I came out to my parents when they discovered gay porn on my computer while I was at my friend Nicole’s house choreographing a hip hop dance. 

I was shocked because I thought they already knew but, I got a call when I was like, mid shoulder-brush, from my mother being like, “Where are you?” and I was like “I’m at Nicole’s house!” and she was like, “You need to come home now.” And I went home. 

I can’t believe i’m telling this story. 

Anyway, I went home after we finished the dance.

She drove me home in her Infiniti SUV and I walked into the house and it’s pitch black, and I just see the like back-lit shadow of my mother in the corner of the kitchen just like…

She brings me down and rather than having a nice “let’s talk about this”, she starts like bringing up, she starts like opening up all the websites and I don’t know what to do and I’m like: “Ew what is that? That’s disgusting!”

Meanwhile I’m like: “Yep Tuesday, yep Wednesday, Thursday I didn’t do anything, and Friday.”

And like my dad comes downstairs in his tighty-whiteys and is like “Bran, If it’s yours, just tell us.”

Well, hold on, hold on. 

They found this like weird fax, like a document nobody recognized and I was like: 

“Well, obviously someone hacked into our computer!”

And they believed me.

that one paper cut