I don't know who I am anymore.
I sit and stare, at the man sitting and staring at the floor
"Stay honest"
But honestly I stayed away from everything
And slowly isolation tore its way into my heart
Then inside my soul
I became a different person
From fully whole to a to full of holes
Life is so simple in theory
But chaos in practice
The smallest misdirection has led too disasters
And the chains I used to see
On once poorer souls
have now made their way to me
And the weight I used to see
On friends faces has made its way to me.

composed by Drewsif Stalin
featuring Drewsif Stalin and Axel Otero



Chains ( unmixed and unfinished preview)

"Lynn" is the middle name of my mother. The lyrics to this song were actually from a letter I wrote when i was 14 yrs old. My parents sat us down and told us that while we knew mom was already sick, they were now going to define it.
The doctors told us there was a very large percentage chance that she had about 5 yrs left to live. And while it wasn't definite , there was a really good chance. This as you can imagine was pretty crushing. 
I didnt process it well at all

Growing up in a military family you most likely know one parent really well. Mostly because the other is deployed a lot, sometimes up to 8 months. And add to this the fact that i was already somewhat of a "momma's boy". I loved my dad, i revered him as well. but my mother was my primary caregiver.
She was the feeling of "home". No matter if you love home or hate Home it still holds weight. and you are not unaffected when it is rocked. And i loved home.

One day soon after i decided to write my mom a letter. I wrote it and put in where she could see. Then realized i wanted to be nowhere near her when she read it, so i ran away. to the other side of the military base. and hid behind a bus stop, packed with enough candy to last me a day or 2. My brother found me, i still have no freaking clue how. but he talked me out of staying, and we returned. I locked myself away in the bathroom for at least 6 hrs, and could not stop thinking about what she'd say. and if she'd be mad. finally i came out. She was there, i have no idea what she was feeling. i cant imagine. But we never said a word. She just hugged me.

The words you hear and read her are exactly what was in that letter.

"Lynn" The Aurora Borealis Project

Erode (Unmixed Version)

I miss your voice
Our divide grows deeper
Every day I don't make that decision
The lines of love have been drawn
And I am stuck trying to imagine
a detour , and the perfect mind
 You bled for me.
What can i give you?
What is the sum of a man?
Failure and inconsistency,
Each and every time.
In moments I would die,
I would literally die for you.
And at times i would walk away.
Walk with my back to your life.
EMOTION IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE
THE DRIVER OF A BROKEN RACE.
What is the sum of grace?
Completion of the incomplete.
 e

In Moments

"Instead of Who I Am"

Demo

I am incomplete.
Though i have longed for hope,
Though i believe it is there
I have not ascertained its fresh breath.
The wind blows a softer tune,
But it is still the song of despair.
The days when i heard of you were bright
Though you were miles away,
I still had reason to dream.
But the darkness has come.
And with its entrance, the exit of dreaming has taken place.
Why do we sing alone.  (Why do we sing without)
Is there beauty in solitude
Or have we romanticized the ideal of brokenheartedness

" A Softer Tune" ft. Drewsif Stalin

Instrumental by Noyan of NYN and Carthage
Lyrics:
Tonight I'll sing to you
It will open up every layer of me but the truth
Tonight I'll attempt leave the past behind
And I'll come up empty
Just like every other time.
You've sent a rescue boat and I sent it back without me
Tonight I'll try to remove the fiction between you and I
And ill endeavor at removing the friction
that is digging away at my relationship of lies
Tonight when I sing , I can only sing for the truth
Because there are two parts of me.
The one that does. And the one that doesn't want you
As if an ocean surrounding an island
That is the distance between where I used to be
and where I stand
And just like that piece of land
surrounded by the sea
Such is an exact representation of my beliefs
And the smallest part of me
Is what I wish could sing
Sing a song with a volume so great
You could hear through the miles and the crashing waves
From my heart to yours and my voice to your ears
Then maybe the water would turn from me
and instead wash away all these years
And every falsehood retreat with the tide
And somehow reveal a longstanding bridge
Between our lives.
And though it seems distant and too far a chance
This is why I sing, and this
Is my last romance

Vista Mare 2 (Last Romance) from the upcoming album "Last Romance"

"Do you remember love?
I do.
I remember the days when you used to love me too
When not a word in the language we speak
Could define the affection you had for me.
You would run the roads between want and need
Without stopping for regrets
Visiting both sides equally.
You see, there was a time when we boasted in our hopes
Now these are relics of a time past
They are ghosts
There is a chasm of truth in detail I choose not to light.
For a time I tried to remind you of us,
But where we once had vision
Now there is only night
And no fight in your fists
Just like us, you opened them up
And let go of everything we had to give
I've learned to leave to the wind 
The whispered wailings for times past
Then walk away , hoping they'll float 
Just like a songs notes
Of those times gone past
Then become the serenade of our great collapse"

Collapse

Featuirng Drewsif Stalin and composed by Ian Wilmot

Lyrics
You are safe in my arms tonight
Ill watch over you
And care for your sleep
I will hold so careful
In my arms this life
That has been rocked
By the stormiest of seas
You are safe in my arms tonight
And though the world is jagged
I will walk for you my Dear
And when the vision is low
You can stay here
And though you shake
And though you tremble
I will not move

Hold You By The Aurora Borealis Project

Act II: Continues the narrative from Hold of Hades. Here the the entertaining of the man's demons has lead to the tightening of their grip , and some of the darkest thoughts, visions, ...and voices he has ever heard. 

Hold onto insanity for a few moments
tasting the bitter winds of complexity untamed
The sky meets the water
The water the sky
the pearly white teeth of destruction
With a tempting glare of hope
Of momentary completion
Like a creature with no home
I am searching for a warm body.
Termination is more inviting than truth
Be overcome by the noiseless fury of frustration.
Breathe deep
Close your eyes
Leer over the ledge of the minds abyss
Succumb
I'm no longer sure of steps
Nor motivation
Nor of my ability to take them
Im pretty sure Id fall apart
Piece by decaying piece
I'd search for my slowing heart
And confirm its absence
Descend

Act II: Descend

*THE SONG IS CURRENTLY MAXED ON DOWNLOADS . SO I AM ADDING IT TO MY BANDCAMP FOR1.00 OR PAY WHAT YOU WANT at https://theauroraborealisproject.bandcamp.com/track/the-light-i-never-did-see-ft-drewsif-stalin-and-jarrod-alonge


The song "The Light I Never Did See" is written about realizing the falsehoods we have of love and dependence And learning more about ourselves in the process as we hopefully realize what our shortcomings are. 

Instrumental written and recorded by Jarrod Alonge
Some Post Production and most clean singing by Drewsif Stalin



I used to sit outside and wait for you
Though I knew you'd never come
I'd hope and I'd pray that you'd show your pretty face
Or turn your light back on
And confirm you were waiting for me too
I'd romanticize this ideal of you
And me
Of how in love we were, and how you needed to be
Close to the only thing that could keep you breathing
And how I was that one
The one that could save you.
But to tell you the tame truth, you never felt for me
And though it lay before my eyes
Just like your light that I never did see
Though I waited with every bit of me.
In many ways i haven't moved on
I'm still sitting there on that swing
I'm may no longer be waiting for you
I'm realizing now Ive been waiting on me

"The Light I Never Did See"  ft. Drewsif Stalin and Jarrod Alonge

I think about your illness most times before I think of you
 I think about how much I hate your coughs 
And how that makes it so hard to be with you. 
I think about how your condition cripples 
The strength you used to hold this whole family up 
And how much I wish I could show, 
in return that love 
Every bottle and every pill 
Every surgery that's held you still 
Every time I lean in to kiss your head 
I see the frailty of someone wilting unto the dead. 
Its so hard for me to stop thinking of what might have been 
And in the time of farewells 
I'm barely present

In The Time of Farewells (Lynn Pt. 2) Featuring Drewsif Stalin

I'm not really into doing covers. but "Until I Feel Nothing" has always stuck with me in that it is an extreme expression of emotion,  and depression, things that have affected me. And while I may not personally agree with every lyric, I cant help but every time be pulled in by the perspective piece that it is lyrically. I may or may not do the work required for this video. But honestly it is more about the words to me anyway. so here you go if you are interested.
I do not own the rights to the song. 
check out the band themselves at https://www.facebook.com/CarnifexMetal

Lyrics
Words like nails and now you’ll feel the scratch.
A voice in my head says,
“Never look back.”

Watch me dig my own grave,
My own grave.

There’s nothing left to love.
There’s a lot left to hate.
Everything inside seems dead,
Let me live this lie instead.
I’ve got blood on my hands,
One thing God won’t understand.
Never to escape this grave of place,
The day that God gave upon grace.

Rip my lungs from my chest.
Tear me apart until there’s nothing left.
I don’t feel anything,
Until there’s nothing left of me.
Until I feel nothing.
Until there’s nothing left of me.
Until I feel nothing.

Till the sun burns out or until I put my fucking eyes out.
What’s worse?
This world or my only way out?

This world or my only way out?

So I was there the whole time.
Forgotten when the world went blind.
Lower me down,
Six faces watch me,
Lay me in the ground.

Words like nails and now you’ll feel the scratch.
A voice in my head says,
“Never look back.”

There’s nothing left to love.
There’s a lot left to hate.
Everything inside seems dead,
Let me live this lie instead.
I’ve got blood on my hands,
One thing God won’t understand.
Never to escape this grave of place,
The day that God gave upon grace.

Rip my lungs from my chest.
Tear me apart until there’s nothing left.
I don’t feel anything,
Until there’s nothing left of me.
Until I feel nothing.
Until there’s nothing left of me.

Until I feel nothing.


Until I Feel Nothing (Cover)

Teaser for the upcoming track featuring Justin Enriquez and Drewsif Stalin

"The Stinging That Comes With Loss"   teaser

Wishfully thinking I started a letter addressed to time
It spoke of moments that were better, and I then attempted to remind
The great hourglass through words pressed in ink
Of how for years it had treated me so kind
I wrote of my heart and the distances between
What's pumping inside of my chest
And what actually holds my hopes and cares for my dreams
I reminded the eons of those differences and what they mean
Continuing the correspondence I ask what I could hold onto
If it all like the sands slips away
If everyone I love leaves
If everything I need gets taken one day.
I started to anger as the pen began to tear the page
Then as I bled my thoughts on the paper
I yelled along with every word that I laid
"What am I supposed to do if everything is in vain?
Where am I supposed to go when I don't believe in anything?
When does loss end?
And when does love start?
Please tell me Time
How does one reattach his heart?"


"Letters to Time" Featuring ThaHyyEst

Only Home (demo)

Obsolete (Partial Cover) - In Dying Arms

***This song is available for free download or pay what you want at https://theauroraborealisproject.bandcamp.com/track/the-stinging-that-comes-with-loss  ***

This song written to my mother who passed just a short time ago
She eventually succumbed to Hepatitis that she got from a bad blood transfusion, back when there wasn't the new needle every time policies. I bring this up because i will make this song downloadable for free, but if you did want to spend money, a donation to http://www.hepcfund.org/ would be a far better expenditure. Thanks for your time

"The Stinging that Comes With Loss"
Sometimes I have to stop
And wait for it to pass
The stinging that comes with loss
a brilliant flash
Just like lightning
In those moments I can recall everything
Not just who you became
But also who you were
And in that instant the pain really begins to stir
So I stop , bare my teeth
And wait for it to pass
Though escape was the goal set
And for intents and purposes it was always met
Each time I feel I've robbed my chance to grieve

Special thanks to Drewsif Stalin and Justin Enriquez for their contributions musically and visually

The Stinging That Comes With Loss Ft. Drewsif Stalin

There is a beating
Just below your ribs
And if you'd like
You can take a listen
It is not strong
It is not weak
But it has a constant beat
And that is the key
See the difference between
Returning empty handed
Or capturing dreams
Is not your strength
It is not just your fire
It is returning each day
No matter how tired
Or how broken yesterday left you
Just keep getting back up
And let nothing deter you
Because if leave the fight
every time comes the night
Then I'll always be
only a day away
from the home Im trying to leave
And so it seems
that the distance between
Our failures and our dreams
Is not or lack of strength
It is our inconsistency
And if I leave the fight
every time comes the night
Then I'll always be
Just a day away
From the home I'm trying to leave

Every Time Comes the Night ft. Drewsif Stalin and Justin Enriquez

"Assistant to the Regional Manager" by The Devil Wears Prada (cover)

The Spin Featuring Drewsif Stalin and Justin Enriquez

Download this for free here
https://theauroraborealisproject.bandcamp.com/track/frozen-still

The seas were frozen still that morning.
Not a crest or a wave
There was a silence only briefly interrupted at times
By the settling of her bow against the ice 
The ice that had now embraced the vessel.
The clouds seemed a touch closer that morning
Threatening though not for a time it would seem
The moisture of my breath was immediately greeted by frigidity
And for a time visible.
I blew into clutched hands
And continued waiting.
For what had already seemed like a lifetime
Home and the life I loved were not to far a float from here
I did long for them
But the season held a different time for me.
And I was not one to war 
against that which I had no power

Frozen Still ft Amilcar Hoefdraad

(Unmixed, Unmastered version)
www.facebook.com/theauroraborealisproject
Release.
Let air flow in.
And with it dreams
Escape to your back and through vision
Breath.
Release
Hope is distant 
though floated to you on clouds
But it is coming
If you could only
If we could only
Wait
Breath
Release

"Breathe"

Yes this song is angry. Here is why

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_scandal_in_Catholic_archdiocese_of_Milwaukee

Step into the blackest of minds
The perversion of grace
So their talons can cut inside
They come a little closer with the trust that makes them clean
But our absence of morality will destroy every dream
There is an exit
but a true escape you will never find
Because inside your mind there is realities to bleak to rewind .
The marks and the gashes will fade
But the true wounds glow bright red every time someone offers to pray.
The wolf has never had to work so much less
As if the lambs lay down in front of him and open their necks
And with a single bite
Their destroyed adolescence becomes his meal for tonight
Welcome to the darkest of souls
Where the ashes gather from the hearts fires now cold.
There is no darkness greater than someone masks it with light

"A Wolf in Shepherd's Clothing" -The Aurora Borealis Project

I'll never feel as alone
As when I'm lying next to you
And a greater sadness descends
I know now that your wounds dealt
Were enough to forgive, but not overcome (x2)
We all to often
We all to often confuse forgiveness
With not moving on
And I have no more stinging
Where you ran your betrayal through,
I cut off that part of me
It no longer functions because of you
Sometimes we stay when the right move
Was to move on
And while there is no harbor of hate
Our love will never be quite as strong
ill never feel

facebook.com/theauroraborealisproject

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