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My own recipe combining metal and shoegaze. Existential crises abound.

Sunshine

I love to waste time. I always have. I love frittering away hours watching a TV show or movies, imagining false scenarios in la la land and in more  recent years just scrolling through social media endlessly. Days and days, weeks and weeks, months and months and even years and years I've spent doing just that. Procrastination is second nature to me and I never felt bad about it. 
In the last few years though there's been this creeping feeling. I notice I'm not as young as I used to be. A new generation has replaced mine and I feel the disconnect. Everything is changing, mostly in ways that I don't like and I have changed. Mostly too in ways that I don't like.

I don't get excited for much anymore. What I do have I feel slipping through my fingers more and more each day and increasingly I view the future with more of a sense of dread than a sense of... you know I'm not quite sure I ever thought about the future much at all. 

I was never competitive. Goals and targets never motivated me much. But I can't help but feel bad about the time that I didn't do much with. And the real fucker is that it's all. My. Own. Fault.

My nonchalance and laissez-fair attitude have led me here and I can't say I wasn't warned. I know what I have to do but honestly, I still don't know if I've fully learned this lesson. Because I still love to waste time. I still love to spend time in la la land.

Nonchalance

I fucking hate that art is a product.  

I hate that artists can't just be artists, they need to be a brand. They need to be a comedian or a sex symbol or a style icon. Preferably all three. They need commercial appeal. Marketability. Lore. 
Their art can't just be honest and niche. They need to be constantly growing and need to be willing to change their style to keep up with the latest trends. They need to tick boxes and appeal to demographics because that's the true measure of an artist; how much money their work is worth. How many listeners they have. How many followers they have. It all needs to be quantifiable and look good on a spreadsheet.

Most of all though; I hate that shit art that ticks boxes will always be popular, despite being shit.

I'm probably just bitter and jealous that I don't have millions of listeners and a career from my music. I honestly don't begrudge people who want to be commercial artists. I can't be mad at people who want to make money from their passion. That path takes extreme dedication and hard work too. I get that people don't want to put in all this effort and end up working behind a counter for 8 hours a day to make art in their spare time. That's what most of us do and it sucks. 
And it's not like I don't like popular franchises or properties with commercial appeal because I do. Everyone does. But for the most part it's never been the type of art I wanted to make. I like imperfection, I like anti-commercial appeal and I like people who do what they do because they like it and don't give a fuck about being popular. I'm also not saying that any artist deserves money or praise for their work just because and any art that is popular is automatically shit, because it's not. Authenticity isn't everything.

I don't have the answer to all my gripes here and I'm not making 100% sense. I guess I'm just frustrated and need to express my yearning for a different world. A world where artists are respected more for their integrity and unwillingness to compromise their vision and more clout chasing posers are cast out. Or is that really what I want? Say for example this song were to blow up and I suddenly get showered with praise and money and offers of deals and success, honestly I think I'd be mortified. That's what happened to Kurt Cobain right? Nirvana inexplicably became the biggest band in the world and it took for that to happen for him to realise that that's the last thing he wanted.
 
Wow this is too long. Look, I just want to make the art I want to make without having to try and sell it and I want more time to dedicate to music, but not if that means having to write jingles for adverts or perform guitar aerobics on TikTok. 

Anyway. That's what "Worthless" is about. 
Cheers
Martin

WORTHLESS

Around 3 years into our relationship, my partner had to move away to study. We wanted to try to make it work long distance but after about 8 months they decided to end the relationship. What they wanted out of life had changed, we were living separate lives... You get the idea. 

I totally understood the decision and honestly saw it coming eventually, but maybe not in that moment... One weekend when they were home visiting their parents, they randomly texted me and asked if we could meet to talk. I jokingly texted back "You're not breaking up with me are you?" They took about 5 minutes to reply after seeing the message, without confirming or denying, so I knew I had my answer.

I didn't argue. It was clear they had made up their mind and it wasn't a decision they had made lightly. I also respected the hell out of them for doing it in person. Best to have some dignity I thought and accept it and start the process of moving on. That doesn't mean it wasn't tough though. This was 2 months into the pandemic so life was chaotic and lonely enough already.

I've never been one to remain in contact with people after a break-up. I could never handle things like them not looking at me the same way anymore. But it's only natural to want to know that they're safe. I still cared about them after all.

So this is a song I wrote during that time of being steeped in fresh heartbreak, early pandemic fear, uncertainty and loneliness. Wanting to reach out (and let's be totally honest, to pretend for an instant that things were how they used to be) but not being able to due to my own hang-ups. 

It's also the first SUNKENCHEST track I managed to finish and the one that solidified a lot of what the project would sound like. It means a lot to me and I hope it means even a little something to you.

God I Hope You're Ok

You're walking on a grey day alone somewhere remote. It's raining and you're far away from home. You're contemplating your life. Where you've come from, where you are and where you're heading. Not quite sure how to feel about any of it. So you just walk towards the horizon. Picking out the natural and the man made structures large enough to make out. Wondering what they'll look like when you reach them, and then what you'll be able to see on the horizon from there.

SUNKENCHEST

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