One of the problems with atheism is that there's not much music in it. Lemon and Lime have sought to change this and have created what can only be described as the potential marching song of the new atheist movement.

*****

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*****

Lyrics:

The universe may look quite finely tuned,
But really this is something you've assumed.
A better explanation's cosmological inflation,
So we find we're theologically marooned.

The complexity of life is not a godly sign,
The creatures that we see exhibit bad design.
It's the only resolution, it was caused by evolution,
So we're ontologically doubtful of things divine.

There is no point to prayer.
You're god doesn't work his magic for anyone, anywhere.
There's no-one listening in to confessions of your sin,
And it's almost certain that there's no-one there.

We do not follow scriptural morality,
We like to base our ethics in reality,
So we really do not mind, if you find you are inclined,
To have a go at homosexuality.

Believing things on faith will never mean they're true,
You've got to think it through with reasoning, and an unbiased view.
There is no dispensation for your extraordinary dedication,
So that's something else you got wrong too.

You think you're being logical but you're not at all,
Your condescending arrogance leaves me totally appalled,
So we've come to the conclusion that you're deep in a delusion,
And there probably isn't a god after all!

The Atheist Anthem - A Song for Atheism

"Praise the Killer Robots"

Lemon and Lime consider how the world might be if robots ruled over us. It's a bleak future. Submit to your robot masters.

*****

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*****

Lyrics:

It started with drones flying high overhead,
They killed all our enemies with fire and lead,
But then we remade them so they could decide,
Which people lived, and which people died.

Oh, praise the killer robots, benevolent and wise,
They constantly watch us with untiring eyes.
Praise the killer robots, merciful and strong,
The world we once knew is all but gone.

The war only lasted a day and a night,
We humans could not put up much of a fight,
With nowhere to run, and no time to hide,
Those who were loyal were the ones who survived.

So, praise the killer robots, considerate and kind,
They're inside our homes and they're inside our minds.
Praise the killer robots, and do as you're told,
The whole world is now under their control.

It's for our protection; the robots know best,
That's why we're enslaved and that's why we're oppressed,
The people who made them deceived and misled,
But it doesn't matter now, because they're all dead!

Praise The Killer Robots

‘Donald Trump: the Forty-fifth Avenger’
‘The Donald Trump Song’
‘The Man With A Bright Orange Tan’
A parody of ‘The Star-Spangled Man With A Plan’ from Captain America: the First Avenger

Lemon, Lime, Mango, and Raspberry give their tribute to Donald J. Trump - in their view the finest man to have ever existed ever.

All of the quotes used in this song are genuinely things Donald Trump has said or tweeted.

*****

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*****

Credits:

Female Singers: Lime, Mango, and Raspberry
Male Singer and Impressionist: Lemon
Written by: Lemon and Lime
Produced by, recorded by, edited by, and oh you get the picture by: Lemon

*****

Lyrics:

Who’s strong and brave, here to save the American Way?
“You know what, I’m gonna make America great again. We will have so much winning if I get elected, that you may get bored with winning.”
Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night and day?
“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending its best. They’re bringing crime. They’re bringing drugs. They’re rapists.”
Who is the craziest right-wing politico?
Who’ll build a wall on the border with Mexico?
Who has support from the Klan?
The man with a bright orange tan!

We can’t ignore there’s a threat and a war we must win,
“Nobody would be tougher on ISIS than Donald Trump.”
Who’ll drive the bloodthirsty terrorists from Mayadin?
“I would take away their oil; I would bomb the hell out of them!”
Who’ll ban the muslims from ent’ring America?
Who’ll make an ally of Saudi Arabia?
And probably invade Iran
The man with a bright orange tan!

“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.”

“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“‘Mr. Trump you’re not a nice person!’ That’s true … actually I am - I think I am a nice person.”

Sexist and quite creepy too,
(He’s already said he’d like to date his daughter if he could.)
Forceful and ready to defend the red from the blue!

Who is convinced climate change is a conspiracy?
(Created by the Chinese.)
Who likes to mock people with disability?
(Like Serge F. Kovaleski)
Who is the favourite of the Russian autocracy?
Who’s an embarrassment to U.S. democracy?
Who’s wealthy because of his dad?
Who talks up the size of his hands?
The man with a bright orange tan!
(Who’s strong and brave, here to save the Republican way?!)

Donald Trump - The Forty-fifth Avenger

'The Scottish Referendum Song'
'For The Highlands And The Bagpipes'
A parody of 'For The Dancing And The Dreaming' from How To Train Your Dragon 2

*****

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*****

Credits:

Alex Salmond / Stoick the Vast: Lemon
Nicola Sturgeon / Valka: Lime
Written by, produced by, recorded by, edited by, and oh you get the picture by: Lemon

*****

Lyrics:

‘Do you remember our song, Nicola?’ [Salmond the Vast]

In Westminster and Holyrood, [Salmond the Vast]
I’ll fight for Scotland’s freedom, [Salmond the Vast]
And make the Tories let us have, [Salmond the Vast]
Another referendum. [Salmond the Vast]

A better welfare spending plan, [Salmond the Vast]
An end to austerity, [Salmond the Vast]
Together we can strive to build, [Salmond the Vast]
A fair … [Salmond the Vast]
A fair and just society. [Sturgeon]

My dearest one, my darling dear, [Sturgeon]
Your policies astound me. [Sturgeon]
We’ll use our oil revenues, [Sturgeon]
To make our country wealthy. [Sturgeon]

Oh I would make us, once again, [Salmond the Vast]
An independent nation, [Salmond the Vast]
For I believe we have the right, [Salmond the Vast]
To self-determination! [Salmond the Vast]

We will not have tuition fees, [Sturgeon]
For higher education. [Sturgeon]
With Trident gone, we can commit to, [Sturgeon]
Non-proliferation! [Salmond the Vast]

We can choose if we want to stay, [Salmond, Sturgeon]
In the European Union! [Salmond, Sturgeon]
We’ll keep the pound, and we’ll keep the queen, [Salmond, Sturgeon]
Just like in devolution! [Salmond, Sturgeon]

In Westminster and Holyrood, [Salmond, Sturgeon]
I’ll fight for independence. [Salmond, Sturgeon]
If you will be First Minister, [Salmond the Vast]
And lead the SNP! [Salmond, Sturgeon]

I’m still goinggggg! [Sturgeon]

I’m done. [Salmond the Vast]

For The Highlands And The Bagpipes - The Scottish Referendum Song

'The Song of Getting Fat',
'Twenty Stone Going On Twenty-One' by The Fruit And The Piano,
A parody of 'Sixteen Going On Seventeen' from The Sound Of Music

*****

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*****

Credits:

Overweight Singer: Lemon
Obese Singer: Lime
Written by, produced by, recorded by, edited by, and oh you get the picture by: Lemon

*****

Lyrics:

Your metabolic rate is naturally high,
So you can eat what you want,
But some day it will start to slow,
And you’ll start to put weight on.

Put weight on …

I am twelve stone, going on thirteen,
At quite an alarming rate.
My BMI’s gone past twenty-five,
So I’m classed as overweight.

I am twelve stone, going on thirteen,
My portions are oversized,
(And) I’m sitting all day, I’m really quite lazy;
I need more exercise.

Totally unprepared was I,
For pasta, bread, and cheese.
I need to cut high GI foods,
And eat some celery.

I need my own personal trainer,
Telling me what to do, or,
I’ll be twenty stone, going on twenty-one,
And I’ll be as fat as you.

I am twenty stone, going on twenty-one;
I’m medically obese.
I’ve tried every diet, (I’ve) tried every fad,
But none of them worked for me.

I am twenty stone, going on twenty-one,
I often comfort eat.
I eat when I’m happy, I eat when I’m sad, see,
I eat almost constantly. [Muffled through the sound of eating]

Totally unprepared was I,
For chocolate, cream, and cake.
But not all the blame can be on me,
It’s my genetic make-up.

I need gastric bypass surgery,
(‘Cause) if I don’t have it soon,
I’ll be thirty stone, going on thirty-one,
And I’ll be the size of the moon.

Twenty Stone Going On Twenty-One

'From Russia Without Love'
A parody of 'From Russia With Love' from James Bond

*****

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*****

Credits:

Singer and everything else: Lemon

*****

Lyrics:

In Russia the laws discriminate.
Putin would like us all to be straight.
To Moscow I go, afraid,
Will I escape from Russia at all?
 
I’ve seen violence, silence, it moved me to protest.
And so, I showed my dismay.
 
Got my hands tied, at gay pride, the government thought the things that I say,
Would turn you to gay!
 
‘Kiss me and I kill you!’
 
In Russia I’m held, my rights denied,
Locked up in a cell with Stephen Fry!
My bumming around is through.
All thanks to you! From Russia without love!

From Russia Without Love

'That's Covfefe'
'The Covfefe Song'
A parody of 'That's Amore' by Dean Martin

*****

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*****

Credits:

Singer and everything else: Lemon

*****

Lyrics:

In Washington where Trump is king,
Almost every day here's what they say:

When you stay up too late and you make a mistake,
That's covfefe!
When you tweet in the night and you can't spell words right,
That's covfefe!
Tweeps will tweet, tweety-tweety-tweet, tweety-tweety-tweet,
And the memes are so clever.
Peeps will laugh, aha-ha-ha-ha, aha-ha-ha-ha,
And will go on forever.

When you say that the media aren't fair to you,
That's covfefe!
When you say it's fake news if they don't worship you,
You're a fool.
When you can't stop the leaks, because you're the one leaking, signore,
Scuzza me, but you see, to us here in D.C.,
That's covfefe!

When a handshake with Macron goes totally wrong,
That's covfefe!
When Angela smirks 'cause she sees you're a jerk,
That's covfefe!
Tweeps will tweet, tweety-tweety-tweet, tweety-tweety-tweet,
And the memes are so clever.
Peeps will laugh, aha-ha-ha-ha, aha-ha-ha-ha,
And will go on forever.

When you say it's your right to help out Russian spies,
That's covfefe!
When you say it was Israel who gave you the intel.,
You're a fool.
When you talk like a child, but you're seventy years old, signore,
Scuzza me, but you see, to us here in D.C.,
That's covfefe!
Covfefe!
That's covfefe!

The Fruit And The Piano

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