free beat from youtube

when the words don't come
i start to feelin kinda useless
loveless
no one really that could even love this
pain and sickness
endless cycle of weakness
how did i become this?
uninspired low life
can't even keep a job
can't keep a place right
let alone love
let alone drugs
factors into the equation
an amalgamation of every neurotic thought that's ever plagued me
every time the fear wins
i scream, "save me
"ativan and klonopin - sedate me
"gabapentin - make me feel like the real me
"ketamine euphoria - allow me to feel free
"oxy and codeine - warm blanket around me"
this is all i want
so what's the solution?
tell me what's the truth
but can i believe you?

can i believe you?
(what's the truth)
can i be with you?
(what's the truth)

finally had you by my side
it all felt like a dream
feeling your fingertips all over me
you felt so deep that i swear i couldn't breathe
felt like home, nowhere else i'd rather go
but the reality stood slittin my throat
either way i'm dead
rather be by your choke
back to the fiending
back to the chaos
back to the aether
i don't wanna be here
know that you're trying to not be here either
the world's in a fever
we belong nowhere
who's gonna help us?
who can we trust?
can you blame me for wrecking my guts with all of these drugs?
just to have fun
just to numb up
don't give a fuck
take me from the chaos, madness, flames
take me to the one who truly says my name
take me off the sci-fi speeding train
run on fear and pain
what do you have to say?
do we change the world or do we stay the same?
forecast overview says it only gets worse
so i bought me a hearse just to isolate in
let the bliss fill my veins and let the music play

be(lie)ve (prod. puhf)

free beat by Houston & NFE Paris
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsuYx1wkGy0

LYRICS:

ella felt my pain
hundred years go by and we're still the same
who's to say they'll know my name
till some passerby sees it on my grave
i don't want the pay or the fame
i don't want awards or the praise
i just want my words to cut truth
transcends me as it becomes you
i become you
i speak through you
that's what we do
no matter what words we use
it's as if you thought it, felt it too
but i don't know you
stuck scribbling all alone in my room
(something's gotta come through)
the notebook neurosis
i'm tryna focus but end up a fool
take it as it comes
not every word's gonna be the best one
but that's half the fun
with my alphabet puzzle
i know i write little more when i stumble
i fumble, i fall
back to the darkness where it's comfortable
my sorrow is manageable
i've got my page
let myself decay
death on display

never thought it'd be us together
fingertips locked, hoods up, frozen weather
it's a mad, mad world
and i finally peeked a pearl and i'm hoping that it's real
cuz everything around me is surreal
i'm about to pass out cuz i popped another pill
the lights that we pass when we drive in the night are just our replacement for stars
sticky tabletop bars
muffled conversations
forget where we parked
my teeth on your jaw
already a part of me
feel it so raw
but i feel so flawed
even the words can abandon me
i feel it all
the treble, the bass
even the strings rearranging my veins
i feel the beauty
but cruelly beauty's not the only thing to me
the cursed
the writer
black jewel in my palm
red rows down my arm
and the ink in my mouth

(i just wanna calm down)
drip the ink from my mouth
(neuroses too loud)
pour the ink in my mouth

come back

writer (prod. houston & nfe paris)

free beat by Favor:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apv5oclCds8

LYRICS:

comin up the alley
shadows on my face
lookin like a model
but my mind is out in space
might get kinda messy
you should get out just in case
a frightened creature bears its teeth
at what it loves but it's too late

so what am i
harrowed spectre lost in the night
i dream and i drown and i die
ad nauseam
salvation is serpentine

sickened flame
burnin all my passions into shame
never feelin quite like who i wanna be
tempting to just cut a vein
write off all my pain
losin chess to destiny
bets are off the gloves are off 
it's rough from here on out
zeus just called my number
and i'm squared up with the hounds
ghoulish foolish to wish there's escape from all this sound
it just fills my mind
wasting all my time

so what am i
harrowed spectre lost in the night
i dream and i drown and i die
ad nauseam
salvation is serpentine

pumpkin brain

The Optionist

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