Pill Poppin

I hope you can feel the amount of pain and guilt I felt at the day  I recorded this. I never wanna feel this way agian. I never wanna think abt if my little brother will have to grow up w out a big brother or if my mom will be okay when I’m not here. Or who would comfort my mom ,would my sister be okay w out a big brother . NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND HOW CLOSE I WAS I never ... I almost lost the only person who would be there for me threw absolutely anything in this universe . She understood what I was going threw she listened when I cried. She cared when no one else did , the only person who didn’t Judge me because she knew this wasn’t me. When everyone left and gave up she listened to me cry and some how made it better even tho i felt all alone.  I couldn’t stop battling w my nightmares from the past. I was loosing myself and falling into a dark place. I left to go make music away from home for 5 days. While I was gone I was  crashing fast, I was having terrible anxiety abt new opportunities coming. I’d call my mom and cry cold tears abt how I felt like I didn’t belong and that my music wasn’t nearly as good as everyone else’s. She didn’t want me to give up she believed in me and did absolutely everything she could to make things better. But I was sick and my mental was not right. It was a battle to get me away from what I did , I would constantly let her down constantly,she was finding things on me left and right. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop, I wasn’t even listen to my moms cry for me to stop . All this stress was weighing in on my mom she couldn’t stand to see me be so sick and lost . Before This I recorded this my brother sent me a text and it broke my soul. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest 
I couldn’t look in the mirror at myself I stopped eating even sleeping. I thought abt never coming home because I couldn’t face what I did Icouldn’t stop crying and w no one to cry to ,I just wanted to let go of it all. How  could I hurt the person who loved me the most. The woman who I looked up to  that is  so amazingly strong inside. She would do  anything in the world to make sure I’m okay . She loved me regardless of what I did or when I got tattoos . I
Never wanna feel the way I did this day I never want you to see me sick again I never wanna not be able to come home I never wanna let you down again and I promise you mom I won’t 🤞🏼❤️. Because threw everything you never let me 
This is for you ❤️‼️
Mom I’m sorrry 😞😭

IM S☹️RRY

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Instagram~ lxneboii_
I’m abt to give my life up ;(

I

Lxneboi

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