Beach Life - In - Death

lyrics:
god it sucks to want to want but  lord I’ve tried and i just dont
i need something to stay afloat, got cinderblocks for feet  i know 
“just try your best” i do i did, im standing on a falling cliff
“just take your pills” i did, i do, how many more until im thru?

this liferaft I’ve been granted is just cardboard and its slanted
and wherever i was going doesn’t matter anymore
its hard to care bout destinations when you’re drowning on the way
so if i hear another “years from now” i swear ill go insane

i miss my shrink i had in 2020, miss the years i left my room
the years where i could give a fuck about the things i feel or do
i miss when i was singing to nobody in my childhood home
when nothing felt performative, and bettering was full of hope

my god thou hath forsaken me, and birds are picking at my corpse
im strung out for you all to see, but all i get is: love this song
im overwhelmingly aware of everything that i do wrong
but how can i change that, theres nowhere to go if i move on

nowhere to go if i move on

and god how could i ever know  how useless it would feel to hope
the more i am disappointed the more i expect the worst i know
“just call the hotlines” oh i did, they told me to just go to sleep
“just call your shrink” and oh i will, but shes sick like she always is

this “bettering” im searching for is nothing but a canker sore
a wound that i keep touching so it cannot ever heal
its something i’ve been wishing since i was just a little kid
but it just hurt to realise the thing i want was never real

i miss the years i wasn’t sick, when i was ignorant in bliss
when i was small enough to play and never think about a thing
where i was on the swingset so convinced that i really could fly
now if i see a swingset  i can’t help but start to cry

my shrink thou hath forsaken me, a month between each useless talk
i keep on eating worthless meds and keep on getting worse and all
i want is to be better but what does that even mean?
i keep on wishing  i will wake up and this all would be a dream

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