my head is empty list

https://youtu.be/8aPDSQqYdeo
another year
another headache
another day wasted
another mistake
when will i learn?
to stop giving a fuck
about everyone
who treats me like dirt anyways
your problems are not mine
but you point your finger at me
for reacting so poorly
i can't take it anymore
don't try to find me anymore

music video

good try, kid (music video)

https://tidecruz.bandcamp.com/album/nothing-is-real-part-xvi
for those who download, there is 6 bonus tracks hidden in the zip, and a photo of my scar across my chest.
as i stare death in the eyes again, i will instead share the story of my birth.
when i was born i was crushed in half. my chest was completely sunken in and i was to die.
i grew up deformed and as soon as i was old enough i went under the blade. a gifted surgeon saved my life by cutting my chest all the way across, using a saw and cut every single one of my ribs and sternum in half and straightened my chest. because of my birth, i am to avoid things like weight lifting, as i can bend in half at my mid chest , not just my waist. this made me an adequate skateboarder, but always being the camera man hunched over only made things worse. ultimately i found music and it saved my life from the drug culture, bad friends, and helped me have the time i needed to discover who i was and the reason why i didn’t die at birth. i was always meant to be the one who couldn’t kick the kickball far, get invited to the school dance, or called a druggy for being a skateboarder. all these things left immense emotional damage that i only today see were the building blocks to what i consider to be the last bastion of emotional music, from the deepest depths of depression, hopelessness, physical and emotional agony, self injury, and grief. sometimes at night i lay in bed rubbing my finger across my scar, and i speak to the ceeling at my best friend Jake. He was shot in the head and left dead for 3 days in a pool of his own blood by a man who broke in to steal his weed. I lay here touching this scar telling jake, “I’m going to do all the things we said we were going to do.” The final song on the album, because my hands were not working. I called apon him. i said, “Jake, be my hands when my body has failed me. I want you to make a song like the old style. Like nothing is real part 1.” and my hands began to move on their own. i wasn’t thinking or feeling my body’s pain anymore. in just 4 hours jakes soul inhabited my body and completed this song. And when he was done, i snapped out of it and hit play. Thank you jake, for helping me on this album. You did great friend. One day again i will call fourth your name to carry me when my feet begin to drag.

download

there is nothing i can do.

full album: https://tidecruz.bandcamp.com/album/ambient-vol-3
video: https://youtu.be/uzUCnQOzt8Q

album, here

evanesce

i made a music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76lSeMc8QhE
if you guys use this song in your tiktoks id really appreciate that. thank you for the support.

Spotify Link

the funeral

visual : https://youtu.be/8lZ67DZMVzs
thank you guys for the continued support on spotify. i never would of thought to see these types of numbers. i am excited to announce two albums. ambient vol 5 will be releasing as a free download on my bandcamp soon, as well as comet, and album with my friend castle hearts. i hope you all will enjoy the new music. thank you for listening. a word about my health. i have been having alot of computer issues lately and its been very stressful. my computer is how i make money and when it wont turn on its very stressful for me, i probably should get in to get an MRI soon to check for more lesions, ive been having alot of anxiety attacks and stuff but i'm just too afraid they will find more MS activity. i need to get checked, i'm just too afraid of what they may find. :/

ambient vol 5

novocaine

spotify link

https://open.spotify.com/album/47r3322kHDasMS04TNX2N6

again,

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

i was only temporary

releasing this one independently, any support would be appreciated as it wont be playlisted in any way on spotify 
\\\\ all my ambient songs playlist - https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

my sign to retreat

my ambient playlist

music video: https://youtu.be/Adb4uO8wTuo
i wrote this song about my recent relapse with my brain disease MS. lately so many people around the world have been stealing my music, and sharing it without crediting. its very sad to me because i am trying to provide a life for my girlfriend and i, both of us have disability. so its been very stressful seeing millions of people on tiktok/youtube listening to my hard work, but i get zero plays from it. its been so stressful that its made me begin to go blind in one eye. i had to take a super high dose of steroids to get my brain lesions under control. my eye sight is a little fuzzy but its stable-ish now. i wish people knew how badly they hurt me by doing this. i dont want to sound like im blaming other people, but the bottom line is, MS is fueled by stress, and yes i could just "not care". but i have to. i cannot work because of my condition. i go blind and cant use my limbs just from the most basic excercise like bringing in grocerys. making music is my only chance at giving my girl and i a life together, so when people steal my music, after i work so hard to make it, its stressful, and i feel as though its justified for me to feel upset about it. anyways, all those frustations are what this song is about. its about me trying to "survive myself". i doubt i can survive the bad people in this world, so the best i can hope for is to my body to randomly stop trying to hurt me. </3

this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

ambient playlist

survive myself

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
\\\\\\ BTW!!! i've been writing for "nothing is real, part XXI, so im sorry if im late to reply on here, instagram, tiktok etc; - i hope to make this next NIR a special one, akin to the first in the series, back to the root sound of the series. <3

this will destroy me

i hope you guys don't mind a 1 time detour into synthwave?
the next 3 weeks friday release will all be Ambient. i am VERY excited for march 29ths track so please stick around for it!! <3

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

what comes after

my head is an ambient playlist _ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud version : https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
\\\
hi guys, thanks for the love on ' i was only temporary ' . on tiktok, spotify, and soundcloud!

things i left behind

music video: youtu.be/d9kkX8yHEgw
thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

you only cared about you (Pitched Up)

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

butterfly effect

music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKfCiJfHnzM
played my guitar for this one.
hope you guys like it anyways

i need a purpose

music video: https://youtu.be/OCPpImXovjY
thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

u forgot im a person too

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my spotify playlist here
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient

playlist

u became a stranger 2 me

free download: https://tidecruz.bandcamp.com/album/nothing-is-real-part-xxi
music video: https://youtu.be/lRf86L7MYLU
so sorry for the delay. ive spent the last 7 months writing this album, in between all the ambient singles/albums. i hope for any listeners of the "nothing is real" albums, it is worth the wait. on a very personal note, these albums are the only thing that brings me self worth. i am deeply impacted and thankful some of my ambient songs have connected with you all, in particular "i was only temporary". however, despite their impact on social media, i personally do not feel any accomplishment when writing ambient. as many long time listeners of the "nothing is real" project have mentioned, the simple ambient songs are in essence, just an outro of a "nothing is real" song. i too share this sentiment. i think i am capable of making a lot more emotionally impactful music, not just for others, but as means of helping myself. i struggle with feeling adequate, and because of my events in my life it has become of my personality to want to prove to myself, before anyone else, that i can do something great, even if there is nobody around to see it. even for years and years before the viral song "i was only temporary", these "nothing is real" albums we're written and released one after another with little to no support, or viewership. i hope that, in my efforts to prove to myself that i can make something truly one-of-a-kind, and original, that it will inspire people to not copy others, and find their own sound. i think alot of people, with a platform have a similar message about wanting to "make the world a better place". i think this is a good message of course, i just would like for anyone reading this to know, that my message is a bit more specific. with the  "nothing is real" series, i want to share that, in this world today, i think there are so many fake things, people, friends, etc. i do not want to inspire people to copy what i do, or anyone else. i want to release these albums and hopefully make people say "wow, this is so much effort, and it does not sound like anything i have ever heard! maybe i should not try to keep up with trends, or other people, or let them make me feel inadequacy any longer. this music inspires me to do my own thing, and master it, and make something unique and original that can tell my own personal story". i think individualism is being lost today, in a world that prioritizes followers, and followings. i want to leave behind something that will inspire others to look within themselves, and find approval in their own ideas, instead of constantly looking to imitate what already exists. i think the next most wonderful and beautiful thing that will help a lot of people, is lying in wait inside one of you, and to find it, i hope whatever i have done may help people become introspective enough to dig it up, and share with all of us. anyways, thanks for listening and reading all this. <3 - mhie

nothing is real, part XXI

we’re all we've got

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

i wish i was special

music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9MqrqqeeUI

falling 4 u

I wake up not knowing if I'm even real everyday, not knowing what is and isn't in my head, torn apart of wanting to kill myself and destroy my own flesh and wanting to live to help those who need the help and to achieve an unknown goal in life. 

I don't like modern cameras.

my head is empty list

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