what am i doing wrong?

better days

i can't keep being strong for you... i feel like my end is coming soon. every day it gets harder to find the reason to keep it pushing. hopefully i find that reason soon.

cant keep being strong

Take me to the rooftop i wanna see the world when i stop breathing turning blue

Im checking my phone
But everything sent is read
Is there something wrong with me
Or is it something i said
I bet she wish i were dead
Im wishin that werent true
I wishin we could fix the problems that were with me and you
And maybe after all they were unfixable
But i would look inside your eyes and then feel invincible
Fuck the whole world and all of its principles
The only thing i know is without you i am miserable

Can u take this pain in my chest and please tell me what is left
Ive been trying my best to put all this shit to rest
But i can't even sleep cause your always in my head
I think id rather be dead yea, think id rather be dead(x2)

Do you even care how you left me
You left me broken and guessing
Im guessing you got ur blessing
While im stuck in my mind stressing
Your out an havin a blast
While im a living disaster
Feels like im stuck in the past
Im hopin death with come faster
I cant get a grip unless its on a knife or a bottle
I feel like life is just awful
I pray to christ like apostles
Im hopin he'll end my problems
Cause God knows i cannot solve em
Their from the past like their fossils
cant write them off like a novel

Can u take this pain in my chest and please tell me what is left
Ive been trying my best to put all this shit to rest
But i can't even sleep cause your always in my head
I think id rather be dead yea, think id rather be dead(x2)

Take Me [prod. LCS & AyeGee]

My heart is broke and i dont know
How to fix this shit feelin so low
Been hinting at death like a damn crow
Point the gun to my head let it unload
Would they even care if i died today
Id rather do that then live life with pain
And let it wipe away
All the guilt and the sadness thats contained within my mind space
And all this time shes playing mind games
Stay up late 12-4 thats the time frame
All the hate i abhor coming my way
And your face i adore fading away
What can i do for you to love me back
Cause im stuck on you and i cant detach
And My mind is dark and my heart is cold
And im sorry now that i cant uphold
This relationship
I would rather die then to feel like this
And this hurts a lot for you it hurts a bit
Will you give me love just a little bit
Pour another cup i take another sip
My heart is numb and i start to slip
Down another path took another route
You said fuck me and to shut my mouth
And then you shut me out

Here i come back heres the moment i take the chance to feel at home
But its overgrown and im on my own but theres so many people around me
Im screaming loud but the people surrounding cant seem to hear me now
What i feared is now
I cant figure out
What is wrong with me
You said, "its me not you"
And im so confused
Like what can i do
Just accept the fact that im broken and bruised
You act like its nothing to you
Well its something to me
And im starting to think
That all the problems fuckin started with me
The pain over bearing
My heart theres a tear in
Your cold eyes are starin
You said that you care 
But i think that you dont
The stress it controlls me dont need a remote
Im closing my eyes and i pray to the sky but sky dont know why when its push comes to shove 
I pray that im dreaming the thoughts of a demon my inside is screaming and its saying fuck love

(RIP X)

Fuck Love [prod. Why Loner & AyeGee]

Lyrics- (back up vocals in beat by @iriasona )

Rip out my chest then
I know you want me dead
Swear ur prayin for my end 
So i guess i am blessed then
Im grabbin at my gun 
I might blast that shit for fun
No more feelin like im less than
Swear i gotchu on my mind
Got me praying all the time
Praying that all my stress end
Swear i gotchu on my mind
Got me praying all the time
Praying that all my stress end
 
You are the cause of my loneliness
You always told me to always just focus on you
So i dropped all my friends that were there for me
Looks of despair in your face it was scaring me
All of my friends that i love ive departed now
You are the one i rely on for guidance now
I see your face somethings changed all your love is gone
Maybe its cause you were off texting other jawns

I hate myself and I swear that you hate me too
Look at the pain all the things that you put me through 
Heart is left sprained scared of love scared of hating too 
Karma comes back itll bang like an ak do(x2)

Rip out my chest then
I know you want me dead
Swear ur prayin for my end 
So i guess i am blessed then
Im grabbin at my gun 
I might blast that shit for fun
No more feelin like im less than
Swear i gotchu on my mind
Got me praying all the time
Praying that all my stress end
Swear i gotchu on my mind
Got me praying all the time
Praying that all my stress end

Karma [prod. CapsCtrl]

Can I go on
How can I live
You are not gone if i never forget
I can still see
You in my head
Some where inside me i know your not dead
Where have you gone
Can i come too?
I hear your whisper inside of my room
Life makes no sense
Why'd they take you?
Now i don't know when they're taking me too

My hearts broken too cant you leave me in this room
My heart broke in two cant you get me out this mood
My minds gone its true it left me as you left too
What is fake? whats true? can someone give me a clue?

I always remember your face you
can never get out of my mind cause
you were an invisible staple
Never realized you were gone til
Everything was falling apart so
You'll always be here in my heart til
Im struck just breathing my last breath
Cant wait to see you beyond death

Like you went in my dreams
And my mind deprived me
Of happy feelings cause
Im not deserving of
Anyone's help cause im
Not as important as
My moma told me cause
We are a spec on this
Earth and we are not worth
Anyones fucking time
Wishin i could rewind
Back to when you were fine
So i could hug you for
Just one last fucking time
And tell you i love you
Hey uncle, i love you.

Can I go on
How can I live
You are not gone if i never forget
I can still see
You in my head
Some where inside me i know your not dead
Where have you gone
Can i come too?
I hear your whisper inside of my room
Life makes no sense
Why'd they take you?
Now i don't know when they're taking me too
Can I go on
How can I live
You are not gone if i never forget
I can still see
You in my head
Some where inside me i know your not dead
Where have you gone
Can i come too?
I hear your whisper inside of my room
Life makes no sense
Why'd they take you?
Now i don't know when they're
Now i don't know when they're

Now I don't know where in life I have landed
God gave me this life now I take it for granted
I pray everynight and I can't understand it
Why give me this life just to leave me abandoned

can i go on? [prod. boyfifty]

She stabbed at my heart to make sure i was dead
Im looking around me and no one is left
I pick up my phone no more texts from my friends
Although i prayed against it im met with my end
Above my dead body shes sad and shes crying
She puts the dirt on me so that she can start smiling
She starts hating me and she starts gettin violent
While i cry alone, she has got her enlightenment
Ive been spiraling down in this grave of mine
I cant fall asleep with this pain inside
I think ill be put in an insane asylum
If i make it out of this compromised
She really hates me i had to recognize
And all my emotions were set aside
I hope when she finds out shes not suprised
When she learns that i commited suicide
Lyin dead in her arms
She stares at the scars that she caused from start 
I tried to grab hold but she started her car
And shes driving away as im stuck with the pain that she caused in my brain as she left

As She Left [prod. 808Caleb]

(Hook)
My name is Silence
Not silent no more
If you dont fuck with me 
Then head out the door
I used to drink fourths
Now i pray to the lord
Im finding my purpose
Im done with these whores

Fuck that love that i thought we had
And fuck those feelings there in the past
Gotta keep moving forward no time to slack
Im killin all this shit so i got to brag

(Verse)
Bitches be doin the most
I just succeed then I boast
Bitches stay dreamin bout gold
Im just completing my goals
Pop off then hop in the rolls
We never fold
We'll keep on working our game
We'll keep perfecting our craft
We'll keep on working on fame
We cannot stop til we crash
And if we crash we'll just do it again

Never took an L cause it their loss
And if i ever take an L i wont care dog
Cause if i ever take an L ima bounce back
I might fuck around and even get a fuckin gold plaque
I just been gone for a minute
I lose my mind everytime that im in it
Post up never fake
Guess im zion wit it
Fuck around and catch a case then pray i win it
God

(Bridge)
I just got thrown to the side
I prayed to god that I'd die
He looked to me in my eye
And told that everythings fine
Im prayin that's not a lie

I looked to him for some guidance
He said i need to start rhyming
I picked up a pen and then wrote through the cryin
He asked me for my name and you know i responded with

(Hook)
My name is Silence 
Not silent no more
If you dont fuck with me 
Then head out the door
I used to drink fourths
Now i pray to the lord
Im finding my purpose
Im done with these whores

Fuck that love that i thought we had
And fuck those feelings there in the past
Gotta keep moving forward no time to slack
Im killin all this shit so i got to brag

Volta [prod. mathiastyner]

The pain in my heart got me sufferin
No end in sight so instead im just smothering
Thoughts in my head got me dead like my uncle is
Pray everynight that he helps me to not commit
I admit
I could do better than i have done
But i cant help but to romanticize a gun
Up to my dome im alone and my heart is broke
"This aint my end," lets pretend maybe try some hope
Dont know how u could move on so fast
I gave you my heart and u gave me a laugh
Now your heart is off with some other man
I know that you know that its making me mad
I know that you know that its making me sad
I want you to know im not missing our past
But i cant not help but to wish i were dead but im never allowin myself to collapse

My only expressions depression
Im tyin a noose and im stickin my head in
Through that deadly loop i can see all my blessins
I take a step back and redact my intentions (x4) 
Damn

A slit on my wrist
The pain drowns all the sorrow
Take a shot to forget
But remember tommorow
Take another blue pill
Just to let me sit still
All my angels are killed
So i forget my morals
I hate
All of this time that i waste
I sit here and think of your face
And i lay
Here in my bed in dismay
Grab a gun and put it to my brain
I decay
In a grave
As my soul begins to fade
keepin pace with my demons
But satan is winnin this race
Im alone
But im not
To my dome
Take a shot
Satans home
Is my heart
Now my souls
Ripped apart
Damn

Im feelin down but i look to the sky
Im screamin aloud and im left asking why
No answer returns but in prayers i confide
I pray for my safety then my stress subsides
I felt emotionless
I cant give up so close to this
Devil filled me with hopelessness
Ill try to move on but i cant forget 

My only expressions depression
Im tyin a noose and im stickin my head in
Through that deadly loop i can see all my blessins
I take a step back and redact my intentions (x4) 
Damn

Noose [prod. Ocean Beats]

Sonnet 1

I have been waiting for my pain to fade
I try to forgive but cannot forget
A bottle tells me he can numb all my pain
Killing my liver and im still upset

Lucifer watching me on lonely streets
He's hoping that i will indulge again
He watches intently with front row seats
Lost in my sorrow i forget my friends

I hear a voice, not an evil one now
Then i see a face appear from the dark
He grabs and shows me passage to the clouds
Trust him, but cant trust. Guess this is a start.

A prayer to my god, replaces a drug
Forget the darkness. Remember the love.

Sy

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