From the debut album 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?', released 14th February 2013 on the Nerve Echo label.

You can carry your own torch
I aint carryin’ it for you no more
Oh no.
You took my love for granted
I took it for granted that you’d snore
Oh yeah.
And if what you don’t know won’t harm you
Then I’d really like you to know…

That I’m shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
And I’m shagging him good.

You don’t give me any money
Then you say I look a mess
Oh yes.
I got a gold top off the milkman; he likes the way that I dress
Oh yes.
His resistance cannot fight me
When he sees me in me nightie.

Shagging the milkman, shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman, shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman, shagging the milkman
Shagging him good!

My love for you has curdled
I wish you’d go away
I’ll leave a note out for the milkman
So I can have an extra pinta today.
You called me a cow
With floppy udders
So now I’ve found myself another...

Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging him good.

Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman

Yes I’m shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman

Yes I’m shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman

Yes I’m shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman
Shagging the milkman

(repeat to fade)

Lyrics by Helên Thomas

From 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?' released 14 February 2013 
www.nerveecho.com

Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?

The Housewife's Lament

From the Mirror Writing EP, released September 2013. Available to buy as a download from Nerve Echo and Bandcamp.

Mirror Writing EP

Gabdnah S'etutitsôrp

From the debut album 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?', released 14 February 2013 on the Nerve Echo label.

so bass pumping, sticky sizzle, tacky toffee hot you'd fry
she giggles, winks and wiggles, on stiletto heels too high
empty straw gurgles, cherry lips drain milkshake dry
with powder puff fluff doggie, titillation totters by

she's bubblegum, pink polkadot, rasps a girly, "Hi!"
flirty skirt, tight low shirt, lids flutter; gives the eye
butt so pert, hard tits alert; heaves a wanton sigh
coy, beguiling, slutty girl could make a grown man cry

sly coquettish, knows your fetish, doesn't have to try
dream soft skin, you'd jump right in; in ecstasy you'd die
ripe red wet mouth, dilated pupils know you will comply
finger licking kiss curl twirled, too sweet to tell a lie

she role plays, “Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth; I’m so shy!”
but she’s a bird of prey, she pulls you closer with your tie
lashes quiver, talons linger on your bulging fly
only when you're snared and hard, you'll find out she's a guy.

Lyrics by Helên Thomas

From 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?' released 14 February 2013 
www.nerveecho.com

She's No Lady by Tingle In The Netherlands

From the debut album 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?' released on 14th February 2013 on the Nerve Echo label.


Mammals
from Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change? by Tingle In The Netherlands
Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change? cover art

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lyrics
-The pontiff is a mammal

-The mating behaviour of the monarch is unusually flexible

-Radar operators have been known to resort to cannibalism

-Up to 10% of astronauts are homosexual

-The pilot produces the largest volume of ejaculate among primates and
copulates with the greatest frequency

-A police officer is made up of 100 trillion cells

-The prime minister produces one pint of saliva a day

-Fashion designers will risk their lives to protect their young



-An estimated 1.7% of bishops are born with some degree of sexual ambiguity

-The president contains 6KG of nitrogen

-The film star¹s body consists of 60% water and contains 5 litres of blood

-The aristocrat¹s secondary sexual characteristics include facial hair and
enlarged breasts

-The socialite¹s intestine is between 7 and 8 metres long - in their
lifetime they will produce 45000 tonnes of waste matter

-The corporate lawyer¹s skeleton is made up of 206 bones



- The pontiff has 300 teeth and can reach speeds of up to 40 miles per hour

- Radar operators can live for up to 8000 years

- The aristocrat will frequently eat its own young

- Monarchs frequently change sex during adolescence

- The socialist can see in colour for up to 700 miles

- The astronaut contains 80 KG of nitrogen

- The pontiff has 300 teeth and can reach speeds of up to 40 miles per hour

- Radar operators can live for up to 8000 years

- The aristocrat will frequently eat its own young

- The socialist can see in colour for up to 700 miles

- The pontiff has 300 teeth and can reach speeds of up to 40 miles per hour

- Radar operators can live for up to 8000 years

- The pontiff has 300 teeth and can reach speeds of up to 40 miles per hour

Lyrics by Owen J.

www.nerveecho.com

Mammals

From the debut album 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?', released 14th February 2013 on Nerve Echo.

'A Forest of Cocks' Lyrics

Meadows glean chided braveries in their smiling rook caution, sipping ether in their tea,

Temperate hedges the sidelines of corporate philanthropy emitting a visceral cry of slaughtered heartache that sweats your guilt onto the linen.

Passwords flinging my ripped brain matter onto the point of pointlessness jab into reality with a Brompton Cocktail please,

The scanner doodles ape words onto the sky of November withering with glee at the hirsute clouds of it all as we filter the earth,

The tock tock of unsynchronised clocks mocks the nightly weather reporters’ patterns of meaningless,

Fur lined faux temptation rustles the chill of jigsawed teeth at the entrance of the metallic cave,

Bubbles taunt the static heads of wax coated eels hot spitting hiss flared incantations from diluted sun,

Molten teeth drip magma smiles into moth eyed hollows,

Tethered rain forces its sadness into the guffawing mouths of coutesans and oafs,

Eyelids froth the bile of yesterday’s tears into the metal lungs of remorseful dogs,

And so the darkness blinds the overhang of fleecy meadows that float through the tripesque skies of dappled withering.

Chlorine cackle follows starfruit metamorphosis,

The tarmac face mask of old cannot hide the laughter of winter whistling through panes like coiled spent automatic toys,

Snow prompts ringside cold princess into feral games of sadistic stage psychokinesis,

The wings of hope splutter dry their nuclear dream mistaken for snow bringing shadows to Japanese pavements,

When they opened up his heart they found it was full of urine.

                                                               ***

Feathered dogs breathe velour into their masters’ pulmonary ephemera transplanting eyes into the sockets of a blind doll,

The nuthatch winks at the one eyed half moon, its mimic re-boot stirring the hedgelings to the rain of their forefather’s ire; no-one hears,

Canal mouth of a lake of wires,

Tentacles of daylight retracting into space,

Dusty crash of a voice sensor strobe,

Fat neon words like modelled balloons advertise has-beens, clowns, sex-shops, and distorted strip tease in the deep lake of a hall of mirrors,

The dearth of woodwind finds ribboned heartache dribbling down the walls of blue crystal hotels in Siberia,

Bomb a sky of clouds for a single drop, swallow at source your smile and walk away,

Red lips for eyes cry holes full of laughter into the rotting eyes, ears, hair and mink coats 
of the skin and bone rich bitch old ladies of The Ritz.

Devilish thoughts proclaim the spire of night as fingernails sail the sky in a flotilla of new moons traversing the witching hour sea with their venomous cargo,

A starburst revolt of bilious dreams and ego roasted spittle eroding hard leather of annoyed, brave face hears crop sprayed crazy pave sound wave from frozen fog cotton mouth,

Crow beaked horses gallop through a forest of cocks. 


A Forest Of Cocks

From the debut album 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?', released 14th February 2013 on the Nerve Echo label.

I lost my heart to a starship cleaner
Drinking Flash in hyper space
I lost my heart to a starship cleaner
Caustic fluids oozed out of his face! 

Lyrics by Owen J and Helên Thomas

I Lost My Heart To A Starship Cleaner

Released 29.01.2020, written & performed by Owen J & Helên Thomas. 
© Owen J & Helên Thomas.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Cunt

Gwyneth Paltrow's Cunt Soundcloud Preview

Title track from the debut album by Tingle In The Netherlands, released 14.02.2013 on Nerve Echo.

Moonlight
Daisies
Honey
Peaches
Songbirds
Kisses
Blue Skies
Laughter

Paxil
Ice cream
Kittens
Rainbows
Sweetness
Clover
Sparkles
Prozac

Cotton
Candy
Flowers
Sunbeams
Lithium
Serax
Seashells
Glitter

Cherries
Bluebells
Frosting
Stardust
Nardil
Roses
Milkshake
Lustral

Snowflakes
Magic
Bubbles
Cup Cakes
Sweet Dreams
Poppies
Zispin
Valium

Fragrance
Feathers
Sunset
Dancing
Zoloft
Bunnies
Love hearts
Xanax

Lyrics by Helên and Owen in equal measure.

from 'Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change?' released 14 February 2013 
www.nerveecho.com

Why Can't You Write Something Nice For A Change? (Nice Song)

We're releasing this one as a free download (in these difficult times etc) but as with all our work strict copyright control applies. Visit our Bandcamp page to download:
https://tingleinthenetherlands.bandcamp.com/track/everythings-gone-to-shit

Released January 31, 2021
Copyright: Owen J & Helên Thomas.

Everything's Gone to Shit

Everything's Gone To Shit

Please visit: 
 http://tingleinthenetherlands.bandcamp.com/
Tingle In The Netherlands is an electro-pop collaboration between poet Helên
Thomas and electronic musician Owen J based in Manchester UK. We have been creating music together since 2009.

Musically, others have described our sound as being reminiscent of bands such as Kraftwerk, Ladytron, Chris & Cosey, Severed Heads, Soft Cell, Human League and Vince Clarke. These comparisons reflect many of Owen’s musical influences which would also include bands such as Liaisons Dangereuses, Tuxedomoon, Danielle Dax and YMO. While Owen creates the majority of the music Helên provides most, but not all, of the lyrics as well as contributing some vocal melodies. Although we have performed at Ste McCabe’s Pussywhipped event in Manchester, we consider ourselves to be a studio band so currently do not have any plans to perform live.

Our first EP, ‘Prostitute's Handbag’ was released in 2010 and included a remix, by Atomizer, of the title track. ‘Prostitute's Handbag’ reached number 11 in the Dandelion Radio Festive Fifty 2010, receiving votes for the original version and the Atomizer remix. 

In February 2013 our debut album ‘Why Can’t You Write Something Nice For A Change?’ was released on the Nerve Echo label, and is available to buy from http://www.nerveecho.com, Bandcamp and iTunes.


What people are saying about Tingle In The Netherlands:

“ If you're not into songs about whores, intergalactic caretakers or perverted horror stories then it's clearly best to avoid these songs. However if you're looking for this type of thing and you'd like to hear it set to some brilliantly dark electro-pop melodies, then Tingle In The Netherlands are probably just the thing you want. The title track of the 'Prostitute's Handbag' EP sounds like a sleazy Kraftwerk, complete with the priceless lyric "made in China, bought with vagina"”
Mr Scott - mrscottmusicblog

“Cool, atmospheric, witty, clever, poetic, funny and demented. This is definitely an EP you ought to check out if you like Erasure, Kraftwerk, New Order, Yazoo and others. It’s tons of fun with no doom and gloom or heavy preachy lyrics.”
Alannah Murphy - In the Night

“Tingle In The Netherlands has the 80s dry-ice-euro-disco-gloss of a Pet Shop Boys / Giorgio Moroder team up with lyrical inspiration from Christopher Isherwood”
Dave Collins - Level 4 Magazine.

“Tingle In The Netherlands are one of the few bands whose music lives up to the excellence of their name, and they also earned a deserved high entry in the festive fifty last year with the scorching 'Prostitute's Handbag'.”
Mark Whitby - Dandelion Radio

“A mixture of effects-laden male speech on some tracks, and hilarious female singing on others. It's been a long time since the vocals in an electronic track made me laugh, but a few on here do just that. Magnificent stuff.”
rippedinglasgow.blogspot.com

“think discarded pet shop boys lyrics found in a dark room produced by anne clark (if she actually had a sense of humour.)”
stellavista.tumblr.com

“Hey there, lovin the 80's electronic feel. Sounds like Vince Clarke has produced the tracks you have posted here. I lost my heart.....dripping flash in hyperspace. Quality”
Big Drum Records

Tingle In The Netherlands

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