Learn about manners with the Waffles!

you will have bad manners if you do not say please
and when you have bad manners, it is like a disease.
your morals become rotten and your fanny will bloat
so here's a few examples of some bad mannered folks:

when children have bad manners, they do not eat their soup
and when farmers have bad manners they keep chickens in coops
bad mannered students tell their teachers they're bored,
pontius pilate had bad manners when he murdered our lord

good manners make you really cool. good manners make you cool when you know how 
bad manners drool. good manners rule, bad manners drool.

so say thank you to the postman and say god bless you to every sneeze
give a towel to your wet nurse and never support slavery.

if you have bad manners, you will make your mum blue
and if your mum is blue then your dad will be too.
he's been stressed at work and has becoming unglued
and then your dad will take out his aggression on you

yoko had bad manners when she broke up the band
pilgrims had bad manners when they stole natives land
boston had bad manners when they wasted that tea
the US had manners when they fought to be free

now let's play a little game where we decide if these manners are cool or not cool:
reading smutty magazines: not cool
taking grandma's pills: not cool
playing with explosives: not cool
wearing clean underwear: very cool

ok that was pretty good, let's try some more, maybe some lessons for those american cunts:
turning on the crown: not cool
not marching in straight lines: not cool
wearing camouflage: not cool
recruiting mel gibson: not cool

good manners make you really cool. good manners make you cool when you know how 
bad manners drool. good manners rule, bad manners drool.

say "your majesty" to her highness and ask god to save the queen
those yankees can go to hell cause we're all ashamed to share their genes.
the whole nation is fat arse, from the kardashians to mickey d's
so let's make sure they're on the wrong side of this impending world war iii

Songs For The Wee Ones Volume One

Good Manners Rule, Bad Manners Drool

In this track, the Waffles walk your children through the dangers that strangers can present to young people!

don't talk to strangers because they might be bad. don't take their candies or they'll throw you in their van.
strangers, don't talk to strangers. cause first they'll steal you and then they'll sell you to traffickers.

respect your elders because they will die soon. unless they're strangers, then they deserve their tombs.
elders, respect your elders. but as they get older, they get bolder and pinch your cheeks.
elders - we don't trust them either.

you should build a bunker for the apocalypse. that's when the elders and strangers will attack.
nightfall, they'll come at nightfall. and if you're not protected, you'll get infected and become an old stranger too.
so be warned - the long night is coming.

after the great war, we will rebuild the world. without the strangers, and without the olds.
and we will rejoice and the sun will rise and we'll always remember the brave kids who died.

Stranger Danger (Danger From Strangers)

Want to learn how to take care of yourself and stay clean?  This song is for YOU!

this is how to brush your hair: you pick up your brush and brush it through your hair
and while you're in the loo, pick up your toothbrush and brush your teeth too. so brush em! 

cause nobody wants their king to be the smelly kid. do you think that the queen goes by "eliza-piss?"
well she does, but that's because of old age. but she doesn't have a natural tooth in her face.
so if you don't groom yourself, you're not going to have friends.

so this is how to take a bath: fill up the tub and sit there on your arse
just don't use your mum's shampoo, it's very expensive and disguises her roots. so don't touch it! or mum will leave you! and dad will leave you! they'll both leave you!

and nobody wants to be blokes with the orphan kid. they'll call you all sorts of names like "oliver nipple-twist"
and then they'll yank on your nips with such force, that you'll wish your parents had not divorced.
yes, if you touch mommy's things, your family will disappear.

so if you ever think "it's just a little stink," remember that you will die alone.

The Importance of Grooming and Making Friends

The Importance Of Grooming And Making Friends

There are limits to everything - let the Waffles show you the way!

the sun is magic, the sun totally rocks.
but the sun will kill you if you don't wear sunblock.
we all like ice cream, it's nice to eat.
but too much ice cream will give you diabetes.

things will kill you. things that you love will kill you.
death is behind you, following everything you do.

your dog's your best friend, and your cat is great.
but they're planning to eat you and then piss on your grave.

things will kill you. things that you love will kill you.
even the waffles - we've killed a couple of children too.

so the lesson here is to be mindful of the gap
and to never trust a santa when you're on his lap.
you could burn your house down just by passing too much gas
if you play with matches and hold them near your arse.

The Sun Will Kill You (And So Will We)

Vegetables are very important!  The Waffles eat them every day!

don't make a mockery of broccoli, and turnips make you turn up. 
please remember lettuce when we sit down for breakfast,
and when your heart is broke, try some artichokes.

vegetables rock!

if you don't eat your celery, you'll go to hell-ery, and we swear, corn is better than porn.
and asparagus is good for pranks because your piss will stank
then have some fun-ion with onions.

vegetables rock!

potatoes will not make you gay, no. in fact, it is quite opposite.
but a raddish will make you a rad bitch and you'd better season your peas.
rice is nice most every night, but toast is what we like the most
tacos are tasty too, with a cold glass of mountain dew
and some marijuana for dessert.

other foods rock!

cocaine will leave you with no pain and cigarettes make you look cool
steroids will make you get stronger cause you're a little weak for a lad.

substances rock, getting buff rocks, lots of things rock so make sure you try them all!

Vegetables Rock (Not Your Father's Salad Ballad)

Your children are being raised wrong.  They're obese, they're stupid, and they're coming up without the songs of the Waffles.  Give them a brighter future!

The Waffles

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