Random Transmissions

Protein Garage

In which a newly widowed father muses on the human impact of climate change. A kind of Palaeolithic Clementine.

Doggerland is a lost territory in the North Sea, covered by rising seas and a tsunami after the last ice age. The Hull Atlantis

All of which is rather pretentious, but the key message is that this song is not about dogging.

Dog Days Of Doggerland

If aliens invaded, I'd know who to call
I've got it all written down so I wouldn't start panicking
Janina Ramirez, Bettany Hughes, Giorgio Tsoukalos and Erich Von Daniken

Forget Sherlock, Miss Marple, Taggart and Shackleton
Greggs and McNulty and all of those sleuths
Tsoukalos, Von Daniken, Ramirez and Hughes
Those are the ones Hatshepsut would choose

I'm not saying it was Aliens, but...it totally was
I'm not saying it was Aliens but...I really think so because
When you can't see where you are, you've got to look to the stars
You've got to look to the stars

With all due respect to our brave Special Forces
Who could take off your head without making a sound
I'd want them in my back pocket for sure
But those four are the ones that I'd want around
When you're dealing with things that are beyond comprehension
Pick alternative thinking and links to the past
It would be madness to talk to the Mothership
Without a feminist to take them to task

I'm not saying it was Aliens, but...it totally was
I'm not saying it was Aliens but...I really think so because
When you can't see where you are, you've got to look to the stars
You've got to look to the stars

Ramirez, Von Daniken, Hughes and Tsoukalos
Any less combination would be next to useless
Tsoulakos, Von Daniken, Ramirez and Hughes
That's the back four that Hapshetsut would choose

I'm Not Saying It Was Aliens But...

You can sit wherever you like, but
Don't distract the autopilot
For your safety and mine
Please be orderly behind the line

The future's bright
And the past is dead
Put your trust in the power of rust
At least I think that's what he said

Please can I politely advise you
To do whatever the autopilot says
Please relax and enjoy the ride
As we plummet to our fiery deaths
We could try to fight or run but
I guess it all depends
If you value your freedom or comfort more
It's all the same in the end

The future's written
And the past is gone
For your safety and convenience
The camera is always on

Invest your every movement with meaning
That's the only way we'll beat them
Are you certain who you're talking to?
Are you certain that you've thought this through?

The past is yours but the future's dead (repeat)
Ah I think that's what he said

Don't distract the autopilot

You can sit wherever you like, but
Don't distract the autopilot
Or he might bring your vehicle
To a sudden stop

Don't Distract the Autopilot

Now I'm listening in, waiting to begin
Floating in my underwater cave
Not long now until I need you to care
If it's dangerous then please keep me away

Please be careful with my fluttering heart
Please speak softly in my tender ear
Please be gentle as you fall apart
Please remember when you fight I'm here
Please try to hold me on the surface
While everything around you sinks
You're not alone when you suffer
I hear more than you think

I hear more, I hear more than you think (repeat)

I'll remember but I won't understand
I'll be wondering as you hold onto my hand
I'll be dreaming of the things that came before
You know I never saw a girl that really walked into a door
War and roses, cuts and bruises
Fear, petechiae, it's everyone that sinks
Bangs and crashes, screams and smashes
I hear more, I hear more than you think

I hear more, I hear more than you think (repeat)

Please be careful with my fluttering heart
Please speak softly in my tender ear
Please be gentle as you fall apart
Please remember when you fight I'm here
Please try to hold me on the surface
While everything around you sinks
You're not alone when you suffer
I hear more than you think

I hear more, I hear more than you think (repeat)

I Hear More Than You Think

A tribute to a friend's angry bees, via worries about ecological collapse, Marge Simpson and Top Gun

Keep your neb out John, it's none of your beeswax
Make sure the honey Johnny stays in the hive
We are wasps with PR, who's the Queen of the colony?
It's in your best interests to keep us alive.

Oh - Where's the honey, Johnny?
Dancing in circles at the edge of the sun
We'll be catching it, waggle dance, feet in the pollen
Don't you jive with the hive
Oh Johnny what have you done?

Ooh-wah-ooh
It's the needs of the bees, its the bees with their needs
Ooh-wah-ooh
Where's the honey Johnny?
None of your beeswax, let's float in the weeds

Chock full of nicotine! Ah you know what I mean
Oh my hexagons have gone all wrong
Got my wings in a rush, can't get enough of the stuff
And I can't remember my way home
Keep it clean for the Queen, don't you know where I've been?
I've been flying too long in the sun
I'll be catching it, waggle dance, feet in the pollen
Bring back the honey, Johnny, what have you done?

(Chorus)

Buzz the tower!

None of your beeswax

Buzz buzz buzz
Buzz the tower, buzz the tower, let's go float in the weeds
Take me to your leader honey, where is the Queen?

Bees knees, Bees needs, none of your beeswax
Bees knees, Bees needs, dance to the sun
Bees knees, Bees needs, none of your beeswax
Bring back the honey Johnny, what have you done?

None of your Beeswax (Rewaxed)

Issues Road is a real place - on the way up to Holme Moss. It's also a state of mind. Anyone who thinks they're not on it is either very lucky or kidding themselves.

Come and ride the trail with us
In the footsteps of our fathers
It's a pity they got lost in time
Yeah they disappeared from trace just like us
Oh the stumbles of the past, well they build up too fast
We were reaping everything we sowed
We got tangled in the consequences
We got caught up on the Issues Road

It's a story of 
Rags to riches
And back again through muddy ditches
All in epic Yorkshire dialect
Really what did you expect?
It's a story of 
Snakes and Ladders
Sliding backwards like the clappers
Well we never really cracked the code
We got caught up on the Issues Road
By Jove!

Come and ride the trail with us
In the footsteps of our sisters
We were busy when adventure called
Yeah it's fair to say the good times missed us
I was working at the shop when opportunity knocked
Though I can't pretend I didn't know
Now it's black out over old Joe's mother's
And we're caught up on the Issues Road

It's a story of 
Rough and tumble
Ah, the Universe'll keep you humble
And kid I'll tell you this for nowt
You were there or maybe thereabouts
It's a story of 
Cops and Robbers
I think it's time I cut my losses
He's been jumping over all my rows
Left me stranded on the Issues Road
By Jove!

Come and ride the rocky trail with us
On the trail of all the haters and the burglars
Shout up on the air for the glory
1-0-7 'cos I don't think that they heard us
She'll be rattling the hangers in support
In the face of all the headaches and the grief
Heading out to Cape Verde
I don't think you heard me
Gotta grit your teeth for The Chief

Issues Road, Issues Road
Rainbow on the hillside, wind on the top
Issues Road, Issues Road
Keep fucking moving or we'll all seize up
Issues Road, Issues Road
We might be stuck in the mud, but we're not stuck in the past
Issues Road, Issues Road
If we ever get lost, just need to head for the mast

We're going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere, 'cos that's where it goes
We're going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere on the Issues Road
We're going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere, 'cos that's where it goes
We're going nowhere, nowhere, nowhere, nowhere
Nowhere on the Issues Road
By Jove!

Issues Road

I am a curious creature
A spiral bound prisoner of sleepy lagoons
And when we meet in the future
I'll be a memory cast in the layers of stone
Of lava and silicon
Under the bladder wrack
Tentacles reaching in warm brackish pools
While rising land masses breed thunder and lightning
That rage as the turbulent world starts to cool

Riding saltwater currents in temperate seas
Underneath the foam and the mare's tails that dance in the breeze
The sparkle and shimmer of wide open skies
The embrace of sediment
Fossil Eyes
Yeah Fossil Eyes

I am an alien being
That drifts on mercurial currents of time
Until the eyes of a curious child
Fall bright on the shadows that I left behind
A life in transition, yeah
Literal, littoral.
Hiding in crevasses away from the sun.
The grinding of shingle banks
Guttural, guttural
Dies with the tide and our world is reborn

Riding saltwater currents in temperate seas
Underneath the foam and the mare's tails that dance in the breeze
The sparkle and shimmer of wide open skies
The embrace of sediment
Fossil Eyes
Yeah Fossil Eyes

Ammonite, Ammonite, cast in the jet
A guest from the past we can never forget
Ammonite, Ammonite, hidden from view
An echo persists when existence is through

Fossil Eyes

A metaphor for self-reliance, but also totally about the climbing knot

Bit by bit, hand over hand
Up by your bootstraps, stick to your plan

All the rapid ascenders, and death-mod descenders
And people so brave they abandon the rope
But I've got my prusik and that's what I'll use
To climb out of the darkness and into the hope

It's fair to say I'm difficult
But show me someone who is not
People are complicated you know
We'd have a tedious world if they weren't
The prusik will hold!

Inch by inch, hold after hold
Up by your bootstraps, out of the cold

Not enough turns and you'll slide down the mountain
Grip on too tight and you're stuck where you are
Don't lose your cool though, 'cos we've got the prusik
It won't let us down, well, it hasn't so far

It's fair to say I'm cynical
It's the way I've become over time
But even I still rely on the prusik
And I'm sure in the end we'll be fine
Grab your prusik and climb!

Is it prusik or prusik? Just dance to the music!
A Kleimheist just isn't the same
Use what you've got, you can't use what you've not
Oh the prusik, The prusik remains
The prusik remains!

Prusik

Basura is Spanglish for "trash" or in this sense "bulls**t". In 5/4 time with a bit of 4/4.

Another can of worms, another dose of protein
Red meat for the people, wipe the slate clean
Oh, tell 'em what you want
But they're gonna hear
What they want to hear

Another insect meal, a tasty arthropod
Make you crunch the shells and tell you when to shop
Oh, we all get a leg
But they're gonna hear
What they want to hear

You've got to watch them, 24/7
They're going to dose you up
With Ivermectin Nanobots
Keep looking for the 
Medicine to cure you
Don't mean to bore you
It's all Basura!

Another deep fake, hot take, drama for it's own sake
Tilting at the windmills 'cos they slaughter the fish
Another island lost to the rising seas
I mean I like it hot, but careful what you wish
Another brave ascent that went wrong on the way down
Don't you think they got there first?
Poor old Green Boots, well, I guess you snooze, you lose
And look at Sleeping Beauty, well it could be worse

Thumping the pulpit, dosed up on bullshit
Broth on the house, to make you froth at the mouth
Keep searching for the
Medicine to cure you
Got nothing for you
It's all Basura!

Basura

Fifty cold years since you turned from his grace
Caterpillar Girl with her hands to her face
She never heard
All his words

One stroke and she's down on her knees
Telephone slightly out of her reach
A burning cold
In her soul

I needed songs not your sermons
But you never knew me
I needed songs not your sermons
But you never, you never knew me

In the ischaemia of things
Peaches and clotted cream for you sins
Decent hacks
Worn out tracks

LP scratches out of it's groove
Paralysed in the darkening room
Nurses words
Turn to worms
Have they heard?

The Old Maid was a banshee
But you never knew me
Songs of discord won't chill me
But you never, you never knew me

Catheter, pill, the thermometer sings
Devil knows of the band you were in
Nurse feign a smile
Take your time

Devil makes work, but ECT will free it
I don't think they succeeded
Fight fire with fire
It's my funeral pyre

Father Pious at the ICU door
Last Rites a little premature
I'm half alive
Don't look so surprised

I had a tryst with a witch
Come here

I needed songs not your sermons
But you never knew me
I needed songs not your sermons
But you never knew me
I needed songs not your sermons
But you never knew me
I needed songs not your sermons
But you never, you never knew me

Caterpillar Girl

Well I never went far
Not many places I've been
Now the city's a village
And the river's a stream
And the old factory valley's a litter strewn alley
And the vivid red sunset's just blood up the wall
But don't you look down on the wreckage
'cos you're never too far from the fall

Like it or no
Unquiet Souls
Those left behind
Never let go
Oh, Unquiet Ghosts
Howls of the lost
Roaming the roads
If I can't escape
I will haunt this place
I will haunt this place
Just for the hell of it

Redbrick terraces cower
Under gunmetal skies
Like a landlocked shipwreck
Left high and dry by the tide
Unquiet Ghosts stranded far from the coast
Faded criminal boss fallen hard on their luck
But don't you look down on the broken and lost
'cos you might be one of them when you get stuck

Oh, Unquiet Souls
Those left behind
Never let go
Oh, Unquiet Ghosts
Tied to their posts
Roaming the roads, and
If I can't escape
I will haunt this place
I will haunt this place
Just for the hell of it

Soma or sertraline
Methadone, ketamine
Vodka, amphetamine
What's your poison?
Always been part of the human condition
But if we're all feeling it
Something's broken

Oh, Unquiet Souls
Those left behind
Never let go
Oh, Unquiet Ghosts
Tied to their posts
Roaming the roads, and
If I can't escape
I will haunt this place
I will haunt this place
Just for the hell of it

Landlocked Shipwreck

I'd be broken by the trouble you've seen
World go easy, go easy on me
Life and death and all the places between
Oh have mercy, have mercy on me

Oh my lost love, oh my heart
Curse this obsession that has torn us apart
I can't tell you, how it possesses me
That's the way it ended now
Death is peace but life is lonely

Broken hearts and broken limbs, wind in our teeth
Oh have mercy, have mercy on me
Through the floating rifts, savage ice and frozen peaks
Oh have mercy, have mercy on me

And the beauty, of it all
In the thin air the leader can't fall
Can you hear the beckoning silence of height and the
Sound of wasted youth, screaming on the shattered summits

I'd be broken by the trouble you've seen
World go easy, go easy on me
Life and death and all the places between
Oh have mercy, have mercy on me

In the corner of my eye, and the voice in my head
Between the land of the living and the land of the dead
For the fallen, as they lie
Tied to the broken cord, sleeping under frozen skies

Sagamartha, Chomolungmna
Please have mercy, Goddess Mother
Is it worth it? Can we justify?
Screams of working men
Trapped beneath the fallen ice

Shattered Summits

Don't worry, now, really don't
But I think that the Sun might be dying
The day was always coming, but 
I thought we had a bit more time
Do you see what I'm seeing? 
There's just not enough coming through
Not enough of those sweet Tau Neutrinos
The question right now is really "what do we do"?

Oh those Solar Neutrinos
They just go right through you
Those pesky little critters
Are giving us the jitters

Yeah, OK I see it, but let's not freak out just yet
Not until we're certain, not until we've double checked
Let's keep this under our hats
We don't want all the fighting and fussing
What if we've got it all wrong?
I don't want to cause panic for nothing

They're in a flap at Fermilab
There's concern at CERN
I knew a girl at the Hadron Collider
They wriggled and jiggled and shivered inside her

Mate...mate, look here, look at this, look
What if we've missed a trick?
What if there are different flavours, like crisps
Our basic palate just can't detect
I think we've gone off half-cocked, jumped the gun
I think we've got all excited for nowt
It's understandable, easily explained, but we've gone and freaked everyone out

People, as you were!
The neutrinos are all flowing fine
And the Sun isn't dying
Not now, not yet, not this time
You know the Sun isn't hot enough
To do what it does?
Quantum Tunnelling? Cosmic Cunning?
One day we'll run out of luck

Stick 'em in the Tokamak
Stick 'em in the Tokamak
Stick 'em in the Tokamak and make it so

Stick 'em in the Tokamak
Stick 'em in the Tokamak
Stick 'em in the Tokamak and watch 'em go!

Oh those Solar Neutrinos, they just go right through you
Hanging out at DUNE trying to fathom why
They're only ever passing by

Well back there it seemed like the end of the world
But I have to admit for a moment, in spite of
The obvious problems it presents for us all
I couldn't help feeling
Excited

Solar Neutrino Problem

A sideways take on recent troubles

Them 
It's always them 
Look what they've got 
That's what I want 
How'd they get it? 
How'd they take a hold? 
And why not us?
I think we should be told 

You've got to know when you've got it easy 
You've got to know when you've got it tough 
You've got to realise when you've gone too far 
You've got to know when enough's enough 

Us 
What about us? 
We've been forgotten while they take what we deserve 
It's time to take it back, it's time to make some noise 
If we can't have it then we'll see it get's destroyed 

You've got to know when to mind your business 
You've got to know what it's fair to keep 
You've got to know the whole, unvarnished truth 
You've got to look before you leap. 
Before you're in it too deep. 

At the end of the day I'm as bad as the rest 
Like to stick to my own, won't give up my place
But I'm not so naïve I believe 
You can have justice, without having losers
And you know that it's always been this way
Since we hollowed the bones, since we walked on the plain
Always been us and them, but this is now and that was then 

I 
I recognise 
All that I've got 
All that they've not 
I can't blame anybody trying to reverse 
Their disadvantage from the accident of birth 

You've got to know when you've ridden your luck 
You've got to realise where you'd be without it 
And it's right you get to make your point, but fuck 
Do you really need to be a dick about it?

Them

Christmas Card From A Hooker in Minneapolis

Well I hate to intrude, I know I wasn't invited
But there's nothing here but hippy crack and hepatitis 
By the skittering hi-hats and the scurrying rats
It was glowing like Hades in the underpass 
Watching boys with machetes jump to gut punch bass
They were having a party under Skeleton Lake 

Skeleton Lake, Skeleton Lake. 
Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your foot on the snake 
Throw your hands in the air and feel the concrete shake. 
They were having a party under Skeleton Lake 

Keep keep it cool, keep it cool. They don't know we're outnumbered. 
Keep it close, keep it close, or they'll drag us all under. 
All that Old School vinyl, like I wasn't impressed. 
They've left me the speakers, they've abandoned the decks. 

Skeleton Lake, Skeleton Lake. 
Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your foot on the snake. 
Throw your hands in the air and feel the concrete shake. 
They were having a party under Skeleton Lake 

Everyone leaving the scene, a Walking Dead stampede. 
Screaming curses as they roll down the track. 
There's no defib, no Epipen, no. Not even plasters in the First Aid pack, or 
Anything else designed to keep you well. 
So just rub out the swastika. Slava Slovensku! 

Skeleton Lake, Skeleton Lake. 
Get your ear to the ground and feel the low end quake 
Watching Boys with machetes jump to gut punch bass. 
They were have a party down at Skeleton Lake 
Skeleton Lake, Skeleton Lake. 
Keep your eyes on the prize, keep your foot on the snake. 
Throw your hands in the air and feel the concrete shake. 
They were having a party under Skeleton Lake

Skeleton Lake

Tie on with your clove hitch, equalise, double back, double check 
Rabbit round the tree to make your Figure 8 
Now you're tied to me, don't worry 
I might not seem like much but I can take your weight 
I might look a mess, I might be badly dressed
But you know that I ain't giving way 
So if you're losing your grip, don't panic
You can count on me, I'm your BHK

I'm your BHK

Tie on with your bowline, alpine butterfly
Back it with a prusik and we're good to go
Climb when ready, I'll be steady
If you're safe or not just need to let me know
Strength and honour, make it bomber
Camming with a friend stuck in an off-width crack
I'll be your rock on wire, you take a whipper
I'm your BHK and I have got your back

I'm your BHK

I will always be attentive, now I've got you at the end of my rope
Any time you feel you're pumping out, know that I'll be here to help you cope 
We can't always tell when our friends are just about to fall
But I've got you, I won't drop you
All you have to do is call 

I'm your BHK

Tie on with your clove hitch, equalise, double back, double check
Back it with a prusik and we're good to go
Climb when ready, I'll be steady
If you're safe or not just need to let me know
I might look a mess, I might be badly dressed
But I'll hold you up with all I've got 
So if you're losing your grip don't worry
You can count on me
Your Big Honking Knot

Wily denizen of the dirty streets 
Stalks the ginnels in the city night 
Scouring bin yards on silent feet 
Brother to the long tails and the rusty Kite 

Beneath the dreaming spires of Burmantofts
Redbrick sunsets from the balconies 
There's claret in the garret and plants in the loft
And they patched him up at Jimmy's
Nah mush, not that guy 

Oh, the Urban Fox 
Street smart king of the urban sneeze 
I was bright eyed and bushy tailed but I've grown 
Grey and greasy on the things you leave 

Sometimes I dream of open skies 
Padding softly through the fallen leaves 
Wide horizons on Soldiers Field 
Under the moonlight with the robbers and thieves 

Down South Parkway and Tarnside Drive 
Hidden by the beck along the secret paths 
Glass eyed and stricken on the frozen ground 
Short wave radio screams as he breathed his last. 

Oh, the Urban Fox 
Connoisseur of the city smoke
I was bright eyed and bushy tailed but now I'm 
Grey and greasy from the things you broke 

Well I'm still here, so who's the loser? 
Let that be a lesson to you 
Some things change and some things don't 
It's clear to me now that I'm somebody  who won't 

Oh sodium lit, lonely sentinel you 
Stand proud on the crest of the M62 
The weather out there might sometimes get you down, but 
At least it gets you out of town

The Urban Fox

Rest assured I'm a Crocodile. Not an Alligator.
I'll see you in a while
And he'll see you later.

The Big Grey Man

Pinned to spotlight

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