Name: shadow of my former self by my head is empty in MHIE
Duration: 3 min 7 s
Description: nothing is real, part 21.1

They say that the past seems better because of the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia we put on
But for me the past really was that much better
Simply because I was better

My eyes were full of stars
My heart full of hope
And when I was happy, my soul overflowed with joy

Now my eyes are overcast
Perhaps downcast
My heart filled with dread and horror
My soul conflicted and desperate

I feel like a shadow of my former self
My eyes still have stars, but they hide behind clouds
My heart still fills with hope, but is poisoned by dread and fear
My soul still flows with joy, but there are cracks and holes, and it always drains away.

I’m better in some ways
So much worse in others
A shadow of my former self
Tracing an outline in the shadow

Again… it just flows from you..💋🤍

anytime i listen to your art i feel like just want to go to an edge of e mountain and look at the sunset go down because the music you create is so relaxing and emotional i want to sleep or cry

Why when you change yourself you remmber the person you where once before and all the former shadows...

MHIE

music video: https://youtu.be/3D8Slz0B3Y8
w/ @tidecruz
lyrics:
the sun and the moon
or is that too soon

i want it too
i really really do

i should have you in my arms
i wanna feel you in my arms

take me away 
above the clouds 
i wanna get out
but i don’t know how

i don't care if it hurts
cant feel it anyways
keep your eyes on me
i'm all that you see

your my drug
i cant get enough
the world disappears
you're all that i see

my melody
your all i see
melting into you
i don't know
where you begin
and where i am ending

i don't care if it hurts

Art generated by @xxxxzomb

via @dreamscapeee

stream

blue_pool

spotify: vk.cc/cp8eXT
cover: @aeonfade

follow us:

diedlonely:
soundcloud: @eternityfounddead
spotify: spoti.fi/3OftOpG
bandcamp: bit.ly/3vmfaV4
instagram: bit.ly/3ObTX93

hōzuki:
soundcloud: @hozuki
spotify: spoti.fi/3ZKKz1e
instagram: bit.ly/3YOeR1U

lost in kyoto

静寂、私は死にゆく (Seijaku, Watashi wa Shinigayuku) - "Silence, I'm Dying"

- "静寂が死を包み込み
深遠な変容が息づく" ("Silence cradles death,
Where profound transformation breathes.")

Silence , I'm Dying.

is this it?

nothing is real, part 21.1

my head is empty

all songs like this

shadow of my former self

this song was written during treatment in a particularly bad time. right now things are worse, but this was different. whenever i get new lesions in my brain, they attempt to close them using a powerful steroid called "prednisone". no, not like steroids body builders use, these target cuts in my brain that form and essentially singe them closed. after 30+ lesions i stopped counting them and stopped asking. i don't even want to know how trashed my brain is at this point. but anyways, they give me a very high dose of this. usually 1250mg. all i can really say is, it feels like you just drank 10 cups and coffee and a couple redbulls in one sitting. it feels like your blood is made of battery acid. its pretty much impossible to sleep, and i have to take these dosages for several days. sometimes for 25 days straight, at 25 pills a day gradually reducing the dosage by 1 pill a day. anyways. in these times, my insomnia becomes much worse. i already cannot sleep, but during these treatments sleep is out of the question. ill go a bit insane from sleep deprivation. in these times im looking so desperately for a sense of calm. a sense of peace or serenity. all i could really do is try to make a calm or beautiful sounding song to give myself something. not something id already made, but just exactly what i needed to hear at that time, and i guess this was that song. i never released this one, but things have been especially bad lately again, and i heard this track again and realized it helps me just as much now as it did then. maybe its time to share it, and maybe someone out there will feel the peace i do, when listening <3 big love to you all. thank you for reading, and listening .

nothing is real, part XVI

album

prednisone song

easier, is not always better.

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

its just easier to be alone

instagram

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

who will save us

Øneheart - limerence

below the links is a long write up about this song. thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy
about this song: i’ve felt that ambient has been very stale for a long time now. i never wanted to start making ambient music, but it felt like the only chance to get out there. my heart will always be in my “nothing is real” albums, and i can’t thank enough those of you that have begun to listen to them. i’m glad that sort of, simplifying my music - to ambient - ended up being how i came to know you all with “i was only temporary”, and was able to meet you all, but i think it’s time to expand this genre for myself, for my sanity! when i make simple ambient songs for me it feels like im shackling myself to a bunch of rules and restrictions. while i understand that simple music is often best for a lot of people, and i very much appreciate the way these simple calm songs can help others and myself, ive been trying to think of a way to bring just some of the complexities or experimental nature of “nothing is real” over. ambient used to just be sort of a small component of nothing is real, like a base layer, and often at the end of a 5 or 7, or sometimes even 9 minute long nothing is real song, i would try to sort of attach an extra ambient piece of music to the end of the song. not always ambient, just whatever felt right. 
i really liked doing acoustic versions of a song built right in to the song itself, so i think its time to bring this NIR idea to my ambient. i dont see the point in releasing 2 separate songs. to me just like many many times through the 21 “nothing is real” albums, i say.. “we’re already here listening to the song, just put the acoustic version in this song too!!l i’m excited to explore this concept in my ambient now too, and not just the NIR series, and i hope you guys will find it as refreshing as it is for me. it sort of helps me feel better about making simple music that a lot of you enjoy, when personally my heart will always be with making those really complex nir songs !! anyways if you read this far, thanks so much. and if you have listened to any of the NIR albums, i wish i could shake your hand and tell you how much it means to me.

playlist

i (don't) deserve forgiveness

when i'm a ghost
i'll follow you everywhere
when you need me the most
i'll already be there

when u need me the most

my problem is me

i won't spiral i won't spiral i won't spiral

Instrumental version

She wanders the night, trying to find her light. High energy 80s inspired track with heavy vocoders.

Composed with passion

Night Light (Instrumental)

Lille Jazz 3 - Til August den lille gravhund nede ad vejen

‎‎creator of the "nothing is real" album series. (2018-present)
hello. my brain is killing me from a disease called multiple sclerosis. i am making as much music as i can before inevitability i wake up one day unable to function.  i wouldn't wish this on anybody. thanks for listening.
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎\
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎my head is empty music plays 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏in various ‎‏‏‎shows on the VICELAND 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏TV network, ‎‏‏‎in the films TERRIFIER 3,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ eHero with ‏‏‎Sean Astin,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎an Adidas documentary,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  and as the ‎‏‏‎soundtrack for the 
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎video ‎‏‏‎game Monsters Duo,
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ by Q-Games.

shadow of my former self

my head is empty

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