fall_back_on_me_wonderlust_beats

fall_back_on_me_wonderlust_beats (sped up)

PROFESSION PEOPLE PLEASER
if i watched the party die i’d prolly bleed on myself
never had a family only needed myself
hated that i ever people pleased for my health
never pleasing myself
always fiening to help

and it’s greed that i cover up the things that i felt 
no reason to ever think piece for myself
the peace that i need, therapy for myself
always turn to God, it’s Jesus on my belt

and there used to be a time where i never had faith
always in my mind so my mind was in the way
the fridge was always filled but its tears on my plate
cuz no matter what i had, id always felt the pain

and when the spirit came back, i thought that it was over
throwing out forgiveness, cuz forgetting brought the closure
i listen to the stories that my ancestors told me
and thought about the ways i could try to kill the old me

but it’s me and it always has been
so when i tried to kill, couldn’t kill the past tense
and when i tried it was done in bad sense
box cutters and knives was the way i had went

i had drowned for a bit, learned to swim back up
no movement comin in, shit was all backed up
sag sun hot, but it give back luck
put my hand under the pot just to save mad bucks

did more than hold my tongue
i cut out completely
i wrote that “if you need me, i would feel complete. you don’t gotta ask cuz i got what all you need. i prolly wash ya ass fore i get to brush my teeth. i put myself in last jus so you can win the meet. i know you’ll prolly laugh but it’s all good wit me. if you suddenly get lost and figure you might want some space. i’ll take some steps back but not enough to be away. i’ll drown in imperfection, youre holding all direction. the thoughts inside my head ain’t enough, i need protection

and that letter had me stressing
i strayed off the page and was met with every lesson
all from adolescence 

was hard for me to grow cuz then i’d have to admit
that i’d been coward all my life and my voice wasn’t shit
thought the music and the writing make me less of a bitch
fame ain’t even that exciting, never scratching the itch but fuck it

i ended all conversation wit no discussion
i entered my dream state geeked off robutussin
i smoked all my weed up like i know it’s bussin
niggas never hit me up, like they knowin somethin 

i paranoid now cuz i stepped ahead
still ain’t up as i wanna be, still ain’t got no bread
but im outta them waters, have yet to be fed
i’m still at the function but all my homies dead

stfutaji

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