Bluebird By Charles Bukowski

Very old, poems from my late teens/early twenties, done just after my common-law spouse left me, taking our little infant daughter along with her, who I didn't see for 2 years and 30k more (the early 90s were not a judicially kind time to single fathers), but whatever, just context, it was the toughest time in my life up until then, and a long ways afterwards, maybe it still was the proverbial Worst Of Times.

This is something from CBC Radio One, and has poems, but also (and mostly) music I picked to go along with it, and thought it might be entertaining to someone, and it's a first step to get over my fear of recording something of my own since I loathe the sound of my own voice. 

OK, it's an hour and twenty some minutes long, so feel more than free to skip it, or sit down with a bottle of wine and listen to the whole thing (you'll need the wine, haha). 

p.s. I know it wasn't a huge achievement, but knowing my brother in Toronto, to my favourite ex-girlfriend on Vancouver Island, all these people that liked me were all together with friends for listening parties, just to hear some my pretty bad poetry, and basically an on-air mixed-tape, all over the country, including one by best friend organized, and literally everyone I knew was there that I grew up with, to friends from uni, to work collogues, and people really listened to it, they didn't more than whisper the odd thing even through the music. I felt really loved, and at a time when my self-esteem was at an all time low, this was the beginning of the end of my first really major depressive episode, and the first is always the very worst because you don't understand that every depressive episode eventually ends, you do smile again.

If I could, I'd love to get a hold of David Wisdom just to say thanks.

Hour Of Power on Nightlines with David Wisdom, CBC Radio One Dub, Very Early 90s

Just vocals and guitar, a work-in-progress for 13 years or so, lol. I have very limited musical abilities, I am better with poetry or lyrics, so this is the first and last song I'll ever write by myself I'm quite sure. But it helped me nurture and nurse a broken heart, I poured all the pain into the writing of the song more than even the song itself.

About a woman I was in love with, but didn't want to be seen with me publicly or even amongst friends, for reasons that shall always remain puzzling to me. But it taught me I never want to be anyone's dirty little secret again, and I'll always have a soft spot for that woman.

lovejunkie