Jonathan Crewe: words, tune / Ted Ostis: voice, music

Talkin' Postmodern Blues (The HokeyWoke Blues)

She`s A Diamond  (Brent Byrne backing vocals)

There`s a girl in my world       
her smile`s like a string of pearls
She`s a treasure, without measure
nothing comes close on this earth

A miracle but logical, It`s irreversable 
she changed my life
Is the feeling mutual? It`s inconceivable
But she`s gonna be my wife

You`re a diamond, I`m a fool   Refrain
I`m burning up, Your so cool
You`re a songbird, I`m do re mi
You`re unpretentious as can be

Please never change your one of a kind  
This is the truth your always on my mind
Be with me now  Are you gonna stay? 
Don`t be the one that got away
Refrain
Bridge
Isn`t life strange? what is this feeling?    
heart rearranged, you got me reeling
Light the flame romance is healing
Pardon me for still believing

She`s A Diamond

Love Elixir

Dedicated to all the English teachers of Japan, past, present and future!
Lyrics and Vocal - Enjambmental
Music - Ted Ostis

Ryosuke (with Enjambmental)

vocal and lyrics Warren Decker
Music Ted Ostis

BATTLE RHYMES COMPOSED DURING AN INTERMINABLY LONG MEETING

I have to write right now or I’m gonna fall asleep.
I think it might be right, for me to take a leap
from a cliff, but I’d prefer to light a spliff
and get opened like a gift, and then I’ll drift
maybe into infamy, but mostly anonymity
and move into the woods with the birds and the bees
and the trees, please, I have pee,
really soon, I’m gonna have to croon
a sad song, and then I’ll hit you like a gong
with rhymes that aren’t a mystery, they’re backed by a long
history of meter, and poetry and rap
if you wanna battle I’mma take you like a crap
and flush you in the toilet, river water? better boil it
wrapped in tinfoil, rhymes so shiny don’t spoil it
like an egg salad sandwich in the humid summer heat
pick you up like a habit then I’ll drop you like a beat
delete... your pathetic rhymes
I’d help you to revise but I’d need some more time
than just a single life, more like a million years
reflect like a mirror, start to turn like some gears
more beer... that’s exactly what I need
you say it’s just desire but for me it’s simply greed
indeed, my warning you should heed
your brain is like a garden that you really need to weed
if you wanna grow a radish, your rhymes are kinda flattish
you’re not mad like a hatter man, you’re just a little maddish
like a fad that’s fading, no space for debating
like a student and some cheese, you really need some grating
for my tacos, hey yo don’t call me Paco
if you speak Japanese you know my rhymes are like a gakko
I had a good thought though, you should stop
ruminating on my rhymes ‘cause your head is gonna pop
like the weasel, I’ll put you on my easel
like a canvas, catch my rhymes like the measels
but then I’ll ease your ills like some nice erythromycin
tomatoes I am dicing, but your not even icing
or a cake. psssh. You can’t bake
your pie crust is soggy. I can’t take
another bite. Of course you feel fright…
my rhymes are zipping like a zipper that I’m zippin up tight.

Battle Rhymes (with Enjambmental)

A remix with original demo vocal by Ted. Lyrics by Tom Koch.

Poverty

Enjambmental raps with guests Shane (Sedrick), Alena (Russian woman)and Ted (monk).

Survive Or Die

Regarding the Dangers of Organic Solvents
  
Dean was drinking an espresso as he took the express
train through the rain, he was bound for the west
coast... in search of self-expression,
something with more depth than the dead rhododendron
in his mom’s backyard (yeah, the one he tried to sculpt).
When he’d seen that it was dead... he gulped
and not a gulp of orange juice... pulp-free,
but a gulp of sheer terror ‘cause he’d killed his Mom’s tree.
“Let it be.” Who said that? Was it Napoleon?
Or maybe it was Einstein? Dean was a goalie in
high school... on the varsity team
then he started huffing turpentine, having crazy dreams
of light-beams (hazy). His performance was sporadic,
twitching on the soccer field like a beached haddock.
“I’ve had it!” Coach said, “I want you off this team.”
Went home and ate some nachos. It might seem
that Dean would be sad underneath these circumstances,
with his Mom and his Sister, sneaking little glances
as he crunched on his chips. “Listen y’all I’m fine,
but I gotta move west, gotta find my lost time.”
Getting kicked off the team, I’ll take it as a sign:
to stop my inhaling of that distillated pine.
“I need a sunny state, one that’s polysyllabic
with the town of Hollywood, film folly and havoc.
They say the sun is sunnier, out in California.
So that’s where I’m headed. Now I’m gonna have to warn you:
No use to try to stop me. No send-off with crepe paper,
but I guess if you don’t mind, then I’ll bring that jar of capers.”
Mom didn’t a say a word. Nor Little Sister either.
Dean’s ears were ringing: I either have a fever
or the marching band’s beating on their cymbals once again.
Anyway, I gotta go. Gotta catch the train at ten.”
so thanks Mom and Sister, could you please tell my friends
that I’m headin’ out west, just beginning not—”

                           THE END

*With readings from “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck.

Organic Solvent

DEAR VALUED CUSTOMER, WE ARE VERY SORRY TO INFORM YOU THAT THE FOLLOWING ITEMS FROM YOUR RECENT ORDER ARE NO LONGER AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE. 
	A green budgerigar 
	A Cuban cigar
	A Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme™
	An egg-dying kit
	A taut tourniquet 
	Blue spandex without any seams
	Lustrous black hair 
	An overripe pear
	A wetsuit that’s never been worn
	Butterscotch fudge 
	A circuit court judge
	Your uncle’s collection of porn 
	Freshly mown grass
	Dusty stained glass 
	The boardwalk at dawn in the mist 
	An old pick-up truck 
	A signed hockey puck
	Pink bubble gum stuck to your lips
	A coiled garden hose 
	Those indy rock shows 
	A dented and rusty old wok
	The mole on your ear
	A draft Guinness beer
	A partnerless argyle sock   
	Thick dryer lint
	A urinal mint 
	The best movie you’ve never seen
	Smirnoff with ice
	Popping brown rice  
	A mixtape with nothing but Queen
	A calf-leather chair
	Years to prepare 
	The secret to unending bliss  
	A Donald duck clock 
	A river-worn rock
	The blue of the veins in your wrists

	Wooden crab mallets
	Old Neil Young ballads
	Organic, non-GMO chickens
	A charcoal briquette 
	An incomplete set of “Novels and Stories by Dickens”
	Freezer-burned peas
	Missing smart-keys
	A wise choice to pass on the shrimp
	Christmas card glitter  
	Your wooden one-hitter  
	A track coach who walks with a limp
	Carrots half-peeled 
	Plastic face shields
	All that we’ve aimed for and missed  
	Wicker porch chairs 
	Unanswered prayers  
	And that moment that we should’ve kissed

Valued Customer (with Enjambmental)

Change How You See 

She was listening to blues on an old phonograph
Yourself in three words I asked with a laugh
Coarse and conceited, a flickering flame
And that`s how it started, our perfect game

She looked into my eyes and brushed back her hair
Asked for a fast lift back to Cape Fear
We jumped in my Buick, she dozed off a spell
And when she awoke and it was then I fell

Change how you see and see how you change
I solemnly swear you`ll be rearranged
Lose the question, you`ll find the answer
She opened the door and gave me an chance  
                                  
Her life was one continuous mistake
From Kingsley, Kentucky, and she needed a break
What`s your theme song? she asked offhand 
I`m just a singer in rock and roll band

Near her place in Kentucky we bought a flat
Not that there`s anything wrong with that
Make a move and the way will open 
To a life of love and undying devotion

Now life is a wonder, an awesome dream
Love is a pair of wings, so it seems
To spark and fire we must aspire
A king and queen on the high wire
  
Before Cape Fear my life was a mess.
Now what 3 words describe me best?
Rapture, joy and satisfaction
No more time for fatal attractions

Change How You See

Swims with dolphins, crystal 3rd eye
Gotta do yoga, to purify  
Herbs for this, workshops for that
Channels an Egyptian aristocrat

Potions and lotions, self-help guides
Holy books for peace of mind
Got his own mantra that he chants with zeal
Sells bee pollen, let`s make a deal

Bangkok, Goa and Katmandu
Headfull of zombie and the boogaloo
Ibiza, Maui and Peru
Banana pancakes and a mango juice

Textbook tantra with his mate
Listens to Osho for the blissful state
Gandhi in a previous incarnation
Be here now, he`ll say with elation

Searching everywhere, high and low
Searching thin air, for what I don`t know
Found a new guru, not like the rest
Guaranteed satori, I`ll never be depressed

Key West, Amsterdam and Mt. Shasta
Bali, Jamaica and a headfull of rasta
Ibiza, Maui and Santa Cruz  
No gluten, dairy, sugar or booze 

Promise of Enlightenment, Ooh that`s great
The future looks good, I can hardly wait
Rise above emotion, I don`t have to feel
I believe, I believe, I`ve got cosmic wheels

Bangkok, Goa and Katmandu
Headfull of zombie and the boogaloo
Ibiza, Maui and Santa Cruz 
Wheatgrass, kambucha and carrot juice
  
a Try some free range chicken?
b I don`t eat meat. 
a It`s not meat, it`s chicken.
b I`m done with animal products. 
a How about some kale?
b No, I`m fasting now…is it organic?
a No. Well, try some bee pollen.
b Does that have sugar in it?
a. I don`t know. Goji berries.
b.No, thanks. Not before I meditate.  
b. You eat that?
c. He`s a vegan.    
b.If you sprinkle some chia seeds on there I might try some…
a. Oh, never trust a vegan….
c. Okay, I`ll make you a spirulina smoothie.  
b. Yes, throw some hemp in there.
a. Who finished the alfalfa sprouts.
b. 16 oz. of carrot juice pls. 

Now Sing!
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare

Lyrics Nick and Ted Ostis

theost

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