I wrote “Amazing” 6 months before the feared moment. 
During that period I played the song at some concerts, but due to her health she’d never heard it. That day, 1st of May 2018, I would play “Amazing” at her hospital bedside around 4PM with my guitar player. Sadly, the universe had other plans for her around that time. Four days later, I rushed into the homestudio of my dear friend Denzil. Joppe played a one or two-take guitar and banjo version, I sung in zombie-mode and we quickly tried to manage an ‘okay’ version. I wanted it to become the soundtrack of her memorial service. We used the phrase ‘amazing how you turn my pain into a smile’ as the title of the mourning card.

Amazing

I wrote “Closer to you” some months after she passed away.
The first weeks after her death, I was in a very bad state. I had infections from stomach to throat. I even lost my voice for several weeks which was absolutely horrifying. The striking thing though was that I felt absurdly connected to her during those moments. Feeling that your body is letting you down, she'd experienced it for years. Two months after that it was very hot outside. Summer was nearing and I was recovering. As I slowly got better, I felt very confused. Guilty even. I knew she would want me to cope as much as I could. But that meant I had to take care of myself and pick up my life again. It felt like I had to leave her a tiny, little bit.

I'd love to thank my friends Artan Buleshkaj and Daan Demeyer for helping me out with this track of her. Special microphone thanks to Jesse De Roo.

Closer to you

May 1, 2020

Clichés wouldn’t be clichés if they didn’t hold a big amount of truth.
A mourning process is indeed long and exhausting. Two years of intense and subtle moments went by. You feel like your life is getting back to normal, but an unexpected event can change that thought in one second. The surprise and sometimes frustration about you still being in the beginning of that process can be overwhelming. A rare, sudden crying fit that you didn’t foresee in one hundred years demonstrates the heaviness. The night ends with you repeating those same thoughts over and over again: “I miss her so much”,”it hurts”, which feels like a relapse. On the other hand, you often bring up memories without shedding a tear or happily look at pictures. That quite summerizes the passed time. 

I wrote “Pink streets” around February 2019, but the title existed for a much longer time. Japanese cherry trees grow in many streets of Ghent, including the area nearby her hospital. Mid April 2018 I biked from the city centre to her ward. Summer weather and flowery fragrances characterized my route. The streets had a magical pink color. I entered her painful, grey room and I had a hard time holding back my tears. I felt angry and powerless. 

I'd love to thank my friends Artan Buleshkaj and Daan Demeyer for helping me out with this track of her. Thanks to Jesse for helping me with the mix of the song.

Pink Streets

May 1, 2019
It has been a year of contradictions.
I am torn but also grateful for so much love.
I find her in everything but I can never feel her again.
I finally decide to publicly share my/her songs.
For now, every now and then I’ll drop some songs on this page. Maybe later I’ll arrange the songs more, maybe I’ll make an album. That I don’t know yet.

Tracks of her

Popular tracks