the greatest what the fuck moment of all time,
my ears pierced by the words of my rabbi,
after dinner as i hung with my good friends,
he stood up and what he said it astonished.
"i will wash your feet,
unless i wash, you've got no part of me"
"but lord, you're my lord,
i am your servant, what you doing on the floor?
you are my best friend and this is absurd,
you are my teacher, but not my serf,
but not my slave, this is insane."
"now you do not realize,
but understand you'll realize,
later i will open your eyes as it materialize,
as i hang from a wooden beam,
as daddy's wrath is poured on me,
i will drink from death's cup,
and i will drink it all up."

let me tell you from my own experience,
pride inside, my number one nemesis,
don't wash my feet, 
and please do not die for me,
i will do this on my own,
save yourself from that tree.
in that moment, and in my unbelief,
and in my mockery of the king,
jesus looked up,
a sadness came over me,
maybe this was the son of god in front of me,
why? why would you die for me,
the prince of unbelief
who spat upon your eulogy?
for all the shit i put you through,
for all the times i lied to you,
who grew up in a christian home,
but denied you when i heard the crow.

three crows,
three strikes,
in life, that's lights out,
but revealed unbelief only made pete more devout,
unexpected clarity came from honesty with myself,
and it's deep within my heart i've got a lot of doubt,
but revealed fake beliefs got me closer than without,
my understanding, still incomplete,
yep, i struggle with these thoughts every single week,
as they break that bread,
and they pour that wine,
my mind is torn between myself and some kind of divine.
as the decision draws nearer,
anxiety increases, you can palpate my fear.
but the peace as he speaks,
makes it more clear,
but not one hundred percent, as the scripture itself alludes to maybe getting half of it,
now we see a poor reflection,
but one day see face to face,
will tscott die to self?
will timothy take his place?
will i present myself or will i confess his grace?
washed by the blood of the god-man,
it starts with my kicks coming off, man.

TheWonderWander