Original song by Babasónicos. Released in album "Infame", 2003.

Risa (Babasónicos cover)

At the time of writing this song, Argentina has been on quarantine (or mandatory preventive social isolation) for 180 days. This song represent almost every thought I had through it, since the beginning when we celebrated birthdays through videocalls with our family and friends and we said "this will be a cool memory to tell our kids" until the most recent ones where rich people are leaving the country because they can afford it and because it feels like it's all going down here, and media covers it like it's the most important thing in the world and most of us just DON'T CARE anymore.
Until a few weeks ago, I hadn't even taken the train this year. The first time I took it, there were officers everywhere making sure you were actually allowed to take it. 
It's not the easiest time for everyone. Our country is split between the ones who support this isolation, and the ones who doesn't. Many political, economical and ideological reasons are in discussion, often forgetting that we're here because there's a virus out there, and some places can't even handle it anymore. It's scary, because you can feel the riot in the air which is the last thing we'd need right now.

Milligrams is the song I've been wanting to write for a long time. An honest song about what it's like to face your feelings in times of uncertainty. Sometimes you just wish you could numb all of them, like when you take a pill for the headache or something. A lot of feelings are several years old, but you know what they say, quarantine is a great time for introspection. I keep remembering my life before this and thinking "will I ever get even a small piece of that back?" Hopefully, I will. In the meantime... take care.

Lyrics:

They got the money, so they can runaway.
I don't get what they think I'd even care.
My planet Earth has been reduced to these walls,
haven't seen the city since long ago.
And we spent our birthdays through videocalls,
it felt cool for a memory to tell your child,
until I took the train feeling exiled
craving the freedom of a hunter running wild.

And it's a weird time, yes, they say it all the time,
like it would make a mend for the trouble in our minds.
And drop bombs on this already lost battlefield,
with the excuse to keep our eyes peeled.
Now I move by inertia almost all the time,
measuring my comfort in milligrams.
A little bit of this, a little bit of that
and our happy smile turns dark mad.

My moral has a double side,
don't look at me like this, yours is just like that.
And I've been screaming at you silently for so many years,
I thought my vocal cords would disappear.
So go ahead and tell me I just need a job,
like it would surgically remove these intruder thoughts.
Cause maybe I've wasted seven years of my life,
but I'm terrified of giving them up.

I believe they're all liars, including me
and that's why I'll never know what I need.
I think they're onto something against us tonight,
but we're hypnotized by this permanent blue light.
And I'm scared of every citizen,
cause when they raise our flag, I know what it represents.
I'm a red button away from calmness...
(Cover my mouth with blissful ignorance)

Now I move by inertia almost all the time,
measuring my comfort in milligrams.
A little bit of this, a littl bit of that,
and our bright smile turns dark mad.

Now I move by inertia almost all the time.

Milligrams

Artwork by my amazing friend Cecilia Balvidares ❤️
*the phrase "the fish dies by its mouth" is commonly used in Spanish to refer to someone being caught by what he/she said, basically giving yourself away by saying something you were not supposed to.

Lyrics:

The sound of the crackle on the phone,
painful reminder I should be gone.
Tick tock of the clock, it's my curfew.
Why can't I leave this place without you?

Burn down your pictures in the fireplace
cause I'd be doomed if I left one trace.
And it's just the state I'm in, it's so hard to get me out.
Wish I could hold your hand, without feeling like a sellout.

I'd runaway without a plan,
so far no one would understand, can I
count on you now? Count on you, oh...
Speeding cars and shades of grey,
burning tires on the highway, I
count on you now, count on you now.
I'll throw these handcuffs out the window,
let them fall on the river.

Cold black coffee stains on the paper,
same old reverie will get to me sooner or later.
One glass of wine, a moment I replay
over and over just to see the look on your face.

The ceiling fan is turning slower than me.
I go from what I should do and how I want you next to me.
Soon I'll overload my ability to lie,
the fish will die by its mouth* covered by the light.

(Chorus)

How much of this? 
(How I want you next to me)
Same old reverie.
How much of this?...
(How I want you next to me)
How much of this is the same old reverie?
(How I want you next to me)

Count on you now, I count on you now.

Speeding cars and shades of grey,
burning tires on the highway, I
count on you now, count on you now.
I'll throw these handcuffs out the window,
let them fall on the river.

Reverie

Bad Habit (Ben Platt cover)

Don't Panic (Coldplay cover)

What do you do when literally nothing interesting been happening to you lately? You write a song about your favorite turkish soap opera. And then it ends up being your favorite song ever. Also: BV!

Artwork by the amazing Cecilia Balvidares. 

Lyrics:

Polluted air floats over the street,
I guess this is where we supposed to be now.
I told my story like a book you wouldn't read,
and just for fun, you would doodle every vowel.

And you still pay attention, makes me forget how to breathe
but I obviously try not to let it show.
There's a long way home for you and me
and it's even harder for me to go.

So if I say I hate your guts, please don't believe me
cause you're killing mine.
And you say I need to trust in what we're feeling,
don't know how I can try.
Give me somewhere to start.

The foreign airlines speeding up the sky,
I kinda like how it makes us feel small.
Still, I lose my North when I look at your eyes,
evaporate like ethyl alcohol.

Can't close the book now, it's open in your hands.
I just pray you will be careful.
Now we're growing where it used to be badlands,
two thorn roses made of metal.

So if I say I hate your guts, please don't believe me
cause you're killing mine.
And you say I need to trust in what we're feeling,
don't know how I can try.
Give me somewhere to start.

Wish I could help it but it's in my nature,
I tend to walk away when it gets dangerous.
Don't let me break it, don't let me break your heart...
All I need is somewhere to start.

Can't close the book now...
Can't close the book now...
Can't close the book now...
Can't close the book now...

Polluted air floats over the street,
I guess this is where we supposed to be now.

Don't Believe Me

Heal Me (Snow Patrol cover)

Do you know that feeling when you like someone so badly you find yourself praying to every existing God they like you back? well...
*you might remember an old song by me called Skeleton, which actually sounds quite similar to this one. I realized about that while I was writing it, so I decided to include this little reference. In this context, "don't let me be a skeleton again" would mean "please don't let me be the idiot I was before when I thought I was entitled to do something wrong in the name of love" which is the main theme behind the song Skeleton.

Artwork by me, featuring my beautiful plants ❤️

Lyrics:

The blurry vision just before the curve,
the beat of my heart I just can't ignore
makes me stand right here, fading outside your door.
Because I bought my soul back from the devil,
blindly thinking this time will be better
but it won't disappear until my skin feels you near.

But I know I'm trying to kick this out of the field.
You don't need to remind me you're completely out of my league.

And they say hope is the last thing to lose,
so I will force mine to stay with you.
I'm praying to big Gods I don't believe in
cause I don't know how to make you listen to me.

Your ocean eyes making 10 feet tall waves,
makes me wanna die drowned by the sound of your name,
just please don't let me be a skeleton* again.
It's this uncertainty what kills me more,
not knowing which way you think I should go
or if I should even go there at all.

And I know I'm trying to kick this out of the field.
You don't need to remind me you're completely out of my league.

But they say hope is the last thing to lose,
so I will force mine to stay with you.
I'm praying to big Gods I don't believe in
cause I don't know how to make you listen to me.

And they say hope is the last thing to lose
so I will force mine to stay with you.
Because I bought my soul back from the devil
blindly thinking this time will be better
and it won't disappear until my skin feels you near.

Big Gods

Did someone say WE WANT MORE BV?

Lyrics:

My eyes can't seem to see other thing that isn't you.
It's the strangest tunnel vision, don't know what else I could do.
Because I'm running out of fuel to burn
and my heart standstill because it never learned how to let go.
So go buy yourself some tickets, front row for this horror show.

It will shine brighter than any other star
in the sky, it looks like it will never fall apart.
Every single spark will ignite your heart.
I just hope you survive, Supernova.

This void I've been living in doesn't seem such a scary place
if you look at it with a held up high face.
But when it comes to you, I don't know what to say.
I just forget my words when you say your name and I want to
play the spark in your eyes like it's an old VHS tape.

It will shine brighter than any other star
in the sky, it looks like it will never fall apart.
Every single smile will ignite my heart.
I just hope I survive, Supernova.

Please don't let me be stardust alone.
Please don't let this be in my head just for once.

We will shine brighter than any other star
in the sky, it looks like we will never fall apart.
Every single touch will ignite our hearts.
I just hope we survive, Supernova.

Don't let this be in my head just for once.

Supernova

This song was inspired by a number of things, but basically it was just me grabbing a newspaper and thinking "hey, I haven't read one of these in a while"
Artwork by me (that's one of the first pictures I took during quarantine!)

Lyrics:

I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for
cause I've stopped reading the newspaper.
The television's loud so I don't turn it on,
it's just a coping mechanism I've been living off.

I have responsibilities, I have them no more
cause I say I kinda like it then don't like it anymore.
Floating on a cloud of ignorance and doubt,
flying too high for anyone to drag me down.

Can't separate my dreams from reality,
I put them all together just to set me free.
My hope's a little bitter like a cup of green tea,
but I would drink it up, it's better than empty.

My records get stuck at the same old song
about falling in love, and then it turns out wrong.
The clock keeps ticking on the wrinkles of my face
telling me to hurry up before it's too late.

I'm cooking up a rage inside of me,
spice it up, season it up, get on your knees
and pray for the future of your sanity
cause I've been praying for mine since I was 16.

I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for.
(cause I've stopped reading the newspaper)
I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for.
(the television's loud so I don't turn it on)
I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for.
(a coping mechanism I've been living off)
I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for.
(Say I kinda like it then don't like it anymore)

I'm not the kind of girl that you're looking for...

newspaper

I'd like to thank myself for designing my own artworks now because it's the most relaxing thing ever.

Lyrics:

I swear I'll throw my phone across the room
straight at you
if I have to talk to someone new.
I'll punch the walls like I'm a wrecking ball
if I have to pick up just one call
because it's never you. Why is it never you?

And now I'm boring myself to death
as I go from "you're nice" to "please leave me alone"
"Come here" "or maybe just don't"
Hope I'm not wasting my last breath
as I go from "it's fine" to "God this is the worst
of times, it just won't work"

I wanna scream my lungs out to the wind
because you're just so damn close.
But we grow apart every single time
I look down to the floor.
Because it's (your eyes, your smile, your voice, it's just) just you, and every little thing that you do.

And now I'm boring myself to death
as I go from "you're nice" to "please leave me alone"
"Come here" "or maybe just don't"
Hope I'm not wasting my last breath
as I go from "it's fine" to "God this is the worst
of times, it just won't work"

(Never, never, never, never, never you)

And it pushes all my buttons, from black to red,
frozen white and leaves in shades of grey.
It disconnects my thoughts from both of my hands,
pours wine on my glass, up at 3 am.

(You're nice but please leave me alone
Come here or maybe just don't.
It's fine but God, this is the worst of times)
It just won't work.

Why is it never, never, never, never, never you?
(Your eyes, your smile, your voice, it's just)

Never You

on another episode of writing songs about TV shows...
I had the initial idea for this song about three weeks ago. I finally sat down and wrote it two weeks ago. And I finished recording it TODAY. FINALLY.

Lyrics:

You'd be surprised 'bout how heavy is the suitcase I brought
despite leaving behind 10 ton of hurt for a long shot.
A chameleon hiding out for its life, took your hand and you took mine.
We were just doing fine but I can't help to be myself back.

'Till I remember I left my ID back home,
I guess that I don't need it to say goodbye in your car.
Throw my arms to the wind, the soundtrack is your laugh
and I'm afraid I won't breathe it in enough.

Don't mind me, I'm just hoping my lungs will be cleaner
after one last night in Cartagena.

A baby deer learning how to walk in high heels,
I never knew what's like to start with the easiest thing.
Would you collect all the times I said no cause I was scared,
and light them into fireworks, hold me close and turn them into yes?

Oh mon amour, I left my ID back home,
I guess that I don't need it to say goodbye in your car.
Throw my arms to the wind, the soundtrack is your laugh
and if I look at your eyes, I can breathe it in enough.

Don't mind me, I'm just hoping my lungs will be cleaner
after one last night in Cartagena.

And just like in the movies you say
I've been here all along.
And I would stay with you here
until my days are gone.

'Till I remember I left my past back home,
and it's faster than me, so though it hurts I have to go.
"Don't you forget about me" you sound like paradise
cause for the first time I wanna say it back.

Don't mind me, I'm just hoping my lungs will be cleaner
after one last night in Cartagena.
(Throw my arms to the wind, the soundtrack is your laugh
and I look at your eyes to breathe it in enough)

last night in Cartagena

Lyrics:

This feels like the start of something new.
This distraction feels like something you would do.
This heartbeat is deafening in my mind.
This love makes me wanna call you mine.

This room isn't big enough for both of us,
so maybe we can kill the space between us, if there ever was.
This love might set us up for tragedy
but I would rather die for this than for my own reality.

And now you see it's not easy, easy for me
to say "I love you" and mean it, naturally.

This conclusion makes it feel like the end
so if you let me, I'll take it back and try to make amends.
This high keeps on making me feel low,
hoping for the moment you will get me alone. 

And now you see it's not easy, easy for me
to walk past you quiet, quietly.

(This love makes me wanna call you mine)

This love is like walking on a straight line
after a glass of whiskey and a bottle of wine.
This heart keeps on waiting for a sign
before I give up on this madness of calling you mine.

So now you see it's not easy, easy for me.

this

26. the girl with bad karma.
My first EP "the demos" is out now! https://open.spotify.com/album/5HW6gAvQ3LcAqM16ynT1yx?si=EwKDGTw6TQmxxmFxjCrqcQ

(This Silence Is So) Loud:
https://open.spotify.com/track/2dZMZ9pWzo1bmAosxO5WWa?si=mCZc_-GhSJaC8VkQ8jeURA

Like a Kid: https://open.spotify.com/track/3P9DWi9yh66lLQKUoOZgD8?si=HqxH3FICRZuGbyGu6_ijUw

Shaped Like You feat @lossketches :
https://open.spotify.com/track/5ypE55qUIeLFh1ZYX7AbE9?si=TGMWJpTrQmWOF_ppLXF_lQ

Currently writing a song every week on www.songaweek.org

Paula Varela

Popular tracks