i need someone to stare into my soul and sing this to me

Main Playlist_part4

Disintegration

Lovesong (2010 Remaster)

“Tome of Stars” is a 100 sonnet journey, equal parts art, therapy journal, and exorcism, both a celebration and an elegy, a single narrative arc tracing the birth and death of a relationship. All poetry by Stargazer. The verse and accompanying synthetic art and music are public domain, CC0, with no restrictions on use. Nothing is monetized. See below for links on how to access the print, PDF, audio, ePub, video, and music files. 
Website: https://www.tomeofstars.net/

The fifth Item of “Tome of Stars”, “Quixotosis”, marks the poet’s transformation into a sustained state of paradox with an enduring condition of impractical idealism born not from naive delusion but from its aftermath. Emerging from the frozen void of “Anemochory“, these sixteen poems depict a fractured self that has ceased resisting its nature, accepting permanent separation from the beloved while continuing to orbit her in love without expectation (and in the end, without hope) of return.

This sonnet documents the poet’s experience undergoing radical prostatectomy for cancer and the devastating psychological and symbolic loss it represented. What is clinically merely “a surgical procedure” is here treated through the lens of personal mutilation. More than the removal of reproductive organs, it signifies the final annihilation of the poet’s imagined self as a potential mate to his beloved, as a man worthy of desire, and as a whole being worthy of her. The poem spans intellectual striving, physical longing, sexual humiliation, and self-loathing, culminating in a stark image of post-surgical abjection. It sardonically reframes gendered identity not as a social performance for the poet, but as a deeply embodied offering, one that was ultimately rejected by the beloved, then biologically unmade.

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Lyrics

I yearned to transcend flesh, a zealot pure;
My life I dedicated to ideals.
Long study, labor, both maladic cures,
Then in love’s light, my arrogance unreeled.

For all the intellect and knowledge raised,
I turned, charmed tool of reproduction’s fate.
When wonder of your womanhood full-blazed,
I hungered, base with thirst to be your mate.

I lusted to be man enough for you.
I drank rank jealousy unknown before.
Years after, with malignancies infused,
What made me mate was ripped out through my core.

A broken creature kneels before you, shamed,
A worthless worm, abandoned and unnamed.

***********

Internet Archive
Book of sonnets:
https://archive.org/details/tome-of-stars/

Music:
Item 1, Anthesis: https://archive.org/details/Anthesis/
Item 2, Senescence: https://archive.org/details/senescence_tomeofstars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://archive.org/details/Sporogenesis_TomeOfStars/
Item 4, Anemochory: https://archive.org/details/Anemochory_TomeOfStars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://archive.org/details/Quixotosis_TomeOfStars
Item 6, Scripture: https://archive.org/details/Scripture_TomeOfStars

Bandcamp:

Item 1, Anthesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anthesis-item-1-of-tome-of-stars
Item 2, Senescence: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/senescence-item-2-of-tome-of-stars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/sporogenesis-item-3-of-tome-of-stars
Item 4, Anemochory: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anemochory-item-4-of-tome-of-stars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/quixotosis-item-5-of-tome-of-stars
Item 6, Scripture: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/scripture-item-6-of-tome-of-stars

Just like Heaven

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