AHMET BÜLENT EKİN ... HÜZÜN

Sun is up

The Mystery Within You

Spinning Sky

On The Wings Of Doves

Adieu Mon Ami

This track was written by myself and my best friend, Ruth Anne Pollard who has a soundcloud channel of her own, https://soundcloud.com/ruth-anne-1. 

We wrote this song as a dedication to ourselves and to many others out there who have put much of our own feelings aside in order to be there for the ones around us who are less empathetic and less likely to reciprocate. These unrecognized feelings that we struggle to speak about can start to build up within us and come to the surface, causing those around us to question who we are because we have essentially been forced to wear a mask for so long.

Musically this song was inspired by Chariots of Fire by Vangelis, particularly in the verses 

Nobody knows the things we do
For the ones we love
Nobody knows

Nobody cares
But we keep on trying not to lose hope 
Nobody knows

When you're dying to release
What no one will let you speak
And you choose words carefully
Nobody knows

Nobody knows my defenses died, falling from me
Now all I need is you to want me to be fine
Nobody knows how I've lived this lie, buried beneath
Knowing the truth can be worse sometimes

Nobody hears, nobody listens
When you're trying to tell them who you are

They pay you no mind
When you try to be open 
And It's clear all the time
You never receive anything you provide

When you're dying to release
What no one will let you speak
And you choose words carefully
Nobody knows 

Nobody knows my defenses died, falling from me
Now all I need is you to want me to be fine
Nobody knows how I've lived this lie, buried beneath
Knowing the truth can be worse sometimes

Nobody knows my defenses died, falling from me
Now all I need is you to want me to be fine
Nobody knows how I've lived this lie, buried beneath
Knowing the truth can be worse sometimes

Nobody Knows

I started writing this song a few years ago when I was going through a period of isolation due to feeling a bit overwhelmed by society and how I became a little too comfortable in discomfort and how It felt difficult to motivate myself to escape from what became a repetitive cycle. I finally finished the track a week ago and It's definitely one of my personal favourites that I've written.

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The curtains have been drawn
I'm living in exile from civilization
And though It isn't far
I travel the no mans land in rotation
I sank into my shell
And I've never called anyone for help
But now within myself 
I feel I'm drowning, reaching out for air 
From the cold

With my bleeding hands
I'm ripping at the wall
And still it stands while I fall

Screaming, never believing I'll regain anything I've lost
Ignoring every warning I would end up on my own
Now I'm forced to face the result of my actions
I know this is my fault
So I'll swallow the pride
And no longer deny what I've done
Now It's me I have to confront

I roam around the halls 
Walking miles as I'm pacing back and forth
I tremble in the frost 
With weary lungs as my heart beats in my throat
And all that is warm is my breath
As I breathe in this smoke 
I fade out, I run circles in the fog

Then my racing thoughts start screaming out
For their rest to come
For an ending to this cycle 

Screaming, never believing I'll regain anything I've lost
Ignoring every warning I would end up on my own
Now I'm forced to face the result of my actions
I know this is my fault
So I'll swallow the pride
And no longer deny what I've done
Now It's me I have to confront

Screaming, never believing I'll regain anything I've lost
Ignoring every warning I would end up on my own
Now I'm forced to face the result of my actions
I know this is my fault
So I'll swallow the pride
And no longer deny what I've done
Now It's me I have to confront

Exile

A rare happier song of mine. I started writing this a few years back after I gained the strength to leave someone who had picked apart my personality, belittled me and saw themselves as above me and worthy of being chased. I spent lots of time during this relationship studying the way they were and why they did what they did and when I gained enough knowledge and left, all I had was pity for an insecure person. This song was a big time healer for me.

If anyone could help me clarify the genre of this song I'd really appreciate it :) 

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A fine line breaks whenever you try to play your mind games
Spinning around without direction, I can't take a tour in your small brains
So I close my eyes and phase out every hilarious typical phrase
Leave every human claiming they're wise surprised

You had your way, you picked me apart and kept me in chains
Begging to let me outside of my headaches
If you can't agree with me once
Interrupting all I want to say
Well, I'm better off someone who got away

I will lay cards and you can break the table
It's funny how you act now I've got the odds in my favour
I can break the chains off and you can be the chaser
It's funny how you act now I've got the odds in my favour

I dance by the window 
Away from my telephone 
All your fussing put to one side
Buzzing under my pillow 
Now I'm over my mistake
I do what I want, I say what I like
Whatever keeps your kind of people from mine

I will lay cards and you can break the table
It's funny how you act now I've got the odds in my favour
I can break the chains off and you can be the chaser
It's funny how you act now I've got the odds in my favour

And time did tell you didn't mean well
You can't accept when you're wrong 
And you can't handle that I'm tired of your love bombs
You narcissistic, self-addicted king of the pride
I bet your prey feel wonderful before the bite 

You poor, sweet, pitiable beast 
Feasting on the wrong side of somebody
But I no longer have the patience
Gather your flock and pick your supply 
But you'll satisfy no appetite on someone like me

I will lay cards and you can break the table
It's funny how you act now I've got the odds in my favour
I can break the chains off and you can be the chaser
Don't try to play with me, you're just not as good a gamer

Adieu Mon Ami

Steven J Crawford

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