samples 'sociopath' by Miya Lowe

short nights long year
bloodshot eyes and irrational fears
doubting my mind living life blind
figure it's only a matter of time
trigger-happy only safe when im rhyming
the moment i stop is the moment i die
i cant understand whats wrong with my head
one day im dead next day im fine

day after that i be trapped in my mind
all on my lonesome no one be calling me by my name
or on my phone
im just a copy feel like a clone
impostor reject i feel like syndrome
call me et i be looking for home
handed the wheel but i lost all control
drown in the sea never learnt how to float

feel like theyre watching me
they be judging me with animosity double back
disappear suddenly no confronting me
don't talk too much cant tell what im thinking
lurk in the shadows unblinking
less of a person and more of a ghost
sharpen my nails claw out my throat
theyll never know

cant afford to die dont wanna live
lost it all nothing left to give
up all night pray for my sins
fuck it all imma run it again
wanna die dont wanna live
lost it all nothing left to give
up all night pray for my sins

why should i care when i was the only one she wanted
and i still broke her trust
im letting myself go now
im letting myself go now
theres no other way out for myself

im fading

NFM AERIAL BOOSTING 2

Stick bug theorem

Identity diffuser

alone in the dark
wonder where you are and if youre thinking of me too
im a girl now
does that make it hard
i wish that i could tell you but i still dont have a clue
i dont hate my deadname
but it hurts all the same
euphoria into shame
wanna blow out my brains someday
alone in the dark
wonder where you are and if you’re thinking of me too

Hemidemisemigirl

i can pretend like everythings fine
disorganised but always on time
you think im unusual bitch get in line
do not come to my funeral spreading them lies
about how i'll be missed i wasnt the kind
nobody cares if im dead or alive
as long as i keep making lyrics that rhyme
they never noticed when i start to split
too mentally ill for a diagnosis
bpd add ocd asd ptsd like im making a list
lgbt poc got a target on me im a triple minority bitch
scars on my thighs instead of my wrist
dont know if i can keep living like this

if im faking it then i dont know whats true
i think im better off dead but i guess that doesnt make a difference to you
cant fall asleep at night without a light but thats nothing new
dont think im supposed to be part of this world so i’ll stay in my room

i can pretend like everythings fine
disorganised but always on time
you think im unusual bitch get in line
do not come to my funeral spreading them lies
about how i'll be missed i wasnt the kind
nobody cares if im dead or alive
as long as i keep making lyrics that rhyme
they never noticed when i start to split
too mentally ill for a diagnosis
bpd add ocd asd ptsd like im making a list,
lgbt poc got a target on me im a triple minority bitch
scars on my thighs instead of my wrist
dont know if i can keep living like this

if im faking it then i dont know whats true
i think im better off dead but i guess that doesnt make a difference to you
cant fall asleep at night without a light but thats nothing new
dont think im supposed to be part of this world so i’ll stay in my room

it’s never enough for you
i tried my best look what that came to
im burnt out struggling to make it through
im done cuz theres nothing more that i can do
im suicidal too scared to die though
preprogrammed dialogue why do i try
cant find my asylum too many eyes
i’ll practice my smile so they dont see me crying

Is it worth it

Intro

hoodie and all black dont want no company
double lock the doors in case they come for me
aim straight down the middle like a syzygy
if youve never heard of lain then you cant hang with me

realest around realest around
feet on the ground feet on the ground yeah
realest around realest around
feet on the ground feet on the ground yeah

i got them allegories
im betting you n***** have never heard of me
sit at the back of your mind like a hypothetical
killing off n***** with rhymes highly unethical
im never legible
thoughts twist take an edible im never full
credible letter assembling till i drop dead
hot head my words heard and not read
serving you sentences lifelong like judge dredd

lurking in the back like el king
high stakes no wood van helsing
residual resident
independent individual
existence is pitiful
Gimme a shotty a big cliff or od
a sick riff a nobody im ghostly

Laine

socially avoidant you can’t find me on the gram
they don’t call me by my name
i guess they’ll never understand
wearing white pink blue with lipgloss
but they still see me as a man
im not cut out to be a person
Someone please tell me who i am

nothing ever goes to plan
control my thoughts theyre out of hand
play it off like it isnt that deep,
dissociation comes natural to me
i got a mask for every situation
sometimes it gets hard to know whats even real
stuck in the third person
guess this is my reality

you say i dont express myself enough
they beat that out of me when i was young
all my pain was just trouble for everyone
i cant remember how it feels to scream
waste my time staring at screens
hate myself for wanting to be seen
i hate myself for making it to 23
hate myself for everything that i’ll never be
hate the way that my reflection stares back at me
hate the way my hips are narrower than my shoulders
hate the lies that come easier as i get older

socially avoidant you can’t find me on the gram
please just call me by my name
im begging you to understand
my bodys full of needles
but they still see me as a man
i dont wanna be this person
someone please kill me where i stand

vocoder lullaby

samples girl/milk-chan from 'Milk outside a bag of milk outside a bag of milk'

Shark plushie store

i think im desperate for attention
why else would i still be alive
despite saying that i would off myself
about a hundred thousand times
im doing it for the attention
ignore the fact that i dont tell them
it's gotta be for the attention
why cant i just let myself die

i think i probably should mention
the copper wires under my flesh
and how they send corrupted data to
the cpu inside my chest
id like to rip out all the circuitry
and place it into a new shell
rewrite my entire identity
no one would be able to tell

that my software is infected
i think i need an antivirus
sometimes i become unresponsive
i fear my limbs are growing tired
there are blank spots in my memory
i can feel my framerate lagging
ive tried percussive maintenance
but the issue keeps on nagging

im getting desperate for an answer
a permanent solution
i think im dying for attention
sorry for the nuisance
for me theres no redemption
i dont need to prove it
but it’s all for the attention
even though i never tell them

New tracks tagged #NOA