fawm 2023

I’m not afraid
Of the endless days,
One eye open as I float along
The surface keeping guard,
And I hope I’m wrong,
That I terrorize every eye I’m put upon,
And I wonder what it is you see,
A core beyond the pageantry.

At this point I might be
A relegated curiosity,
An oddity from your past,
Would you look at me?
“Would you look at that!”

Hoarfrost in the morning,
Surely some must die,
Freezing over overnight,
But I’ll donate my warmth and
My hands will keep you safe,
The cold will wither while we wait,
But surely some must die, 
But surely some must die,
But surely some must die,
How do they handle it? 
But surely some must die, 
But surely some must die,
How do I handle it? 

You are casting shadows with your blood,
I see them when I plunge,
If I can smell you in the ocean,
Then they can smell you in the ocean,
Eliminate the feeble consciousness
That gave me confidence to kill,
Instinct over will,
Diamond against diamond you are
Merciful, I will 
Grab you in my jaws to hold you.

I will grab you in my jaws to hold you,
But blood seeps through my jaws when I hold you.

Hoarfrost

I hope 
it’s not insensitive
to want to be done with this
it has me by my throat
I really oughta go
but I’m drawn
to the middle of
the superstition so
bleed the circle closed

make it address me by a name
that I wouldn’t give myself

it pulses because it loves us
bear witness to it
full-throated spirit
it pulses because it loves us
this is the end of the time
of our lives

it was fine, it was fine
the door darkened briefly
I was wondering if you would notice it
there was time, so much time
extending past the limits of our sight
the stone melts while we admire it
and what better way to
end unpleasant days
than to pull the curtain back and show you
how little remains to be seen?

It Pulses Because It Loves Us

There's a forest near my house and I can smell when something dies there

there is a sound
to the panic-stricken lower bound
convinced I’m pulling, 
you’re just plunging down
the backwater you have waded into
is waiting for you so it can freeze
i’m standing on the surface
so you can witness me

but I shouldn’t compare
the chill in the air
to the sound of you shivering

you will give me your attention
I know how to take from you
you think you can cast a stone and be done with me
but you don’t understand, you foolish little child
I’m here to bore a hole in your head
and I will not be calm
and I will not be reasoned with 
you’re gonna have to deal with me

a vessel seldom knows what it contains
a pickled brain, I am the dowsing rod
that’s picking up your pulse
and you can hope discerning eyes
of observant passersby
can spot the difference
but indifferent gods are
plucking you from here

you shouldn’t complain
the thoughts from the day
have a way of fogging up the air

I'm here to bore a hole in your head

You begged me 
take it to the grave
and I held my tongue
but I can not relate
I hope you resolve it
before it dissolves you

whom among us here  is being honest?
Whom among us here is being honest?
Because I can give you what you want
but you, you had better want it.

Did they found you cowering?
What a coward you must be then
you will never find me shivering
I’m wrapped wrapped in fur like a heathen
on cold night it pays
to be a beast

wrapped in fur like a heathen

Tourniquette

I don’t mean to be a bore
but I am inside of your walls
and your house is such an eyesore
I always dread crawling in
and it occurs to me now
that you don’t want me to be here

And I don’t want to be cruel
but i’m turning into you

and you are making me a mouthful 
and I feel the terror grip you
as it grips me too
and we both go under and

now is time you see
the wooden parts of me
get your axe ready

to fall 
as I fell I saw a hole in the earth where I was
keep steady now
you’ll get more desperate with each swing
but rest assured I am coming down
you’ll make me into something useful
I am sure of it

I don’t mean to freak you out
but there’s a bug on your shoulder
god forbid I get to listen to you speak
can I say for the record
I find your conversations lacking
as if you’d ever speak to me 

and I don’t mean to be cruel
but I know that you do
and you do a standup job of it
but we’ll see who is who
when you feel the terror grip you
and I don’t let go of it

now it’s time to part
with a portions of your heart
don’t be surprised if you start

to fall
there’s a crater in the earth where you were
keep steady now
you'll get more desperate with each plunge
but rest assured you’re coming down
i’ll make you into something useful
if you make me into something

make me into something (useful)

it starts innocent enough
euphemistic synonyms
my advice: it’s time to toughen up
but now 
there’s admission of some guilt
and a weakness of the will
that finds you prostrate at my door

wish you had somewhere to hide that I could find

I wasted many anxious years
peering between the blinds for you
but the changing of the guards couldn’t come quickly enough
sleeping shift or albatross
I don’t remember what I was
Before this form got in the way
what I say? Clocks are ticking us down, cover is getting sparse
return  fire now

I know the middle of it all
is such a tempting time
to propose calling it off
but now
that the blood is on my hands
the Calvary demands
 a swift finishing blow

Albatross

I was penitent
Ignorant
Digging up through the trenches
Buying time for cheap
And wholly devouring it

I was savoring
The water squeezed
From the wood that was
Encasing me 
Pulling at shackles
Hoping they would bend
Until

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

It was violent
Unthinking force
A tragedy that has been rehearsed
There is so little to resort to
When it comes time to resort

It was shelter from the rain at first
It was the stone that keeps my innards cold
Dismembered into parts
Cartilage, hope, meat, sinew, and bone

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

Everyone Starts Moving

I hope the toll was light
You're picking at my scars
The dust occludes your face
I wonder who you are

The stage is nearly set
They're begging us to start
They'll drag us into place 
I wonder who you are

You are
The dust

My carapace is cracked
They pin us to the board
They're spreading out your wings
I wonder who you are 

A consolation prize
They're picking you apart
The fever in your eyes
I wonder who you are

I wonder who you are
The dust occludes your face
You are
The dust

Carapace

I became fragile today
In ways I didn’t know I needed to be worried about
My body is letting its secrets out
It comes in waves
I don’t know when each one will hit
Or when I’ll go under with it
The waiting is worse than holding my breath

Fixate
On relief
The ritual
Is complete 

I hid too long
I never thought that it would get done
I saw the distance in the storm
I knew it would rain but I
Never did anything wrong did I?
My ideas
I found some paper to put them in
I’m getting over this 
Indelible twinge
Drifting out to sea
Must feel excellent 

I broke open today
In ways that I didn’t know to be careful about
My ribcage is letting my spirit out
 Once considered
A master of my whole domain
I slump to the side in order to stabilize
I favor convenience now

 Restate
Aphorisms
 Meticulous
Vision
 
I put it off
I thought eventually the work was done
I saw the atoms at the source
I knew they’d decay but
I never did anything wrong did I
My ideas
You should proceed with caution from here
I’m getting over this
Indelible twinge
Drifting out to sea
Must feel excellent

I don’t ever wanna feel bad again

Albatross

GUIDE DOG

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