Lyrics:

I have slipped from her mind
like a ship from the harbour
After the diminishing sun;

So I am watching
The leaves from the branches,
Their skeletons waltzing
Dwindling to one,

Like brown winter coats,
Unoccupied.
It's that time of year,
It's that time of night

When she comes back to me,
Shrouded in mystery;
When dying is easy
And suffering sweet.

Chorus:
Where does she end and I begin?
(I forget, I forget, I forget)
Where are the arms I was laying in?
When did we end and I begin?
I forget, like
She has forgotten me

In the palace of midnight,
Velveteen promises
Fall like warm rain
On uncovered skin.

Her lips on my lips whisper
A secret theology,
Dreaming, dissolving
Absolving my sins.

When she’s lying next to me,
Nothing but memory,
She can be anything
I want her to be.

Perfectly absent
And karmically pure
Her hollow glass body
Cries “give me some more”.

She Has Forgotten Me

Lyrics: 

I know you time 
I know you time 
I know you time 
I know you time 

Knowing I’ll die
The only real reason to try
Sometimes I lie
To myself, I
Pretend that some that some things can stay
Knowing I’ll fade
The reason the water has weight

I know I’ll fade
I know I’ll fade
I know I’ll fade
I know I’ll fade

How do I know anything at all?
You let me fall
And beneath it all
I see the skin of the water so still 
I will remember this life 
I will, I will, I will
When I have melted back into the rain
Without a name

Knowing I’m nameless 
there’s nothing to break
And so I can’t hate
I can’t love
When I am nothing
I am enough - 
But I need a name
To be somebody’s some one to love

I know my name
I know my name
I know my name
I know my name
But who am I?

Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Who am I? 

Am I skin the of the water, 
am I?
A sliver of mind 
reflecting the river of life - 
From which I drink
When I don’t think,
When I don’t try,
When I know time.

All that I know,
All I can see
I see through the skin of the water,
The depth of an eye,
The breadth of the sky - 

Tell me, what happens to waves 
when they die?
Or when the raindrops 
fall into the lake
And break the skin of the water,
Does it set them free?
Water’s still water, 
Even if it’s not me -

Then who am I?
Who am I? 
Am I the soul of the river
Am I?
It broke through the dam
In its reflection I saw who I am

To make sure, 
I tried to draw
On the skin of the water, 
and where I could see
I see only symbols and ripples and signs
I see only myself and my mind

I am blind
Until I find
I am nameless, there’s nothing to break 
Knowing I’m fake,
There’s nothing to take
But something to give

And so I will die
So I can live,
Knowing the reason I’m here is to try
To be the person I am on the inside,
Not to hide.

The Skin Of The Water

PLEASE DON’T TAKE ME HOME

It’s been 3 years and 7 weeks tomorrow
Since they told me there was nothing I could do
Sometimes I go for weeks 
without thinking about it,
Then there are some nights like tonight it still feels true

There are days in the box I don’t remember
Just the feeling of morphine and fear
It was in October or November
There are moments when it feels like I’m still there

I was lying on a sofa at a friends house
My left fist was clenching upwards at the moon
And I cried out in defiance
“No I’m not afraid of dying,
But that I doesn’t mean I’m ready to go”

Chorus: Please don’t take me home
I’m not ready to go
Please don’t take me home 
There is a man I want to be 
Please don’t take me I’m not ready to go

Sometimes the sea is calm, the sky is empty
Sometimes my heart is empty and I’m calm
Sometimes I feel invincible,
And then I feel the three little bumps
Where there were tubes inside my arm

I was sitting by the sea a few months later
Feeling sad because the waves appeared to die
I thought that I was gonna cry, 
then I  realised
I am the water and the wave at the same time

That no matter where you are, you’re always whole
That no matter what you do, you’re always loved
And when it all goes dark,
You’ll remember who you are, 
That you’re home, and you always have been
 

Chorus: Please don’t take me home
I’m not ready to go
Please don’t take me home 
Give me the chance to help them see the world
As I do now 
 
and Then I see images of the last time that I saw them
When I didn’t know that it was the last time
I wanted to grow them a garden
But I didn’t know where,
So I grew one in my mind

I go there sometimes when I’m lonely
They’re waiting in the same place with a smile
We lie down on the grass
They can still make me laugh,
And I ask if I can stay here for a while

 They tell me “you can stay here if you want to,
To spend a couple hours where it’s slow
But if you’ve got dreams and plans,
You should do them while you can,
You might have to leave before you’re ready to go

Please Don’t Take Me Home

ataraxia

Recorded during CLIC Sargent's 2018 residential music workshop, featuring young people supported by the charity all with a shared experience of cancer diagnosis and treatment, and a shared love of music. 
For more information see https://clicsargent.org.uk/music

20 Tom - Ash In The Sand

Call Me When You're Falling Down

I have slipped from her mind 
like a ship from the harbour
After the diminishing sun

So I am watching 
The leaves on the branches 
Their skeletons waltzing 
Dwindling to one

Like brown winter coats,
Unoccupied
It's that time of year
It's that time of night

When she comes back to me
Shrouded in mystery			
When dying is easy
And suffering sweet

Where does she end and I begin?
(I forget, I forget, I forget)
Where are the arms I was laying in?
When did we end & I begin?

I forget, like
She has forgotten me

In the palace of midnight
Velvetine promises
Fall like warm rain
On uncovered skin

Perfectly absent and
Karmically pure
Her hollow glass body
Cries give me some more

Where does she end and I begin?
(I forget, I forget, I forget)
Where are the arms I was laying in?
When did we end & I begin?

I forget, like
She has forgotten me
I forget, like
She has forgotten

She Has Forgotten Me (Demo)

Lyrics: 
Her body of scripture
A living mythology
All that she promised me
Under the moon 

All that we could have been
Lost like an empire
Burns in the night
Magnesium fire

Chorus:
She’ll be gone soon
She’ll be gone soon

2.
Her lips were like wine
Sour and red
She slipped from the vine
& onto my tongue

Yearning for more of this
Whispering promises
Willing & hopeless
& hopelessly young

3.
She Clung to my skin
like a stitch to the seam
But we dreamt in the dark
& Day killed our dream

4.
I woke to the smell
Of her hair
Briefly forgetting 
That she’s not there

Valse No.1 (She'll Be Gone Soon)

Lyrics:
I left home the night before
For something different, something more
Different city, different place
New walk, same face

And once I was a young child
And I didn’t have much 
So I didn’t do much but dream
And once I used to run wild	
And dream about the man I was gonna be
It all comes back to me

I climbed above the traffic lights
Burned my clothes and I burned the night
A million people, maybe more
Locked in lives and locked indoors

And once I was a rich man
And I had so much that I didn't have anything
They didn’t say it would be like this 
And now I dream about 
The man that I could have been
I find it hard to breathe
It all comes back to me

World of mirrors, world of screens
It gets so light its hard to see
Too much time and too much choice
Too many dreams, too many voices

And once I was a good man
And I did it all right and i did what i was told
It all comes back to me

And once I was a good man
And I did it all right and I did what i was told
I cowered beneath the great white hand
And I gave my body and let my time be sold
It didn’t stop me getting old

Please Don’t Take Me Home

Thomas Kam

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