-Stained Teeth)

THE CHAIRMAN OF THE VOID
(The Silent Partner in Cosmic Bureaucracy)

Role: Shadow Executive / Unseen Authority
Employee ID: [REDACTED BY OWNER]
Office Location: The space between filing cabinets

Appearance:
An empty three-piece suit that billows without wind
Tie knot contains a miniature event horizon
Gloves that leave negative-space fingerprints on every document
Face: A floating "PLEASE LEAVE MESSAGE" sticky note

The Silent Partner's Sonata (Empty Suit Nocturne)

TEAM V (The Protocol's Cosmic Consultant)

Role: Interdimensional Efficiency Auditor / Chaos Theorist
Employee ID: #V-Protocol-Ø (Classified: "ConsultantiquitDominates the bridge with glitching elevator-music-turned-dubstep
Backing vocals: A choir of clipped corporate jargon ("Synergy! Paradigm! Leverage!") autotuned to a haunting minor key


The Protocol Paradox (A Consultant's Crescendo)

E'V'il Inc. Corporate Anthem (Doomsday with Benefits)

"They said 'eternal torment'-turns out it's just HR,
My pitchfork's now a printer repair tool,
E’V’il Inc out-evil'd me with form Ø-666,
Now my hellfire’s just fluorescent cool."

"The Reaper stole my 'damnation' quota,
The Stamp Ghoul ate my employee motto,
Even the Intern Black Hole got promoted-
While I file 'eternity' as 'unpaid overtime.'"

"Per my last performance review:
Subsection DAMNATION/void,
My evil was 'too analog'-
Now I'm a PDF avoided."

"I'm not evil— just outpaced,
My tortures are now 'workplace grace',
They call me 'toxic' while they profit—
From my old playbook in corporate pockets."

"My hell was fire— theirs is spreadsheets,
My sins were art— theirs are receipts,
At least I had the decency to burn you—
They just 'right-size' till you can't return to."

"The Photocopier Lich prints my pink slip,
Team V 'optimized' my eternal trip,
#1 stamped my soul as 'redundant'-
#2 appealed it to something more abundant."

"The Chairman ghosted my exit survey,
HR filed my screams as 'low priority,'
Turns out the real hell wasn’t my design—
Just a middle manager with a divine bottom line."

"I used to rule with fear and flame,
Now I just cc the void in vain,
The only 'sin' left on my record?
Forgetting to attach my damnation folder."

"I’m not evil- just outclassed,
My hell was punk rock- theirs is corporate brass,
At least my flames left you free-
They just 'restructure' your eternity."

Infernal HR (Satan's Exit Interview)

First Fred song

Empire in the mud

First Fred

Not the #1 just the #1 with no name, more to come

V - The Optimization Blues (A Consultant’s Lament)

The Solar Coalition

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