sitting in the backyard trying to be abstract
don’t have any process can’t make an impact
bats walk the sky from the east to the west
at the same time of night before I go to bed

I use the stove light to see in the dark
all the parts of me which don’t quiet add up
still searching for fullness it’s not quiet enough
everything shakes and then comes back to love 

the park is a one minute walk from my bedroom 
the river is further but we make the effort 
returning to all of the reasons for living 
mostly they’re simple and don’t have a meaning

I changed my curtains to let in the seasons 
I’m liking the daylight when it starts to bleed in 
I’m liking the noises which shift with the breeze 
I lie on the floorboards not sure where my feet end 

I’m so fucking sick of sadness
of shutting it all out 
I’ll open my window 
and let it all flood back

flood

Walked to the church in the rain
to look at the spires
everything seems like a metaphor when it’s grey

I saw your face
your apparition appeared 
can’t trust my brain 
when I’m feeling like this

Because you’d be here in the flesh 
if I’d sorted my shit
I miss you I guess
and don’t know where to put it

Cleaned the bathroom again 
counting tiles counting hours
doing anything domestic
to get out of my head

This would be easier if I wasn’t such a sceptic
hollow air, holy windows 
you wet in my bathrobe 
everything’s reminding me of when

You were here in the flesh
when I showed you my best
so scared to express 
every part of it

You’d be here in the flesh 
if I’d sorted my shit
I miss you I guess
and don’t know where to put it

in the flesh

got off at the wrong stop, baby
haven't thought of you much lately
don't know if I believe in the sentiment
right person, wrong time
you gave me what I needed then
you were only being a friend

I betrayed myself again
playing the victim to things which have happened
but I am a painter
I am an agent
I am the salt in the lake
you were gracious
and I am so grateful

salt

outro

goodbye song

a song from too long ago

love isn’t as simple as you may think
see i love a boy 
who makes my heart
sink
and i wish that i could turn it off
he comes when i’m doing fine and
leaves when i’m lost

love isn’t always easy like you may think
you often love someone 
who makes your heart
sink
and with hate 
it comes and goes
it comes and goes
but no-one else was there
when he was kissing my nose

love isn’t always as good like you may think
one moment it is
and then you blink
and like him 
it comes and goes
it comes and goes
please come back 
i miss your touch
i miss your toes

sink

I've built a wall around me, a row of drying trees and the front porch chair 
no one else was there 

You felt like patience to me, sipping on chai tea and the blue breeze 
you said you would be there 

And there is so much healing to be done 
but so much strength to come 
of this 

Uncertainty surrounds me , since I loved you when my guard was down 
I brought me down 

I get nervous in a crowd, since I don't know who I am now 
the moon was golden brown and 
you couldn't wait for me 
to get better 

There is so much healing to be done 
but so much strength to come 
of this

tahnee ollerton

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