"HIGHER SELF"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by Aliyen Stacy & yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

Uh huh, come on
Yeah

Look
It's all praises to my maker.
Universal soldier on this odyssey
As-salamu alaykum
My destiny was already written that maktub
World working in my favour
Can't move forward
If your biggest fear is failure
I know
Crazy how I'm moving closer to myself
And drifting further from the rest of existence.
I'm in a maze uh
And I guess the only way I could escape
Was to free my mind from everything
They fed me to this day
My word is bond
I keep my music true until the grave
Until they drawing inspiration from my name 
You see mama raised a threat to the game
And see I do this shit for her
You niggas just in the way for real
Back where I started
Introspection man I had to learn the hardest
You can't trust a soul them ain't your friends
You a target nigga
So I guess it's self love until the coffin
I guess the better days are still coming
I pray for change rain still falling
Rainbows and sunshine ain't nothing
To the blind who hear peace from a mile away 
Pieces of me I rebuild and put the smile away
Broken promises under carpets
We learn to walk away
From the drama not a fan of being center stage
I play my part though but niggas got a lot to say
It's all good we don't worry over little things.
I'm just tryna get my guala up right to Philip Banks
That generational wealth
I'll keep 'em entertained and illustrate
Celebrate the losses we confusing all the enemies
And dance away to the melodies
Yeah, let's go
Yeah
These are words from my higher self nigga
Uh
These are words from my higher self
Let's go

VULNERABILITY IS POWER

HIGHER SELF

“FAITH, INTERLUDE.”
produced by J Dilla
mixed by Aliyen Stacy & yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

we had demons in the house
I rolled some weed and I got high as heaven
The type to form myself against your weapon
I pray before I go to sleep, I know my mama stressing
I got my fears but I know I’m protected
Synchronicities, I got the message…
And if your energy is off, you better get to stepping
But I can’t resist helping, so I had to step in
And I waste zero seconds 
But I’m realising 
That I’m wasting my breath on people full of pride
Shit, at least a nigga tried
But I’m not perfect, man, I ain’t gon lie
Learning how to be the good guy ‘cause you don’t want my evil side
And I confess I’m two faced like an old school Gemini
Play the fool, make em smile
Nothing new, under the sun
And I can verify
Thought you knew I’m certified 
Niggas cannot handle I
How ironic I’m the one with pride…
We had demons in the house, I rolled some weed
Look it’s a bad habit
Thought it might help me cope with black magic
Know prayer works, but my anxiety got worse sadly
And the rituals never worked, we gave up, gladly
‘Cause nothing bad happened
I mean it did, we move on, don’t we?
So I done got myself a lil girlfriend
I ain’t gon’ lie, she was the best distraction
And she was better than the first one who broke my heart into fractions
But I forgot it happened 
‘Cause the new love was something special 
But shit the love was not enough 
Made it hard to earn my trust
I found it hard to readjust and let a random person in behind the walls I’m building up
That’s before I realised that vulnerability is power
It was too late
Love, you overstayed your visit
Now I’m back to fighting my depression, no distractions, gotta finish
But, who am I fooling?
Quit the gimmicks 
I told my mom I’m suicidal and she felt like she failed me
Made a promise to my sister, wait, I’m not ready 
We had demons in the house
But see, my faith got stronger
And that’s when I was doubting God!
I couldn’t find him in my eyes and I was staring at the mirror
I just needed time, even though death nearer
We had demons in the house, that’s what the prophet said…
That’s what the prophet said nigga
Come on

FAITH, INTERLUDE.

"THE ART OF LETTING GO"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn 

[ LYRICS ]

The art and pain of letting go
I know nothing lasts forever, can't blame me for having hope.
It's like tryna fill this void gon' make it worse and yeah I know
I just gotta take it slow
But it's like a nigga always been this stagnant on the road.
I'm just a fragment of the globe
A tiny magnet of a load thats never mine
Like you too kind, but they still always take advantage, nevermind
What i said, they never listen, still i try
To be best person I could be those who turn out to be blind when I am dying...
You didnt know, i cant blame you
I never said nothing
Its in my head, my biggest problem is i care too much, i shouldnt really care.
My biggest problem... I got too many and I'm scared
I lose myself too many times, but I know its part of growth.
And i think Ive found my power in being this vulnerable... (my vulnerability is power)

And i know how much it hurts, let it go
It don't serve you, let it go
Let it go, let it go
Let it go, let it go

THE ART OF LETTING GO

"DISTANCE"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

I send my prayers to the sky
Shit the pain that i been feeling just remind me I'm alive
I'm afraid that you won’t get to see me fly
So I'll be holding on the little hope that I got left inside of me
I'm just tryna make my mama proud of me
'Fore she leaves for parallel dimensions, as a higher being
And join the spirits that’s watching over our family
I'm tryna keep the sanity
I had enough of my own thoughts controlling me
Submerge myself in melodies, and swim good...
Yeah
And swim good... uh
Or wash away my fears.
I know I can do it
Slowly losing touch but know I gotta keep moving
Solo dolo, shadows, lay low, let go
Of the pain, I heal... On my own
Keep the distance
My solace was living in isolation
Cause I never wanted to be a burden
I was hurting, searching
For my purpose yeah
Big dreams, I was soaring above the surface
Worked on my vision even after closed curtains
Like keep the distance dawg
I been working... yeah
I been working on myself
Yeah

[NINA SIMONE]
An artist’s duty, as far as I’m concerned is to reflect the times
And I think that is true of painters, sculptors, poets, musicians…
I-
As far as I’m concerned, it’s their choice
But I choose to reflect the times and the situations in which I find myself 
That to me is my duty
And at this crucial time in our lives
When everything is so desperate 
When everyday is a matter of survival 
I don’t think you can help but be involved

DISTANCE

"YOU CAN'T SAVE ME!"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

I'm a product of my mother's pain
Who was a product of her mother's pain
Passed down from different generations
It's too familiar I have to say
But I know I'll never lose my faith
And my higher self will find a way
(And my higher self will - uh)
Uh
I pray to God my all is quite enough
'Cause I been feeling like I give too much
My biggest fear is probably not at all
And my pride wont let me get as far
As I see myself
And break the uh
And break the curse to open floodgates
Of abundance to all my loved ones
I do this all for them so tell me is my all enough
And if I put myself first, won't it be selfish much
I swear I get confused
And the pessimist inside of me is quite amused
But I don't need no help
Nah I don't need no help
And that's my ego but I know my hero.
You can't save me from myself
Nah nigga You can't save me
Uh uh You can't save me

YOUCANTSAVEME!

"VULNERABILITY IS POWER"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

[Verse 1]
My words are always coming from the heart
Can't control it
Rather focus on the lesson than the actual emotion.
Always growing, planting seeds to be the flower in your Ochean.
Down to earth, but gravity don't even work on what I'm smoking.
Way too high to notice.
But my higher self alert enough to see your motives.
Times I let my ego in the way, had left me broken.
And feeling like a burden to people already loaded.
Been working on myself and I started by being open.
'Cause vulnerability a superpower, and the world needs saving every hour, every minute, every second.
The truth is even sour when your ignorance elevating to towers that cast a shadow over your intuition.
My mission, gon' take time, I pray to God for more
And ask my ancestors for protection in the war.
The pen is mightier than the sword, use my faith to suit up.
'Cause d'evils won't come knocking through the door nigga

[Verse 2]
And I cannot go a day without a melody repeating in my head.
And the feelings i suppress start escaping from my chest
Use your words, mama said.
Oh Forgive me, i forget.
I dont know where i should start inside my mind is a fuckin mess.
Tried the smoke to worry less.
It just made a nigga numb, not complaining or anything.
And returning to myself be getting harder i confess.
And im scared to ask for help.
I dont know if they gon' judge me, or try to do whats best.
Fears clinging on the threads -
Of my heart, i put together.
Thought i changed, but i guess.
I done skipped a couple steps.
Tryna deal with the unknowns like solve for x
I been asking God whats next?"
Know my actions got effects.
And im vexed -
Tryna be the good guy dont earn respect
My problem is i expect to get the same love i give.
And accept, all the bullshit
Hoping to protect, all your feelings.
Pushing mine to side, man fuck this.
Yall gon see another side to me.
A reflection of yourself to be exact, and bring you niggaz to reality.
Im a gemini, born to live in duality...
The art inspired my agony, its alchemy nigga!
Come on

"WEIGHT OF THE WORLD"
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

I know
That time waits, for no man
and i pray, that i get
to slow dance, with my fate, like you cant
control me
This high grade, in 1/8
my ascension beyond the construct and space
the angels watching, I'm safe
See my foundation, my base
that shit is made out of faith
like how you carry the weight of the whole world and you straight?
Like he dont bend, he dont break
Man thats the rarerest of traits
And i aint perfect i admit, but shit I'm worthy of praise
I put in work by the day
That shit is all in display
I give my all into putting half of my life on a page
The other half is still coming, like I'm sure you can wait.
I'm learning patience is virtue, y'all niggaz rushing to fail.
Y'all niggaz rushing to - huh
I learned from all my mistakes.
And every second I'm spending won't go to waste  'cause I'm plan on being more present than ever
Won't lie, I thought I would never...
The transformation to my higher self assured that...

I might bend but won't break
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
While the snakes thats around me getting closer
Im awake, niggaz sleeping they all fake
Now my circle getting colder
Oh well, i aint bothered im a loner

I might bend but wont break
With the weight of the world on my shoulders
While the snakes thats around me getting closer
Im awake, niggaz sleeping they all fake
Now my circle getting colder
Oh well i aint bothered im a loner...

Come on!

WEIGHT OF THE WORLD

A LETTER TO REVENGE: REST IN PEACE
produced by yūjīn
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

Carry on, like flights, I carry on
With this pain inside of my chest
Half of my life depressed
“But you young, you barely lived”
Won’t lie I feel the same, I been crying 
Man rest in peace, we were about the same age
I grew up with him
But my niggas grew quicker
Introverted, living in my head, I ain’t know better
Hiding all my pain, I hid it well, so no pressure 
Little did I know, you did the same, well we all, kinda did
I remained, the coward that I became
When the world introduced itself, but I ain’t say my name
I never knew who I was.
I still don’t, I’m afraid
All I have is the music, you knew the words how insane
It’s like this nigga believed in me way more than I did
And I wasn’t a friend much, that’s how I’ma pay?
I mean he told what he thinking like a year in advance
I think I managed to talk him out of it, ended up staying.
Time flies, we carried on, like flights, we carry on…
We drifted off, way further apart
That’s just a part of life, man this shit getting hard
Reminiscing, childhood memories, playing ball.
Man those were simple days
We took em for granted, of course
Now when I try to cherish the thoughts, I end up lost
I could’ve done more, too late he’s fucking gone
Now I’m caught up in this tug-of-war
It’s grief and pessimism
Your suicide was a trigger
Don’t wanna make this about me
But I, convinced myself that is not what I really wanted.
But now, the very thoughts I compressed, starting to haunt me
Like he did it, why not do it too?
I made a promise to my sister, I remember the tears in her eyes.
I could be an empath, I can feel her fear as it were mine
So I try, not to be way too depressing in all my rhymes
Failing, I’m not surprised
It won’t be the first of times
Fuck it man, back to you
Dawg I miss you, I hope you find…
I hope you find peace in the Divine
I hope your spirit is well beyond time
I hope your spirit is well…
Carry on, like flights, I carry on
With this pain inside of my chest, got no choice but to carry on
I carry on
Carry on…

A LETTER TO REVENGE

“SHADOW WORK”
produced by yūjīn 
mixed by yūjīn

[ LYRICS ]

(Carl Jung)
We are so full of apprehensions… Fears
That one doesn’t know exactly to what it points

(thebookofeugene)
buried deep between the pessimist and hedonist, a lonely child
A genius with dumb rhymes 
the journey has been tedious
I’m done trying like, Bukowski’s words on the tomb where his skull lies
Guess fear is where the truth hides…
Or insecurity.
Impurities run in the bloodline
and immaturely, I punish self like I had much time
the ignorance of ignorance, blissfully
I’m my own worst critic, if blasphemy fit the shoes of my divinity
I know the distance I keep between self and society, is good for me
Hermitage in modern day
I’m as rare as they come, no surprise
thought it’d be crystal to the eyes.
nevermind, a fine line between deceit and actuality, actually
common paradigms
contents of collective consciousness, stored in this head of mine
that’s slow ‘cause I get too high
But I grow at a pace of mine
Unique to my own design
it’s shadow work nigga

SHADOW WORK

Instrumental: Da Art of Storytellin' (Pt. 1)
Artist(s): OutKast
Album: Aquemini
Year: 1998

[This is not the official version of the OutKast record. It is only a cover (remix) of the record.]

____________________

(Lyrics):

[VERSE]

Once upon a time, a young boy laid his eyes on a fine dime.
'Beautiful creature', if you like.
He imagined they would spend all of their time together.
Keep in mind, she doesn't know that he's alive.
He felt weak inside, admiring her beauty from a distance.
Thinking of a way to make her smile...
Said he had a plan, he was to scared to even try.
Lost his first chance, it made him sad, so he cried.
Woke up to a voice, telling him he should try again.
Talking to himself: "I'm gon' only waste my time."
But when he close his eyes, the pretty lady cross his mind...
Talking to himself: "I think she's really worth the time..."
Time to confess, he never really had a plan at first.
But now he really has a way to make her smile.
"If I make her smile, that'll make her fall in love."
Keep in mind, she doesn't know that he's alive.
Voices in his head be telling him to shoot the shot.
Whispers to himself: "I don't really have a shot.
I don't even love myself, I won't be shocked if she do not.
Been on my own for so long, all I got,
Is the music that prevents me to get some pills and pop."
He just wanna put a stop... To the pain.
"Maybe love might be the answer" what he thought.
Mind games, he be playing himself,
And he's losing...
"One day I will get through it..."
It's like that now...

[CHORUS x2]

It's like that now...
You better go on, and get the hump up out your back now...
It's 'bout four, five cats, off in my 'lac now...
We just shoot, and game, in the form of story raps now...
It's like that now, it's like that now...

THE ART OF STORYTELLIN' (COVER)

THE ART OF STORYTELLIN'

Produced by Solo Sae
Mixed by yūjīn
Written by yūjīn

( Lyrics )

Everything I touch may disintegrate into dust
But I'm a creator, might turn it to something at once
The power of the mind, one thing I completely trust
Can't put my trust in man, you'll regret it when time is up
I don't get my hopes up, only get high from a blunt
Here to shake the game, rearrange and readjust
Don't expect nothin from me if you weren't here when times were tough
Never needed you anyway, I said it, I'm sure enough
I'm on my way to greatness
It's all fate, nothing is mistaken
I know where my place is
Sharpen my intellect, my higher self will soon awaken
I know there's people trying hard to disturb my vibration
You must be crazy, or satan
They forget I can't miss
Picture perfect behind the edits I hide face in
'Cause they don't know me like that
And some gon' claim they made me
But I'm a threat to your favorites, not surprised they associating themselves with me
Heavenly
Godlike flow, with the nouns and the verbs
All my words have 'em scared
Pull up skrr
Come in first, they won't do it after I show em how it's done
I'm too hot for them to handle like the sun
Keep my distance for their sake
Have mercy on 'em young Saint
That's my conscience tryna keep me sane
Like nothing will lead you astray
Just follow all the stars, and you will get just  where you need to be
I'm only taking advice, from the man in the mirror.
He will always deliver
Don't plan on being famous, I just want my bands bigger
Can't lose, a born winner
That'll be now and forever
I can't take no Ls like I'm allergic to the letter
Only sick on the mic and clearly I ain't getting better
Too bad I ain't contagious, I'd make em all better rappers
Excuse my arrogance, but it ain't that, let's call it confidence
Something that you lack
They'll never get on my level and that's a fact
Saint

VII: GODLIKE

produced by yūjīn

____________________
Lyrics:

The sun will rise and fall.
Water back and forth
Summer into fall.
People come and go, that's the universal law.
Promise me, behind you, you will close fuckin door.
Never needed you at all
I swear I've learnt my lesson.
Never doubt my intuition.
I'm an intellectual, I'm never wrong.
But I am, we all know that every truth is half-false.
Can you handle even half of it?
Don't lie to yourself, I know you can't stand it!
I'm a picky listener myself...
We all one ain't we?
So that's a flaw that I will happily embrace.
But you won't see it on my face, because I live behind walls.
I swear if they could talk, they'd tell world I need some help.
But I'm good, trust me.
But I do not trust easily.
I can feel it if you ain't on my frequency.
I'm one with the energy.
You bring negativity, I reciprocate it.
It's that simple to me... Yeah
Don't get it wrong, I do this all for me... Yeah
Gotta protect my own peace.
What's the point of fighting for someone who doesn't care for me?
What's the point of holding on to something that is not for me?
'Cause the sun will rise and fall.
Water back and forth.
Summer into fall.
People come and go all the time.
Do you a favor and take care of your heart.
Gotta put yourself first in everything, that's the law.
Saint...

THE LAW

produced by yūjīn

____________________
Lyrics:

I find it hard to find the equilibrium between love and hate.
It's like a nigga always out of place.
Learn from my mistakes, I hate to fail.
I keep a straight face, like ain't no time for fun and games.
Ain't no time for love either, a mortal's biggest weakness.
I see the hate behind your face.
Some don't hide it well enough, and those who do take off their masks in the wrong place.
The universe works in questionable ways, it's like I been searching for answers, for ages
My mental state has worn me out.
Gave up on people that I loved, who hurt me.
Gave up on people that trusted, only...
For my sanity...
I gave up on life in it's entirety, honestly.
Man I am just a 17 year old with minor problems.
But my mind's a major key to unlock the future that I had prophesized...
And it all begins inside.
And my purpose is to teach this while I am still learning, and alive...

LOVE, HATE

INTERMISSION

produced by yūjīn 

____________________
Lyrics:

As I stare into a mirror, my reflection is a stranger.
I been tryna find myself again.
Put together sentences, that describe how I really feel.
But no one finna listen, it's like I'm wasting my time again.
I vent on all my beats 'cause I ain't trust no mortal man.
Music will never turn it's back on me...
Or get others to also turn on me.
I'm tryna get my shit together, but it's hard.
You see, I've tried for quite some time now.
I'm feeling weak.
Need 7 days or more to get back on my feet.
Doing nothing gives me peace.
Feeling nothing is frightening.
Imagining a love I won't receive, I cannot sleep.
I got a lot on my mind.
The clock's ticking, I'm just lost in time.
I close my eyes and I sought out to find...
My biggest problem, and just get to fixing...
I always say that but no action, I hate it.
Hate you for breaking me further as I was gluing pieces...
It's like I always have someone to blame.
My only weakness?
My vulnerability, you told me that you care for me...
I'm not used to hearing all those words, honestly.
Saying it to yourself just ain't the same you see...
Or maybe it is, just my mentality.
My views are shaped different, gotta practice me some alchemy.
And, find the light.
Swim how Cudi had instructed me.
I hope I'm not too late, I hope...
I hope I manage to change.
I hope I push through the pain.
I hope I matter to someone who will not lie to my face.
I hope my music gets played.
I hope the listener feels relief from the words that I say.
And learn from all my mistakes.
You gotta love yourself more than anyone, anything.
Look in the mirror and be proud 'cause of how far you have came.
That's self love ain't it?
That's self love ain't it...

SELF LOVE

produced by yūjīn 

____________________
Lyrics:

Lucky number seven.
Dioscuri, and the air is our element.
I'm caught between, two different worlds, 
Me vs. Me.
My pessimistic sentiments, optimism, is evident.
Sought to find my answers from universe.
The truth over religiousness.
"The all is mind, the universe is mental."
Tapped into a higher frequency due to this testament.
Can't keep negativity around me, I won't benefit...
From it, that's the way it is.
My path of life is 7, you can't argue with the numbers man.
I argue with myself, I try hard to be a perfectionist.
But nothing really matters, yes?
All there is, is energy, it's limitless.
I'm learning how to tune my own vibration...
'Cause spiritually, I'ma need more faith.
And secondly, in myself.
But I'm a loner I don't need no help.
I got me and myself huh.
Welcome to the mind of a Gemini.
It'sIts heaven or hell Saint, it can be what you make it.
But mental alchemy a skill I haven't yet acquired see.
I'd be bragging about it, if I did.
I know how arrogant I get.
I wanna rub it in your face and show you that I never needed you.
And that's my problem, so I, try to be reticent.
Refrain from shit that I'll regret.
Parallel, to the light.
I love it when I turn into a silhouette.
No one will ever know you but the person inside yourself.
Make sure that you love yourself.
It's easy to forget yourself.
Its okay to be delicate, its okay to be sensitive.
But don't surround yourself with people who'll hurt over again.
Always be observant, there is evil that is lurking.
Be smart with your decisions, your life is depending on it

THE SAGE

produced by yūjīn

{ lyrics }

Caught between chasing a dream that seem like a compilation of my nightmares, when I close my eyes and think about it.
And just doing what the family think is best for me, even if the option of quitting music depresses me.
Nothing here to see but potential they choosing not see.
My genesis will be nothing but various decisions I regret, tryna make em happy.
And I know what I gotta do, but the fears they throwing over me is...
I cannot breathe.
It's quite disheartening honestly, no one's there as they claim to be.
I got unresolved issues internally and I can't even talk about it like when have they ever listened to me?
Now I'm back and forth with the voices inside my head, tryna find a reason to live, I know this all seems silly.
Maybe they all right, maybe this ain't for me.
Maybe nothing really matters and I'm better off dozing.
Man I should've kept quiet, I don't like being open.
I just thought maybe for once I'd stop being a burden...
I'm sorry...

thebookofeugene

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