From Glued to the TV Set / Sweep My Driveway!, released June 4, 2021

Written, produced, engineered and performed by The Vidiprinter at Madlabo, edge of the Highlands, Scotland

All voices and instruments by The Vidiprinter
Except...
Incredible Self Confidence (aka Benjamin Bennett) - Guitar Solos
Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
Urs Trülli - Banjo

Special thanks to Diane Turrón for Bass inspiration

Lyrics:
Days are drawing in
Turn that radiator higher

The talent you still had
It took a tumble in the dryer

Your fan club took a vote
And your membership expired

It’s taken you a year now
Better just retire

Now your creativity has taken a hit
And the lure of the screen
Well, it just won’t quit
Should be writing this song
But the vision is gone
Essence harder to get when you’re…
Glued to the TV set!

Try to take a walk
Try to warm the amplifier

But the snow is up to here
And there’s crackle in this wire

And that positivity you felt at the start
Took a serious turn
Now it’s sunken your heart
Your fingering is weak
If it’s gutter-talk you seek
Well, there’s no need to fret now you’re...
Glued to the TV set!

And the ingenuity you had as a kid
While it frittered away
You naturally hid
Reminiscent of a scene when a California teen
Took a legacy key…
Ugh, you’re glued to the TV
The ham-fisted-ty is clear for all to see
You triple the backgrounds
And bury the lead
Like Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Jean Harlow...
I'm caught in the net.
Guess I’m…Glued to the TV set!

Glued to the TV Set / Sweep My Driveway!

Glued to the TV Set

From Glued to the TV Set / Sweep My Driveway!, released June 4, 2021
Written, produced, engineered and performed by The Vidiprinter at Madlabo, edge of the Highlands, Scotland

All voices and instruments by The Vidiprinter
Except...
Zapa - Harp Solos
Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion

Lyrics:
Well you can say what you like
Yeah, broadcast it on the mic
Let your “audience” know if it pleases you so
It don’t affect me no

Take out an ad by a motorway
Twist it in the embers of an ashtray
But if you come over my house talking trash like a louse
You can sweep my driveway!


Go and write a killer routine
Shame me on a muddy car windscreen
Colour snow where you go
Pee it high. Pee it low.
Yeah, you know it’s just a game show

You can tell your damn fiancée
That she can keep it in her screenplay
But if you come around here spouting junk in my ear
You'll be sweeping my driveway!


You can print it on a T shirt
Go and shout it out loud at a concert
You can tell that tabloid hack right behind my back
And no, it wouldn’t hurt

You can get it all down in a long essay
Strum a verse in a cape with a dumb beret
But if I’m witness someday in a Greenwich café
You’ll be sweeping my driveway!

Beat It!


Well, you can preach it to the choir
Convert it, then send it down the wire
You can signal it with smoke, hell, I can take a joke
Just contain that fire

You can pour it out flat at a bar today
And they can drink it all down …yeah, come what may
But if you serve that swill in here… you’ll be wearing that beer...
And you can sweep my driveway!!

Sweep My Driveway!

Took some time to make you mine
I guess it wasn’t worth the while
I can’t spend my whole life trying
My feet will beat the Miracle Mile

Oh, I don’t know where you’re meant to go
Are you meant to be a horror in black

I can’t see where you’re meant to be
Everybody says that you’re back

Everybody seems to have a pocketknife
Whittle me, belittle me
Oh my god, don’t wanna marry me

I can’t see where you’re meant to be
Everybody says that you’re
Now I can’t see where we’re meant to be
Everybody says that you’re back


Written by Ben Bennett

Recorded and mixed by The Vidiprinter

Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
Ben Bennett - Guest Vocals
The Vidiprinter - Lead Vocals and everything else

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Miracle Mile

Spring into Summer
Leave behind any bummer
Steal a car for the weekend
Tollbooth fees, a Mr Freeze
One tanned arm, another sewage farm caught in the breeze
DAB radio free, Europe on the cheap with me (You’ll see)
Let’s drive till we spew (Steve Wright on Radio 2)
Cola and Ketchup
Bubblegum in your haircut
Car tapes filling the air (No care)

Driving in heat
Garbage filling the backseat
Only just begun our season in the sun
Air-con blowing hot
Buy a fan at the next stop
Wake up at noon…

…Tune into June

Bugs on the windshield
Sight to see, take a picture, need to pee
The State Lottery (State Lottery Yeah!)
Seven states to Jacksonville
Giant crosses on the hill
Camcorder zoom/tilt (Recording)

Driving in heat
Garbage filling the backseat
Only just begun our season in the sun
Air-con on the blink
Need some petrol
Need to think
Wake up at noon…

…Tune into June

“Last July at the beach I was weak, unable to speak…
She told me “It’s over”
Summer blubbin’ filled pain, without her overcast and rain…
Riding in a shopping cart but now the clouds begin to part…
Could this be a brand new start? now she’s back inside my heart”

Driving in heat
Garbage filling the backseat
Only just begun our season in the sun
We’re so fucking cool we’re syphoning the fuel
Wake up at noon…


Written, recorded and mixed by The Vidiprinter

All instruments by The Vidiprinter

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Special thanks to 80s Commerical Vault
www.youtube.com/channel/UCsoiFs_IAf8uMoXd7vj3_Gg

Tune Into June

I just rode into town
Looking for a warhorse party
Joust around the corner?
I hope we can dance-a-lot
I seen you in your blue jeans
I’m in my chainmail
(Saturday Knight)
Whaddya mean there’s a dress code?
(Saturday Knight)
This knight could go down in history
(Saturday Knight)
Or jive right there on the battlefield

Grab a wing
Start to swing
It’s all about gallantry
Aren’t you Galahad to meet
The king of all chivalry

I heard this guy play before
(Saturday Knight)
A fellow knight of the turntable
(Saturday Knight)
There’s people all around me taking ‘selfies’
(Saturday Knight)
It’s a long way from the Camelot I know.
(Saturday Knight)
I need a drink, meads a drink, can you buy me a drink?
(Saturday Knight)
I swore to nix Kaliber
(Saturday Knight)
I better grab my coat of arms
(Saturday Knight)
You’ve pulled

Take my armour, I’ll teach you how to lance
(On Saturday night)
(Saturday Knight)


Written, recorded and mixed by The Vidiprinter

Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
The Vidiprinter - Everything else

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Saturday Knight

Fragile, handle with care
The man with the see-thru hair
A face in the crowd
Depending on you to be there

Store in a cool dry place
Dicky heart for that toothy face
A memory bank no quack could ever erase

A scheduled tour of Haiti or Sudan
Learning to fly can’t hurt this nightwatchman

Formed from gator glue
Embalmed down at the Zombie Zoo
A muddy crutch, a Midas touch
See-thru…hair

Anna won’t back down
Her head’s been turned around
This way up, our Wilbury stuck in town

Man with see-thru hair… And waistcoat flair
The man with see-thru hair… Bob and Roger
The man with see-thru hair… Rickenbacker
The man with see-thru hair… Is dead… Oh yeah!

Pack up the car
Drums, bass, keys and guitar
A long winter break
Mr Integrity bought the farm

Another boomer has-been
Gone in twenty seventeen
Place your bets for this year’s celebrity death


Written, recorded and mixed by The Vidiprinter

All instruments by The Vidiprinter

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

The Man With See-Thru Hair (Petty Theft)

Remember not to open your mouth
If you do then the words will fall out
Lies will come first, then you only make it worse
So remember not to open your mouth

There really is no place to go
When you’ve told her all there is to know
Well you pray it will be quick, but you’ll argue till you’re sick
So remember not to open your mouth

Open your mouth… No… UH OH!

Time and time again you fall
When you pick up that receiver and call
555-COMPROMISE
Choose Life!

You only got yourself to blame
You blunder once and then it’s more of the same
Like a fear-struck deer, blinded, wishing you weren’t here
Remember not to open your mouth

Open your mouth… No… No… UH OH!

Don’t cook the phone
And don’t make a stink
You don’t have to live your life…
According to Link!

Remember if you want a good night
Keep it schtum, there’s no need for a fight
Anything you say may be taken to the grave
So remember not to open your mouth

Yeah, remember not to open your mouth
If you do then the words will fall out
Lies will come first, then, yeah, you know you’re only making it worse
So remember not to open your mouth

Don’t even try
The jeopardy’s much too high
To reason why
Why… why… why…
Don’t cook the phone
Cause a stink
You don’t have to live your life…
According to Link!


Written, recorded and mixed by The Vidiprinter

Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
The Vidiprinter - Everything else

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Remember Not To Open Your Mouth (Don't Cook The Phone!)

I turned around to see the girl with unbrushed hair
Twice in a week, I’ve seen that frightened wall-eyed stare
She didn’t judge me
She just nudged me
(Head in the clouds)
I’m disapproving
She keeps on moving
(Head in the clouds)

I call my buddy at home
he doesn’t pick up the phone
But I know he’s there
I go to knock on his door
I see him sprawled on the floor
Completely unaware
I bang a window
He plays Nintendo
(Head in the clouds)
He doesn’t hear me
He’s watching Grand Prix
(Head in the clouds)

I had a dream today where all this disappeared
I didn’t have to find a job or even trim my beard
Laid-back and lazy
My mind was hazy
(Head in the clouds)
That’s it for me now
Nothing but lowbrow
(Head in the clouds)

Clouds
White puffy clouds
Are you proud?
With your head in a cloud


Written, recorded and produced by The Vidiprinter

Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
The Vidiprinter - Everything else

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Head In The Clouds

A public service from the League of Women Voters (September 30th, 1984)

Are You Ready?

From Squash It / Summer Ltd., released June 30, 2020

Written, recorded and produced by The Vidiprinter

Kenny Hammer - Drums & Percussion
Incredible Self Confidence - Backing Vox
The Vidiprinter - Everything else

Artwork by The Vidiprinter

Lyrics:
You yearn for juice
There’s no time to squeeze four oranges loose
You can dilute this pre-made concentrate of fruit

Let’s nurse that thirst
Add water to that syrupy burst
Pour it tall, over ice, as a rule, have it cool
Down by the swimming pool

Ahhh… Mmm… Squash It!

It’s Tennis time
So cordial, so sublime
Refresh your glass, stay off the grass and you’ll do fine

A sip of Quosh
Creamola foam is your new mouthwash
Pour it tall, over ice, as a rule, have it cool
A treat for after school

Take a scoof of my fruit and barley
Summer Fruits recommended highly
Too much make your throat so dryly
No…No…

When it’s hot and your tongue starts twitchin’
Take a trip to your nearest kitchen
There you’ll find it ready of mixin’
What could be better than this?

A soda stream can fizz up your life. What a dream!
No… more…. reason to roam
Carbonated drinks in your home

If you don’t quench…
You’ll be… Tense!
So tense
Remember to Quench

Ahhh… Mmm… Squash It!

The Vidiprinter

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