I agree with Dustin when he said that he doesn’t like when friends switch up. I ended a friendship about a year ago after my friend switched up on me. We worked together and still hung out after we both left that job. She stopped communicating and I gave her grace at first because her dad had passed 2 years prior. However, when I would check in on her (once or twice a month, trying to give her space) she would reply. I reached out to our mutual friends just to make sure she was okay after not hearing from her for a while. I was told “she’s just fine. I just talked to her.” Um okay…. So is it me? According to my friend, our other mutual friends (honestly really more of her friends than mine) they use her and abuse her kindness. So I was confused… I still am. I sent her a message that said I will back off if me checking in once or twice a month is too much for her. All she did was heart the message. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I have other friends who send me memes and then we talk when we can. Idk life

There’s a book called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends that talks about how attachment style impacts our approach to friendship.

Ooo I so badly want Assante to do an episode responding to this one about the rise in AI companions (AI used for dating, therapy, romantic relationships, friendship etc.). An AI companion is the ultimate low maintenance friend.  The idea that “low maintenance” people are highly desirable reflects how dependent society has become on technology that provides instant gratification with zero accountability and minimal effort.

This is a GREAT conversation. What Assante said about rejection also made me think about people being low maintenance by default because when they’ve expressed their feelings, those feelings were invalidated which also caused them to disassociate because no one took into consideration what they wanted to voice.

Forgive me if this was brought up already but I feel like there is some correlation between being a low maintenance friend and a low maintenance kid. Growing up my mom never had to worry about me, I was the good kid (back to the Good Kid Mad City episode), so I didn’t need a lot of attention. I knew my mom had a lot going on so I wasn’t  trying to add anything on top of that and for me personally I think that trickled into my friendships as well. On top of being a mom of three, a wife, a 9 to 5 worker and creative I don’t always feel like I show up the best for my friends but it’s also me feeling like I don’t need a lot so I probably underestimate that for my friends as well. I’m working on it though as I’m starting to really see the value in showing up. I really be needing that support but am so use to just going through life without it that it almost seems foreign when my friends show up in a more high maintenance way. Thanks for this episode, so timely in my life right now.

This week on #TheFriendZone, we talk low maintenance friendships. Is the "low maintenance friend" just code for the lazy, neglectful friend? 

Episode Resources:

What Are Low Maintenance Friendships - and are they good or bad? https://www.kmatherapy.com/blog/what-are-low-maintenance-friendships-good-or-bad

Are Low Maintenance Friends Actually Good For Us or Are We Just Being Lazy?  https://www.verywellmind.com/low-maintenance-friendships-8713610#:~:text=The%20Rise%20of%20Low%2DMaintenance%20Friendships,-A%20low%2Dmaintenance&text=Maybe%20you%20send%20a%20funny,in%20for%20big%20catch%2Dups

The Problem With Low Maintenance Friendships - https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/low-maintenance-friendship

Why Friendship Makes Us Healthier - https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230329-why-friendship-makes-us-healthier

Black Business of the Week - Eye See Me African American Children’s Bookstore https://eyeseeme.com

#ListensLately:
Common Saints - Honey
Elmiene, Leon Thomas- Sweetness 
Joy Kay, Amaria, Dylan Sinclair - All Yours 
Billy Gang Kushington - Introduction 
10,000 Maniacs - These Are Days
Mariah The Scientist - Burning Blue 
Amine - Vacay 
Lil Tecca - Dark Thoughts
Bunna Summa - Bunna Summa

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Have a GREAT day!

A Low Maintenance Friendship

Listen along every Wednesday as Dustin Ross, HeyFranHey & Assante explore mental health, mental wealth and mental hygiene, because who in the hell wants a musty brain?

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