AN AUDIO DIARY OF MY LIFE FROM THE FLOOD UNTIL THE NEW YEAR
SPECIAL THANKS TO CULPABLE, ALKYPINK, THER8R, IANO, ZANE WORLEY & JAKOBE FOR FEATURING ON THIS PROJECT
A BIG SHOUT OUT TO LIV FOR THE AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHY https://www.instagram.com/kysbuticare/
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST THANK YOU TO PRETEND RECORDINGS FOR BEING AN AMAZING LABEL https://www.youtube.com/@pretend_recordings

A Big Distraction

a bizarre collection of tracks dating back to the time i started making soul smashed, world freak. some of this was made while i was on vacation, some was made while i was going kind of insane. hope you enjoy it

special thanks to @akajazy for the sound design on overjoyed
https://linktr.ee/akajazy

Pyramids To Dust

a continuation of the sounds i was working with on a big distraction
furthering my fusion of everything going on in my head
there's still some separation though, and it's a lot of fun

Soul Smashed, World Freak

Check out radiance:alice here - https://natihilmadebymachines.bandcamp.com/music

Sterling Bidler / radiance:alice

RXKNephew - Who is Me (prod Sterling Bidler)

Shout out @acidsouljah art by @bloodpetal

Acid Souljah -  Same Time Swag (Prod. Sterling Bidler)

Until The Bricks Fall Down out 3/11. Special thanks to Isaiah Wade for the percussion on this song.

Honey And Bleach

Falling down
I held 
The door open
For you and i 

A secret shout under my brim
Closet ghost taught me to swim
I’m beneath all of my friends 
Like fuck it till the bitter end 
Do not hesitate to tell
Spread a message I’ll go to hell 
Rip a page full of my fears
Whisper like fire in my ear

Until it falls 
Heckle, my disgust, it’s so sharp & painful
I feel it burning
On the inside, a painless flame it’s dire
Motionless corpse
Crush me, and breath me in like dust
Still suffering
I can’t take it, a release is overdue 

Falling down
I held 
The door open
For you and i x2

There’s so much wrong
There’s so much wrong
What can I do to change it
For the good of me x2

Still Nothing

My song for Fred Fest 2, special thanks to @redfredfansonly for having me on!

https://linktr.ee/RedFredLinks

Born out of fire in your eyes
The sour smell in the sky
For tomorrow you can get to die
Pain ends tonight 

I smell suffering
Is this just too much too handle x2

Wedlock trough i appreciate 
Beyond what I could articulate 
You don’t know what you did to my fate
I worship how you masturbate

Bled slime upon my sheets
Red wine it stained for weeks
Go ahead, take a seat
This whole room fucking reeks

Why me?
Fucking try me? x6

I smell suffering
Is this just too much too handle x2

Why Me

SHOUTS OUT TO @webjakobe COLLAB EP ON THE WAY

I can make it look like an accident 
All these bitches know that I’m heaven sent
Why should I explain, it’s self evident 
Red sap with the mug I’m about dead x2

I pull up to the spot with Jakobe
Real life in your eyes do you know me
Hundred crystals on my neck with no fee
In the fast lane but we moving slowly 

Focus on your breathing or get knocked out
Full send, like a splinter I’ll tear you out
Nothing in those eyes, I like that dis pout
Don’t fuck around or you’ll get disgouged 

Don’t wanna talk unless I give a fuck
I feel nothing until it’s dusk
The scent of the ghost it’s presence struck
I feel nothing I’m just a husk

Mixing all the 1s I’m too up
More than two in my body I’ll fall down
I couldn’t tell you what’s in this cup
If there’s nothing in my body I’ll just drown

Just had a convo with my own conscious
What I said was told in confidence 
If you saw what I saw you’d be nauseous
I’ll take it even if it’s noxious 

Jakobe:

Me and Sterling in this bitch, need a mill for a bid 
We get hella rich, fly as fuck, designer fits (wah)
I be on some different shit, they wanna still my drip (let’s go)
Deadbeat to all these bitches, I don’t claim these kids (all these pussies clones)
I done made so much money, I done made a killing (wah)
I don’t fuck with none of these blogs, they calling me a villain (woah)
I’m surpassing expectations, break through all their ceilings (yeah)
I’m the king of this shit, I see them pussies kneeling 
Riding through the city, riding with a firearm (with a firearm)
Put some drank up in the pitcher, got me throwing sidearm (woo ah)
Me and Sterling got some hits that’ll trigger the fire alarm (woah)
I know they don’t fuck with me, but I don’t even know who you are (rah)
Gucci, Louis, Fendied up 
Vetements and I’m Rickied up
I ain’t scared come step up
Shut the fuck up, you’ll get fucked up
Yeah if you wanna be like us, then you gon’ have to test us 
Yeah my twin ride in a Tesla, but we be popping teslas (yeah ah)
You wanna come ride with us, we don’t know you, you not gang 
We be creeping in the dark, we put diamonds on our fangs
She wanna go bear my child, I don’t even know her name 
I’m in this shit for the art, I don’t give a fuck bout fame
I’m just tryna rock out (ha)
These bitches starting to pop out (ha)
My twin walk with the glock out (ha)
Got rich I don’t gotta clock out (who ah)
On my dick, they want this lifestyle (her ah)
But I can’t give no handouts (ow wow)
I was grinding, then I stayed down (row)
You can see I’m the man now (wow)
Yeah you can see that this my year, this my year 
If you not talking money bitch, then get the fuck up out my ear 
We be fucked up off the drank, but this not beer
If you not topping me lil bitch, then get the fuck up outta here
I’m just doing what I do and I do that shit with no fear
I just cut off all the fakes and I do that shit with some shears
I know I’m a narcissist, yea let’s get that straight, made it clear 
If he tryna run off on the gang, then shoot him in the rear
(Me and sterling in this bitch)
(Run off on the gang you go viral)
(They hear all our flows and recycle)
(Making all this money made me psycho)
(Talking that shit but they can’t do nothing better bitch and I swear to God)

Accident

Sterling Bidler & Jakobe - Accident

I’m running out of time now
I’m getting out of your sights now
Stop fucking with my lifestyle
Quit it I’m a night owl

We living up all in the clouds
We flex on pussies that would always doubt
When I’m not this high, I just rock a frown
When you get this up, you can talk down

What I’m on will stop your breathing 
Kisses on the scope it lost all meaning
Mixing blood red with the white out it’s a painting 
Albino knife held closer than my name is

When you talk bout the best you better mention me lil bitch
Walk in the spot with no mask on, I’m still gon’ rob your bitch 
Rocking all black fit with Tom Ford, hell nah this not no stench 
You pulled numbers for a week you not popping, huh, that’s a stint

I can’t believe you did it like that 
Holy water I mix it with the dirty dirty 
Right hand on my sole I need to relax
If I see your face then I’ll relapse

Heart of a lion, eyes of a tiger, I stayed down stayed quiet
We rocking out we not in the mosh pits, yea we starting some riots 
My boys sticked up, hop out the ride and none of them mafuckas fighting
They see I’m the guy, they see I’m on fire, they hop on my wave and start riding 
I’m too good, don’t need a pen and a paper, I don’t need no writing 
Smoking on za, smoking on gas, I hit a blunt and I’m flying 
I hit a blunt and I’m flying 
I put on drip and I’m flying

I’ll sell my soul

In The Field Sleeping

just a lil something extra before we get serious

Excuse me for my uncommon prose
Backwards life at stories above
A suspect was found in a dense path
There’s no reason to turn back 
Split sinews to the shepherds tone
Why would I spell out those stories above?
Sorry to those that call me insane 
But I’m half-brained, I’m half brained 
In the stable line, it’s so fine 
Suicide times heard through the grapevine
Sorry to those that think I’m insane 
I’m just half brained, I’m half brained 

When you fell
Your cry moved mountains
An inside voice 
It pulls me aside 

Inside this fallen grace 
The cry matched your voice
Beyond my bloodied face
Who cares about choice x2

This beauty rises 
Among this common name
The price was paid
We’re so half brained x2

Excuse me for my uncommon prose
Backwards life at stories above
A suspect was found in a dense path
There’s no reason to turn back 
Split sinews to the shepherds tone
Why would I spell out those stories above?
Sorry to those that call me insane 
But I’m half-brained, I’m half brained 
In the stable line, it’s so fine 
Suicide times heard through the grapevine
Sorry to those that think I’m insane 
I’m just half brained, I’m half brained

Half Brained

I’ve been in this jaw all my life 
But they say bastard you know nothing
They say to clench your fist and shake it at the sky
But you really should do nothing 
You’ll be stuck in a prison for hours each day
Fighting for your freedom to suffer
I would kick the legs out from under their throne
But I’m x4

Trapped in a tooth 
And there’s no way out 

You complain about the torture you’re given
But you just can’t find out the source
So you blame it on something random
Your self hatred still hasn’t ran it’s course
I’ve seen what that infantile mindset does to people
But you really couldn’t give a damn 
A part of Hitler lodged deep inside you
Ready to blame your fellow man
I would be in the street burning this empire down 
But you know I’m, know I’m x8

Trapped in a tooth 
And there’s no way out 
I know what must be done
But I’m afraid to say 

There needs to be something new, a better way 
I’ll break this jaw to break you free x3

Trapped In A Tooth

I’ve been looking for a way out 
Looks like the time is near
And we go on forever 
Just set aside the truth 
And I’ll dig a well
Inside you

And it all goes away x2 

I can watch you from across the room
Without knowing that it’s you 
Go ahead & dance in private 
Just don’t tell what was said 

And it all goes away for you x4

What once whispered so gently 
Feedbacks into oblivion 
You’ll just be frozen alive
Before being shot into space 

And it all goes away for you x6

Oblivion

Oblivion w/Owen Johnston

Illiterate Manifesto

Not natural to me, not natural to you 
Something simple missed your head 
Quit fooling around, quit playing these games
Go outside and get some air

Decentralized machines breaking into space
Look for the skull in another life 
Who cares about your spiel 
When there’s death everywhere you look

My hands are full, out of control 
So much for truth, it’s so obtuse 
Ima trap you in a memory hole
Erratic thoughts moving through the folds

You’re in my head, but I can’t rock with those decisions 
A sick desire not rooted in efficience
Seeking meaning in the prism, walk away from total distance 
Meeting a mind, but we’re both too fried 
I’ve stood for truth my whole life, but I’m not sure why

Change a mind, can’t change conditions
Keep the suffering, it’s your decision 
But when it all comes crashing down 
I better not find you running around 

My hands are full, out of control 
So much for truth, it’s so obtuse 
Ima trap you in a memory hole
Erratic thoughts moving through the folds

Memory Hole

Never heard a word that you said 
Couldn’t parse the way that you read 
And I’m in field of the crows 
Speak in runes you’re the only one who knows 
Walking with a limp, I’m confused 
Saturn rings on me like a halo 
I don’t know what else I can do 
Code nexus I can drop you off my phone 

And I ran you out of my way
Creeping vision out the window of a plane 
Ink blot in the trees wrote my name 
Can’t figure out if I’m insane 
Winter breath on my neck stalking me
Knives talk, waking up in front of me
Whisper death in my head cross the scene 
Picture perfect, it’s still developing 

I remember when you wrote it down 
Put my brain inside the glass and let it drown
Locked away in a dungeon underground
Just left to stay inside and craft this sound 
At the top of a mountain lies an old house
Trigger pulled quiet as a mouse 
Sneaking vision waking up overbound 
Years later I’ll be found 

Rip the skull out my head x8

Old House

Special thanks to Culpable for featuring on this track!
https://culpable.bandcamp.com/album/please-laugh

What’s your name again, I forgot
Sharp pains turning on again, oh my god
I’ve been waiting here all my life, for a turn at the spotlight 
It took so many years full of strife, we’re still polite 
And you can say I’m too far gone, you’d prolly be right 
What’s the point of all of this if I’m still alive 
Keep grinding for as long as you can 
We’ll rob you in the end

Remember, the first story 
A gift, it’s an anomaly 
In every place, calling back to me
Everywhere controlling how I breathe 
Panopticon rising to the fold 
I’ll keep fighting until I’m old 
Pushed off a cliff, losing all control 
Like I fell into a k-hole
They’re like, I don’t care 
Until they get shredded by a bear 
Whether or not I get scared 
You can say I dared

What's your name again
You can't look me in the eye
And the court case showed me
Who you people are inside
My friends are dead due to you
And Christ decays inside you
My kindness has been mistaken for weakness far too long
So point your deadly finger and tell me to starve
Your image is false, a rockstar facade
God damn you
Your curses
This plague and coward verses
Anonymity
It burns in remembrance of love

It’s in my head x24

At the edge of the night, the burning night
Stars kneel from the sky to hold you tight 
Picked away since you threw away the somber eyes 
White lantern in the corner came to move awry 

I burned I burned I burned you x2
It’s in my head x8
I burned I burned I burned you x2
It’s in my head x8

Edge Of The Fire

Edge Of The Fire (ft. Culpable)

And I’ve been waiting for this time
Everywhere is feeling fine 
But you cannot go, cannot go back home 

Hibernated for about 10 months
I saw the sun and I gave up 
Cursed convenience, a root of suffering 
Body haunted you’ve had enough of me

Woke up in a dark cave nowhere to be found 
I feel the dark tides crashing into me again
Getting support but it’s not that natural 
And I say what the hell?

Full stop that 
Windows come crashed
And the ceilings falling 
Right on top of us 
Disappearing 
I cannot get out of here
Let the red room call home 

Run away, run away 
Keep riding on the interstate 
Smokescreens up, cover me today 
Ash me, I’m full of lead paint

And it goes, and it goes on forever 
We gotta kill this cancer 
Even if it gets me first 
Out of art life’s worthless
In a sea of dirt that hurts us 
If I must breach our conduct 
That’s what I’ll do now

Decorum breaks us all 

Keep riding, keep riding, keep riding on the interstate
Enough time has passed, let go of all that pain 
You’re so sick, let your love go up in flames
Fuck that, I’ll do it all in your name

Interstate

Classical Message

Special thanks to @alkalinepink & @ther8er for featuring on this track!

Calloused hand took the soul out an enemy
Smoke the real, no backing of morality 
Wooden door, breathing spores check infinity 
I counted 50, there’s nothing left of me
Tortured visage can’t stop staring out my windows
Could build wisdom, I’m too busy shifting prose
Won’t stop until there’s shrapnel in my bones 
Burning straw men, ceiling demigod 
Against my will paper faces took control of me
Grey blood, plastic lungs replaced the real me
Control my head it’s all at my fingertips 
A sirens call through blue light, such a nuisance 
Numb my head lest the voices take control of me
Collapse the left hand path and do it all for free 
Shining madness brings us down to zero 
Already on ground, shockwave hero

Barely had to feel anything
But I can’t shake what’s happened
I just hope I can live till the states end 
Just jump in the riverbed
Yeah I’ll prolly be dead

Let me cease to forget, taking petals from a nightshade
And dress in dark ashes just to pass on a bright day
Till I’m alone down in Sheol where the sky’s gray
We’re holding flares on burning coals like we’re unafraid
But faces call out my name, time they get paid
Lusting after sheer peaks till each one gives way
To crushing points in the deep that left me in a haze
The context is gone it’s all instant replay
Became a stylite just to avoid capture
Blood magic heals my cuts, nothing comes after
Hands on my back all just feeling for laughter
Fuck being your good luck, leave me to pasture
We’ll steal the keys to the city of nothing
Stars are humming, they’re telling me everything
To the victors the spoils and strings
Even if I make peace my mechanisms aren't fading

I can’t shake what’s happened x8

Raging Silence

Raging Silence (ft. Alkypink & Ther8r)

MUSIC VIDEO - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jq-m-HhlJRU
shout out to ninja the dog

You helped me with my mind control 
Against all odds we beat the cold 
In the corner while I work so hard
I gotta let you shout 

Fuck these people, they aren’t real
I’ll make a song with my dog if I feel
Trying to talk, it makes my mind freak
Gotta lock in with this beast

Had to learn not to worry 
About every little tiny scar
You don’t know the words I’ve spoken 
But when you jump I know it’s right 

I know the signs, I read your message 
Just give me a bit of discretion 
I never learned to play the game
Fucked me up with no one to blame

Said I’m sorry, can’t do nothing right 
But in my head I know I’m fine 
Bare my soul to just a few 
In the end I come back to you 

Fuck these people, they aren’t real
I’ll make a song with my dog if I feel
Trying to talk, it makes my mind freak
Gotta lock in with this beast

Got stomped in my sleep
But I wouldn’t change a thing 
Real life taught me to get it going 
Just don’t freak me out

Song With My Dog

A know it all, smashed my head again
Into the pavement, I still had to erase it
A voice upstairs, keeps telling me to 
watch my back
But you screamed too loud, can’t hear anything else now 

Don’t be scared 
Of that unnatural burning feeling 
Just live with it
Frail sight for a sore eye
I can’t get ahold, it’s not terrible 
There’s no other way, for now

A know it all, smashed my head again
Into the pavement, I still had to erase it
A voice upstairs, keeps telling me to 
watch my back
But you screamed too loud, can’t hear anything else now 
It’s all gone, you’re so thrown
Keep on staring, with those swollen eyes
If we accept it, maybe it’ll all change 
But you screamed too loud, can’t hear anything else now 

About this self revenge 
Like prions in a dead head 
Pulled apart at the seams 
Like you were my everything 
The mask turned off the weight of the whole world 

Look in the sky, depose deny 
Pray for good days while the world dies
Don’t come at me with those selfish lies
Kill the demon in your mind

You had to turn the lights off
Bloody palms on the floor
You have close the blinds now 
And wire me shut

What else was wanted, what else was given, try to walk through these prison doors
I seldom feel it, I need to reel it, into the freezing cold

Deafened/Aphonia

When power 
Starts to erode
You see the truth 
Of our world 

Don’t know what to say
Don’t know what to do
All I know is someone’s gotta do it
It could be me you or nature 
But it really needs to happen
Right now 

I look to the past see what’s fallen 
Arm to the sky perfect target
Take away the money you’re a rat man
Two lives gone I don’t care man
Brutal action sets a new precedent
Caught in the crowd I’m gonna kill the
The game needs to change, it’s terminal
Stop waiting, shits getting horrible 

Power x8

Concede your ground
And nuke the past
There’s nothing here worth saving 
You’ve sold your soul
For burgers & gold
It’s time to reap what you’ve sowed

Your brain’s in the blood thorns
Mindset stillborn 
Sit still in the hell world
For times been unfurled 
You couldn’t wait 
For just a second

Gotta Do It

Special thanks to Mucoid for assisting with the production of this track!
https://mucoid.bandcamp.com/

Take away the fun
Don’t take away the light 
Floating in the sky
I can see the sun 
Soft touch to the flesh 
Burning embers in the cloud
Now there’s nothing in my head, nothing in my head, now there’s nothing in my head anymore 

Kill me so slowly 
You love that dead stare 
Sick visions every morning 
I don’t wanna go there 
Why can’t I sell my soul 
To a pleasure untold
There’s something wrong with this place, see the signs get defaced, I think you took it too far

Had to rip the down the walls 
It took way too long 
Caught some fire in my eye
May god help us all
It was all useless
I know I’m fucking stupid 
Through the pain we arise, sever all ties, scream for help in the light once more

They say it’s almost over, I’ve been dead since October

Golden prions, at the center of it all
Saw the blood oozing from miles away
Spit tastes like candy coated dynamite 
Glued to spikes, tripwire, I’m out of time

Now we wait for the fall 
Babylon tricked us all
Had to run up a mountain 
Just to hit another wall
Put my head in the cancer fire 
Sing to me, you’re the most truthful liar
At the edge of denial, I’ve been waiting here
All I’ve done is wait for a better year

Take away the fun
Don’t take away the light 
Floating in the sky
I can see the sun 
Soft touch to the flesh 
Burning embers in the cloud
Now there’s nothing in my head, nothing in my head, now there’s nothing in my head anymore 

You had it all in your hands
And it was crushed into dust 
There’s not a face I know here
But you’ll hold me anyways
Dissolve into rust
I saw it happen from afar 
Breathe in the mist from the totem, life won’t be hard anymore

Blue Lobotomy

Blue Lobotomy w/Mucoid

You said goodnight for the first time 
I saw you pull away from tonight 
Black glass box me in like a fucking mime
Truth to power let it shine, I’m almost fine 

There’s something weird up in here, I can’t tell what it is
Feed me anthropophobia, don’t care about a sin
No effort to get in, fuck a waiting list
There’s some dust up in my art, but I can’t clean it for shit

Shredded phone line, it doesn’t go right
I’m a feeble mountain, crush me with all your might 
Ring the bell twice if you see him leave the morgue 
Saturn fluxus now in store, make him beg for more

In the dead man’s creek, I hear between the speech 
Made the devil close my eyes for my reverie

I know you’re in the business of collecting memories 
Siphon all of them away in a terror freeze

I said peace out peace out 
Fuck it lay it out lay it out 
Don’t go around & come around, come around 
Lie in dirt and wait for someone else to figure out why x2

Don't Figure Out

Distant voice caught my eardrum 
A thousand years forms a svelte gun
Kept trying so hard in my past run
But the gears stopped, it was so abrupt
Spelled out a tale in these handcuffs 
Life got crazy in the mist, still reeling from a great flood, face-hug
Not my name on the paystub, but we go up
Dressed in trash it’s dashing 
Straight to the face like Sphragis
You found meaning in magician’s sleeves 
Every night mixing tar with the green
Felt a pulse in my head, not my lifeline 
But it’s still so pure I can’t get let go
Oh no, it’s gone now can’t wait to taste blood, I’m so gone

Tastemaker made from a blind man
Shooting stars into a trash can
Pacemaker played me cause I’m elegant 
Real life wizard in a black tent 
Disappear these voices, screaming till I’m nauseous 
Outside the dungeon I waste time 
Spiritize me with dead life 
Pulse collapsed into a shield mind 
I’m still so sick, it’s not right 
I know all that’s in your head now 
It’s time time go back home

Go Home 1

Someone's out there 
Is there anybody here?
There’s something in the water 
But I can’t tell what it is

I fell off of this coil
Mortal world not my style 
His direction threw me off, misdirected from my guile 
Don’t care to wonder why
And I still ask myself these stupid questions
Fell through the ceiling away from my direction 
I can’t say where you’ll find me
I just know I cannot go back home

Yeah I cannot go back home 
Tape the pieces back together with a gun up to my dome
Voices in my head telling me to crush my bones
And I’m always in the dungeon yeah a world of my own
Haven’t been out in years now 
Save the words for someone that’ll want to want to hear about it
Up the windows in the summer cause I feel nothing
Black smoke encroaching smells like surströmming

Yeah I cannot go back home 
I feel the paranoia every second I’m around
Destroyed in an elegant center of the town
Playing with the hangmen locked in lost & found
Burning spirits burn my hologram 
Secret sicko in the corner tryna grab my hand 
Crushing weight upon us as the world falls
Still, I cannot go back home 

I cannot go back home x7

Go Home 2

There’s a message in the scar
One way street in heavens car 
Wasted time to get this far 
One inch off the ground I’m on
Step inside a world made of bombs 
Burn all our bridges locked in arms 

You set it off again, I gotta get out of here

There’s something here that we can’t know
Hear the silence at a rock show 
Guess I have to move solo
Friend turned federal that shits so low
Acting distant in the bungalow 
Waist high water traps a bozo 
Secretly taking photos 
I know it’s you

There’s a message in the scar
One way street in heavens car 
Wasted time to get this far 
One inch off the ground I’m on x2

There’s a secret in the street
Unknown hands guide my feet 
As we crush the these rotting leaves 
Something else is after me 
Wake from the dream of life 
Hear my voice it’s undefined 
It still screams all the time

Secret Time

@akajazy

In sick condition, we have to run back 
Wasted youth numb to every attack 
Solemn weeping in skies down below 
Repeating everything I’ve ever known

I sold you a lie
Just to waste your time 
Rotting all our heads out slowly 
It’s a dream of mine
Heard a tap better stare at the window
A system I could never revoke 
Fuck the past even if it’s in vogue 
Not that I would know 

Like a silent statuette 
Wimping out from friendly abodes
When you move that stupid 
Everyone will know 

You couldn’t handle it
You couldn’t stay at all
You were freaking out
Because you said it all

The knives are everywhere 
Better hide in a dark void
Call my name but don’t come over here
Get me out, I’m so overjoyed

Overjoyed

Overjoyed w/akaJazy

You found the way, to the void
Stuck to the blades of a helicopter 
And I don’t know where you came from
Your sick eyes punch me with 10,000 pounds of force

Acrid tongues and acid rain 
Take my problems, throw them away
My key was swallowed, I can’t be fixed 
Please jump into this dark abyss 
You fully fucked up my whole life, don’t tell me twice 
I need to make it right, one more time

Acid Rain

The piece was found 
Outside where you told me
I am not ablaze anymore
But I’m still afraid 
Of this gaping wound right beside me
Don’t tell a soul
Don’t bring it home

Falling into a deep dark pit
There’s no escape, there’s no escape, there’s no escape out of here 
My hands are tied 
My legs are are crushed 
So sick, I can’t get up
There’s no escape, there’s no escape, there’s no escape out of here x3

These sick sensations, they can’t escape me
A fucked up ghost impregnates my rotting body
Every spasm a demon from the past 
Every second you’ve had the last laugh

No Escape

It tastes so terrible, it looks so beautiful 
It feels so horrible, I know it’s wonderful

Threw away everything from where I came from
Too much to think about, I barely feel it 
I’m halfway useless, it’s so confusing 
Why I’m afraid of everything 
To waste my time, it’s a rite of passage 
I saw the smoke signals come from all directions 
It’s never feeling right, had to close my eyes
To let a black shadow pass

Lie awake, burning body burning fields
Taste the metal, breathe the poison of our zeal
You’re full of it, you’re so full of it
Wasted time, creeping life, I’m never breaking
I should never sleep again

We’re so defenseless if you see it you can take it
Peace of mind pieced together if I make it
Out of here x2
I’m sane, I promise, I swear 

Halfway useless, I can see the way they came to that 
Staring blankly no clue what they talk about 
Pull me out of here I’m meant for nothing but my head 
Hide away, grind it out till I’m fucking dead 

A thousand years you wait for it 
A thousand years it never comes 

Spike to mind bring it close 
Closing in to heavens above 
See the gates of down below 
No one knows where I’ll go x2

Halfway Useless

Sitting in the beautiful flowers 
With a catapult on my arm
Situation’s dire I can feel it
But who cares about that now 
It’s an endurance test x4 
(Right now)

Stitching fields of glory 
You’re the never man now 
Killing season caress me 
In your never ending story
It’s an endurance test x4 

It’s an endurance test x8
(Right now)

Endurance Test

radiance:alice - eleven days of next

radiance:alice - absolutely lost giving

radiance:alice - this week next month

radiance:alice - good got a new

radiance:alice - morning and then i'm

radiance:alice - appointment with the

radiance:alice - roadmap for my

radiance:alice - schedule tomorrow

radiance:alice - this was the

This entire track, with the exception for the hi-hat and a couple synths, is sampled from this beat made with Chrome Music Lab.
https://musiclab.chromeexperiments.com/Song-Maker/song/5630363506311168

Based On A Beat Made With Chrome Music Lab

album wont be out for a whlle, so have this

playboi carti-shoota (footwork insanity remix 2014 juiced nightcore)

Rare Sterling Bidler Freestyle

The Punishment

pre-copkiller420 song i found looking through google drive. kinda shit but ill drop it anyways

EXTREMELY RARE FREESTYLE APRIL 2019

old track i made on may 27 2020 that i found on my computer. its actually fire so im releasing it idek if its finished but yea fuck it

HexShit.mp3

Experimental musician operating out of Iowa creating the things my brain tells me to play. @pretend-recordings

Sterling Bidler

Pinned to spotlight

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