I don’t think you’ll ever know 
What it’s like to make it home 
And know just what the fate is for him now 
Conversations replaying way too loud 
I hadn’t seen him in a year 
Silent screaming, bitter tears
Dusty pockets filled with souvenirs 
This could be my last time here

And I don’t know a single soul 
who was so loved and lived so long 
He likes the sky
and his automatic blinds 
and the way the birds fly
I didn’t even get to say goodbye 

The slightly stale biscuits in his drawer 
He always saved them for us like before 
Bedtime stories, hiding by the 
door
Newspapers and pictures owned the walls 
Voice was velvet and your manners fine 
You’d wind your clocks to be sure of time 
On the hour when they rang you would light up 
And the lessons that we learned, they always stuck  

And I don’t know a single soul
Who watches down and fought so long 
He would’ve likely smiled at us 
Spoken well, sounding lost,  
He didn’t even get to say goodbye 
So I wonder if you’d better try 
Sleeping with the angels by your side 
And thank them for your gracious time
Even when your body’s lost your mind 
Take it or leave it I should know 
Playing songs with him humming along 
To see his eyes just one more time
Even when your body’s lost your mind 
And I don’t know a single soul 
With face like glass 
He lived so long 
He loves his wife and her eyes which one day he’ll recognise 
I didn’t even get to say goodbye 
He likes old clocks 
And cars 
Rosy cheeks and counting stars
He didn’t even get to say goodbye 
She puts the roses where he lies
And I never took the time 
I didn’t even get to say goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye (demo)

Staring down at the musty train floor
Keep on looking at yourself
reflection is fractured and your gum's gone sour
My words have been on your mind for an hour
You've got stories strung between your fingertips
And I don't know why you care so much 
maybe it's your self interest 
Clarity with the ones you laid to rest 

And oh 
I shot you in the crosshairs 
and since I did it's just not fair 
It's bothering you isn't it

You're pretentious, what a coincidence 
Cause when judgement day comes by all you do is evade the violence 
You're really hitting your stride 
It's like social suicide

And oh 
the fact that I got there first 
and I know you think there's nothing worse
It's bothering you isn't it?

your wounds go too deep 
and I climbed the ladder too fast 
now you're falling behind
generic words are all that seem to pass
You know I feel kind of sorry for your negligence
Or maybe it's pure lack of intelligence?

And oh 
I shot you in the crosshairs 
and since I did it's just not fair
It's bothering you isn't it?

It's bothering you

He took the last plane out that night 
She didn’t want to say goodbye
And by the time he was gone the clouds had blackened the sky
and she whispered 
That she missed him 

Met in a bar with a cocktail of emotions 
Maybe another time he’d know 
If she really meant what she said, or maybe she was joking 
But now he knows 
That they’re in it for the long run 

We’ve got a long way down (to fall) 
But if it’s so damn hard I’ll be glad to live it with you 
We’ll agree to disagree but you should know 
that I love you just a little too much now 
To let you go 
To let you go 

thinking about him all the time 
Why does it still feel like a crime? 
can’t comprehend a world without him 
He said you’re diamond, darling

We’ve got a long way down (to fall) 
But if it’s so damn hard I’ll be glad to live it with you 
And we’ll agree to disagree but you should know 
that I love you just a little too much now 
To let you go 
To let you go 

You said you admire my tenacity 
But I know you’ve got me
Yeah you got me 
Yeah you got me 

We’ve got a long way down (to fall) 
But if it’s so damn hard I’ll be glad to live it with you 
We’ll agree to disagree but you should know 
that I love you just a little too much now 
To let you go 
To let you go

Let you go

Why does your stability 
Make you so powerful? 
I’d take it slow 
You know it though 

How does it feel to be so 
Omniscient 
I’m glad you’ve got it figured out 
but I’m so lost 

Cause it seems like you’re always two steps in front of me 
I heard all the things you said because you had the audacity 

I'll be sitting in my bedroom 
Music at full volume 
Swearing just to god that it’ll be alright 
Grab my hand in empty darkness
Holding onto something more than a guitar and a teenage voice
Career plans like records in my head 
I wouldn’t feel any better if I stopped myself 
But the future makes me so scared 

What is it like
Not to agonise? 
I know you try to look invested but it’s a futile disguise 

Why do I try? 
It only matters if I get good marks 
Prioritise 
All of the time 
No I can’t lie

Cause I tried to write a song about anyone or anything 
But I can’t distract myself and Radiohead isn't medicine 

I’ll be sitting in my bedroom 
Music at full volume 
Swearing just to god that it’ll be alright 
Grab my hand in empty darkness
Holding onto something more than a guitar and a teenage voice
Career plans like records in my head 
I wouldn’t feel any better if I stopped myself 
But the future makes me so scared

and I think about it all the time
Something in the distance 
Never knowing what you say 
Yes I know
Yes I know
I keep overthinking 
Well aware it’s years away
But I can’t for the life of me 
know why I need control at only age fourteen 
So wake me up when the voices in my mind stop lying through their teeth 

I'll be sitting in my bedroom 
Music in my headphones 
Swearing just to god that it’ll be alright 
Grab my hand in empty darkness
Holding onto something more than a guitar and a teenage voice
Career plans like records in my head 
I wouldn’t feel any better if I stopped myself
But the future makes me so scared
yeah the future makes me so scared.

Radiohead isn't medicine

Can’t think about you at all
Dirty looks across the hall 
Used to say I was your best friend 
But right now I hate you 

We don’t need we don’t each other 
We don’t need we don’t each other 

You want a clique 
Clique 
Clique 
One we don’t need 
need need 
Baby you can’t see straight anymore 
I mean nothing to you anymore

I don’t want to go to school
You make me feel like a fool 
Maybe if your parents weren’t so 
overbearing 
you might have been
nicer to talk to instead of crying over the phone 

We don’t need we don’t each other 
We don’t need we don’t each other 

You want a clique 
Clique 
Clique 
One we don’t need 
need 
need 
Baby you can’t see straight anymore
I mean nothing to you anymore

- and It strikes me that’s there’s always things i’ll never know 
and you told me 
told me the all the places you want to go 
but I re-read an old diary entry 
It said that you were the queen 

Of a clique
Clique clique 
One we don’t need 
need need 
Baby you can’t see straight anymore
I mean nothing to you anymore

Clique

You couldn’t see it
he couldn’t feel it
Realise why don’t you?
you’re going vignette at the edges now
resorted to loving you
with resent cause he was a fool
Bleeding knuckles, needed some time
Confirmation conversations oh
something clicked when he first saw you
Now he’s talking to the walls and thinking about all the times he used to

Look at your bottle green eyes
you’ve got a polaroid smile 
running in your flannel shirt with flowers in your hair, without a care
Do you know he loves your bottle green eyes?

He didn’t mean it 
but I guess you knew that
and you were so cruel 
that summer seeps delirious and fine
you were so distant
and he couldn’t listen
cause he was so entranced by you but now he’s fallen out of your magic spell 

And you never even call
The words you didn’t say, recite them all because its clear that 
He needs your bottle green eyes
you’ve got a polaroid smile
running in your flannel shirt with flowers in your hair, without a care
Do you know he loves your bottle green eyes 
your bottle green eyes 

oh you pass the hallway  mirror sometimes 
and there’s stranger looking back
Wish that you’d chosen wisely 
Because he always had your goddamn back
but fragile minds 
won’t take you seriously 

So won’t you turn around and let him see
you and your bottle green eyes
perched on the stack of books you were given as a child 
oh, biro bones drawn on your hands, yellow hearts in the margin of a book that was your dad's
tears glisten in your bottle green eyes 

your bottle green eyes 
yeah you know he loved your bottle green eyes 
oh your pretty pretty bottle green eyes 
he’ll never have your
bottle green 
eyes

Bottle green eyes

caught on a coat hook
stealing a quick look 
I'm calling you love, yeah you know that's the default 
it's not something I really want to be saying out loud

I'm not really okay, 
woke up and I hate the day 
but really I'm fine and I shouldn't complain 
I already told you if you have to read me I'm an open book 

and if I was busy
I wouldn't have time to convince myself 
that they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody else 

stumbled upon you 
- swear I didn't mean to 
but then I realised I'm kind of desensitised 
if I have you now then that's all that I'll ever need 

and if it's just temporary I don't mind if you leave 
cause decapitated friendships are the cost of being free 
but in my mind I'll only remember how we got along fine 

and if I was busy
I wouldn't have time to convince myself 
that they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody else 
yeah they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody else 

cause all of these people want someone to hold, 
they tell you you're young, you already feel old 
-but we're just people 
who come and go naturally all of the time 

(all of the time

and if I was busy
I wouldn't have time to convince myself 
that they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody else 
yeah they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody else
yeah they're only staying 
because they got tired of somebody
else

Tired of somebody else

(Do you know how many people I know in Mexico?
-Zero 
-Exactly 
-Exactly 
-same wavelength. You know what knowing zero people means? No-one will remember this.
-no-one will know
-no-one will even know)

my mum told me I should change these lines 
cause I’m self absorbed
always wanting more, 
never okay to just to be fine. 
she said I should try to find my place 
angsty doesn’t suit me and my songs don’t resonate
so 
give me meaningless words I’ll spit them onto a page 
read into everything I’ve done today 
I guess that maybe at some point I should go get some water, 
ignoring these thoughts 

this is a hymn for the homesick kids 
and I don’t mean a house cause their parents love them, but they’d never get it, 
they’re not asking for sympathy
but it’s a hole they keep digging and it’s getting too deep
and 
they’re not cut out for this but they’re cowards if they quit 
and God, do they know it 
do you hear them 

I wish I could sit up on the roof 
without being shouted at to come down
but it’s awfully loud 
I want the peace you get lying out in a field when you’re tipsy, fifteen nearly sixteen

you think it makes you happy 
but it just makes you mad
you don’t appreciate the time you have 
so go on, grab the wheel, don’t forget how it feels 
when you control the crash 

this is a hymn for the homesick kids 
and I don’t mean a house cause their parents love them but they’d never get it, 
they’re not asking for sympathy
but it’s a hole they keep digging and it’s getting too deep and 
they’re not cut out for this but they’re cowards if they quit 
and God, do they know it 
do you hear them 

and they don’t wanna do this 
they’ll always be embarrassed
there are things they’re not equipped to handle 
I dive into these waters 
start drowning in the chorus 
of a badly written tragedy where I forget my lines 

so give me meaningless words, I’ll spit them onto a page 
remember everything I’ve done today 
I guess that maybe at some point I should go get some water 

(Ignoring these thoughts)

Oh this is a hymn for the homesick kids 
and I don’t mean a house cause their parents love them but they’d never get it
I’m not asking for sympathy
- keep poking fun at myself, oh the irony 
and 
I’m not cut out for this but I’m worthless if quit 
and God, do I know it 
do you hear me 
They’re not cut out for this but they’re cowards if they quit and God do they know it 
do you hear them 

(You think he’s sleeping?
-how can you tell that? He can’t sleep because you’re permanently playing guitar at this time of night?
-okay I’m gonna do it one more time and then I’ll go 
-not when other people are trying to get to sleep 
-okay fine)

Hymn for the homesick kids

wouldn’t have bought if you told me you were ready
I won’t forget it just to keep myself steady 
and you’ll say certain things
I’ll assume that you’re joking 
won’t see you in months 
you’re out drinking and smoking 
smothered by the clutches of the borders of the same town 
aaaah
and you’re mother doesn’t like me cause she thinks I’m too loud 
because I have this weird compulsion to stick out of the crowd 
called attention seeking by your once-favourite professor 
I’ll argue my way out and you’ll still say that you’re better 
too stubborn to think that you’d ever let go of me 

and I call you just to check that you’re still alive 
I’m still here trying to learn how to not tell so many lies 

so I’ll wait for the day that I stop growing taller 
we all move away but our blood’s in the water 
threw up by the trees 
coming home with bruised knees 
I know 
tell your mum you’re responsible 

and if I felt mature a year ago now look at me 
got the decorum of an adult but a face that disagrees 
buy the cheap one, you don’t look a day above 16
holding pieces of a person
unpicking the seams 
I could sew you back together but I don’t remember learning how 

so I’ll wait for the day that I stop growing taller 
we all move away but our blood’s in the water 
threw up by the trees 
coming home with bruised knees 
and I thought that I’d have all the answers by now 
but I still haven’t moved and I’m wondering how 
I could waste so much time 
might as well redefine myself 

and I call you just to check that you’re still alive 
so i wait for the day that i stop growing taller 
you know it’s cliche when you tell your own daughter 
that when you were young 
you knew how to have fun 
they know
they know I’m not responsible 
I know 
And I thought that I’d have all the answers by now 
But I still haven’t moved and I’m wondering how
I could waste so much time, might as well redefine myself 

and I call you just to check that you’re still alive 
I’m still here trying to learn how to not tell so many lies 
So I’ll wait 
Ohh I’ll wait for the day that I stop growing taller 
You know it’s cliche when you tell your own daughter that 
When you were young you knew how to have fun - 
They know 
They know you’re not responsible

Responsible

(Oh my god who’s that [it was Tom])

she said she was done 
so she left around eleven
looking for someone 
bought an overpriced cup of coffee 
said there’s only so much new money can buy 

said she was sorry for ruining her cousin’s party 
chewed a hangnail all the way to the station 
and if she caused a scene at least it would’ve been mildly entertaining 
but otherwise it was just an invasion 
and maybe if she’d read the room 
she wouldn’t need to leave so soon
but everything’s gotta be on her terms 

And she said 
London only looks pretty in the nighttime 
when you pretend that all you see is skyline 
and run away from the ones that don’t love you 
Said you prefer it to your own damn blood line 
a failed prodigy they couldn’t confine 
and when you leave they’ll always hold it against you 

she said she’d been fine 
she picked up finally when they called her for the 7th time 
and I mean it’s getting kind of pathetic 
cause they’ve gone and scrutinised the way left things 

(Ahh)
and they’ve told her once they’ve told her twice 
to take on board their bad advice 
but everything’s gotta be on their terms

And she said 
London only looks pretty in the nighttime 
when you can pretend that all you see is skyline 
and run away from 
the ones that don’t love you 
Said you prefer it to your own damn blood line 
a failed prodigy they couldn’t confine 
and if you leave they’ll always hold it against you

I guess they hoped she’d never know
well then again of course she did 
for every time they told her ‘no’ 
(No)
she never regrets it
not one 
bit 
Said you prefer it to your own damn bloodline 
Cause if you leave they’ll always hold it against you 
Said you prefer it to your own damn bloodline 
Cause if you leave they’ll always hold it against you

Failed prodigy

my clock’s ticking off the walls 
I try to be clever, you say that’s impossible 
you said you’d never sleep 
and I’d lie awake in a foreign country 

you make me chunder up all of my flaws 
it’s warm outside it’s you, you’re like food poisoning 
mid august weather 
october came and left
you ask if I’m happy 
well I was back then 

I think my cold’s getting worse 
But I’m not special 
I’m more like a nightmare 
And I can’t keep track of the times that you told me don’t go there 
and I hate the way we had an audience 
looked away once and you’d 
sworn you were innocent 
guilty, stuck in my system 
not having a diary does dangerous things

and I want you 
and I want you 
you make me chunder up all of my flaws 
it’s warm outside it’s you, you’re like food poisoning 
mid august weather 
october came and left
and you can call me selfish all you like 
it’s only cause you’re on my mind
let all the hot air out 
keep the window wide open, it’s stuffy in here 
and I’m 
clinging to nothing, don’t know what to do 
cause I can’t let my body 
be rid of you 
you ask if I’m happy 
well I was back then 
you ask if I’m happy 
well I was back then

Food poisoning

oh I wanna be her in every single way 
A bit taller than me but our posture’s the same 
and my hips are much wider 
her smile is much brighter 
and her gums don’t look dumb when she laughs 

and I’ve stalked all her playlists 
it’s not psychopathic if you’re only exploring someone else’s music taste 
she’d warn me the same 
Wanted someone to blame
so I listen to songs that she used to get to over you 

And I’d wait for summer 
but I’m hanging by a thread 
while you tell me things that you found on the internet 
you look up how to heal decaying leaves 
recite your insights back to me 
I never heard it from my parents 
Yeah you heal all my prior resentments 

and maybe it could’ve been less obvious 
every time I walked past 
you would give me a look
and I know the end now 
but I can’t figure out 
why you reeled me in as I tried to leave 

waiting till the summer 
but I’m hanging by my neck  
while you tell me things that you found on the internet 
you look up how to heal decaying leaves 
recite your insights back to me 
I never heard it from my parents 
Yeah you heal all my prior resentments 

I won’t pretend that I wont take you up on the offer 
of selling our souls to the skies 
if we say go together but one of us chooses to lie
I’ll go swiftly, and honestly knowing
I’m taking her place 
why me and not her, god did you make a fatal mistake 

waited till the summer 
and I still don’t feel secure 
when you say you love me I don’t buy it anymore 
manmade solutions to wounds cut deep 
I think about you in my sleep  
I never heard it from my parents 
Yeah you heal all my prior resentments

Prior resentments

hi! my name is tam and I’m 17 :) I write and record songs in my bedroom. they sound best in headphones♪
https://www.instagram.com/tamarahendin/

Tamara Hendin

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