composed this on november 3rd 2020 only a few months in my descent to madness hahaha recorded on my pink fender telecaster while missing the high e string so that’s why you hear so many slides

playing with a missing string

pill heads, junkies
hurting in love only made it worst
but i knew we both werent ready for it.. oh no…
you got your act together, pulled right through, but i’m still stuck right here
you’ve grown a lot you’re like a shining star
so dont look back at me at the start
the finish line’s so close for you
i cant tell if you just like this feeling of control over me
or if its really the same love you used to feel… 
you said you’d never love me like you did before and honestly that kinda hurts
but all that shit was so toxic…
cause at the same time i understand
you loved me too hard for who i am


i didnt deserve you back then, neither do i now
i never showed my love, left you in so much doubt
i know it doesnt do much but i’ll say i’m sorry again
cause i didnt deserve you back then, neither do i now


i messed up, big time
oh no… here goes time
you were always by me
always here for me and i was not
cause you were dying, why wasnt i there?
(you were dying and no one was there)
“cry on my shoulder”, bullshit, i never really showed you that i cared
and now i fear it’s too late…
cause you dont believe it when i say i always loved you and i really understand
i’m just a real bad lover
but you can trust me and you shouldnt
cause i dont even really get it myself
i dont know how i was so wrong
for so long, now you’re movin on…
cause at the same time i understand
you loved me too hard for who i am


i didnt deserve you back then, neither do i now
i never showed my love, left you in so much doubt
i know it doesnt do much but i’ll say i’m sorry again
cause i didnt deserve you back then, neither do i now

sorry again

(what?!)
my brain pathways fucked
i guess i’m out of luck
two stains, two cups, i’ll end the night in cuffs
i’m fuckin paranoid
the voices never end
i’m tryna fill the void
my chest gapes in search for a friendly soul that wont try to haunt me
the pain’s unbearable & nobody wants me
the last decade’s pain still taunts me
im way of bounds please dont chase me

run from me
i know you dont want this
weight i be
too many lost souls haunt me i’m a zombie


spirits in the walls call my name
i’m wired different
i dont know how to socialise
i’m wired different 
anxious, i hallucinate
my brain’s wired different 
i know im a little schizo
baby i’m just different 

wired different 
i’m just wired different 
brain’s broke since 15
i’m wired different 
i dont think you could ever love me
i’m too different 
swear there’s no mal intent
but baby i’m just too different


(Sun is shining but my mind is going dark again, sun is shining but my-)

Sun is shining but my mind is going dark again
Another voice up in my head I made another friend
And I can never fucking tell what is real or fake
Please do not come closer everything I touch just fucking breaks

Everything just hurts, inside my fucking brain
Blood all over my shirt, I hear them call my name
And now I see it clearer, like if there was no rain
You could never love me, I guess that we do not feel the same

Run from me
I'm wired different
Yeah I'm wired different


run from me
i know you dont want this
weight i be
too many lost souls haunt me i’m a zombie


spirits in the walls call my name
i’m wired different
i dont know how to socialise
i’m wired different 
anxious, i hallucinate
my brain’s wired different 
i know im a little schizo
baby i’m just different 

wired different 
i’m just wired different 
brain’s broke since 15
i’m wired different 
i dont think you could ever love me
i’m too different 
swear there’s no mal intent
but baby i’m just too different

Wired Different (ft. Elmo Indigo)

an album of old songs I never released (2019-2022)

I been tryin it gets better

wish you came a little closer to me

blowing bubbles from underwater

damaged beyond repair...

pretty eyes

the devil

met the reaper

“hello guys welcome to my minecraft let’s play, today we are going to be mining some diamonds” 

im playin minecraft with my girlfriend
we’re playin roblox she’s my best friend
we play minecraft, then we makeout
we play roblox and we fuck all night

fuck fuck fuck […]

*bed squeak moment* 
(*´ω｀*)

i used to play minecraft with my girlfriend
used to play roblox with my girlfriend
but she only wanted me for my robux… 😔

playin minecraft w my gf <3

bringing back to life an ep I dropped on July 1st 2020 with 3 extra remixes made in march 2024. this ep had kind of disappeared since it was never uploaded on soundcloud or YouTube and eventually got deleted off streaming platforms... some songs like "stardust" and "sweeter than candy" were made in 2019 (5 years ago already!).

fun fact: I produced and recorded "don't run away" in my friend's college dorm while he was in class in february 2020 in Exeter, England with a blue yeti mic and a jbl speaker. I didn't have a mic stand or headphones so I had to record it with the yeti mic in one hand and stretch my arms out while holding the jbl speaker in the other so that the beat wouldn't bleed through in the recording of my vocals while I could still hear it to stay on rhythm lol
I also recorded and produced "I cry" from my album "the love letters you never read" the same way, I might have also made them the same day but I'm not sure.

stardust (remix)

don't run away (remix)

baby, don't cry for me (remix)

stardust

sweeter than candy

don't run away

bet you don't feel the same

baby, don't cry for me

released in september 2020

lyrics:

running through the night I see your face in the shadows
beside the traffic lights the smoke runs down on my fingers

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

You better dig 6 deep
And at the bottom
You’ll find
A big box
Don’t know the measures
But I’m inside
With the bugs and creepy crawlers
is where my soul resides
Bring me back to life
I’m praying for a sign

if you can’t hear me calling
why do you listen to this?
i been sending sos’
no one seems to see it at all, at all..

Stomach knot, anxious
Pain riddled, I wake up
3 o’clock, just out of bed
And barely gone through the hall
Starring blankly at the walls
Can’t even handle a thought
My phones off
But it don’t matter, I wouldn’t pick up a call
Now I’m the king of wasting time
I sit & wait by the clock
No, I do nothing I just listen
to the ticking box
Knowing that months have gone by
Makes me feel like a flop
Haha! thought I had it hard before
Try and pull this block

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

running through the night I see your face in the shadows
beside the traffic lights the smoke runs down on my fingers

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

say I’m dumb
I get it
but I’m numb
to your words

Numb To Your Words

after a 4 year long burnout & 2 year long break from pressuring myself too much with music, i felt like it was time for something to change so i decided to approach this album differently. i chose to go back to 2017/2018 when i made music just for fun, not really caring about creating a challenge for myself with each song. i decided to go back to what i know and love. with hard hitting bass drops, dark tracks and cloud rap beats, all of which are inspired from my older influences in music, this album was to be made in the moment. no overthinking and complicating tracks just for the challenge, this is an expression of myself that i let flow out of me and be the way it is. 
this album has a lot of old references, including a lot of references to my old rap group “SCO” from 2018. i thought it would be interesting to bring it back in the spotlight of this album since i chose to put myself in the same headspace i was in back then. 
if i shoot videos for tracks on this album they will most likely be shot by my best friend and SCO member Vaaalium, which helped me shoot most of my videos back then too. 
this album was made in the slums of slump city, aka my room.

head fulla junk

rubies

rollin deep

what do you want from me?

slumped out (ft. Elmo Indigo)

no love

the slums of slump ville

300 $OUL$

I'll wait too

sorry again (remix)

🌸 W3LC0M3 T0 MY W0RLD 🌼
  
“ L ‘ U N I V E R S   T O S H E S Q U E “

check out the cool stuff i’ve been doing on youtube ;)
https://youtube.com/channel/UCNRjMYFz45yUr_6rGufo-gw

@5-18 was one of my old acc but i lost my email & psswrd :c 
(i reposted the songs on this account so if you want to access them through this account it’s the songs in my reposts under the username 5-18)
@garfy is an even older account of mine but garfy’s asleep right now 🤫💤
slowly slowly, day by day, painting “L’univers Toshesque” 

quick back story: 7 killed 5 out of fear to later surrender to the constant battle against itself and finally let into the light… now someone new appeared….
these are the songs that never made it! :D

Popular tracks by october16✧*:･ﾟ