The electronic music was made while raging after a seizure occurred. Then my dear friend Laurence Stevenson (https://soundcloud.com/laurence-stevenson) played his violin over it. With Laurence's addition, this song speaks so clearly of the feelings epilepsy moves within my heart. Thank you, Laurence, for your understanding. I am so deeply grateful.

http://www.subtlebeing.com

Deep Within All Are Happy (with Violin)

Song that is a mix of live flute playing, downtempo mixing, and my coworker explaining what it was like to see me have a grand mal seizure at work. 

This is my first downtempo piece... Again... All comments welcome! Positive and negative. I need to learn :) 

My coworker is the highly respected and brilliant documentary maker of CBC Radio -- the one and only Steve Wadhams!



Fog Changes Everything

Sometimes interesting stories unfold in the dreams that happen during seizures. They are hard to describe, but in these dreams I have seen strange monsters. The monsters can be scary in the moment, but later one can see that they are just like the imaginations we have while playing as a child. 

BLOGPOST: http://subtlebeing108.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/she-plays-with-monsters/

As I'm sure you can hear, I am still new at creating electronic music and still have much to learn. I would love to hear your thoughts.

I created the music on TNR-i and then mixed it with this beautiful recording of children playing by AGFX from Vancouver - http://freesound.org/people/AGFX/sounds/54067/.

she plays with monsters

a strange song about many beautiful, golden beings covered in fur that i saw in a dream in my early seizures. they all came around and protected me from dark clouds. 

www.subtlebeing.com

they protect you

This song started when I was thinking about more dreams I've had about seizures. Sometimes, there are sweet creatures and beings that I am seeing after a long time. For the song, I made electronic samples imagining different ones. Then I played my flute on top of the mix, picturing that as me talking to them.

I'm trying again to do the live flute playing over electronic creation. It's not easy! But oh well, I'm having fun.

Intrinsic

Had a partial seizure of some kind on the subway this afternoon. It's the first time I've had one in public since surgery in October 2012. And unfortunately, I was alone. No one else seemed to notice, as no one said anything. I'm glad it wasn't grand mal. I guess the nocturnal only phase might be ending.

Anyhow, this is how I feel today.  

Post-Ictal

She lived on the sea and so she swam out one day, even though it was raining. But then a storm started, and then thunder and lightening started. She had to swim back home. 

http://www.subtlebeing.com

She Swims Back

Sometimes the sharks come in clusters, too. But you have to keep swimming, dear one. It will be okay in the long run. Trust us. 

on the blog: http://subtlebeing108.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/cluster-downtempo/

Cluster

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

blog post about the experience on subtlebeing.com: http://subtlebeing108.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/lacosamide-trip/

Lacosamide Trip

Ok - I'm in a mood. I am so tired of this epilepsy and I know letting it out in this sound will help me today. This piece is rough and I made it in less than an hour. But it helps me. Thank God for expression through electronic music.