Lyrics
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My best friend said she had a feeling
I didn't listen
It went in one ear and out the other
I kept trying to convince myself
That things were better than they initially were
But all I saw were red flags disguised as green ones

Now I'm paying the price
For loving way too much
I gave up part of my light
To find something that wasn't love
And I noticed when everything started to go downhill
But I just tried to convince myself that it wasn't real

I know the motto for girls these days
When they get their hearts broken
"You're a bad bitch, you can do it", well I tried
But right now I can't think of anything else
Other than that night

It felt like something else
Something I still feel
He said he didn't wanna hurt me
And I know that's true but I still think he's lying
I wrote almost 20 songs about him
And now I can't listen to them without reminiscing

Now I'm paying the price
For loving way too much
I gave up part of my light
To find something that wasn't love
And I noticed when everything started to go downhill
But I just tried to convince myself that it wasn't real

I don't know how I didn't see the signs
Cuz they were right there in my face
Oh, I know how blind I can get
But, truly, I didn't know shit
I guess I just wanted him to stick around
And I didn't think twice about what would happen if he didn't
I keep thinking "what about all the 'I love you's'"
Did you just not mean them?
And I'm still putting out that album
Cuz you'll see just how much you lost
How much I loved you
How much I wanted you
How much words I couldn't use to express my love for you
Oh, you'll see

Cuz now you're paying the price
For loving way too little
I gave you part of my light
And you broke it down like it was brittle
You didn't notice when everything started to go downhill
And I just kept convincing myself that it wasn't real

self-persuasion

Lyrics
-------
I've been going through stages
Never quite overcoming them
And I know exactly what I'm feeling
But I don't know how to put it into words

What if I can't get it out
Cuz I don't know how

Ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh

What if I don't know how to feel right now?
What if I'm locking up the cage, feeling mental?
What if I can't get past these grievances
Cuz I can't tell my own mind to leave me alone

My hearts beating real fast
Is it always like this?
Why aren't the words coming to my head?
Feels like I can't get out a sentence

I thought it was just one moment
But now its turned into hours

What if I don't know how to feel right now?
What if I'm locking up the cage, feeling mental?
What if I can't get past these grievances
Cuz I can't tell my own mind to leave me alone

What if I-I-I die-ie-ie without saying what I wanna say?
What if I-I see the afterlife and don't get to see my people?
What if I get to Heaven, and my best friend isn't waiting for me?
What if I just shut down, lock everyone out?
Clasp the lock and throw away the key?
What if I turn it off
And let everyone see
What happens when my mind won't
Leave me alone

Leave Me Alone

Lyrics
-------
(It's so fucking sad though
Because like, I wanna pretend it didn't happen
But how can I, when its all I can think about when I think about him?)

I can go and pretend
That there wasn't shit that happened
But in the back of my mind, I know
I can pretend I'm fine
When everybody's asking if I'm alright
Put up the mask, forget about what happened

He didn't grab your hand
He didn't shove it in his pocket
He didn't say the words you hate to hear
Oh, pretend nothing happened
You didn't get a look from a teacher
You didn't walk by and smile
You didn't wanna go into the bathroom and throw up
Oh, pretend nothing happened
That's all you can do

Dig the hole back in your brain
The one you made for that moment
Oh, you know which one
Let the memory fade away
But you know it'll come back
Right at the end of the night

He didn't grab your hand
He didn't shove it in his pocket
He didn't say the words you hate to hear
Oh, pretend nothing happened
You didn't get a look from a teacher
You didn't walk by and smile
You didn't wanna go into the bathroom and throw up
Oh, pretend nothing happened
That's all you can do

I never meant to go down that rabbit hole
But my heart was dying
I needed something
So I turned my love into hate
Into lust, into what I didn't want
All so I could feel something

Oh, he grabbed my hand
Shoved it in his pocket
He said the words I hate to hear
I have to pretend nothing happened
I got a look from a teacher
I walked by and smiled
I wanted to go into the bathroom so I could throw up
But nevermind, nothing happened
But it was real, not my imagination

Tay.Mae2

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