M357 Relapse: Father, Husband, Master and God (A Bitch's Addiction)

by The Butcher

Baby,

I am sorry. I apologize. I made a mistake. I love you. I adore you. Now, I know that we can live happily ever after. He tried to make me forget about you. It did not work. You have been in my life for almost 33 years. I know nothing else. I want nothing else. My actions and decision to leave you for him was a mistake. You are my father, my husband, my master, my god.

 

The truth is that it is hard for me to shut off and cut off something that I have invested in and relied upon since the age of 15. My daddy......you know the truth. You have helped me forget.......about my fucked up childhood......things I experienced in high school......men who lied about loving me.....my family drama........my past relationships. I realized that if I stayed with him......we could never be.......I could not go through with that. I cannot do it. I need you.

In September, I was lost. I was empty. I (XXXXXX) up. I thought I needed him. I did not need him. I was missing you. I realized that so I began to use him.....while waiting for you to return to me......while waiting for the demons and cravings inside of me.....to push me back to you.......He was never right for me. I knew this. He knew this. My family knew this. His family knew this. But I faked it. All of it. You are my father, my husband, my master, my god.

The truth is that he controlled me. How? He controlled me with his love, honesty, tough love, sincerity and openness. I did everything he told me to do. The things I did to my husband.....he told me to do....and since you were not there to guide me.......I did it. He loved me so much and I loved him. He was my strength, my motivator.....we were together. But, I did not have you. There would be no more you, no more us.....with him in the picture. I swear that I love you.......more than him, my husband, my son and my family all rolled up together.

I have nothing but disgust for him now.......he was arrogant, he criticized me...... he never loved me as much as I loved him......he never understood that you....baby.....you are my father, my husband, my master, my god. I have ended it with him. I pushed him away with the "old sh*** t ", "same sh*** t ", "past sh**** t ", "petty ass, meaningless sh**** t " that I used 5 years ago and..............everything and anything else.......I could think of.

For the second time, I got away from him. I accept neither accountability nor responsibility for the break up, for my actions, for my personal fears or for my personal issues. I pushed all of the blame, guilt, embarrassment, humiliation and shame on him. He can and will wear the yoke. I did it all for you. I did everything I could imagine.....I could imagine....to push him away. I need you.

I am not listening to that God in Heaven anymore. I am not going to obey that God in Heaven. The built in judgments and conclusions that....that God in Heaven has set for me  because of the choice I made......the path I chose....because I chose not to obey that God in Heaven......I hate it. I promise to listen to you. I promised to remain in bondage to you. Only you. I need you. You will keep me happy. You are my father, my husband, my master, my god.

I need you back. I promise to give you everything that I have. You can have mind, body and soul again and forevermore. I have utter joy when I look into your eyes. I want to run my fingers in your hair again. I live to satisfy you. I will never leave you again. You are my everything. Just come back to me. Come home again. 

For you, I will be lazy. I will be nasty. I will be your (XXXXXXX). I will be your whore. I will suck your (XXXXXXX) every morning. I will (XXXXXX) you every night. You can bring another (XXXXXX) into our bed.....I dont care.....I will eat another woman's (XXXXXXX) for you.......I will suck another (XXXXXXXXX) for you......damn it, I need you. I need you back. I know you want this good, tight (XXXXXXX) again. My (XXXXXXXX) stays wet for you. Before I (XXXXXXX) my husband, I will come see you first. Before I suck my husband's (XXXXXXX), I will come see you first. Before my husband eats my (XXXXXXXXX), I will come see you first. You are my father, my husband, my master, my god.

We can work through my horrible mistake of leaving you. Trust me. Forgive me. Just give me another chance. I will change......I promise to be the perfect daughter, wife, mother, slave and servant.....to you.....for you......I will do whatever you say. I will do anything for you. I want nothing from you.

Just promise to make me happy, make me smile, make me forget the pain, make me forget the past.....I cannot live happily ever after without you. Only you know how to hide the ugliness deep inside me.......my ugly psychological scars......my true fears.....the lies I am committed to living.....I know that I will be content with you. Happiness is with you.

You are my father, my husband, my master, my god. I promise to be the perfect daughter, wife, mother, slave, servant. I love you more than you can imagine and quite possibly understand. What god has put together may no man separate. We will live a limitless life.
In my heart, there will always be a place for you.

Forever,

Kimber

Fucked

If you are ready to experience deep house grooves, then this is the download for you. Featuring tracks from Theo Parrish--Falling Up (Carl Craig rmx), Kem--Set Me Free, Kenny Lattimore--If I Lose My Woman and much more. Promotional copies of the mix CD were passed out during the 2007 DEMF and no more copies will be made available......Special Thanx goes out to Toni Crawford.......your words deeply moved me and this.......plus the next few......

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