Look, sometimes you need to call tech support. Maybe a bird has quieted you, or it's your tranquilizer anniversary and you need to buy a gift. Maybe you have bunch disease, or maybe Wilma Flintstone has relegated you to a different position. Well, whatever your issue, our operators are standing by to help. Enjoy!

285: Tech Support Hotline, or Painting the Basket of Eternity!

We're back, heading toward our 300th and final episode! Today, our old pals Grandma & Grandpa are visiting Towel Inferno, a retirement home they're looking into. If you've ever wanted a toilet that sprays a falcon's spit onto your wallet, or if you just want to haul a robot to New Brunswick, this one's for you! Enjoy!

293: Grandma & Grandpa at the Retirement Home, or It's Illegal to Knit a Lie!

Hello again, friends! We're down to the final 4 episodes, and this one is guaranteed to help. Vlad & Valery, our Russian radio hosts will discuss how to listen to their show with or without a radio, how to fill a weasel with change, and the existence of munchmallows. Plus, Ted stops by to help the helpers! Listen now, and just remember that tomorrow is a monkey with furniture!

297: Vlad and Valery with Special Guest Ted, or Maybe Dolphin Knows Uncomfortableness!

It's our antepenultimate episode, and, well, it really kind of falls apart almost immediately and never quite goes back together again. Our guides through history and the natural world, Tarleton and Wilter explore Medieval times (and give up), then move onto the ocean, and finally to Billy Ocean. There are walls made of uncle juice, a bag of Chinese underwear, everything you want. Enjoy!

298: Tarleton and Wilter, and the Mysteries of the Ocean and Billy Ocean!

It's our penultimate episode, and it's an old-fashioned western! So tie a green rope around a fat bird and get under the parking bench, because it's time to head back to a time when horse baskets were made out of horse materials!

299: Gunfight at High Noon, or Driven Insane by the Cone-Shaped Almond

This is it, folks. After 6 years, we're at our 300th episode and our finale! What's on tap today? 

--A couple of candy makers talk about their old fashioned methods like using a cybernetic link to control a dead monkey and have it make the candy.
--The WW2 soldiers from way back in Episode ONE return for one more mission, to blow up a bridge, fall in love, and give a Beck CD to their moms.
--A little thank you to some of our pals and fans.

Thanks so much for all the fun, everybody! We really loved being stupid for you!

300: The Big Finale, or That's a Great Thing I Said and I'm Glad I Said It

HELLO! Welcome back to us existing for a second! We just kind of felt like doing a little something, and it was close to Halloween, and so here we are again! If you've ever casted a spell with eye of newt, scuba Ralph and the pepperoni face of a failed child, this one's for you! Enjoy!

SUPER CREE PEE TIME: The Witches! A Special Halloween Minisode!

HO HO HO!!! It's that time of year, and even though we're not really doing this anymore, we're doing THIS. It's just before Christmas in Santa's workshop, and it's time for a few last minute preparations. Did you know that if you go bowling with a corpse, you're on the nice list? Have you ever wanted to play Mortal Kombat, except with Pewter? Have you cried in the shape of robots? Well, this one's for you!

The 2021 Holiday Special! Christmas is Here: Vermin Are Everywhere!!!

Will you still need us, will you still feed us, when we've posted Episode 64? You don't do those things already, so I guess it's not fair to hold you to them now.

GERALDBURGER SPOT FEATURING TARLETON & WILTER: Our intrepid adventurers are here to promote their favorite restaurant, the GeraldBurger. Hear all about the semantics of whether an eagle can be overhead and licked at the same time, the magic of the go away meal, and there's a jar of bleach for the 1st hundred customers to share.

PILOTS, A UFO, AND A CATALOG: You know, we were going to do a scene about a UFO encounter involving a couple of airline pilots. But we kind of got side tracked by a skymall-esque catalog that features such fabulous products as a toilet seat that pokes your butt with braille, a year's supply of one giant steak, a fruit implosion rifle, and many more. Really, a lot more.

September has been by far our biggest month yet. So spread this madness around! Share it with your friends. Share it with the pope. Share it with any pope at all. We don't care. We're not that into popes, but we're willing to learn.

64: That Desk Lamp That Moistens the Pope

Something old and something new this week. 

First up, a couple of Wizards plotting to warn their king of a terrible prophecy. At least that's what it ended up being. So put a pair of undies on a baby camel only you can see, and enjoy the mystery and magic, under the Hoopmaker's moon...

Then, something from the Super Pee Pee Vaults. We have a handful of clips lying around, minding their own business, not being used, never having been in an episode. This one is a space shuttle launch that...well, obviously since it's us, the launch itself never really happens, per se. But Head Engineer Peterson and his assistant, Falconboy, are on the job. They are visited by a strange presence, and planning various books like, "How to Fit the Whole World Into a Peanut Brittle For Dummies."

So, wallpaper your walnuts, and just paper your regular nuts, and get in there, people. And also pets who are listeners (congrats on learning the podcast interface!) 

Oh, and subscribe on iTunes and you get our shows every Thursday morning, before we've even announced them. You'll be the worry of all your friends!

85: All My Children Have Kneed Me In The Quasar

Are you unready for episode 97? We thought you'd never not ask!

First, it's a space launch. But it's one that requires Ted the Lifecoach AND Carol. So you know it's going well. So put Peachnuts on the phone, prepare your forward elbow, and give yourself a trophy for sliding on dry cereal. Let's go!

And then, we go back in time to a couple of gents trying to get off of work early to get to their bowling tournament. So listen, enjoy, and invest in ravioli, or my swarm will activate. 

If you liked this show, please subscribe on iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts!

97: Squirrel Face Stew

Mac on stay-cation means he doesn't want to get up early on Thursday. And what does that mean? EARLY EPISODE!

First up, get ready for some QVC home shopping magnificence. We'll be showing you jewelry, housery, filthery, and milkery. A hand that is brought to life using voodoo, a little bony whistle flute, and a snowguck which ends up being just what it sounds like, basically. 

And then...it's a musical about a marathon. We didn't know we were going to do a musical. And we almost succeeded in not doing one. But we're nice people and we mean well. If you've ever wondered if that special someone will notice your malted milk ball eye, this is the musical for you.

We love you guys for listening. Tell a friend. Tell a stranger. Scream about us into your pillow at night. Or during the day, we're not the boss of you.

98: Elderly Grand-honky

You know, sometimes we create these elaborate outlines of what we're going to do. Sometimes we just wing it. But sometimes we put together a nice, simple, short outline. Easy to remember, no problems at all. And then we chuck them within minutes because, I mean, come on.

We start off with what was to be a 50's-style Sci Fi movie. Wonderful. But then we made the fatal mistake of going to commercial...and we just kind of never came back. It's not even clear what the commercial was for. But it was 30 minutes long, so clearly it must have been important. Why else would we do it? WHY ELSE?

Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening to EPISODE 99! Or even just for reading this blurb. Although, if you read this and didn't listen, that would be weird. But hey, do your own thing, man.

99: Sergeant, Give Yourself A Treat

Sometimes in life, a couple needs a helping hand. An outside eye to help them find a new place in their relationship. Sometimes one of them has an erotic fixation on Casper the Friendly Ghost. Sometimes there is a stork behind glass with a sign that reads "Break Glass In Case Of Not Stork." Sometimes you farm for oysters thousands of miles from the ocean. Sometimes, folks, you just have to close up your helping holes, take a deep breath in, and then take another deep breath in, and just keep on breathing in....

And if that wasn't enough, we had a little "Hal Embry Ford" left over, so you've got that going for you, too! 

If you enjoyed this nonsense, come by and see us on twitter and tell us what's wrong with you!

143: Couple's Therapy, or Trofimoff's Whiskey Underpants Giblets

Two of the most highly elite soldiers are deep behind enemy lines, with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. Will one of them be shot in the Snoopy machine? Will they have time to use meat to lie to people? Will their teammates be able to do that thing that makes you look like you're riding a unicycle even when you're not? Hard to say, hard to say.

(NOTE: in 2019, we're going to be recording every other week, so the episodes will be a little shorter. We hope the seven of you that will notice won't mind too much, but it's the way we can keep putting these babies out week.)

180: Special Ops, or Yeah, Karate Gets Weird After a While

Ah, the great outdoors! Family. A scoutmaster who hurts himself with Excalibur. The Lady UNDER the Lake. Simpson's Soap and the Hiney Powder Squirt. All that stuff. It's a scouting adventure, with a father and a son, and a lot of really weird stuff. You'll love it. Enjoy!

202: Scouting Adventure! or, Making Music with a Clam-Chowder-o-Phone

You know those shows where there's a horribly dangerous weather event and people risk their lives to be kind of near it? Well, we don't, but we did one anyway! Learn all about Chicken Sandwich Day at Pirateville, a pantry full of groovy powder, and licking the only safe end of a narwhal. And storms! And a can of opera sauce flung right through a merry-go-round. All of this, and less. Enjoy!

203: Storm Chasing, brought to you by Neighbor and the Boys!

Well, it's that spooky time of year again, when Bela Lugosi cradled a frog, when you find yourself packing your crossbow that sips juice for you, and heading out into the zombie apocalypse. So if you feel the need for a zombie thriller, or you just want to massage a loan shark or comb a pharmacist, well, this one's for you.

220: Zombie Apocalypse! or Running Out of Pantry Juice

Do you ever just wish your grandpa and his old, weird friend would sit you down and tell you stories about when they were in the war? Of course not, right? But what if those stories featured diet Herman juice, and getting stabbed by a train with a knife? That's a little better, isn't it? Sure. Sure, it is.

222: Tales from the Great War, or Betty Grable Licked all the Fruit off a Crazy Guy

You know those TED talks, where a brilliant scientist shows you the world in a way you've never seen it before? Where you learn that a carrot will repel gravy? Where the scientist earned their porkulate degree from the University of Sad Sad Sacks? Where a Frankenberry crankshaft is involved? You know those science talks? Yeah, you do. Yeah, well, this is just like that. Enjoy!

229: Science Talk! or Group Soup Enjoyment!

Is your hat flavored like a church? Do you have a syndrome that makes your eyes look like your ears? Well, then, looks like it's time for a visit to the folksy ol' country doctor. Just take one pill at pretzel hour every time the top half of your body sins against the bottom half, and part your hair on the inside of your head. You'll be just fine.

241: The Old Country Doctor, or Whisper the Gonad Song to Henry the Arbitrator

This week, we take you back to the early days of this nation, where people believed in witches, or "Operators of the dark" which is definitely not how you say that. Back when your dad was a clam server at a clam restaurant, and when reading a hosiery package in an evil way could get you tried for witchcraft. Enjoy it at Gordon's Happy House: For When Your Steam is Lonely.

243: The Witch Trial, or Some Horses Have Arms

Well, you know how sometimes you gotta take little TreeDog's sister to the vet after her voodoo doll was trampled on by a road warrior? You know, when they give you a nice commemorative "What Pies Mean To Me" jacket? When your little pet is caught in a Moses Loop? Well, this episode is a lot like that.

244: The Veterinarian's Office, or a Lemon That's Rigged for Death

Hey kids, it's that time again for story time! If you feel like you are a phone, then call yourself on you, and if you feel grandma-ish, put on this grandma mask! Hose each other off with glad powder, and definitely don't sheep someone who isn't looking. And always remember, Drugs Are No!

246: Children's Story Hour, or I Can See an Empty Bowl of Rice!

You know what would be perfect right now? A master class in self-improvement. Or in ripening things before they're ready! Just head on down to the school that's next door to Uncle Angry's HearseMobile, which is a giant car that houses a hearse. And remember, the wrong indecision can kill!

248: The Master Class, or Uncle Angry's HearseMobile!

Well, it looks like we've hit an important milestone (our 250th episode!) just when Miss Issatalia is turning 250. It's time to celebrate! If your neck is so wide that you have to drink solids, or if you're hungry for a meatball that wind's Neil Diamond's watch with its peepee, you know just what we mean. Listen now, and we can all play "trim the baby oil off the chandelier"!

250: Miss Issatalia's Birthday, or Don't Bogart the Failure Cream!

The Craft Ladies are back! And they've got all kinds of tips for crafts you can work on without having to leave the house! Like pouring mud for the insane, or wienering a troll, or an oyster holding a sign that says "I'm not anything." You need all of that right now!

252: The Craft Ladies at Home, or Now it's My Turn to Not Know What You Mean

Our favorite restauranteurs are back, with the kind of fanciness that chilled their grandmother's trampoline salesman's goiter off! You might not be able to handle this kind of fanciness, but if you succumb to binary quail disease, you'll write a thank you note from beyond the grave. Enjoy!

261: The Gianetti Brothers Return, or Tomato Butter is Butter a Tomato Uses on Its Food

It's that time of year again! The time for spooky stuff like ruby-encrusted irons, golden pine sol containers, and THIS! The Curse of the Mummy! A Super Cree-Pee Time Spectacular in TWO EPISODES! Today: part 1, where Rebecca and Charles, two archaeologists, you know, look for mummies and stuff. And they wear t-shirts that say "I'm With Cheddar" and they try to baby a horseradish salesman. Stuff like that! Enjoy!

263: Curse of the Mummy! Part 1 or...You Shouldn't Trickle on People you don't Know!

Well, we did it. We did a "part 2" instead of just totally abandoning the premise! The Mummy has captured Rebecca! Will Charles free her? Will the Halloween Superstore sell something that smells like the booster seat at a Shoney's? The answers to these questions and less are just a click away!

264: Curse Of The Mummy Part 2! Or, Put a Blintz on my Rowdy Parts!

You know those fancy dog grooming contests? You know, the ones where you have to geese yourself in private? And where sideways is not an option? You know, the ones where "zither powder" arranges itself in the shape of an organ donor? Talking dogs, the whole thing? Well, this is one of those. Enjoy!

265: Halloween Dog Grooming Contest! or Salisbury Steak While Crying

This week, we've got a couple of super agents pitching their two biggest stars some ideas for holidays they might want to do. Like "The Budgie's Outhouse" or "The Night Prancer Fared Poorly." The kind of thing you'd see starring Peanut Butter Franklin, or some cremated tangerines. Enjoy!

270: Holiday Movie Ideas, or Rowdy Johnny Hurts Himself

The aliens have arrived, and they aren't friendly. Can our heroes foil their fiendish plot? With only a lick protector, some wheeze oil, a little more voodoo equipment, and a psychic boy whose finger is bathing in criminal oil, they'll have to try. Also, there are some alligators who just won't shut up about how they get it on, which is unfortunate, but what are we supposed to do about it now, you know?

278: Alien Invasion, and Sexual Alligators!

Unscripted absurd (and usually explicit and NSFW) comedy madness. A podcast brought to you every Thursday by Jeff Mac & Cade Chilcoat with nothing but voice changing machines, sound effects, music, and all the characters in their weird brains. 

Mac and Cade haven't seen each other in person in over 20 years. This is the kind of thing that happens when you do that, we guess.

Super Pee Pee Time

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