processing my trauma by reflecting on my past and announcing i am sooooo done hold that toxic shit in.

Trauma Spoken

I’m soo done (same key)
I’m soo done ( up a key)
I’m soo done (same key)
I’m soo done ( down a key)

I am so done
With all the lying
I am so done
With you and him
I am so done
Pretending
This time
I speak
Truth
Won’t hold it in

Trauma
within the mind
A constellation of memories
Trapped in spider webs
strand after strand
founded
false reveries
More like nightmares
each its own ball of gas
Stuck in the motion
that explosion
I call this
my past

No equal measure
how it feels
to be stuck
forever
torn apart
Continuously
combusting
Trial by fire
this path chosen
right before me
Can’t forget
all those regrets
the storyteller
She told me

Imagine
we lived life
pretending nothing happened
No loud nights
no violent fights
no abuse
she called this discipline
Had me sit still
her force of will
all this within
destroying kin
Fuck your sin

I’m so done (same key)
I’m soo done ( up a key)
I’m so done ( same key)
I’m so done ( down a key)

Trauma Spoken

i thought i would upload something fun to cut through all the pretty heavy topics discussed thus far. let me know if this just don't work, my singing. Also I kind feel like I am singing to the myself and the person I constantly working to be

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You - Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons- Cover

What if contentment was a prescription ?
An answer to the emptiness that I envision
Not just in vision 
but
Also in feeling 
A depth further than seeing 
This placid ocean within me
Don't be fooled by its calmness 
It's surface is deceiving 
distracting from the well beneath it 

We are often caught by our reflections 
Not only those mirrored 
But
Also those we project
And 
If we honestly reflect 
On point of view
Perception 
Is there regret?

Not accepting 
That we are
Who we are
No more reaching 
For this unachievable bar
Got you believing
What they think
Is more important
Than existing as you are 

The trap of socialization
"Necessary" programming 
Building blocks of a "civil" nation
Forgetting our civilizations
Forgetting we are the building blocks of this nation
To busy crafting an illusion of perfection 
More important 
Then our self image
We must fulfil expectations
What if contentment was a prescription?
An an answer to the emptiness I envision

What If Contentment Was A Prescription?

I don’t see myself as pretty
because
I am still teaching myself
To see those parts of me
I see myself as strong
and
I know I am stubborn
At times to a fault
I been called loud
Which I am and I am proud
I always try to do my best
Stand up for myself
and for those who can’t
I get living in distress

I know I am resilient
We all been through some shit
I know I am smart
Does not mean I can’t be stupid
I have made plenty of mistakes
From those, I am still learning
I know I don’t fit into any kind of rubric
I find some of the “rules” confining
In a lot of ways
I stand out
Still getting comfortable dancing to my own music
I know I don’t see myself as pretty
But
Pretty is more than I can be

I Know I Am

These kenyan men
In these streets
Got no respect
Don't touch me
Shit

Can't you see i am walking here
Yeah, i hear you talking
Pia
Sio lazimia nikusikie, mina
Work to do
No me and you
Nah
There nothing you can do

You fucked up on your approach
Men do this coast to coast
Always doing the most
Out here just being, hella gross
Don't know how to read the room
Yes, I said there is no me and you
You don't what to do
Not my problem
That's on you



Hook
Kama huana tibia
Kama uwezi tulia
Leave us alone
Kwa njia
Wanaume
Munasikia? X2



Listen
If you can't approach me politely
Then, fuck off
I don't say this lightly
Whether you buy me a drink or no
I don't owe you anything
So
Either learn to take the no
Or
Leave us be
Let us live, yo



Hook
Kama huana tibia
Kama uwezi tulia
Leave us alone
Kwa njia
Wanaume
Munasikia? X2

I am not the first to say this
Won't be the last
To nail it
No matter they ways
We phrase this
Men can't seem to get it

Hook
Kama huana tibia
Kama uwezi tulia
Leave us alone
Kwa njia
Wanaume
Munasikia?

Leave Us Alone

Chorus
Don't stress
Just give yourself time
You will figure it out
In due time

Must confess
I am a mess
Been feeling less
Like I am the best
Lying
Trying to be at rest
Mind keeps flying
Through worries
Can't contest

I keep falling
falling
Through my regrets
All my worries
Hold me
Can't catch myself
Can't find glory
Hope is
All is left
And my hope is
Soaring
Through my distress

Untitled

I lay here trying to sleep
This mind stuck on repeat
I close my eyes
Yet I see
My past replaying behind these lids

I need to rest please
No, this mind is restless
Won’t let you get your sleep
Past got your stuck
Lost in the present

Remember all he did
The whip
Locked in
My fault
No, here is a present

Remember keep this in
Don’t speak
This won’t leak
Loose lips sink ships
Keep up the pretending

I need to rest please
No, this mind is restless
Won’t let you get your sleep
Past got your stuck
Lost in the present

I know you won’t agree
I have learned this lesson
This hurt runs soo deep
Drowning in depression

I need to rest please
No, this mind is restless
Won’t let you get your sleep
Past got your stuck
Lost in the present

Restless

Self Doubt

The lovely person who makes dope track is my friend Mario. Links to his stuff below
https://twitter.com/mangazimusic
https://www.facebook.com/mario.junior.180072

Music And Stuff I Am Working On

Conversation With Myself 1

Conversation With Myself 2

Mixing My Mediums

this -myjourney is me doing my best to unlearn all the harmful practices I was taught to accept as normal. my medium of unlearning and expression is this  collection of my original poetry, art, music and podcasts

this-myjourney

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