HYDROCEPHALE

Exactly how do you propose
We plug this mind-shaped hole from which I spill?
Perhaps this cork should do the trick
But I’m afraid I’ll just keep bloating and bloating and
Shall we wait until it bleeds me dry
Or do we patch up this puncture wound and wait
Until my face begins to rupture at the seams?
I suppose we can’t just stuff it all back in there
If it just keeps swelling and oozing out
From every god damned orifice at once

Am I not the biggest zit you’ve ever seen?
Ain’t this flesh balloon just bursting to get popped?
You know, I honestly can’t wait to blow my load
Through the gaps in its shit-eating grimace
Too bad I’ll have to endure yet another one of your
Fruitless attempts to cure me before I finally get to tear myself a new one
By God I will split this ugly face right down the middle 
And squeeze out every single wretched thought

I will pray for both our sakes that this procedure fixes me
´Cause if this shunt doesn´t work
If this shunt doesn´t work
if this shunt doesn´t work I promise 
The scene I’ll leave behind won’t be pretty

Hydrocephale

SPECTACLE (THERE IS NO FOURTH WALL)

You stood there and you watched me do that thing
Where I tear myself to shreds over the course of weeks until
There’s not a single god damned splinter left intact
My mind dispersed, I die a million little deaths

You said that you were passive in that process
But your passivity is just guilt trapped in the carcass of an excuse
There is no fourth wall, come gather closer and partake
The spear’s been sharpened, and the bull has been sedated in advance

Is the spectacle grotesque enough
To please your taste my man?
Would you like to get a season pass
Or a permanent residence?
I’ve got a spot free near the back of my head
Where you would sit tightly
Between the brain rot and the self-directed hatred
And the memories

I think you’d love it here
I think you’d fit right in

Spectacle (There Is No Fourth Wall)

Image taken from Don Hertzfeldt's film "Everything Will Be OK"

- - - 

Last night I dreamt
Of a hand brushing past mine
More than anything ever in this world
It made me feel desired

Don't tell me, I know
That 'everything will be OK'
But how does that work
When all that I touch
Wilts and fades away

Last night I felt
Like I wasn't quite as alone
It was fleeting but it shook me
Down to the bone

Everything Will Be OK

i would drive to the edge of the water
and i'd wait there alone
i would shatter the ice like a brick
and we'd meet at the bottom of the ocean

i recall seagulls tearing away at something soft
i recall watching them from below
i recall ants, their bodies writhing, stinging with salt and
i recall waves washing over people

in my dreams
i am a diver
i am a diver
in my dreams
i march the seabed
i march the seabed in heavy boots

diver

songs to socially distance yourself to
///
bored to exhaustion, months spent watching the callouses
waste from my fingers: a splendid example of
"use it or lose it"
but if that were true for everything i'd probably be dead at this point
and you'd probably be cleaning up the mess

limp
idle
piece of shit
biding its time
in the crevices

bored to exhaustion, please entertain or distract me
from my other distractions as i fatigued of them quickly
now they just loiter 'round my system like arsenic or nicotine cravings or
cancer or tapeworms, slumbering parasites lazily playing the long game

limp
idle
piece of shit
biding its time
in the crevices

(spun my cocoon
hung it out to dry
tell me is there anything
left of me still?)

Cocoon

songs to socially distance yourself to
\\\
when everything continually keeps drawing to an end
but the curtain never hits the floor as if suspended in the moment
when finality looms heavy, fills my everything with dread
and there are so many omens that i don't know what to expect

you knew the joke from the beginning but insist i tell it anyway
and when i forget the punchline you just cross your arms and wait
we all end somewhere and i honestly don't mind
it's just that i end everywhere all the time -- it's just that i haven't

a life unlived
lord what i'd give
to leave the eye
a life confined
to borrowed time spent
within the eye
for life
within the eye
is no life at all

Life Within the Eye

trying out some new gear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
untethered, adrift
your voice, my beacon
every instant appears
to start and end with you

out of my body
and out of the city
the promise of skin
swimming in a boundless blue

without you to ground me
i'm aimless (don't you see?)

Boundless

From the vaults, some soundscapes I made to accompany a one act stage play, way back before all hell broke loose.

An old track, left unfinished because I lost the ableton file somewhere along the line. Vocal samples (pt. 3)  provided by Jasmijn.

Handless Man

Popular tracks