This is a demo of a track I am working on. This one came 'out of the void', as they often do. Just me and my acoustic guitar for this version. This song is all about me, coming out as me, and also about that human element of loneliness and frustration within relationships that don't always work out, or feel the way we might want or expect them to. Thanks for listening! -Tam.

Lyrics below:

I worked up a sense of self,
Being all by myself,
Time alone,
No the with others.
.
Worked up a sense of self,
Growing up by myself,
Was time alone,
Without a mother.
.
And I know, and I know, and I know,
This is not forever. No.
And I know, and I know, we'll never be, together,
Again.
.
Oh I know, and I know, and I know,
Self made is clever. Oh.
But I know, oh I know, we'll never be,
Forever,again.
.
I worked up a sense of self,
Being all by myself.
Time alone,
No time with others.
.
Worked up a sense of self,
All by myself.
Cos time alone, means,
No time with others.
.
Come to me darling, oh oh.
To the place where the horizon meets up with the sun.
Run to me darling, my dear.
Drift away so we can play,
In Neverland.
.
No no no, no no, no no.
No no no, no no, no no.
.
I worked up a sense of self,
Being all by myself.
Time alone,
Without you!
.
Don't say you love me, no oh oh oh.
Cos I see the look in your eyes and I know.
Don't say you love me no oh oh oh.
Cos I miss you more when you're next to me than when you, go.
.
Time alone, oh oh.
Time alone, oh oh.
Time alone, no time with others,no.
Time alone in Neverland.
.

TJ

TIME ALONE (demo, 2021)

Call To Love (demo, 2021)

Feel What He Feels - lo-fi demo (2021)

times are changing  ( I just wanna be happy )- by Tam hastings - song idea lofi (2021)

Next To Her (2022)

This one is really relevent to me ... with reference to the world these days. Had fun writing the lyrics and playing with some basic effects! Enjoy! 

Cover generated using Dall-e 2 AI

I Was Wrong (2022)

Tell Me You Love Me (2022)

lyrics, vocals, mixing by Tam Jennifer, on synthetic guitar loop (anon.) Two loops have been chopped up, arranged and mixed in with the vocals to accent emotion. 

Indie experimental trap. 

Vocals recorded and mixed using Audacity and RODE USB Mini Microphone

FOR MY MOTHER

Cover generated using Stable-Diffusion. design by Tam Jennifer.  

Where Did She Go ( I Wanna Know, 2022 )


Experimental Poetry Art Piece. 
1st movement is just over one minute in length.

2nd movement: the guitar one, available on my feed.

Cover generated using Dall-e 2 AI

Mixed: Audacity.
Mic: Rhode USB Mini 

Lyrics: 

Lying awake at night
Sad but I can't cry
I'm still just that little boy screaming
Mommy to the sky
.
Holding my head I'm bad
But I don't know why
I'm still just that little boy 
Why was lost when his mommy died
.
Now I'm numb the words don't come
A new sort of lie
I'm still just that little boy screaming
Mommy to the sky
.
Hope is lost
Life move fast
It's terrible outside
I'm still just that little boy
Who had no place to hide
.
Perhaps, maybe
I'll sing a song of beauty
Almost, not quite
Beauty out of sight
.
Hold on, hold on,
Hope is on its way
Every man must learn to stand
When mommy goes away
.
- Ben Tam jennifer 

Mommy To The Sky (Ben's Song, 2022 ) - 1st Movement

For my mother 

Music and Lyrics by Ben-Tam Jennifer 
Recorded and produced by Ben-Tam Jennifer using Audacity
Microphone: Rhode USB Mini 
Guitar: Cort  MR710 LH NS

Lyrics:

Mommy mommy mommy
Where did you go?
I never got the chance to tell you
That I love you so.
.
Mommy mommy mommy
Why did you leave?
I miss you every day
How do I continue this way?
.
Mommy mommy mommy
Mommy mommy mommy
Tell me how
Tell me now
Tell me
.
Mother!
Is it cold?
You faced something to which
We must all race
Death's door
.
Mother!
You're keeping me warm
My memories are blankets around my heart
They help me to mourn
.
Mommy mommy mommy
Mommy mommy mommy
Tell me how
Tell me now
Tell me
.
Are there stars where you are?
Can people see your smile?
Are there gardens filled with flowers,
For you to walk around, in?
.
Are there hopeful dreams?
And waterfalls and trees?
Sunny days with music playing?
Do you ever think of me?
.
Mommy mommy mommy
Mommy mommy mommy
Tell me how
Tell me now
Tell me
.
Mommy mommy mommy
Mommy mommy mommy
Tell me how
Tell me now
Tell me
.


Tell Me

Tell Me (2022)

Thank you so much Bonetender for another lovely collaboration!

Music and Lyrics, Guitar and Vocals: Ben-Tam Jennifer
Drums (AD2), Keys, Mix & Mastering: @bonetender

Lyrics:

Listen to the waterfall flow
It will tell you all you need to know
Listen to the waterfall

Listen to the bumblebee fly
Don't let this moment pass you by
Listen to the bumblebee

All roads no longer lead to Rome
But if you follow your heart
Any road will take you home
Take you home

Slow down slow down stop now
Let your heart rate drop now
Remember you are alright
Right now

The past has past and
You know you'll face the future somehow
So listen to the waterfall
Waterfall

Listen to the waterfall flow
It will tell you all you need to know

© Tam Hastings, Bonetender, 2022. All rights reserved.

Waterfall

Waterfall ( with Bonetender )

In The Spotlight:

Recorded / mixed: Audacity. 
Guitar / Beat: Synth Mashup
Keyboard: Roland E-X20 
Mic: Rhode USB Mini

LYRICS: 

I used to think
That I would be someone
If you called my name
I used to think that
Every day

I used to think 
That I would feel something
If you held my hand
It was perfect 
In my mind

You were the melody
And I was the harmony
You were a symphony
And I was the leading beat

You were the band
And I was a fan
Then you walked walked away
From my open hand

Cos this is a song
For the artist's way
This is a song
To know it will be okay
We are the art
And the road on which art is made

This is a song for the girl
Who turned my head
Caught my eye
Now she's all alone
In the spotlight

I used to think
That I would be someone
If you called my name
I used to think that
Every day

I used to think 
That I would feel something
If you held my hand
It was perfect 
In my mind

© Tam Hastings, Ben-Tam Jennifer, 2022

In The Spotlight

In The Spotlight (2022)

Recorded / mixed: Audacity.
Guitar: Cort MR710 LH NS
Keyboard: Roland E-X20
Mic: Rhode USB Mini
Effects: Paper synth / garden birds

LYRICS:

Whisper in my ear darling
Wipe away the fear my darling
Never move far from me
Let's pretend this will always be

Dance with me 'till morning
Kiss me without warning
Hold me close
And never let me go go

Whisper in my ear darling
Wipe away the fear my darling
Never move far from me
Let's pretend this will always be

Because in your arms
I finally get the chance
To let down my guard
It thaws out my heart

In your eyes
I find to my surprise
Spring arrives
It's safe to feel alive

Whisper in my ear darling
Wipe away the fear my darling
Never move far from me
Let's pretend this will always be

Dance with me 'till morning
Kiss me without warning
Hold me close
And never let me go

© Tam Hastings, Ben-Tam Jennifer, 2022

Whisper

Whisper (2022)

Recorded / mixed: Audacity
Guitar: Cort MR710 LH NS
Mic: Rhode USB Mini
Effects: Clock ticking / Laptop Keyboard

Lyrics:
If he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

If he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

There comes a time in every man's life
When the words won't flow and the melody slows
There comes a time when day turns to night 
And the flame once so bright is nowhere in sight

If he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

If he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

Please don't go
You'll never know
That every time I clear my mind
You're the only one I find

Disconnected and tone deaf
Emotionally worth less
Wondering what will be left
I fill my life with emptiness

Remembering your touch
I couldn't get enough
Now it doesn't even matter
No it doesn't matter

Cos if he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

If he stops singing
It will be the beginning
Of the end of a time when
Life is worth living

Don't stop singing
Never stop 
Never stop

© Tam Hastings, Ben-Tam Jennifer, 2022

Don't Stop Singing

Don't Stop Singing (2023)

Recorded / mixed: Audacity.
Keyboard: Roland E-X20
Mic: Rhode USB Mini


LYRICS: 

Where is all the wonder and awe
Everywhere I look there's heartbreak and war
Beautiful lies lie all around
Let this music soothe your heart with it's sound

This song is bigger than me
Bigger than me

Time takes us on a roller coaster 
When he smiled just for a while 
I felt closer
Age takes us to a finish line 
But when she caught my eye I wanted to know her

Take my poetry
Set it free

© Tam Hastings, Ben-Tam Jennifer, 2023

Where

Where (2023)

It's Neverland, my dear.

Recorded / mixed: Audacity.
Keyboard: Roland E-X20
Mic: Rhode USB Mini

Lyrics: 

What does it mean?
If you love me,
But don't want me dear.
Your eyes tell me lies,
That I want to hear. 
.
Can I believe?
When you hold my hand and keep me near,
Your eye tell me lies,
Tell me lies, my dear. 
.
What does it mean?
If you love me,
But don't want me dear.
Your eyes tell me lies,
That I want to hear. 
.
Can I believe?
When you hold my hand and keep me near,
Your eye tell me lies,
Tell me lies, my dear. 
.
If only,
I could tell you you were beautiful
To me.
.
If only,
I could let you know with just one dance 
That every chance to love you,
Is a gift from you to me.
.
If only,
I could tell you you were beautiful
To me.
If only. 
.
If only,
I could let you know with just one smile
That the way you make feel right now 
Helps me to be me somehow. 
.
I wish that I could find the words to let you know,
That the lies your eyes say,
In my mind,
Are the sweetest words,
That I,
Will ever find. 
.
I wish that I could find the words to let you know,
That the lies your eyes say,
In my mind,
Are the sweetest words,
That I,
Will ever find. 
.
I'm still-
Haunted my dear
Haunted by you,
When you're near.
I'm so- 
Haunted my dear
Haunted by you,
When you're near.
.
I can't sing your song anymore
I can't sing anybody else's song at all 
Oh I can't sing your song anymore
I can't sing anybody else's song at all 
I can't sing your song anymore
I can't sing anybody else's song at all 
I can't sing your song anymore
I can't sing anybody else's song at all 
.
What does it mean?
If you love me,
But don't want me dear.
Your eyes tell me lies, 
Oh your eyes tell me lies,
Yes your eyes tell me lies,
That I want to hear. 
.
In your eyes 
In your eyes
My surprise is in your eyes. 
.
-end-

© Tam Jennifer Hastings, 2023

Your Eyes Tell Me Lies

Your Eyes Tell Me Lies (2023)

Sample of what my song 'Run to me' will eventually sound like. Recorded with a computer mike... And Ableton live.  Mix, vocals, songwriting, lyrics by ME :) 

Cover generated using Dall-e 2 AI

Run to me  (2013)

Sample of my song 'Winds of Change'. Started playing guitar left handed in February 2014 so its a working progress. Recorded using my Samsung phone. Saving up for studio time. 



Winds of change ( 2013)

Lyrics: 

VERSE 1  

You say you wanna live forever

The witch said to me

Live forever

Forever free

There’s gotta be a price she said

Nothing Is for free

I said if you make me live forever

I don’t care what the fee

CHORUS  

I’ll turn you into a child

I’ll turn you into a child

With pretty blue eyes

With pretty blue eyes

I’ll turn you into a child

While your mind stays adult and wise

Beautiful and soft

You’ll always be loved

Forever

Oooh ooh

You’ll always

Be loved

VERSE 2

So what’s the catch, witch?

That sounds like a dream

Forever young

That’s the way I wanna be

I’ll never grow old

I’ll never die

No one can stop me

With time on my side

CHORUS

I’ll turn you into a child

I’ll turn you into a child

With pretty blue eyes

With pretty blue eyes

I’ll turn you into a child

While your mind stays adult and wise

Beautiful and soft

You’ll always be loved

Forever

Oooh ooh

You’ll always

Be loved

BRIDGE    

You’ll live like a beggar

She said when it was done

Never make money in honest work

You’ll always be alone

Your intellect won’t help you

In eternity as a youth

You’ll always be loved

By only yourself in truth

CHORUS

She turned me into a child

Turned me into a child

With pretty blue eyes

With pretty blue eyes

She turned me into a child

While my mind stayed adult and wise

Beautiful and soft

I’ll always be loved

Forever

Oooh ooh

I’ll always

Be loved

I’ll always

Be loved

(C) 2014, Tamsin J E Hastings and tammymusic. All rights reserved

A Child (2014)

Call To Love is the first song I recorded in studio.

This experience was a huge step in building my confidence and started my journey towards really working on producing my own stuff. 

I like to think of this song as a sort of personal mantra to live by. And when life gets tough, I return to it as a much needed reminder to myself of beauty in the world. 

Glad to finally add this to my SoundCloud collection. I hope you enjoy :)

Music, lyrics, guitar & arrangement by Tam Hastings
Produced, mixed & mastered by Milan Rendall

Recorded / mixed: Ableton Live

Lyrics:

I follow the call to love
Knowing that I am enough
I follow the call to love
I pick up my heart from the dust and
I will remember
I will remember oh oh
Remember

She looked up at me that day
Watching me do it my way
And I will be free every day
These words I heard her say
I will remember
I will remember oh oh
Remember

Drop your sword
And kiss me while I sleep
My hand in yours
Is a memory I'll always keep
Hope is a road
Meant only for the brave
And as I paint my poetry
The sun rises on another day

I follow the call to love
Knowing that I am enough
I follow the call to love
I pick up my heart from the dust and
I will remember
I will remember oh oh
Remember

This is a call from
My heart to you
Knowing love
Is something I know how to do, so
Take my life
Exactly as it is
And as I paint my poetry
It falls so gently on
Your ears

I follow the call to love
Knowing that I am enough
I follow the call to love
I pick up my heart from the dust and
I will remember
I will remember oh oh
Remember

I follow the call to love
Knowing that I am enough
I follow the call to love
I pick up my heart from the dust and
I will remember
I will remember oh oh
Remember

To love
Call to love
Call to love


© Tam Jennifer Hastings, 2022

Call To Love

Call To Love (Studio Version, Prod. by Milan)


How many songs will I write for my mother... at least one more. 

Recorded/Mixed: Audacity
Guitar: Cort MR710 LH NS
Mic: Rhode USB Mini

Lyrics:

I wanna know
Where did she go
I wanna know

I wanna know
Where did she go
I wanna know

Is it in the trees
Blowing in the breeze
I wanna know

Is it on the page
Where her eyes last laid
I wanna know 

Mother mother mother 
Take me
To your place
Of endless rest

Mother mother mother mother
Break me
Put me
To the ultimate test

I wanna know
Where did she go
I wanna know

I wanna know
Where did she go
I wanna know

Birds flying high
High in the sky
Oh why
I wanna know

© Tam Jennifer Hastings, 2023

Where Did She Go (Acoustic, 2023)

Just me and my guitar for this one. I have had a lot of deadlines to meet lately, and therefore no time to complete this one, but I couldn't resist sneaking it in anyway. I threw in some subtle atmospheric bass to offset the acoustic. 

Recorded/Mixed: Audacity
Guitar: Cort MR710 LH NS
Mic: Rhode USB Mini

Lyrics:

Day dreaming
An enchanted feeling
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more
The night's receding
For you I'll keep believing 
Your amber eyes to my surprise are gently grieving

Lean closer 
Please let me show ya
The love inside no need to hide I already know ya

Day dreaming
An enchanted feeling
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more

Forever more
Forever more
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more

Forever more
Forever more
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more

Time plays games with my mind
The winds of change blow indifferently outside
Only together
Can we build a world for the better
So take my hand my dear 
Hold it forever
Forever

Day dreaming
An enchanted feeling
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more
The night's receding
For you I'll keep believing
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more

Forever more
Forever more
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more
Forever more
Forever more
Take my hand in yours hold it forever more

© Tam Jennifer Hastings, 2023

Forever More (Acoustic, 2023)

I call this song Bella S. Live recording.  Written for Stefania, who died age 42. She was dying when this was written. Performed live for her a few short months before she died. She was so beautiful. And is a memory I will hold in my heart forever. Our short time together was totally worth it.   

Cover generated using Dall-e 2 AI

Lyrics

Because the retrospective memory
Is worth this consequence of agony
I will carry
Whatever you throw at me
And then I will set it free

This retrospective experience
Is worth the pain that comes with it
I will carry
The pain that you bring to me
And then I will set ti free

I will cry for you
And I will cry for me
I'll cry for life
I'll cry for death 
And then I'll just be

Knowing you can hurt me
Is what draws me invertly
You are my fantasy

The one I'm glad to see
The one who'll set me free

But you are poison
You are my poison
You are poison
This frozen poison

You are poison 
You are my poison
You are poison 
My chosen poison

That is bad and also good for me, so

I will cry for you
And I will cry for me
I'll cry for life
I'll cry for death 
And then I'll just be

Bella Stef (live, 7 Sept 2015)

Recorded using my smart phone 20151006, while playing around with some chords (expecially Dmaj7). And actually I was recording some other songs for Youtube. Really liked the outcome, thought I just had to share it. Below are the lyrics, more or less, although this, I think, is more of a 'music' than 'lyrics' first song :)But none the less, the lyrics mean the world to me.  

-Tam


The Hope Tree is growing

It’s growing

Hope

The hope tree is growing

And it will never end

No it will never end

As long as you’re breathing

The hope tree is growing

Hope

.

©2015, Tamsin J E Hastings, Tammy Hastings and tammymusic. All rights reserved.

The Hope Tree - Dmaj7 (demo, 2015)

NOTE 2022: For my one and only child. Thank goodness the long dark years of missing you are over, and we are reunited again. 

2016: I wrote this after a random dream I had. I actually wrote it in a dream. Well part of it at least.  Lol. This is a lo-fi demo. :)
The 'whoops' in the middle was when I got the wrong chord. 



Lyrics below:

I’m gonna miss you tonight

In my heart you’re a star, shining so bright

And even though I’m far, far away

I’m gonna love you anyway

.

I’m gonna think of you tonight

And as I sing, I’ll hope you’re alright

I wish I hadn’t left you the way that I did

I hope you’ll find a way to forgive

.

Cos even though I can’t be there right now,

To watch you as you find your way, somehow

And even though I never said goodbye

…

.

I’m gonna miss you tonight

In my heart you’re a star, shining so bright

And even though I’m far, far away

I’m gonna love you anyway

.

I don’t know if you ever wonder about me

Or if you’re feeling angry, maybe

Or if you even think about me not being there

…

.

You not here, not tonight

I have to wait until the time is right

But you could also just go on and pick up the telephone

You know I’d never leave you standing alone

.

I’m gonna miss you tonight

In my heart you’re a star, shining so bright

And even though I’m far, far away

I’m gonna love you anyway

.

(c) 2016. Tamsin JE Hastings and tammymusic. All rights reserved.

Miss You Tonight (Demo, 2016)

NOTE 2022: The song I wrote about my mother with uncanny accuracy, before she died. I didn't know I was writing about her at the time. 

I played this for you just a few weeks before you left mom, and you cried and said it was beautiful. Thank goodness for that.

(c)2016. tamjennifer.com

Tam Jennifer

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