My (very poor) attempt to sound soulful and sexy... I failed LOL.

Stu the Love Guru

Hello this is Rick Gutierrez from USG News. While the world discovered but a few days ago the shocking revelation that renowned nuclear physicist and nobel peace prize winner Stephen Hawking, was a frequenter of Californian sex clubs, we here at USG News tonight, will unearth shocking audio footage of Professor Hawking, at an unnamed  sexclub.

But first,  none of this could be possible without our whistle blower. To shield his identity, we have distorted his voice, and will refer to him only as SKIN BOAT.

					Rick
   good evening… Skin Boat

					SKIN BOAT
  good evening.

					RICK
 tell me, how did you come across this audio.

					SKIN BOAT
  well, I was at a club one night, playing TUNA RINGS with a couple of ladies, when suddenly this commotion happened. I slipped their rings off me finger and decided wander down and see what was going on. That's when I saw… him. Professor Stephen Hawking, getting it on with a couple of women dressed as nurses. He was being fed via a tube… but the tube wasn't leading to his mouth, let's say that much

					RICK
 Well that is shocking.

					SKIN BOAT
 Yeah it is, and after about 15 minutes of that, the old prof decides to wheel off with said ladies to a private room for some intimate fun. I then hit upon the grand scheme of taping this, and sending it to the media.

					RICK
 And we are glad that you came to USG News for this. what we have for you at home now, is the actual, audio of that dalliance, stephen hawking had with the ladies in question, Charlesworth, go ahead and roll the tape

      insert hawking piece

					RICK
  Pretty. Heavy. Stuff. If i may say so indeed

					SKIN BOAT
 I know, I mean here's this wise old man, apparently imprisoned in his chair, with his only form of communication being through a voice activator, sent via muscle movements, and here he is with another muscle he's moving. I lost all respect for him now. He's nothing but a freewheeling love machine.

					RICK
 Well, that's all we have time for here on USG News, my thanks to SKIN BOAT, for this riveting piece of audio. I'm Rick Gutierrez, Until next time, stay geeky folks

thereelrebel